Personal family stories
my baby girl is 11 months old. and as i sit here writing, my mind wanders to what she might be doing at this very moment. my heart begs for her to be held. to have someone smile at her. soothe her when she cries. pick up her favorite toy when she drops it. giggle at her silly antics.
perhaps by her 13th month, i’ll look back and wonder what all this fretting was about.
I was at one of my classes. We were on break, and there was an older lady sitting diagonally across from me. We made eye contact and the uncomfortableness (is that a word?) of the moment made me talk….ok, I could talk to a rock, but still….so anyway, I just started rambling on about this and that and somehow we got on the topic of her mother. Her mother is 95 years old. She lives alone in Iowa somewhere and this lady (her daughter) goes to spend 1 week of each month with her. Her mother is completely independent. She lives in her home by herself and goes up and down stairs to do laundry…just aced her driving test and she has her own garden. She freezes her food for the winter months and gets one meal a day from meals on wheels. Truly amazing. She went on and on about how healthy she was and what an incredible lady she was…how she still drives to church, the post office, and the store when she needs something….so, I said, “Boy, you must be happy to have such good genes.” She said, “Actually, I was adopted, but I hope that the lifestyle my mother taught me will help me with that.” She kind of smirked and turned away towards the speaker who was just getting ready to start speaking again.
Hmmmm. Dangit. I didn’t get a chance to share, I thought to myself. She doesn’t know….did that matter? Probably not. Why did it matter so much to me that I share with her? I knew I might not get a chance to talk to her ever again. Would she know how much she blessed me that day? I mean…do you as adoptive parents ever wonder if your children are going to love you so much that they will stay with you when you are 95? I mean…really with you, like come and stay with you for a week. every month. Ok, the Momma in this situation CLEARLY did something right, right? I think I need to go and stay with her for a week to learn from her.
So, yes, I did grab the lady during the next break and made sure that I told her that three of my children were also adopted. I told her that I hoped that I was as good a mother as her mother so that when I am 95 my children will come and take care of me for a week. She just kind of giggled and said how blessed my children were. “No, my children are in fact the blessing in my life,” I answered. It was so interesting the connection we had during such a very short time frame.
Here was this adoptive mother (me) in my very late thirties talking to a lady who was in her 60s and was an adopted child, and we were able to share what a blessing that an adoptive mother and adoptive children are to each other. I know, I know, common sense, right? But, it was as if we had heard it for the first time. For some reason, it meant so much more to me coming from her than it would from someone who doesn’t have any adoption connection.
________________________________________
I am a stay at home mother of four kids, two dogs, and one cat and am very blessed to be able to do so. I am married to a wonderful husband who works very hard for all of us. In addition to being a mom, I am also an occupational therapist and, in the past, spent most of my time working in long-term care facilites with the elderly. We struggled with infertility issues after the birth of my oldest son, and God led us to adoption…3 times…from Russia. I have also spent time counseling birthmoms and enjoy doing this very much. Hopefully, as my children get older, I will be able to spend most of my time doing this. One of my favorite things to do in my spare time is blog. Currently, I post on two separate blogs–I Love You More Than Peanut Butter and Lakeshore Cottage Living.
I have never been a big fan of change. The uncertainty of change always creates stress, stress that makes me undone and flustered. It exposes my sinful nature in ways I don
January 27th was a Thursday. After saying goodbye to friends, and praying with mountains of people, we boarded a plane. It was to be a long trip, possibly 2 months, but we would return with our adopted daughter. There was a chance we would have to return without her. There was a chance we would have to make two trips. That didn’t matter. We were sure that God would provide us a way to come home with her. It was his calling for the Polsgrove family.
It didn’t work out that way. Due to some issues beyond our control, we’re still waiting. When we came home, we thought we would only be home for 3 or 4 weeks before we returned. It’s been over that now. And, even though we hear rumors, there’s no way for us to know when we will be going back to get her.
People have been great. They’ve been encouraging and loving and supportive through every step. Joys and pains have all been shared with our friends and family. The one question we seem to get all the time is “How are you”? That’s a hard question to answer. The most common response is “we’re okay,” which is actually probably a lie. I guess the answer is “most of the time we’re great, but other times it feels like being kicked in the chest repeatedly.”
