Month: June 2011

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On Fatherhood: She Misses Her Daddy

Originally posted in October of 2010…

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Our little “L” has always been a daddy’s girl. Due to reasons I won’t go into here, she hasn’t seen her daddy for several weeks. Normally, she visits her parents once a week right after nap time. Lately, while putting her to nap or bed, she’s been asking “See Daddy?”

I always have had to respond the same. “No honey, you’re not going to see your daddy today.” I’ve shared with her that Daddy is having some troubles, and we should pray for him. We have discussed this more than a few times. The other night though, I had a heartbreaking conversation with our sweet girl.

For those of you who don’t know, L is our 2 year old (almost 3) foster daughter. We have had her in our home for approx. 1 month.

After tucking L in for her nap and singing “Jesus loves me” with her (per our tradition), I stood up to leave. Blowing her a kiss I said, “Goodnight darling!” But she had more to say.

L – “See daddy?”

Me – “No sweet girl, you’re not going to see daddy today.”

L – “Daddy in trouble?”

Me – “Yeah, honey your daddy is having troubles but daddy loves you.

L – “Daddy loves me? Mommy loves me? Grandma loves me? (L lived with her grandma most of her life before coming here.

Me – “Yes, you’re grandma’s little girl!”

L – “My grandma. MINE.” And then softly and sadly she said, “Miss her.”

L again – “See daddy?”

Me – “No, honey.”

L – “Daddy trouble? Daddy need help?”

Me – “Yeah, baby he needs help. We can pray for your daddy.”

And, we proceeded to pray for her daddy and mommy and the rest of her family (us included!).

As I got up to leave a second time, I kissed her sweet face and said “L, Mama Jami loves you so much.”

This breaks my heart. No child should have to deal with these questions but there are hundreds of thousands of kids in the U.S. foster care system alone who will go to bed with similar questions on their hearts tonight. Many of them have no one to talk these things through with. There are children in your community tonight who are going to bed alone. Going to bed feeling lost and abandoned. You might be the person God wants to use to whisper His love into their ears. To kiss them on the face and tell them they are loved. You might be the one to be Jesus to the child who is lonely, hurting, and abandoned.

God calls us as Christians to be His Hands and Feet to the lonely, to the fatherless, to the brokenhearted. There is a huge need for loving (not perfect) but loving foster parents right her and now. Could you add a bed (or two!) to a bedroom in your house? Could you pull up another chair at your dinner table? Are you willing to step out if the Lord says “go?” I just have to ask. Will you prayerfully consider your role in helping the poor and needy? We all have a role to play. Just take the next step. This is why we’re here.

Feed the hungry and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon. The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring. Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities. Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls and a restorer of homes

Isaiah 58:10-11

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Jami Kaeb

Hi, I

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Are You Up for a Challenge?

I’ve spent the last 7 years working with orphans – first through adoption and then hands on at New Day Foster Home in China. Now, I admire my daughter’s beautiful smile, figure out how to make her laugh, and generally try to learn how to mother a 5-month-old gracefully. It is such a change…. Some days, I’m completely engrossed in my daughter; and other days, I miss my “other” life… the one surrounded by children many have forgotten.

In my new role as a stay-at-home-mom to a busy baby, I’ve been praying for ways to stay connected to the orphans I love. It’s funny how those prayers always get answered. A few weeks ago, someone wrote me asking if I could post something on my blog about a matching grant she wanted to offer NDFH.

Here’s what she wrote:

I

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Abandoned

This adoption journey has run us through every emotion imaginable. The good, the bad, and the ugly have all been a part of this process and sometimes all at once. Today was one of those days. I sat down today to begin filling out more forms that we need to take to the Consulate appointment at the U.S. Embassy which will occur at the end of our trip in June to bring our daughter home.

The very first form on the checklist I tackled was the I-604, Determination on Child for Adoption. This is a form we are filling out on behalf of our child, and it was exciting to begin writing our baby girl’s name for the first time: Emma Katriel Jiana Hampton. I’m going along following the example our agency included in our packet, no problems. Until I get to page 2, question 9, and this is what I read:

Intended child is an orphan because:
Mother — Abandoned
Father — Abandoned

Man, that word abandoned jumped off the page at me and just smacked me across the face. The next thing I knew, tears where filling my eyes as I had to check that abandoned box.

