Adoption is Hard

Adoption is BEAUTIFUL, but it is HARD.

Adoption is REAL people/kids who have LOST EVERYTHING.

ALL adopted kids experience some kind of grief and trauma. And, yes, even children who are placed in their adopted parents arms right after birth experience the grief of losing their biological mother. It is just the way God designed us! God intended the relationship between a child and their biological parents to be the strongest human bond. But, because we live in a BROKEN world, this is not always the case. There are over 160 million children who are orphaned worldwide (UNICEF).

This week one of our children worked through some of their grief. It started over something very insignificant but ended in me rocking this child for over an hour while they wailed at the top of their lungs, and we listened to praise music. Much of this time was spent with both of us crying for the loss, the trauma, the hurt and the fear.

I tell you this because adoption is hard but worth every tear. God adopts us into His kingdom. When we decide to give our lives to Christ we can experience many of the same emotions. We hold onto the things of our past; we might fear the past or future; we grieve the past and slowly start trusting God. It takes time to give our WHOLE lives to God; it takes time to TRUST God with the small details; and it takes time to KNOW God will make all thinks work together for good like He tells us. It is a process similar to forming your family through adoption.

But as a Christian, we have the hope and joy of the future. We have understanding that we will spend eternity worshiping our King. We know that God has made us new, and He lives in us. But, we fight this because of our fleshly desires (sin).

Adoption is hard, but it is worth it. It is worth the cost of redemption because we are talking about human souls that will live forever in heaven or in hell. God wants to use the hard times so we can draw close to Him. God wants to rock us and tell us it will be okay. He will take care of us. He will provide for our needs. He will love us even when we sin. He loves us despite our wicked hearts. ALL GOD WANTS IS FOR US TO LOVE HIM!

Please do not let fear hold you back from adopting a precious child. God will give you the strength and wisdom you will need.

Although we had a painful night, we have seen tremendous strides in this child. God did heal parts of our child’s heart!

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Danielle Banker

Danielle is married to the love of her life, Doug. She is a stay-at-home mom who is starting to home school and loves orphan advocacy. God has used His plan of adoption to impact their lives. They brought home their first two children from Ethiopia in June 2010 (4 and 1 years old), and they hope to adopt many more children. You can follow their journey here.

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With Thankfulness: Give Thanks

Many families burdened by the command of Jesus to care for orphans often will ask the Lord, “What is your will for us?” Should we sponsor an orphan? Should we go to Haiti and volunteer in an orphanage over spring break? Should we foster here in the states? Should we adopt from overseas?

For those who feel it’s God

They Never Asked for a Reassignment

Noah.

Assignment: Construct an Ark, endure ridicule and mocking for 100+ years, live in a boat with animals, survive the flood {the first and last of its kind}.

Moses.

Assignment: Lead a people who will ultimately grumble/complain, worship idols, murder, sacrifice their children to the fire, become harlots, and despise your leadership.

David.

Assignment: Become king–but first, endure threats on your life, hide in caves, play instruments for a delusional man, witness the death of your best friend.

Jeremiah.

Assignment: As a prophet, speak the word of God to a people living in sin and rebelliousness, threats on your life, anguish and grief.

Elijah.

Assignment: A prophet who will make his home by a brook, trust in a bird to bring him food, live through a drought, call fire from heaven, raise the dead, flee a wicked woman, and witness a fire consume 50 men.

Ezekiel.

Assignment: A prophet and priest who will speak destruction, condemnation and judgement, witness death and the loss of your wife.

John the Baptist.

Assignment: Preacher of repentance. Roamed the desert, wore camels hair, ate honey and locust.

Paul.

Assignment: Preacher of the good news. Promised he would suffer many things for the sake of the gospel, shipwrecked, imprisoned, sick, destitute {among many other hardships}.

And what more shall I say? For time would tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jepthah and Samuel and the prophets–who through faith conquered kingdoms, obtained promises, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Woman received back their dead by resurrection. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so they might rise again to a better life. Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated. . . .

Expectation vs. Expectancy

There we were, going through another miscarriage. I began wondering if it was wrong for me to continue to pray to God for a baby. Afterall, if parenthood wasn’t in God’s plan for us, we didn’t want to be outside of His divine will for our lives.

But, what would I do with the gaping hole in my heart aching to be filled by a baby!?!? My empty arms and aching heart were sobbing ~ at moments even SCREAMING ~ for God to talk to me!

Didn’t HE put this strong desire to be a mommy in my heart!?? WHY wasn’t He answering my heart’s cry?!? Was I being disobedient for continuing to seek Him for a child, if His answer was consistently “NO”?

Jeff believed we should stay on our knees and seek the Lord. I began to wonder if it was even worth asking for, if God had no intention of bringing us children.

I wondered if I was being selfish in my continued prayers for what God didn’t seem to want to bless me/us with. God assured me one night, through Jeff, that YES! He wanted me/us to continue to seek Him and pray for the desires of our hearts! He wanted us to continue to pray for our children and wait for Him!

