The #1 thing I hear from people in response to our adoption is: “Isn’t it really expensive?” I want to step up on a soapbox every time and remind them that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills and what He promises He provides and all that Truth! But, lately, I have started to see that common question in a whole new way. Truth is, adoption is very expensive. It costs a lot more than just dollars and cents though. So if just the money thing scares you, then you probably aren’t ready for adoption.
Dan Cathy said, “A God inspired dream will never fit in your checkbook or calendar.” That is so true. Adoption is a God-inspired dream for us. We were not qualified by the size of our savings account, for sure! We weren’t qualified by how practical it seemed to add another 2-year-old into our lives a few weeks after moving, changing jobs, leaving family, etc., etc., etc. Adoption can cost a lot more than money. It has cost us our comfort, our “normal”, our sense of control, our plans, our understanding, our pride…and the list goes on.
I can remember placing all my focus on ways to come up with the money when we started this ride. But, honestly, getting donations and applying for grants was the easiest and most joy-filled part of the journey for us. The process of hearing people’s hearts and stories and watching them be obedient to the call to give towards our family was humbling and amazing! It wasn’t just a few checks from a few rich people that helped us reach the financial end. It was the many drops in the bucket from a faithful group of people all over the world who are passionate about Gods love for orphans, some of which we have never met.
So, to answer your question, folks: YES! Adoption is VERY expensive. But, the trade off is complete reliance on the Holy Spirit to weave together a story so much bigger than you. You just have to decide for yourselves if its worth it.
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Bethany Gaddis
I have been married going on 8 years to a worship pastor, a rock star, and the most involved and intentional dad I have ever seen! Together, we have the privilege of parenting three amazing children (Jaxon- 5 1/2, Jovie, 2 1/2, and Jaydn 2). Jaydn recently came to us through adoption from Uganda, Africa. We just moved to Little Rock, Arkansas, but I am a west coast girl at heart. I enjoy photography, adventure recreation, and teaching high-school students about the most important decision they could ever make: to follow Jesus.
If you are a blog reader of mine, you know I process through writing what God is teaching me–and you also know any time I take a few days off from writing its usually not because I”m busy (because writing is HOW this momma unwinds from her busy)…it”s usually because He”s teaching me and it”s hard to process. I haven”t blogged since Sunday publically–but I did write on Monday, Tuesday and today…very long posts—prayed over them…processed them…and then stowed them away in my heart–and for now that is where they will stay.
The Lord is really teaching me a lot right now–through walking with others in their hardship (their distress) and pain…orphans and widows…choosing to do life together and saying, “We are in this together—for the long haul…and we will look for God and His faithfulness through it.”
While some of my readers may come to my blog and feel “moved” to consider adoption after hearing our experience…or after seeing a sweet coming home video–that, my sweet sisters and brothers, is not really what James 1:27 is about at all—or else anyone not called to adopt wouldn”t be offered a part in true religion–right? Adoption is growing my family–it”s choosing to follow God in growing my family in a different way…and to be willing to do for my newest son what I would and will do for all of my children to be there for them and when need be–walk through times of hardship, healing and pain with them. I can some what guess that it may be more often, however, for the children God brings to me through adoption–but that of course is no promise. We are NOT all called to adopt…any more than we are not all called to have more children biologically–but adoption IS one of the many ways God can use us to change orphans to sons and daughters…and this is GOOD…it is a CALLING…and discerning that calling over emotion is very important.
SO…what about James 1:27? How do we LIVE true religion? Because this–as believers we are all called to–if we want to experience Him fully and live true religion (James 1:27). How do we care for, visit and look after orphans and widows in their distress? How can we help walk with orphans and widows during their time of pain? This verse isn”t about changing orphans to sons and daughters or finding the widow a new spouse–but about going there with them in their distress—and THIS is what true religion is. While only 1% of the estimated 140 million orphans worldwide are considered eligible for adoption, and 90% still have one living parent–or you could say 90% have a widow as a parent. How can we live James 1:27 to these? How can we look after, care for and visit them…and really begin going there in their distress with them? The Lord has been showing me more and more about the answers to these questions–and while my home right now is pretty crazy and may not be the best fit right now to add another one of the precious 1% to come join our crazy–how can God use me right where I am for the other 99%? To really LOOK AFTER these in their time of DISTRESS…oh–I think I”m ready to go there.