What’s weird is that this comes to no surprise to me. I knew that this is the way it works in China. A birthparent must abandoned his or her child somewhere, where that child will quickly be found, so that he or she will not suffer punishment. So, why did that word hurt so bad today? Is it because I have a little face to put to that word and so it becomes more real? I don’t know but I hurt so badly for my little one who has suffered great loss so early in her life.

As I struggled with these sad emotions today, the Lord brought to mind a couple of verses from Scripture. He spoke these verses to me just when I needed them most. The first is in Psalm 68:5 when He tells us that God is a father to the fatherless. Even though my baby has not had the positive experience of an earthly father, she has had the Father of all fathers watching over her and caring for her, a Father who created her in His image and for His glory. She is so very special.

The second passage was one that had been one of Eli’s memory verses, and that is Hebrews 13:5b-6a: I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you, so that we confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid”.

To know that the God of the universe has never abandoned Emma…now that brings comfort to this momma’s heart who is hurting so bad for her daughter.

God,
Thank you so much for your promises, promises that are true and we can stand on. Thank you for choosing me to be Emma’s momma, long before the foundation of the world was laid. It is a privilege to have this call on my life.

Thank you God that you are with her all the time. Hold my baby tight until I can wrap my arms around her. And please, make that happen fast. Don’t let her be an orphan for one more day than she has to. ~ Amen

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Shawna Hampton

I am a follower of Jesus Christ who desires more than anything to be a Proverbs 31 woman but who falls short daily. I have been married to my husband, Matt, since 2002. I am a mother to two biological boys, ages 6 and 1. My husband and I are heading to China in June to bring home our 1-year-old daughter. Follow along on their blog.

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Do I Feel the Same About Joni as I Did My Bio Babies?

I’ve been putting off this post long enough. I will try to be authentic and clear, but I have a feeling that only those who have both bio and adopted children will truly be able to understand my sentiments. So, if you don’t fall into this category, please extend me some grace.

The honest first part of my answer is no. From the moment I saw Joni’s picture, I prayed that she would be the one for us. When they placed her in my arms, I thought she was the bravest, cutest, loveliest, most fascinating creature I had ever laid eyes on (sorry, Oakley and Colston, but it’s true). My heart swelled with compassion, curiosity, tenderness, and protectiveness. Those days spent in China were amazing as we watched a petrified, catatonic little baby slowly open up and begin to accept our love and care…then, we got home.

The truth was, she was a stranger to us, and we were strangers to her. She had strange orphanage behaviors and deep emotional needs. This was different from my biological babies who from the moment they came out felt familiar and seemed to automatically know who we were. We didn’t have to work on bonding; it came naturally and was already there to some degree. They were blank slates ready and willing to trust us to care for all their needs. There IS something to the biological connection. I believe it was created by God and meant to assist us through the sleepless nights and projectile vomiting. Even at my worst newborn-moments, my heart had an inexhaustible reservoir of love and compassion for my babies. I didn’t have this automatically with Joni; and so, the tough moments were difficult. The fun, happy times were incredible, beyond my dreams (I can’t get or give enough kisses from that child). But, if she was excessively fussy or clingly or mean to my other children, I really struggled in my feelings towards her. This deficit often made me feel guilty because even if I still acted appropriately loving toward her (and I have to confess that sometimes I didn’t; thankfully, most times I did), I knew my heart wasn’t matching that action. I mean, what kind of monster was I? I knew to expect these behaviors. And, actually, in my “professional” opinion, Joni was doing at least average in her transition period. But, this wasn’t something I could just grit my teeth and change or read books about and fix. So, I prayed that God would give me a true mother’s heart for Joni so that I could love her just as much as her biological mother would have if she had kept her…even more.

