Category: Family Stories

Personal family stories

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From a Father: Until Today

To my precious new baby girl,

We’ve been separated for what seems like a lifetime, only a dream in your mommy and daddy’s heart… until today. We have spent years imagining what it would be like to hold you and kiss you and shower our affection upon you. You’ve been solely in our hearts, minds and imaginations… until today.

So much preparation, so much prayer, so much excitement, so much time and now we arrive at this perfect and God-appointed moment to meet you, our sweetheart. Strangers to one another… until today.

As we entered your country 4 days ago, your mommy and I were so excited to finally be here and be closer to you. Foreigners in a country in which you were born but knowing that God had a plan for our lives to intersect. Foreigners to one another… until today.

We now only have 3 small hours to wait for you. As I write this, you are getting ready to leave the only place you know as home. Those who have loved you are getting you up, dressing you, feeding you, making you laugh, helping to comfort you so you’re not scared. God provided these precious people to take care of you. The only ones who were able to love you in person… until today.

I am so excited to introduce you to your new mommy. She loves you so much. Watching her loving you from a distance; only knowing you from a few short pages and 5 pictures and yet fully loving you. I love to see her heart of love and compassion for you. You are getting a great mommy; the best, in fact. You don’t know her, sweetie… until today.

Today, today, today… what a day! You’ve been ours even before we knew you. You’ve been ours the last 2 months. But today we meet you, our love. Today we wrap our arms around you. Today we begin to introduce you to the love of your true Father and are so glad that we have that privilege. You don’t know your Father in heaven yet but He’s been protecting you and watching over you. We can’t wait for you to know Him and experience His saving grace. We haven’t had the chance to begin showing His love to you… until today!

We’re coming for you, honey. Today is a wonderful day.

Love,
Daddy

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Todd Whitney

Todd Whitney is the busy father to five, coming up on 6 kids. When he isn’t working to keep The Gang all fed, he enjoys hanging out poolside, working in his garden, and working around the house. He has a big heart for Chinese adoption and wrote this post while waiting to meet the Li’l Empress in a hotel room in Xi’an. You can read more about The Gang’s comings and goings over at The Gang’s All Here!

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Her eyes, His hands

I remember the day so clearly as if it were only yesterday…

It was a few days after Christmas, the house was chilly despite the heater kicking off and on through out the morning. The kids and I were sitting on on the couch snuggled up in blankets, doing a devotional, when the phone rang. As I had done for the past 2 years my mind quickly sent up a silent prayer “Please Lord let it be our adoption agency with a referral.”  After 2 long years, our prayers were answered. On the other end of the phone was our adoption caseworker announcing “we have a baby girl!”

Thirty minutes later, after the cheers settled down, we received an email of what we thought was the most beautiful baby girl in this entire world…

And 6 long months later the day finally came when our dream came true… the baby girl we had prayed for, dreamed of, and loved before she even existed, was placed in our arms in the comfort of a hotel room in Guatemala.

The miracle of adoption…

there is simply nothing more beautiful in my book.

And yet, as with any adoption story, there is another side that we often choose to ignore. The side that goes unnoticed on our adoption announcements, the side that the photo of the proud parents holding their child for the first time doesn”t show. The side we”d just as soon forget ever existed…

The empty arms of another.

For the past 8 years, from time to time, I would allow my mind to go there… I would wonder if she was okay, what she was like… did she have her eyes, did they share the same laugh?

And I wondered, if she too, wondered the same…

About a month ago I came to the decision that I needed to know the answer to these questions if at all possible. While I didn”t and still don”t feel that Aleigha is old enough to handle meeting her birth family, I also didn”t want her to one day say to me- “we were right there serving the people in Guatemala and you didn”t even try to see if they were okay?” And so, with the help of two friends- the search began.

It didn”t take long actually… we had the general area from her adoption paperwork and so Felis and I simply drove my Guatemalan friend (who speaks the native language Cakchiquel and Spanish) to that area and we started asking if anyone knew of her. We were careful not to let them know why we were asking out of respect of her privacy. We also didn”t know if she would even want to hear from us and we certainly didn”t want to cause her any harm.

After about the 12th stop we landed at the home/store of her brother-in-law..

There we were told that she no longer lived in the area, that she and her children and husband worked in the fields somewhere near the coast- but that sometimes they came back to visit. And so, with little hope, we left them a phone number, knowing we had at least tried.

Two days ago my Guatemalan friend called and told me that he had just received a phone call from her because her brother-in-law told her a Guatemalan man and two gringo”s had come by looking for her. (so much for trying to be nonchalant). Apparently it is rare for Americans to visit their area in the mountains. 🙂 Anyway, after a short conversation she was thrilled to hear it was us and agreed to meet with us. We warned her that Aleigha would not be with us, and while she was of course disappointed, she understood and we promised her we would bring pictures.