When I think about visiting orphans and widows–the first place my heart naturally goes is to our “other family”…my son”s first family. There is a widow and single orphans across the world. Then I think about our next closest–those already around us. Our church alone has countless single orphans whose mom or dad is no longer with them–and essentially in many ways single moms are modern day widows in our culture. How can I live James 1:27–pure and faultless religion? While we follow where the Lord leads in these ways and choose not to always share the ins and outs here–God sees our hearts and our hands–and that is enough. And it is good.
And while most times my tendency is to start at home and move outward–I want to also remember where the places are where the forgotten live? I think about our ministry in Zambia/Africa–where adoption is closed yet more than 1/3 of their children are orphans. WOW. Our eyes are opened when we VISIT them (James 1:27) but naturally more people visit the countries they adopt from. SO–what about these countries that some times fly under the radar? Use us Lord to live James 1:27–to YES serve in our neighborhoods and to live true religion here–but to also some times leave where we are comfortable or feel personally connected to and visit, look after and love widows and orphans in places that aren”t as convenient or as attractive…meeting someone in their distress will never look fun–it”s not a brownie sale and the pain through it is not “blogable” and thankfully so…because there are some things so sacred where true religion resides that should be treasured in our hearts and leave us in worship as we see Him working through us. Following the Lord in the way of James 1:27 will not be easy–but I can promise it will refine and change…and you will be amazed when you see Christ come through. You WILL see His glory. He will be faithful with His presence. And it will be SO SACRED that you won”t publically share it with others…because you will know–it is HOLY…you won”t be able to write about it because you can”t even express it”s power. It is TRUE RELIGION…it is beautifully painful, yet good—and you will want to follow Him again and again in true religion to see Him over and over…and over again. And it makes sense why He calls us to serve and be His hands in this way.
And speaking of visiting orphans and widows in their distress–if you would be interested in joining us on our next trip to Zambia this June–please contact me. We have just a few spots–but we”d love to take you with us! There”s no building. There”s no painting. But there is sitting. We sit and we listen…and we love. As simple as that. And you probably not be able to find the words to write about it either…or words to express how YOU were changed in the process. But James 1:27 doesn”t have to just be around the world…it can be as close as next door. It probably won”t knock on our doors–but when you are ready ask Him to take you there and begin leading you to true religion and worship in this way. I never want to lose sight of what this verse means and what through it we are being asked to do.
As believers, let”s pray how He can use us to live James 1:27 fully and to be used for His great glory and good…
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Andrea Young
I”m a momma of 4–one of whom joined our family in June of 2010 through the miracle of adoption. Our family has been on the board with Wiphan Care Ministries since February 2007 where we help run two schools ministering to 450 orphans and 150 widows daily. We have also recently been led to get our nonprofit for a new ministry Created for Care whose heart is to serve and minister to families in the pre, during, and post-adoption process. I am a writer at heart, a stay-at-home mommy who loves crafts, and I love nothing more than staying “yes” to Jesus…which usually makes for an adventureous life. That”s me in a nutshell.
Most days, parenting my adoptive kids is just like parenting my biological ones…the lines are paper thin.
And then there are others, that those lines hit me like brick walls. Thankfully, those are few and far between, but they do come.
Looking over referral paperwork (the info you get when you get matched with your child) for tax stuff, I hit a wall.
“at 5 months he smiles and laughs, and gets a runny nose easily. He is nervous when carried outside.”
“at 7 months she can say, “yiyi” and is afraid of strangers. She is happy when with her (foster) mama.”
Anyone else have those days??
Last week, an evening trip to the grocery store alone (can someone please say, AMEN?), yielded more than just a cart of goods and a blown budget. I grabbed my Bible on the way out the door…I didn’t have any time schedule to be on, and when I’m alone, I usually just wanna hang with Jesus….sitting in the parking lot before I went in, looking up something totally different, I got blown away…
And if you give yourself to the hungry, and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, than your light will rise in darkness…..the Lord will continually guide you….satisfy your desire in the scorched places….give strengh to your bones, you will be like a spring of water whose water does not fail….you will rebuild ancient ruins and be called the repairer of broken walls…..
Isaiah 59:10-12
Catch that? …repairer of broken walls…
As adoptive parents, who have “satisfied the needs of the oppressed,” we get the amazing privilege to repair the broken walls of our children. Our children who have been
It started over having to pay $32 for landing on someone else’s property in Monopoly.
That’s how it started. But, then, it progressed.
To pouting.
Then crying.
Then screaming.
Then yelling.
Banging.
Throwing.
Kicking.
45 minutes of the worst tantrum I’ve seen yet.
It started with Monopoly but really, I don’t think it had anything to do with Monopoly by the time it was over.
I’m not surprised by it. In fact, I’m more surprised that these episodes haven’t occurred more frequently considering all that she’s been through.