So before you call CPS, let me give you the second part of my answer: “No, not yet. But, each day, my mother’s love grows more and more.” God is in the process of answering my prayers, and this journey of bonding continues in a positive direction. It’s been under 3 months since we’ve had Joni, and I’m relieved and grateful that what didn’t come “naturally” is coming “supernaturally.” I can see that shortly, even when things are tough, Joni will stir up the same feelings and emotions that my other two children do. In fact, most days she does. The moments I find myself struggling, I now handle better with more hope and less judgment.

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Lynne Prinzing

Lynne has been working in the field of international adoption for 11 years but now enjoys her main role as “Manager of Domestic Affairs.” She lives on a camp property operated by the Christian outreach ministry Young Life where her husband works as the Guest Services Coordinator. Her three children (Oakley 6, Colston 2, and Joni 1) are a great source of joy and growth in her life. Joni joined their family through adoption from China this past February, and everyone is busy learning and stretching as they adjust to a family of five.

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My Honor

Originally posted about 8 months ago as Rachel waited…

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When we started our adoption process, I used to cringe at the thought of being gone for so long when we travel to get Amelia. At least 5 weeks without Caroline. At least 3 weeks without my husband, trying to fare with a new baby in a very foreign place. While part of me romanticized Africa, another part knew how difficult my time would be.

I still realize it will be difficult. I am sure it could be one of the more lonely periods of my life. I have heard that many fellow adoptive parents become depressed by the end of trips that go on for weeks or more, especially when they are separated from children and spouses in a place that so lacks familiarity with home.

I have thought about this trip for a year and a half

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Oh, Sweet Boy…

Originally written May 11th, 2011 as Christi and Dan prepared to travel 2 days later to meet their son in Ethiopia.

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Sweet Boy

Sweet boy,
We leave in 23 hours to come meet you for the first time. To say we are excited is SUCH an understatement. We love you so much already, and we haven’t even met. It’s really incredible how God can bond our hearts together in this way… you’ll learn that as you grow older. He’s done the same thing along this journey with so many believers across the globe. We’ve been encouraged so much as we pursued you and worked to bring you home…and you’ve been prayed for by so many! It’s really incredible!

Our hearts are literally pounding out of our chests in anticipation for seeing your sweet face for the first time. We pray that you aren’t scared and that you feel the love we have for you, sweet boy. Oh, I just can’t wait to hold your little hands and kiss your sweet lips. When we look at pictures of you that so many sweet friends have sent us, we just melt. Your daddy and I lay in bed at night talking about how amazing you are and staring at your pictures!

I just have to tell you how much your daddy loves you! We went for a walk late last night cause momma had cleaned every nook and cranny of our home and straightened your clothes 3 times and was still energized, and he just kept telling me how amazing it was that God brought you to our family. We reminisced about our conversations of children when we dated at 18 and 19 years of age. You see, as we prayed for when the Lord would bring children into our home; daddy felt very clearly that it would be several years. For some reason, he always said it would be 7 years. Momma kinda cringed sometimes as he would say that, because I so longed to hold you in my arms. But, your sweet daddy reminded me last night that had we not waited on the Lord’s timing, we wouldn’t be leaving tomorrow to meet you!

As we inched towards 5 years of marriage, your mommas heart was BROKEN for children in need. I flew home from Guatemala and told your daddy that I KNEW the Lord wanted us to adopt. Daddy was a little scared at first, but God soon changed his heart too. So, that day, Christmas of 2009, we looked over a packet of information we had received as we drove to Grandma’s to celebrate the birth of Jesus, and we both cried. It was that same cry I will cry each time you are hurting! God spoke so clearly to our hearts that day. He told us that YOU were in Ethiopia waiting for us!

Just a few days later, we started the paperwork process to bring you home! We worked so diligently and stayed up many nights filling out paperwork as we felt this sense of urgency that you needed us. As we continued on this journey of faith, there were many times that we weren’t quite sure why it was taking so long. However, on February 17th, 2011, God reminded us of His sovereignty as our agency called to tell us that they had you, our son! And, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Waiting for you has been difficult at times. But, as I write to you today, sweet boy, I can finally say that we are coming! And, you remember how I mentioned that daddy said 7 years? Well, our 7th year anniversary is just 13 days after we will meet you for the first time.

