Adoption and Faith Archives - Page 16 of 44

April 25, 2014

Redefined

Redefined….. I ran across this word the other day. It made me think a lot about adoption.

Adoption has redefined many things in my life :
Redefined family
Redefined sacrifice
Redefined needs
Redefined importance
Redefined God
Redefined me

I am going to try to put into words how adoption has redefined my life in a series of posts.
I am not trying to be profound or prophetic…just real. “My redefinition” has been truly mind blowing in many ways. I pray as you read you will experience the gravity of what God has done through adoption.

REDEFINED —- FAMILY

2.4
That’s the average amount of children in a family. Humph.
I was almost there with my two girls for 12 years. Twelve years of what society told me was “the norm”. I loved being an at-home mom and, then, graduating to a teacher at the school where my girls attended. It was my dream job and made it possible to allow my girls to attend a Christian school. Who wouldn’t want to be a PE teacher where you could “act like a kid” everyday and get paid for it?
(Ok….no comments from the peanut gallery)

Then came, THE sermon. A sermon that revolved around the idea that you can do more and you NEED to do more. Adoption was the “more” that our friend, Greg, spoke about. He was not promoting adoption; but, merely giving the example of how God called his family to do more.
They adopted two beautiful children from Guatemala. Precious children who were very much in need of love and safety. The family was obedient to God’s calling. “Two less” as we say in the adoption world.

This was the spark our girls needed to beg us to adopt. God used them to open our minds to “more than 2.4”. We were quickly sucked in to the calling and the appeal of a baby girl was what consumed my dreams at night. Our friends and family thought we were crazy. We even heard the words, “You are ruining your life”. Goodness, the comments were harsh but The Lord led us away from the comments and into His pure and holy will.

Fast forward eleven months.

Stepping off the plane in Beijing was surreal. We were in China after months of paperwork and prayers. The sites and sounds were so different. We were walking through the portal to a very different culture. Streets were crowded with pedestrians busy on their way to work, the market, the park, to who knows where. Busy busy busy. Walk walk walk. On their way with an air of urgency.

We saw sights that were forever ingrained in our hearts. Children begging. Disabled men bearing their scars with a tin cup nearby. Poverty beyond our comprehension. A culture completely upside down from that of what we knew and lived. Children discarded because of their gender or special need.
It was a realization that I would be back…..one less would never be enough.

Our family continued to grow in the years that followed. Adoptions in 2006, 2007, 2009, 2010, and 2012 Our children all from China and needing to be loved and to feel secure.

8 less? Yes. Our family has been redefined and all our children’s lives changed for better in every way. Every day is all consuming with the constant nag of a child “needing me”. It is exhausting and tiring beyond words. It is God’s calling in our lives fulfilled. Our family is not even close to the “normal” family….the ideal family of our society. Our family has redefined normal in a radical way, It is our “new normal” and I would not change it in any way.

Being smack in the middle of God’s will may not be easy but it is right where I want to be!

Family redefined. It is a beautiful thing.

_________________________________

Kelly is a fun-loving Christian girl who loves the Lord. Called to be an adoptive parent, she has ten children, 8 of which are adopted from China. Kelly is also a breast cancer survivor and feels called to give God glory through her testimonies speaking at events nationwide. Her website is www.kellyrumbaugh.com and her blog is www.mommymomentsandgodwinks.blogspot.com.

April 23, 2014April 23, 2014

The Blessings of Adoption

As adoptive parents, we partake in so many blessings along the adoption journey. There are also many times of trial, heartache, and grief, but wouldn’t you say that the blessings out weigh all this. Over the past few days, God reminded me again of the many blessings that enter our life through His amazing plan of adoption.

At our Good Friday service, I witnessed our precious son, who last year was struggling to understand English, our love for him and his place in our family, lift his hand in praise to the Lord. We were singing “Amazing love” and I looked over at him to discover this sweet boy singing his heart out to God. His little hand went up in praise even though no one else had their hands up. He then told me later that that was the first church service where he had really focused on God. AMAZING! HIS AMAZING LOVE!

Then, on this very afternoon that I am typing these words, my son, after giving me a big hug, proclaimed, “I like this family. I am so glad you are my family, my new family!” That’s right, precious boy, we are your Forever Family!

My heart is filled with immeasurable gratefulness and love for our Father who brought my boy from China into our family and held him tightly until he began to understand the depth of His love for us.