But that doesn’t make it any easier to experience.
When He called us to join Him on this journey, He never once promised that it would be easy.
But He did promise something even better than the easy road.
His presence.
He gave us (and all that follow Him) the assurance that He would always, always, be with us. And today, through the worst of it, I know He was present. Pouring out the wisdom, grace, compassion, and nerves of steel that I so desperately needed but severely lacked.
For 45 minutes, I prayed without ceasing and, for 45 minutes, I had inexplicable, indescribable peace.
I’m sure I didn’t do everything right. In fact, I know I didn’t.
But His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in weakness.
And if in my weakness, she catches a glimpse of the grace that can heal her heart, then weak I will gladly be.
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Angela Taylor
Angela enjoys being a wife to one wonderful husband and mom to six fantastic kids (three by adoption). Her family just returned home from China in late January with their newest daughter, Lily, who is 8, and enjoys blogging about the ordinary and extraordinary moments of their days together at her
One day, my friend approached me with information regarding a possible adoption. She knew someone who was pregnant and expecting biracial twins. The birthmom wasn’t sure what she was going to do regarding parenting vs. adoption, but we gave her our profile to consider.
We didn’t think of it or talk about it very often, because we didn’t think it would really happen, since the Mom didn’t seem confident one way or the other. She had chosen us and yet kept putting off meeting us or with a lawyer. We weren’t sure what to think and tried to keep our emotional distance.
One day out of nowhere, JC and I discussed what we would name the babies. In a 2-minute conversation, we had our names- almost as if they hadn’t come from us. We never discussed names again, or referred to them by name in conversation or prayer. I never told a soul, nor wrote them down in my journal. I tried to put the names out of mind.
When the babies were born, we began to get conflicted messages. Without sharing too much information in cyber-space, we were on an emotional roller-coaster. At one point, I was in tears on the phone with my dear friend, Lisa. Lisa, who had for some reason always been confident that these were our babies, shared with me the source of her confidence.
Months previous, she had a vivid dream that revealed the names of our babies as well as the verse written on the nursery wall. I thought it was interesting and begged her to share the names, and she was strangely resistant. Eventually she gave in and told me the names.
They were the same names.
Sam and Grace.
And the verse on the nursery wall? The very reason we had picked the name Sam:
“For I have prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted my request.”
~1 Samuel 1:27
In 1 Samuel 1, Hannah, a barren woman, begs the Lord for a child and He eventually answers her prayer with a son whom she names Samuel.
Grace- because she is a perfect gift from the Lord- as is His grace.
How could this be? How could Lisa have known the same names we had chosen- without ever whispering it to a soul? It had to be the Lord. As I praised His name, and sought His voice, I felt Him urge me to let go- to release the wall I had up to guard my heart and to let Him guard my heart instead. In that moment, I knew these were my babies. I knew that I was their mama. I rejoiced. I cried. I wondered what would happen next.
The next day we got a phone call. She was definitely going to parent the babies.
WHAT???? How could this be? Did I hear the Lord wrong? NO! No way! But if not, how could He have led me down this path only go have my heart trampled?
The following is from an email to my parents:
I don’t understand. I did everything right and was obedient. If this wasn’t going to happen, then why did the Lord tell me to open my heart? Why did He keep sending confirmation after confirmation to have hope? Why did He give us NAMES? It seems cruel. Either this is not over according to Him, or I totally heard Him wrong all this time (but why involve Lisa with the dream??) or…what? I know He’s Truth and Good and Love. Yet it would seem my heart doesn’t matter to Him if this is truly over. Or do I hold onto hope against all odds??? At every turn I heard, “God can do what He says He can do.”
It’s not that this adoption didn’t work for us. It’s that I feel like He led us on during these last few weeks. I got attached b/c HE told me to open my heart and bonded me to these babies that I’ve never even held. Why would He do that????? It feels like He’s playing games with my heart.
Eventually, the Lord showed us that only by attaching us emotionally to these children would we be committed to praying for them throughout their lives. And so, we came to terms with the fact that we are their spiritual parents, their God-parents, if you will.
A glance into my journal from that time shows this:
I don’t know what will come or even if its over, but there must be a reason you told me to open my heart and let me get emotionally attached to these children. I will surrender to this bond and take on the role of Mom- if only in a spiritual sense. I will not waver in prayer for them. Perhaps I’ll pray harder than if they were in my care- as I have no control in their upbringing. So we’ll pray. But you’ll have to do the leg work, Father. We will trust them to your care.