I have to admit I was pretty nervous. So many thoughts and emotions kept going through my head- I can only imagine how she felt. We sat in the car waiting and waiting, ready to give up when all of a sudden I looked up and saw a family standing near the side of the street and our eyes met. There was something about her- something so familiar. Then suddenly I felt myself needing to look away because the look of saddness I saw in her eyes pierced through me like a sword. Eyes that told a story of a loss deeper than any I could ever imagine. This woman, who had given me one of the most precious gifts I have ever been given, stood before me now, dirty, unkept, and yet beautiful all at the same time. A woman to whom I owed- more than I would ever be able to repay.

The first few minutes of our meeting felt somewhat awkward… neither of us knowing where to begin or how to break  through the barriers of culture, language, and lifestyles that stood between us. We exchanged a quick hug and were then hustled into a small, Guatemalan restaurant that held 2 picnic type tables.  Not knowing what to say or what to do- I thrust 5 pictures of Aleigha towards her that I had held in the grip of my hand. As she and her family poured over the pictures I began to search their faces… I saw traces of my daughter… her nose, his eyes, her silky straight hair, his hands. Something I knew Aleigha and I would never share, no matter how much she was now ”my daughter”. And in an instant, just like that, my love for this family became fierce. A part of them, was a part of me- and I felt a sense of protectiveness I didn”t expect to feel.

As the moments passed we both seemed to begin to relax. Questions that both of us had carried for years were asked- and answered. One thing that is important to me that you know is- quite often people somehow believe that a child placed for adoption is ”unwanted”. While I know that every story is different I also believe that often that is the farthest thing from the truth. Aleigha was placed for adoption for one reason and one reason only- poverty.

And her precious birth family still faces this same struggled 8 long years later.

Aleigha was born just a year after her brother. There was simply not enough food. And, not enough food equals not enough breast milk for a mother to feed two children. My heart breaks just thinking about it.

I will never understand, as long as I live, why one of my greatest blessings had to come in the form of someone elses greatest loss. But what I do know is that God understands- first hand-about the loss of a child. His one and only. And I trust that He and only He can bring about complete healing to this family.

And I also know He has us here now, for this very reason… to teach others the way to receive that healing and to bring hope to those who have so little.

Along with the pictures of Aleigha I gave to her birth family, I gave them the one thing I know that is more valuable than anything else in this world- a Bible.

And my biggest prayer is that through it they find the answers to eternal hope and salvation… and if they and the Lord allow it, I am more than willing to walk by their side through it.

 

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AMY BLOCK is mom to 9 beautiful blessings, 4 biological, 5 through the miracle of adoption: 2 from Guatemala, 2 through the Texas foster care system and 1 from Ethiopia. We are currently missionaries serving in Guatemala providing orphan care to the least of these and trying our best to prevent others from becoming orphans through feeding centers and outreach. Read more of her adventures at her blog Building the Blocks!
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Keeping the Good Moments Good

Sometimes kids with grief issues can have a hard time enjoying the good moments in family life. This afternoon we settled in to work on a Christmas craft,  a pine cone elf project. Most of the kids got into the project and enjoyed it. But one was struggling.

After beginning the project halfheartedly, the child asked if it was OK to make elves with frowning faces. Hm, how to answer? Yes, I could sanction the creation of a cranky elf. But then, I’d hate looking at the thing, and the child’s negativity would be manifested in a durable way. Nope. I didn’t think that’d do anyone any good.

I could lecture the kid and insist that the elf be a smiling one. Except I lecture enough in a day, and this was supposed to be fun. Nobody in the room needed me coming down on the kid like a ton of bricks, as tempting as that was. No, I had to find a way to make my response fun, while still encouraging the child towards a project that reflected cheer.

“Oh!”  I said, jumping to my feet and pulling up the child too. “I think that you must not have gotten enough hugs today!! When people don’t get enough hugs, they have a hard time with joy, and of course this project should be joyful. Come here, and let’s hug until you’re strong enough to make a happy craft!”

Grinning ruefully, the child gave me a noodle-armed hug.

“Oh, no!” I said. “We’re going to need to hug until your arms are strong enough for a good hug. We’d better practice kissing too while we’re at it.”

I smooched the child’s cheeks, alternating sides til the child began smiling in spite of efforts to be stone-faced, and actually gave me a decent hug. “OK, now you kiss me!” I said, offering a cheek. Kisses were given, still with a rueful grin.

