an acronym that sounds like something teeny bopper texters are zapping back and forth…
but in my world, it means a HUGE step in our adoption progress…our Letter of Approval (shortened from the real name, which is Letter of Seeking Confirmation from Adopter = LOSCFA…goodness. add in our I-800. I-800A. I-864W. Artical 16. DS-230. DS-1981. and the list goes on…the vast number of forms and form names that make no rational sense in the adoption process is mind boggling.
but this…the LOA. the text messaging name. it’s my favorite.
you know why? because i have been dreading it. it’s a HUGE step, but because of our living situation, we are still waiting on a second homeland security approval in order to return our signed LOA. i have been hoping and praying the homeland security would come in first. but it hasn’t. so now, i will pray for faith. for an added abundance of faith. faith that God has this under control. that we aren’t behind. that we won’t miss a single possible day without our daughter. that i can release my heart racing palpitations. that the earth rocking anxiety pains i am feeling will subside. that i can stop shaking with nervous anticipation.
this is a blabbering post…but i need to document it for me. for emery.
i’m coming for you, sweetie.
your Father has not forgotten you.
i can’t do anything to change this process.
i can’t do anything more than i am doing.
i’m letting Him do the rest.
and i’ll come for you right when i am supposed to.
my sweet sweetie pie.
today i cried a lot for you.
i cried because i don’t have you.
and maybe you are crying because you don’t have me.
soon and very soon…we can cry together…tears of joy at our family complete.
it is a day that will be sooner than i realize. yet still too far away.
LOA. Love of Adoption. because no matter how hard or difficult or confusing, it leads me to you. and i love it.
2 Months
This was Alice the day after we got her, November 9th. We have been home 2 months today…wow. Time is flying by. We finally looked at the video and pictures we took while in China, and it is unbelievable the difference in Alice in this super short time. The weird thing about it is that while we were in China and feeling like all was going so well (which in the scheme of things, it did go well), her face tells a different story. We were such strangers that I didn’t realize how hurt she was. Now that we have known her for the past few months, I can tell you what that face is in all the pictures. It is fear, trauma, shyness, despair, hopelessness, and a broken heart….and I didn’t realize the extent of it. I knew that I had only seen a picture and had an “idea” of Alice and who she would be, but I never knew just how much we did not know each other. She seemed SO fragile and softspoken and her cry was such a dry, sad, mournful cry. Fast forward from November to January….it hasn’t been that long, but I know her so much more…I can tell you what her different expressions mean. I know we have only begun to know our Alice, but what we know, we love, and we can’t wait to know her more. She is a beautiful creation sent straight into our lives by our loving heavenly Father. He knew how to craft our family in an unbelievable way. How else could it be that she fits so well??? It is not luck or chance. What a privilege it is to be her mother. She is saying all kinds of things…like “I want chicken,” “Are you okay?” “Daddy, daddy, where we going?” “I do it,” “Ow, that hurt!” “love you,” and “thank you” to name a few. She is crazy smart, so loving and nurturing, absolutely hilarious and full of charm. She is inquisitive, confident, and opinionated. Fearless, brave, and strong. My daughter.
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Jennifer and her husband Charles have been married almost 12 years. They live in Athens, Alabama and are the parents of 4 children. Their biological children are Charlie (8), Max (6) and Lucy (4), and they just returned home the week of Thanksgiving 2010 with their newest addition, Alice (2), adopted from Guangdong Province in China. Just over a year ago, Jennifer, along with 3 close friends, launched an orphan care ministry at Parkview Baptist Church in Decatur, Alabama called Hearts of Compassion. The goal of this ministry is to raise awareness of the orphan crisis and the role that we, as Christians, should play in that. The ministry focuses on the various facets of orphan care including, but not limited to, foster care and adoption. Through their ministry, they have set up a fund for those adopting who qualify to receive financial assistance. Jennifer loves her life and the adventure that God is taking their family on. She enjoys blogging about adoption, life, kids, the welcomed chaos, and her amazing God.
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It’s All Happening
Originally posted just yesterday on their personal blog…
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We leave today.