One little hand
One little hand raised in praise
One little hand where there were none
One little hand signifying love
Love for the Savior.

One little heart
One little heart filled with understanding
One little heart praising God
One little heart full of love
Love for the One who saved him.

______________________________________

After struggling with infertility for 5 years, God led Suzanne and her husband, Adam, to His Plan A for their lives—adoption! Their daughter, Grace Lihua, came into their lives May 2011 on Mother’s Day from Fuzhou City, Fujian Province, China. And, their son, Anthony Jianyou, joined their family in January 2013 from Shanghai. After a career in politics, Suzanne now works as a part time Pilates instructor while home schooling their children, writing and working as a part of the Sparrow Fund Blog leadership team. You can follow their adoption journey and life on her blog, Surpassing
Greatness.

April 21, 2014April 22, 2014

what makes us really free

The mail came just as we were walking out the door, in it a surprise package for the girls. Tearing into the paper, they found crayons and coloring books and one precious item that Emma immediately grabbed. “I snuggle with this in the car,” she announced.

The 45 minute drive to a friend’s house was quiet as she admired her treasure. To a child whose life has afforded very little to call her own, anything given directly to her holds deep value.

We walked into the house where she was meeting our new-to-her friends and within minutes, I saw her place the treasure in her new friend’s hand and say, “This for you.” Less than an hour of ownership and she was already generously giving this treasure away to a stranger.

I’m embarrassed to admit that part of me wanted to jump to her rescue and assure her that she did not have to give anything away, but who wants to adjust that level of generosity? I say that I want a culture of generosity in our home, but I can learn so much from these girls.

Not two hours later, the little girls reappeared from their games and loom band bracelet creations, Emma carrying a tiny gold necklace and glowing like she was carrying the moon. One of her new friends had returned her generosity 10-fold.

And I had to wonder, what security do these little girls know that allows such radical (in their economy) giving? They give without second guessing, without wondering how it will be received or whether they might regret it tomorrow. Could it be that they have watched the goodness and regular provision of their parents and realized that no matter how much they give away, there is a steady stream of both calculated and extravagant goodness that flows their way?

No, she’ll probably never get a replica of that little popsicle stick flower that she loved and her friend will probably never get another bumble bee necklace exactly like the one she gave, but they have a child-like trust that they are loved and that whatever happens, the people who love them are working for their good. Even for the former orphans living in my home, empty is becoming less about fear and more about getting to watch Mommy fill the bowl again…and again.

And their mama who wanted to stop all this giving and just let them keep what was theirs? That’s because lack is scary to me these days. I wonder how I’ll provide for them financially and still find time for their hearts. I second guess a family trip and a birthday gift, wondering if what was given should have been saved instead. Of course there’s wisdom in saving, but this little note isn’t for the extravagant spenders. It’s for the savers, like me, who hold back what could easily be given and make that into a habit of holding onto everything.

Would my level of generosity be dramatically changed if I truly believed that God would provide everything I need –especially if I give it away? What would I freely give away if I truly believed that He would not allow me to suffer any level of lack that was outside of His loving plan for my good and my heart’s health?

Seeing Emma hand over her little trinket stirred up so much love in me and all I wanted to do in that moment was take her to Target and buy her all.the.things. I’m so grateful God allowed me to watch and feel the delight of a parent when their child truly rests in provision, so much so that giving becomes a complete joy and not a threat of lack.

Because when you’re truly trusting, not only do you feel secure in what you have, but also in what you give away.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,

how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

(Matthew 7:11)

free printable download available here

**Yes, I know that so many are generous without any assurance of future provision. I want to be like them, too, but for today, my take-away is that I DO have a Father who promises to provide – not always in my timing or my plan, but always just the same.

________________________________________

Mandie Joy is a foster parent and mama of two beautiful little girls newly home from Africa. She blogs at www.seeingjoy.com.

April 14, 2014

Zo Ba! {Let’s Go!}

“We love the lovely because it is flattering to us to do so.God loves the unlovely, and it broke

His heart to do it. The depth of the love of God is revealed by that wonderful word, ‘whosoever.’The Bible reveals God to be the Lover of His enemies.” – Oswald Chambers

There’s no secret I have a favorite on this trip.
His smile and laugh grabbed me within the first 20 minutes of entering the orphanage.
This kid is a firecracker…wherever I am, he always seems to show up.
Outside with the older kids….he’s there….inside with the infants, he comes swaggering in for lunch….and comes right to me with arms UP.