“Now, are you strong enough to make a happy craft, or do we need more hugs and kisses?”

The child hurriedly assured me that enough strength now existed to create a smiling elf, escaped my hug, settled back at the table, and proceeded to work on a happy face.

During the next hour, a few more hugs were needed to refresh the child’s ability to craft happily. Yeah, I was basically threatening the child with hugs each time cooperation and good attitudes began to slip away. In an ideal world, my child would actually seek out my hugs, would be comfortable with happy family time.

But that is not the current reality for this child. And here’s the thing: each time I engaged the child in this way, every person in the room ended up smiling. Even the child. We ended each interaction more connected, with the child truly more able to participate in the activity. I felt better. The kid felt better. And no one else in the room was subjected to an unhappy showdown.

I don’t always handle it this well. When dealing with a child who is consciously or unconsciously trying to sabotage family fun, we’ve had plenty of showdowns. But when I remember to play the humor card, while still sticking to my guns, I tend to be much more successful in redirecting the child, and also safeguard the joy of everyone else in the room.

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Mary Ostyn has been married for 25 years to the guy she met in math class at age 17. I have kids in college, high school, junior high, grade school, and preschool, 10 altogether. Six of her children arrived via adoption, 2 from Korea and 4 from Ethiopia.She homeschools, gardens, cooks, budget-stretches and takes pictures obsessively. Also she writes. Her 200-recipe cookbook/ shopping guide Family Feasts for $75 a Week came out in September, 2009. She also wrote A Sane Woman’s Guide to Raising a Large Family which came out in March, 2009. If she had to describe her blog in one sentence, she”d say it is about making the most of your resources so that you can have the greatest impact possible on the world around you, beginning, of course, with family. Visit her site Owlhaven soon!

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It’s Mothers’ Week: Waiting for Isaac

It has taken me a while to sit down and write this post, but I believe the hesitation is linked to a very important lesson God wanted to teach me today.

I have been wrestling with my feelings and wrestling with God. There are so many unknowns to this story and I have struggled to trust God with the answers. I

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I Heart Open Adoption

Rebekah (our birth mother, if you’re just tuning in) and I (also Rebekah) are both back to work and have full schedules right now. Gone are the days of talking weekly, blogging regularly, and sharing pictures and videos back and forth, often. We do the best we can, but it seems that weeks go by before we have a block of time to call and catch up.

I headed to bed early last night, in hopes to gear up for this coming week of work, but I was missing Rebekah and decided to call her instead. The time difference makes it difficult and although I set out to only talk an hour, we chatted well past two.

Friends come in a variety. Some are needy, some are high-maintenance, some walk in and out over time, some are there everyday/through every mundane detail, and some are glued to your heart, unfettered by time or distance. Rebekah is the latter. It doesn’t matter how much time passes, we always pick up right where we left off, sharing about work and kids and life.

It will never get old.

She is my son’s mother. I’ve said it before; there is something so unique that happens when two mothers love one son. We’re able to laugh and cry and enjoy Ty together as he experiences all his firsts. It’s as natural as life. It’s not weird or awkward or strained. I don’t have to hold back my true feelings in fear of hers and there’s a mutual respect in what we’ve done for each other. I know everyone doesn’t get this. I know it looks too good to be true. I’ve had haters write subsequent posts about me and our relationship and they question the authenticity. It doesn’t bother me. I know what we have – what we are experiencing – and it’s only made possible through God’s grace.

Last night, we laughed over Ty’s tendency to throw premature temper tantrums and agreed on the importance of reading to him. We gushed over his cuteness and were thankful for the closeness he shares with his daddy. We talked about his early rising pattern, which Rebekah admitted was a trend in her other kids. To that I jokingly exclaimed, “So, you’re responsible for this!?”

Like all moms, we think he’s the smartest, cutest, most advanced baby of his time and think he has the perfect blend of biology and family.

The three of us are flying out to reunite with Rebekah and her family, this April. I was so excited last night, I had a hard time falling asleep. The Bible talks about talents and the importance of using and sharing them versus burying them away to be hidden forever. That’s sort of how we (Ben and I) view Tyrus. Apart from Christ, he is the greatest treasure we’ve been given. We don’t want to keep him close to home in fear of what may happen. We want to share him and expose him to the world. We want him to be bonded with his first family and are joy-filled that he has the opportunity to know them. We can’t wait for our trip and to show everyone how much he’s grown!

Because there are so many instances in which God seems absent or his presence hard to find, it’s important to make a raucous when we can undeniably see his hand of goodness. When I look at the revolution that has taken place in my heart, the connections that God made to bring us our son, the relationship we have with Rebekah and her kids and extended family, and the ever present smiles on that crazy-haired little boy of mine, I say – GOD, YOU ARE GOOD.