For the past few weeks, I’ve had these tiny blasts of panic. They haven’t ever lasted long because almost immediately, I’ve thought of another task that needs to be completed. This paper needs to be signed. This call needs to be made. For work or for the adoption, something always needed to get done. I welcomed the tasks because it made the fear go away.
So, last night, when all my tasks were over, I feared the fear. I went to bed thinking I would be in a meltdown by morning. But, something happened. I woke up and felt at peace. Calm. No panic. Just an ease about what God has called us into.
That defines this whole process. It really defines my entire life as a Christ follower. Countless days of fear and panic, followed by calm. The peace comes from understanding that any semblance of control is just an illusion. It’s faker than T-Pain’s singing voice.
More than any other experience, adoption has showed me that the God I believe in is real. This story is not ours. It’s not even Lucy’s. It is God’s. He is weaving this ravaged world back together. He uses tarnished people.
Every time we have had a roadblock, someone has come in the name of Jesus and helped us navigate it. Paperwork problems? Meet this notary. Money issues? Here’s a check. Computer issues? Use mine. Work issues? Take whatever time you need. Scared? Here’s a group of people to let you know that what you feel is normal. Here’s a group of people who will pray for you.
We thank you all. Family members. Adoption agencies. Friends. Coworkers. Youth Group Kids (you all know who you are). Caretakers. Coaching programs. Women’s groups. Birth mother. There is no way that we can thank you enough. It’s not possible. Each of you has played a large part in the life of our daughter. We love you. Our family’s faith has been strengthened because of what Christ has done in you. This is a unique adventure that would not happen without you. You’re the best.
Lucy’s coming home. It’s all happening.
See you guys later.
Russ
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Russ and Anna have been married for 5 years. Even as friends, before dating or marriage, they shared with one another that they each wanted to adopt. After marrying in May 2005, talk of adoption slowly entered its way into their conversations. Russ, working as a youth pastor, and Anna, working as a teacher and at a girl’s group home, saw the need more than ever for children to have loving, safe homes. After coming to this realization, they chose to begin the adoption process to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia. They left just yesterday for Ethiopia to meet Lucy and eventually bring her home. They are so excited about their story of choosing adoption to bring their first child home. You can follow their journey and offer your support as they answer God’s call on their lives on their personal blog.
Missing
Of course, there is a lot of Cooper’s story that is missing. I expected that.
But, there are other things missing too….things that bother me, and I don’t know why.
I am missing pictures of what we were doing on some significant dates in Cooper’s life.
I have no pictures of us on the day he was born. Although this picture was taken two days later:
I do happen to have a picture of what we were doing on the day he was found. And, in a way, that’s tougher than having no picture at all:
We were celebrating at a family party. While our son suffered the biggest loss of his life.
I do have one other picture. I took this picture the day Cooper arrived at the orphanage.
I have no picture of what we did on the day when he arrived at New Day a year later needing oxygen upon arrival. However, this picture was taken just one day later.
I have no picture of what we did on the day (6 short days later) his heart was repaired, although again, one day later, this picture was taken.
I have no picture of what we did on any of his birthdays. Not one.
I also know that these pictures just highlight all the years, all the stuff we missed. He missed.
How much he lost, and how much we lost.
And looking at them would make me really sad- to think of what I was doing here, oblivious to the fact that my son was lying in a hospital bed recovering form open heart surgery or blowing out the candles on his first birthday cake or being left alone in a hospital to hopefully be found.
But still. I wish I had pictures.
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Jenna is a teacher, turned stay-at-home mom, turned Children’s Ministry Director who is passionate about children. After hearing God’s call to care for orphans 4 years ago, she has become increasingly passionate about adoption and orphan care. She and her high school sweetheart, Scot, have been married for 13 years and recently brought home their son Cooper who is 3 years old and seriously adorable (go see for yourself!). They are excited to see what God will do in the next chapter of the story He is writing with their family. Jenna and Scot feel strongly about sharing their story so that they might be of encouragement to others in various stages of the adoption process. You can follow along with them on their trip and afterwards at Our Many Colored Days.