It occurred to me later, that if I had only read the NEXT VERSE of 1 Samuel 1:27 and 28 and realized it applied to me as well, I might have been better prepared.
“Now I, in turn, give him to the Lord, as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the Lord.’ She left him there.” ~1 Samuel 1:27-28
So we released them to the Lord and pray for them daily. We pray for these children and trust that He will grant our requests.
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Lauren
Lauren is in love with the Lord, the man of her dreams, and her new daughter. She and her husband married in June of 2006 and thereafter began their journey of infertility and adoption. Despite the many wounds, heartaches, and suffering,
She sits in my family room. She is mine, she is a gift from the Lord. Her daddy adores her, her brother and sister think she hung the moon.
Today I ask myself. What if I would have missed it? What if I wasn’t willing to surrender my whole life, my family, my finances, my home, my dreams my desires to the Lord? What if I would have continued to be so self-centered? What if I would have continued to make the excuses? What if I would have continued with the “we don’t have the money” line I would tell myself? I KNOW what if….I would have missed it! I would have missed the opportunity, the blessing the gift of being this little girl’s MOMMY!
I am thankful that I surrendered and let God bring me to my knees. I am glad He “bonked” me on the head. I am glad He took my world and turned it up side down. YES, it hurts sometimes. Because my flesh is/was so strong. SO calloused. My flesh screams sometimes but my SPIRIT is strong because of Jesus in me. He comforts me. He reminds me, He leads me. He is WONDERFUL!
SO, today as I sit here and watch her play with bristle blocks, I am thankful and broken. I am broken because of all of the other MILLIONS of little girls in the world will not have a warm bath and clean clothes and kisses from their mommy. They will not have a full belly and bristle blocks to play with. They will not have the opportunity to hear of God’s love for them. They will sit alone, sometimes cold, most of the time very hungry and all of the time lonely. Wishing they had a mommy, a daddy, a brother or sister. A family. It is not about the big house we think we need to have to add another child. It is not about the big fancy car we think we need to cart the kids around town. It is not about the perfectly decorated bedroom we think we need to have for a child. It is about family and God’s call to care for the orphan.
God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy. Psalm 68:6a
I am leveled when I think of all of the excuses I made. I am leveled when I think about my selfishness. I am leveled when I think of God’s faithfulness and the “fight” He put in me for these kids. I will not stop until He comes back to get me. I will sing of His mercies and grace. I will teach my children HIS ways. I will honor Him with my life. I will care for the orphan and oppressed. I will seek Him each day. I will be a voice for the voiceless.
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, and to proclaim the year of the Lord
I have to say that I have been pleasantly surprised! We have actually received no negative comments to our announcement that we are adopting again.
That includes negative comments from family as well!
Well, at least none that were made directly to US.
:inhale:exhale:smile:
But, we have had lots of questions. Mostly the regular ones:
How expensive is it?
What made you decide to do this again? (asked with true sentiment)
How many kids do you have now? Do they all get along?
How do you find the time and energy?
Here is my favorite funny one: I guess China expects you to come back every year now?
And then I received the most profound comment the other day.
Back in the day when I served as a youth pastor and then later church planted and served on staff at a larger church, we had a little routine when people would start sentences with
I enjoy studying people, and I’ve been at it for some time now. If you go to the mall, I’m the guy on the bench with no bags and no intention of shopping. You’re the reason I’m there. I’m watching you and hundreds more in hopes of discovering something new. One of my discoveries is how funny people look when they are mad (have you ever noticed that a lot of mall shoppers are mad?). If they had any idea how silly they looked fussing at their spouse they’d save their little fit for later.
Another, more serious discovery I’ve made is the role fear plays in motivating people. And, one of the greatest fears in our country is the fear of failing. Everyone on the planet wants to win, but Americans hate to fail! So, each morning, millions of us wake up driven by this passion to climb the ladder of success. Amazingly, most Americans successfully navigate the pitfalls, overcoming sometimes ridiculously huge obstacles. And, at the conclusion of their lives, many of them stand triumphantly at the top of the success ladder. Ah, sweet victory! The only problem is, more often than not, they discover in the end that their success ladder was leaning against the wrong building! I have to believe that the greatest fear in our lives should NOT be the fear of failure but rather the fear of succeeding at the wrong things. Hmmm . . . so many wrong things . . . what’s the right thing?
Before God created you, He created something that needed to be done. Then, He created you to do that “something,” and no one on the planet can do that “something” like you can. It’s why you were custom designed with your personality, abilities, and gifts. Friends, that incredible “something” is the “right thing” to lean your life ladder on. It