Psalms 27:14: “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”

After reading an article one night, Jeff paraphrased for me the difference between expectancy and expectation. He doesn’t recall now where he read it, darn it! I wish I could credit who helped answer such a mystery for me! Allow me to share with you how learning such a difference freed me to keep praying amidst our unanswered prayers!

God wants us to lay the desires of our heart at His feet. He wants us to pursue these desires with confidence in Him. Not confidence in our ability to reach these dreams, but confidence in His ability and willingness to answer our prayers! He yearns to bless us abundantly! His plan for us is GOOD! ALWAYS!

Matthew 21: 22: “And what you ask for in prayer,

Undeserved Privilege

“Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand”

Romans 5:2

This isn’t the whole passage, but I love the term undeserved privilege. Our culture is a world of undeserved privilege. We like to think that we have what we have because we worked hard, we tried hard, we saved and pushed our way to get where we are. That’s really not true.

Because we work so hard, it’s easy for us to think we deserve the things we have. These are privileges that we work and sweat for. It’s ours. We love that about ourselves. And, although there’s nothing wrong with hard work (in fact, it’s a biblical principle), the message of the gospel is that we earn nothing. We get to participate in the privileges of God even though we don’t deserve it.

I’ve only shared this with a few people, but there’s a part of me that wants to brag about this adoption thing. The process has been long and difficult. People have been overwhelmingly helpful, but Anna and I have both worked hard to get where we are. Now, it feels like we are in the home stretch, and there’s a part of me that wants to say “I’ve earned this.” However, the reality is that God has been at work at this before it even popped into our heads. When I read undeserved privilege, I hear that God does all the work of redemption. God does all the work of adoption.

It’s humbling. It’s wonderful to be a part of. More than anything, it’s comforting to know that my hard work gets me very little. It’s just a response to the God who has already done all the work. I just get a lot of undeserved privilege. It’s a pretty nice perk.

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Russ Polsgrove

Russ and Anna have been married for 5 years. Even as friends, before dating or marriage, they shared with one another that they each wanted to adopt. After marrying in May 2005, talk of adoption slowly entered its way into their conversations. Russ, working as a youth pastor, and Anna, working as a teacher and at a girl’s group home, saw the need more than ever for children to have loving, safe homes. After coming to this realization, they chose to begin the adoption process to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia. They have been on the wait list 8 months and should get the call any day for the referral of a little girl age birth to 15 months whose name will be Lucy. They are so excited about their story of choosing adoption to bring their first child home. You can follow their journey on their personal blog.

Another Interpretation

As I am studying the Greek language, I am realizing how much translations are interpretations. It is not really possible to simply translate one language into another. Concepts exist in some languages that don

Enough

During a fairly normal conversation with a friend, I brought up that I was advocating for a child on my blog. A child that grabbed my heart and that we were waiting for God to speak to us about him.

The response:

Dressed as Orphans

Kayden

Prior to leaving for China, I had purchased several new outfits for Kayden and brought them with us. Even though every outfit was a perfect fit, Kayden continued to wear the clothing that she had brought with her from the orphanage. She only had one pair of jeans, and she wore them over and over again, regardless of me suggesting other outfits to her. I have read that this is a pretty typical behavior and figured if wearing the clothing that she had brought with her, that had all of the familiar smells of the orphanage, gave her a sense of comfort or familiarity, than it was not worth an upset to try to get her to wear the clothing we had brought for her. I admit that I always felt a little uncomfortable when we went out, as most of her clothing was a poor fit and the styles were unflattering on her. I wanted to tell everybody that she had some really cute outfits but that she wasn’t wearing them. I wanted everyone to be able to take one look at her and know that she belonged to us and that she was loved and cherished. In spite of all of my desires and Kayden having new clothing readily available to her, she chose to dress as she did when she was an orphan.

Is this behavior because these children want to hold on to the comforts and familiarity of their past, or have they not fully embraced this new role and are not quite comfortable or confident in dressing the part? Maybe in the newness of it all, they do not even realize that there is even a difference.

As I have pondered this, I cannot help but see the parallels to this and our own adoption into the family of God. How often do we exhibit this same behavior? As Christians, we have been adopted as God’s own children. Our father is the King of Kings; and, yet, day after day, we frequently get up and put on the same dirty clothes that we wore before we ever knew Him. To be “in Christ” is to be clothed in His righteousness; and, yet, often when faced with the difficulties of life, it is “easier” to respond apart from that righteousness. How often do we find ourselves “wearing” anger, fear, doubt, wrong thoughts, impatience, or immorality rather than the garments of mercy, trust, faith, humility, gentleness, patience, or purity? Whatever “outfit” we decide to wear is going to be directly affected by the condition of our mind and thoughts.

Father,
Forgive me for so often dressing as an orphan when you want others to be able to look at me and know that I belong to You. Help me to put on the garments that You have provided me to wear and to bring glory to Your Name rather than shame. Place in me the desire to daily renew my mind through the reading of your Word, becoming more and more like You.

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Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

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