This Much I Know To Be True
It’s one of Oprah’s catch-phrases. This much I know to be true. Following that phrase, she expounds on some epiphany or conclusion or lesson she has learned.
There are many things I know to be true. In most of those cases, it is because of personal experience or first-hand knowledge.
I know that the bottom of the Dead Sea is very difficult to walk on because of the large salt crystals littering the bottom. (personal experience)
I know that acting uninterested at a David Copperfield show seems to ensure you will be called up on stage to help with an illusion. (personal experience)
I know that the pain of giving yourself fertility injections is nothing compared to the pain of being childless. (personal experience)
But, there are other things I cannot be sure of. I can only imagine how it must feel or be or what I would or would not do, but I don’t know for certain.
I think it would be great to have an awesome singing voice and perform for the masses. But, I don’t really know what that would be like and never will.
I can imagine that losing a parent at a young age would be incredibly painful and difficult. But, having never experienced that I don’t really know how it feels.
I can say that I would never move far away from my family, but I have never had to make that decision and pray I never will.
That’s just it. We don’t REALLY know what it’s like to experience something without really experiencing it ourselves. I can imagine how I hope I would react, what I hope I would think, how I hope I would respond all I want. But, until I walk through it myself, I really have no idea.
I have never been a very scandalous person. No huge public life dramas have played out in my life…until this past summer. We did not complete the adoption of the child we traveled to bring home. Naively, I had no idea just how scandalous this was in the eyes of some in the adoption community. In reading what many other AP’s think about disruption, it seems as if the thinking is either you bring home the child you were referred no matter what, or you are a terrible, selfish person who wishes for that child to never find a family.
I can tell you, without a doubt, that that is not the case. At. All. This much I know to be true.
Our adoption journey was pretty bumpy. But, by far, the hardest things this momma still deals with are the misconceptions people in the adoption community have regarding those who disrupt, and the hurtful comments said about “those parents.”
The sadness and shock we felt when the serious undisclosed needs became apparent was hard, but we had lots of supportive people walking us through the confusion. Discovering that we were not the best family for the child we thought was ours was hard, but we had peace about the decision, knowing it was the best for that child and us. We were simply not equipped to handle that child’s needs and knew that there would be a family out there who could meet those needs and meet them well. Facing the reality of not coming home with a child, the child who we had attached to at some level through video and pictures, after almost 4 years of being in the process was hard. But, with the peace we had in our decision, we knew that if that’s what it came down to, it would be okay. Our family, our friends, our church lifted us up in prayer; listened to us as we processed through everything that was happening; and supported the difficult decision we had to make.
However, the comments about disruption I read upon returning home, and still stumble upon as I scan adoption boards, pierce my heart and rattle me for days. I sit stunned at the broad paintbrush often used to paint all parents who go through this as cold, heartless, uneducated, and unprepared, only thinking of themselves with no thought or caring for what happens to the child. It just is not that simple. It is not like that.
The comments seem to center around the same logic:
Thoughts on Foster Care (from a 5 and 7 year old)
The other day I sat my girls down to ask them a few questions about foster care to see how much they understand about what we’re doing and to get more of a idea about how they feel about it. I loved hearing what they had to say and I typed furiously while they were talking in hopes to catch every word.
What is foster care?
Paige ( 7 1/2): Foster care is when mom and dads cannot take care of their children because they are not taking care of them the way they should. Then the foster children have to go to a new house that does not have children that are in the foster care because if they go to a family that have children in the foster care then those families will not be able to take care of those other kids that were given to them in the foster care because they’re gonna be exactly how they were to their other kids that were in foster care so they have to learn how to take care of their kids and then they can be foster parents but first the foster kids that were given to them should go to parents that know how to take care of kids better. And then when the foster kids real parents are done being trained, then if they’re still bad then the foster parents that are taking care of them will adopt them and if they are not bad and ready to take care of their kids then they can take them and keep them forever, unless they get bad again.