I’ve gone through a wide range of emotions since we got home. Sad to leave her. Glad to be in a familiar place. Confused why we’re delayed. Thankful for what we have.
The truth is, we stepped out in faith asking God to do something that was highly improbable if not impossible. He didn’t do what we thought he would. In fact, on the surface it seems he didn’t do anything. I thought that would rock my faith. I even thought it might make me doubt if he was even real. That hasn’t happened. This has really opened up the most honest conversations I’ve had with God in my entire life, and I’ve been more assured of his presence because of it.
I am absolutely confused. I am fine one second, impatient the next. There are even times of searing anger towards Him. I’ve been so angry that I wondered if other Christians’ opinions of me would change if they knew about it. All these things have resulted in me having honest conversations with God. I’ve been able to celebrate when He moves in other areas of my life. And, man, he has moved in other areas of my life.
The last time I posted, I was excited about going to get the baby girl. I also said that any semblance of control is an illusion. I had no idea how true that statement was. Although it’s been painful, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know how much I screw up things when I start to take the reigns. God will bring her home to be with us; I have no doubt. With each conversation and question and prayer, God is asking me to lean on him more, rely on his grace, breathe deep while He does the work.
This is a hard thing, but if I’m going to say “Jesus is the most important thing in my life,” I need to mean it. If it’s not put to the test once in a while, I can’t really mean it. So, I’ll wait. It’s not always easy, but I have a feeling it’s going to be worth it.
________________________________________
Russ and Anna have been married for 5 years. Even as friends, before dating or marriage, they shared with one another that they each wanted to adopt. After marrying in May 2005, talk of adoption slowly entered its way into their conversations. Russ, working as a youth pastor, and Anna, working as a teacher and at a girl’s group home, saw the need more than ever for children to have loving, safe homes. After coming to this realization, they chose to begin the adoption process to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia who they have named Lucy. You can follow their journey and offer your support as they answer God’s call on their lives on their personal blog.
How I have longed to write this post! So many times, I have stared at my sidebar where “Introduction” posts are listed. 1st, 2nd and 3rd unsuccessful adoptions. Dare I write a “1st successful adoption” post, or would there be a 4th? I decided to wait.
Here I sit, one day after finalization, and the world is such a lovelier place! It is with such peace and joy that I am writing! Sometimes, you don’t realize how heavy your heart has been until you can finally sigh in relief. I truly thought finalization would just make the legal reality match the reality of our hearts, that we are, indeed, a family. But, I have such relief and feel so much lighter today! Such sweet joy!
Last night, I couldn’t fall asleep. My usual practice at this point is to picture Christ on the cross while I say my prayers. But, when I summoned the mental image, what appeared was different. Christ was resurrected. I almost cried right there in bed lying next to my husband and baby.
Thank you, Jesus, my Lord, my Redeemer, and my Savior, for resurrecting my cross. Thank you for bringing our hopes and dreams to a reality. Thank you for bringing new life from our wounds and for not sending our love back void. Thank you for this precious, beautiful, sweet baby girl. I am so not worthy, but I will rejoice in this precious gift with all my heart.
It’s difficult to know where to begin Abigail’s story. Is it with infertility? The previous adoption that she came on the heals of? Or just the moment we laid eyes on her at the hospital? I’ve come to understand that it’s all of the above and more. It began with loving my brothers and seeing my parents openness to life. It’s babysitting and learning to nurture. It’s loving my husband and seeing our babies in his eyes. It’s in the Lord who “chose us in Him before the foundation of the world” (Ephesians 1:4). It’s in love!
________________________________________
Precious Abigail,
I have longed for you for as long as I can remember! Your Daddy and I dreamed of holding you, loving you, teaching you and being with you since we knew we were going to get married! You have always been a part of our lives, before we even knew your name. It took us a long time to get to you, and parts of the journey were very hard, but you were so worth the wait.