You, sweet child, are SUCH a blessing from the Lord! We love you so much and will do our best to raise you up in the ways of the Lord. You are loved by SO many, and they are all anticipating your arrival. We anticipate no lack of love in your life!

As I walk by your room each night on the way to ours, I can’t help but peek in your crib, close my eyes, and dream of the day that you are in that crib. I think you’re going to get sick of mommy staring at you all the time while you sleep! I promise I’ll be really quiet when I sneak out of bed and over to your crib each night, and I’m sure that daddy will find me sleeping on the floor next to your crib more than once! Feel free to wake up during the night, just so I can stare in those beautiful eyes and hold your sweet hands.

I wish I could put into words the miracle you are! You see, God knew your name before the creation of the world. Only He knows the plans for your life, and we are SO humbled that God would call us to be your mommy and daddy and for the way that He has shown us His love in this journey. You’ve changed so many hearts already, and I can’t wait to see you shine for Jesus!

I’ll see you in 48 hours, buddy!

Love,
Momma

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Christi Ucherek

Dan and Christi Ucherek have been married for 7 years and live in Central Illinois. They are currently waiting to bring home their 20-month-old son from Ethiopia, whom they just met mid May. After spending time serving in orphanages in the Dominican Republic and Guatemala, Christi knew the Lord was calling her and Dan to adopt. Shortly after, God worked in Dan’s heart, and they began the adoption process of little ‘A’ in January of 2010 and are hoping to have him home this June or July. They are truly blessed by serving with Lifesong for Orphans, where Christi is the program coordinator.

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The Aroma of Christ

I am, obviously, an adoptive parent. I like to read blogs (some being adoption blogs). I read adoptive parent forums. I have even read a couple books written for adoptive parents. I don’t consider myself an expert, not even close. But, I do want to say something to adoptive parents, and I respectfully hope they’ll listen.

Over the past few years, I have read MANY posts and articles written by adoptive parents about what everyone else should and shouldn’t say to adopted children, what people should and shouldn’t ask an adopted, more specifically. an adopted, non-white child. I’ve read posts that lecture the general public about what they should ask, where it would be appropriate to ask it, what not to ask, etc. And, I’ll be frank, it wears me out. I find all of the pointed advice overwhelming to the point of giving up, and I often hear a small voice saying, “Forget it! I just won’t ask you, or any other adoptive parent, anything about adoption since it’s such a sensitive topic.” After such articles, my thought is always this, “If I feel this way, how must the non-adoptive general public feel?!”

Here’s the reality–when a family decides to adopt, more specifically, adopt a child who is of another race, then they have kicked the door wide open for curious questions because racially blended families aren’t the norm. This isn’t just a United States thing; they aren’t the norm anywhere in the world. It is pretty much common knowledge that whenever you make a decision to go against social norms, you’re inviting questions, opinions, and curious looks. This is reality, and it is a reality everywhere in the world because people who break tradition or don’t follow “normal” paths ALWAYS get this reaction, no matter what country you live in.

For example, when a teenager dyes his hair red and spikes it into a four-inch Mohawk, people look. Why? because it’s not the norm. When a family chooses to have no TVs in the home, people ask questions; its not the norm. When a family moves half-way around the world to be missionaries, people question and inquire about it because it’s not normal. If I’m going to be honest with you, I too am curious as to why people do these types of things. Why did that boy put his hair in a red mohawk? Why did you make the decision to not have TVs? What led you to uproot your family to be a missionary? I truly want to know (

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Go With the Heart

As our travel to China approached, I was a bit obsessed with reading books about adoption. Adoption and attachment, sleep, and eating.

Obsessed.

Then, we met Grace.

I’ve read them all. I have. But, when she was finally with us. It was time to throw the books out the window and go with the heart.

That first week in China. She slept. It was GREAT. Other families in our travel group were fighting with the kids to get them to go to sleep, to get them to stay asleep, to have them sleep soundly (mind you…they were all older than Grace). I was feeling blessed. We were sleeping.

Then, we came home.

Then, she had surgery.

Now, we are not.

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