Raegan (5 1/2): It’s a place for kids where they find somewhere to live without their mom and dad. They might miss them but they will have a very nice mom. They might call her mom for awhile but they will have a very nice evening with them and they might get adopted or they will go back to their mom and dad OR when they live in, like I forget what it’s called, when they wait for somebody to bring them home with them well, um – can you spell
One Year Ago Today
One year ago today, I was checking my email like always. Some emails were immediately deleted, other’s were read and responded to, and other’s were read and simply ignored because there really wasn’t anything to say. And then, there was this email…
I forwarded this email to Kevin with this statement: “Kind of random, but I got this email today from an agency that I got information from about three years ago. Isn’t he cute?!”
To which he responded:
“Yeh. Keith. That’s funny.”
Later that evening, when he came home, I let him know that I was very serious about learning more about this little boy named “Keith.” He did not argue, only knew that I would not stop until I was certain that we were not supposed to bring him home. This was on a Wednesday; we had the weekend to decide if we wanted to pursue this. By the time Monday morning came around, I had heard the Lord tell me, “I’m about to do something big, are you going to be a part of it?” It was His way of telling me, “You are such an insignificant part of this whole thing, My work will be done whether you are here or not, but I am going to let you come along if you are willing.” That was it; that’s all I needed. This wasn’t about me; it wasn’t even about the cutest little Chinese boy I had ever seen. It was about God, and only God.
Here we are a year later, and we have filled out and signed TONS of paperwork, travelled to China for 2 weeks, and had and recovered from 2 surgeries. I’m not going to pretend that it has been easy, far from it. There have been a lot of tears, frustration, even anger. There has been lost sleep, lost freedoms, and occasionally lost tempers. But, in the middle of all the adjustments and sacrifices, we have gained a son and become a family of four! We’ve got a long way to go, we’re not perfect (never will be), and we still struggle more than we would like to admit. I often think back to the words the Lord gave to me that weekend one year ago. And, sometimes, that is the only thing that keeps me going. It not about me; it’s not about Xander; it’s not about the McNeelys in Texas. It is about God, for God, because of God!
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I’ve been married for 9 years to a laid back and loving guy. We have virtual twins, a bio daughter and an adopted son born in Fujian, China, who are just 6 1/2 weeks apart. Currently, our “twins” are 2 years old, so “share,” “listen,” and “please stop throwing a fit” are the most common things said in our house. We crave sleep, and coffee is a must. But, most of all, we love the Lord and desire to follow His plan for our lives.
She’s ours
Dear Mum, Dad, brothers and sisters:
I’m very happy to hear from you and receive your pictures. I love all the toys you send to me. Thank you Mum and Dad. Hope to see you soon as possible. I’ve been working hard with English. When we meet each other, we can make simple conversation.I hope to get a electronic dictionary which can help me to study English easily. I’ve been dreaming of becoming a member of your family and start a new life in the States. In the end, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Miss all of you, Mum, Dad, Brothers, Sisters.
I can’t even begin to tell you all the emotions I am feeling right now. The idea of this beautiful teenager living in my home. My daughter, who we don’t know. But, there is something about this adoption that goes beyond my understanding. The Lord bound us together; this is His plan.
I’m not foolish. I understand all the risks, all the issues that can occur. But, I see a joy in her that I did not see before. The first photos we saw early spring 2009, when we were still waiting for Asher to come home. She
This Christmas: To My Son
Dear Finley,
It’s that time of year again.
The stores are crowded with people and, when we go outside for walks, we have to layer you up. Your little self is still used to Ugandan weather and so, it’s taking a little getting used to, this take your breath away chill in the air. I bundle you in hats and coats and kiss your freezing cold cheeks as we run our errands. Baby on my hip. Smile on my face. You make me so happy, Finley. It takes a lot longer running errands with you, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Last year, I remember getting ready for Christmas and having a lump in my throat the whole time. Being on the edge of tears for reasons I couldn’t explain in a sentence. I would wrap a present and think of you. Make cookies and wonder where you were. What you were doing that very instant. What name we would name you when you were with us.
It was only a few days until Christmas and suddenly I realized I had to get you your first ornament. I felt like such a bad mommy that I hadn’t thought of it before. Even though you wouldn’t be physically with us that year, you were being carried in my heart. each. and. every. day.