Daddy and I wanted our family to grow, and we were hoping to adopt a special baby. Three different times we thought we’d found our baby, but it did not work out. Each time we were heart-broken and prayed for the strength to trust the Lord and try again. A few days after our third heartache, we went to our social worker for help. “How can we get through this?” we asked. “How can we try again? It is so painful when your hopes and dreams end so abruptly.” Ms. Anne listened to the Lord and asked us to be very brave. She told us that even though we were sad about Caeden Michael, there was another Tummy Mama who wanted us to be the baby’s family.
We left that day knowing that a baby girl was going to be born in a month and that we were hoping to be her parents. We were so scared, but the Lord gave us the courage we needed to try again. “Take courage!” Jesus whispered to my heart again and again. I kept picturing a beautiful curly haired girl, and my heart would dare to hope again. I begged the Lord that this time we could be the baby’s parents.
On September 12, 2010, Ms. Anne called us. “The baby girl was born! Can you come to the hospital?” We jumped in the car and started driving before we realized we had forgotten our camera! Quick! Back to the house and out again to see YOU!
You were SO BEAUTIFUL. You were so AWAKE! You didn’t want to miss ANYTHING! You were looking all around and stared at your Daddy. He stared right back at you- totally in love! We held you and loved you as long as we could before we had to go back home. The whole way home I looked at all the pictures and show them to your Daddy. We could not get enough of you!!! When we got home I dared to cut the tags off the girl clothes that we bought and washed them! I packed the diaper bag and moved the cradle from the guest bedroom closet into our room. Would there REALLY be a baby there soon? We were still so scared!
The next day we picked up breakfast and drove to the hospital. Daddy and your tummy mama’s friend went to get coffee in the hospital and your tummy mama and I got to talk and stare at you. She loves you SO much, Abigail. She was one hundred percent convinced she had the perfect family for you. She held you and cuddled you and kissed you- and then she handed you to me. We drove her home, and then we had you all to ourselves!
Ms. Leslie and Ms. Robin came to see you and we proudly showed off our new daughter!
The next morning, your Daddy had to do a few things, so I had you ALL TO MYSELF! I savored every moment and could not get enough of you. I stared and stared and stared at you. I could not believe I was in charge of feeding you and changing your diapers. I was in complete awe. This was the day we would take you HOME!!!!
But not before we got some bad news. Right before you were released from the hospital, we found out there was a legal technicality, and that you may not get to stay with us. I wanted to die. Never before have I been SO SCARED in my whole life. You were our daughter. We were totally and completely in love with you. It was with joyful and heavy hearts that we signed our papers and brought you home. It was the best and the worst week of my entire life. The best because YOU were HOME! OUR home!!! And we were MADE to be your parents! But it was the worst because we were TERRIFIED of losing you.
Grammie and Gabbie came to visit and they fell in love, too!! They stayed until Monday when Ms. Anne came. She knew more about our situation and we were able to breath more easily.
Months have gone by. You were Baptized into God’s family and adopted by the Lord! And now you’re officially ours! We are overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord for trusting us with your care. We are in awe of the sacrifice it took to bring you to us. You are our living miracle. You are our tangible reality of hope. You are our daughter, and we love you with all our hearts.
With all our love
Mommy and Daddy
________________________________________
To anyone who’s been hurt and is afraid to try again,
Gentle 6 will be officially named
William JiaLe Gentle
So, where and why did we pick Will? I’d like to share a little about Mike’s and my creativity level.
So, why Will? Jia Le means happy family. I didn’t really see any American names that meant the same thing. We resorted to reviewing the Social Security Administration list of popular names. Mike suggested Will along with two others. I too liked Will. So, after going public with the name, I felt bad. The other boys have a story to go with their names. This kid’s name just seemed right. Thinking it over, maybe there is a bigger story, and here’s my first attempt at documenting its significance for me.
Wikipedia has this to say about the meaning and origins of William:
It was always so cold in the waiting room.
That is the question I ask myself almost daily.
When we accepted Kalia
Sometimes some things just need to be shared. They BEG to be shared. As much as part of me would like to blend in, not make any waves and go with the flow
My husband and I agreed before we got married we wanted five kids.
Now, that was a strange number for a young couple with limited experience with children to pluck out of thin air. Why five? I mean, don