And I say it rather loud.

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Rebekah

Next to my faith walk, I am a wife and mother first. My husband and I have been married ten years and have two incredibly, tender sons, Tyrus and LJ.
Our boys are essentially twins, yet neither boy was born from my belly. We adopted sweet Ty (domestically) in 2009 and have a wide-open relationship with his birth family. LJ was also born in the summer of 2009, but came to our family, this year, as a ward of the state (via foster care). Our hearts and abilities have been stretched to capacity, but God is moving, filling, and redefining family for all of us.

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Dear Eddie

oh my darlin’,

you seriously put me through the ringer today.
you made me question everything i thought i knew about parenting.
you are one determined boy, and i know that will serve you well later in life,
that you will accomplish great things because you do not give up.
like with the easter candy, for example.
by golly, you wanted that chocolate bunny, and that chocolate bunny you were gonna get.
you have this uncanny sense of hearing… you announce every passing motorcycle,
the arrival of every garbage and delivery truck, an airplane flying overhead.
none of it is by sight, all by sound.
and yet. i can tell you 412 times to come to me, to stop climbing or jumping or running
and it is as though i haven’t uttered a single syllable.

but in spite of all of your crazy antics,
you have an unfathomable capacity to love.
you want to snuggle every night before bed, and first thing every morning.
you nestle into “mama’s bed” (it’s daddy’s, too, just so you know), rest your head right next to mine and are quiet and still and content.
i look at you in wonder, my heart full and achy,
and very aware of this precious time.
i’m not ignorant to the fact that someday… maybe soon… you will understand you’re adopted.
there may be a day when you question if we’re as close as we’d be if i’d had you myself.
if i could, i would take all those questions away in a heartbeat.
i’d tell you that i can’t imagine loving anyone more than i love you,
that our lives would have a gaping hole without you in it,
that tears well and overflow at the thought of you ever experiencing any heartache
from the undeserved gift we’ve been given of calling you ours.
i look at you in those quiet moments and i drink it in.
your tender heart and your boundless love.
i pray almost every day that you will know in the depth of your being that you are more than we could’ve ever hoped for,
that you will be confident in our love for you, and even more,
in God’s love for you.
you are a most precious gift, my sweet, wild Eddie.

i hope you will know that in your heart every day, forever.
yours always,
mama

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Carina

We are a family of 5 1/2: 3 kids – 2 biological, 1 adopted, and waiting to be chosen for our next adopted baby. Adoption has always been on our hearts, hopeful that it’d be part of our story. We’re so blessed to say that it is, and has changed us forever. We love our three boys more than we’d imagined possible and can’t wait to see what is in store for the future!

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That Was Neat

Today, out of nowhere, while my students were standing in a quiet line waiting to walk into the gym, one of my favorite students came up to me with a question. This just so happens to be one of my favorite students this year. She”s a Hispanic child who is so incredibly sweet. Since English is this student”s second language (like many of my students) and since she is a lower performing student, she often repeats the things that I say  to clarify for herself. This is one of my favorite things about her. Whenever she has a question, she basically just says whatever it is that I said but raises her voice at the end to make it a question, then she follows that with, “do you mean like…?” and pretty much just says it again. This happens several times throughout the day. With some kids, that would drive you nuts. But, coming from an incredibly sweet child with a wonderful personality, I love it.

She came up to me, out of nowhere, and said, “Mrs. __, you know how you said your baby was in another mom”s belly then she gave him to you when he was borned?” Since this was literally out of no where and, honestly, other than telling little stories about my little guy in class, I honestly don”t talk about adoption much at all with my students, my students only know that he was adopted because many of them have siblings who were in my class the year LM was born. I don”t mind talking about it; its just not something that comes up. But, since it was so out of the blue, I actually said “what?” and she repeated about how another mom had LM in her belly but gave him to me when he was born. So, I said, “yeah,” wondering where this was coming from and where it could possibly be going.

She said, “I”m glad she did that. That is really neat.”

With that, she got back in line and went on to her gym class. I was left with tears in my eyes and a little smile.

I couldn”t help but think about the “other mom” who held my baby in her tummy then lovingly gave him to me.

It is really neat.

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Amanda

Amanda and her best friend (aka husband) Adam travelled through the long road of recurrent pregnancy loss before being blessed through domestic newborn adoption. Along with chasing a [soon to be] two-year-old around, Amanda occasionally blogs about life as an elementary school teacher, parenting, maintaining an open adoption, feelings on infertility/miscarriages, and of course the joys of adoption.

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