And so, all of a sudden, I threw myself into searching. It’s all I could think about. I had to find you the perfect ornament. And, then, finally I found it.
This year, I didn’t even have to think about what to get you for your first year with us. It was there in front of me, and it was perfect. A little sailboat made out of fabric for the little man who came all the way from across oceans to be with us. Our beautiful little man. Our Finley Asiimwe.
A few days ago, we laid under the Christmas tree, and I taught you how to stare up at the pretty lights and ornaments like me and my daddy used to do.
And, even though your little, you marveled.
You would look at the tree, look at me, and put your little finger back in your mouth, content to just stare. Pressing our heads together, we laid size by side. My arm around you. Both of us staring up. Enchanted. Enjoying the simpleness of life. We laid there until it was your bedtime and I had to pull you away. I love making memories. And, even though you may be too young to remember it, that night will always be one of my favorites.
I am so thankful for you, Finley, and everything you bring to your daddy and my life. We couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present this year then you. We love you more then you know, little man, and I am so so happy and honored that God chose you to be our son. You are perfect to us in every single way.
I love you to the moon and back.
Mommy
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AbiQ, is married to the love of her life and best friend. They currently live in a snug little apartment in the east bay with their little man, Finley Asiimwe, and two pups, Lexi Louanne and Mr. Mogley Winchester. AbiQ and her husband man just brought their baby boy, Finn, home from Uganda last month.
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This Christmas: This is it…
Advent.
I grew up in a church in the south, but we never really celebrated advent. I mean, we went to Christmas parties. Our church read scripture about the birth of Christ. We sang all the songs. But, the word “advent” didn’t enter my lexicon until the past few years. Even now, I don’t really spend a lot of weeks or even days preparing for the celebration of the Messiah.
I do know what it’s like to wait. In August of 2009, Anna and I started the process of adopting a child from Ethiopia. We had discussed this for years and finally took the definitive step forward. Since then, it’s been a process of waiting. Get this form turned in and wait. Have this notarized then wait. Pay this fee and wait. Make this phone call and wait.
We decorated the house for Christmas with a slight sadness because we have waited so long and Lucy still isn’t here yet. We had seen her face, but we didn’t even know when we’d be able to view it outside of a backlit computer screen. It was frustrating.
A week ago, we got a call from our agency that said we had a court date. We’re going to be in Ethiopia at the end of January, and we arrive at court on February 4th with the anticipation that she will be ours. So now, even though she’s not here yet, we celebrate Christmas with a joy that our lives are about to change forever. There will be new joys, new hopes, new life that enters our house. Maybe that’s what Advent is about. The anticipation of new joys and new hopes and new life.
After years and years of wait, the Hebrew people got the Messiah they had been promised. All of humanity was given the Savior of the world. He didn’t come in a way that they expected. But, when he did come, all was right with the world. God never shows up the way we want him to. He always messes with our sense of expectation. For a while, I thought he was some cosmic bully, just letting us know that he’s in charge. I’m starting to see that God messes with our expectations because he wants us to know that if we take control of our lives, it just doesn’t work out as well. When he takes control, he blows our expectations out of the water. He lets us see just how small our plans are.
So, this year, I will celebrate the birth of the Savior of the world. I will celebrate knowing that God knew this Christmas would be my last as a nonparent. I will celebrate because God has an enormous plan for the eventual redemption of the world, and I am a small part of it. I will celebrate because he knows what he’s doing, even when I don’t.
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Russ and Anna have been married for 5 years. Even as friends, before dating or marriage, they shared with one another that they each wanted to adopt. After marrying in May 2005, talk of adoption slowly entered its way into their conversations. Russ, working as a youth pastor, and Anna, working as a teacher and at a girl’s group home, saw the need more than ever for children to have loving, safe homes. After coming to this realization, they chose to begin the adoption process to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia. They will travel to Ethiopia at the end of January to meet Lucy and eventually bring her home. They are so excited about their story of choosing adoption to bring their first child home. You can follow their journey on their personal blog.
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