Of course, as soon as I felt comfortable, I asked about his adoption status. I was told details that I can’t share publicly, but the fact is, this child will never be eligible for a family.

It is, in fact, impossible.

On day one of this trip blog, I said there were two ways that these kids would hear the Gospel.

One, by being adopted by families who live and shout Jesus with their lives.

Two, by people coming to them.

22 children of our orphanage are currently available for International adoption. Close to a dozen on top of those, are already matched and waiting for parents to come. They represent the first group.

He represents the second.

This kid.

He represents

millions.

147 million orphans worldwide in

Asia, Africa, Haiti, South America…. and only a

tiny

fraction are available for adoption.

Jesus said, in Matthew 25, “whatever you do for the least of these, you do it to me”

Today, I go to tickle one of the least of these.

I got to see him cry for the first time, and while the nannys ignored him, scooped him up and

rocked him, noticing he was patting his diaper area….he just needed to potty and didn’t want

to wet his pants…. Rushed him to a potty seat and the smiles returned.

I got to give him a sucker and watch as he didn’t bite it like most American kids do…

he licked it for 15 minutes till there wasn’t a grain of sugar left on the stick.

He doesn’t understand that Jesus loves him.

He’s still too young.

But he will one day. If people who say they love Jesus,

are willing to step outside their comfort zones,

eat some nasty food and travel around the world,

leave their families and their smells and all familiarity

and GO.

To the least of these.

And if the “least of these” to you means you tollerate

your neighbors kids,

you need to have this baby boy grab your cheeks and get as close to you

as he can…..HE is the least of these.

Luke 10:36-37
“Jesus asked, which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked? The man replied,
“the one who showed him mercy.”
Then Jesus said,
“Yes, GO now and DO the same.”

_______________________________________________________________

Emily and Jay have been married for 11 years and have 5 childen–Avery 8, Ally 6, Annalyse 4, Ashley 3, and (finally) our BOY, Asher 2. Ashley and Asher were adopted from China and were both special needs adoptions. Emily spends her days chasing toddlers and waiting in line at carpool. Her favorite place in the world is in her van, all alone with the worship music blaring! She would count it an honor to have you be encouraged at www.ourhimpossiblejourney.blogspot.com.

April 11, 2014April 11, 2014

Moments – Two Weeks

It turns out, I was right in feeling {unprepared} for all that the last two weeks have held for this gang. Until you’ve lived through something like this, there’s really no way you can fully prepare for the experience. EVEN if you have the most awesome support network of “been there done that” mommas sharing their experiences and advice. EVEN if you have an amazing crowd of friends and family praying you through and supporting you practically and emotionally. Which, I am so grateful to say, I do. But still. {unprepared} I was.

I’m not gonna lie. These last two weeks since Mei Mei’s surgery have been hard. The day of the surgery, frankly, was likely the easiest of the days that we had while IN the hospital. ( We waited. She slept. And oddly, I only felt momentary flashes of nervous anxiety over her care or well-being. SO. SO. grateful for that.)

And just this past Saturday we finally experienced the easiest day-into-overnight since we returned home from our four day stay. In between those good days, we’ve crammed all kinds of hard moments. Sleepless nights. Night terrors. Temper tantrums. Pain management gone awry. Lost patience. Ugly behavior. And not all of it was Mei Mei.

But in between those good days, we’ve also crammed a lot of really great moments. Those are the moments on which I am (sometimes hourly) choosing to focus. Those are the moments that the Lord uses to swing my eyes back to HIM and HIS perfect plan for Mei Mei. For our family. It’s an act of discipline, this choosing to focus. Especially at this time of year.

Mei Mei got the honor of placing the first ornament
on her first-ever Christmas tree. Yes, I cried.

I could (and am sorely tempted to) stress over the anger and aggression that comes bubbling up out of her in those difficult moments. I could keep looking at that “holiday To Do list” that isn’t getting smaller any time soon and despair of ever finishing it in time. I could sink into the flashing moments of Mommy-guilt and inadequacy, wallowing in the fear that I’m not meeting the needs of the other gang members, in the every day and in the fervor of the holiday. I could, I could, I could. And really, I’ve struggled NOT to.

But then there are these other moments. These moments when HE comes to me and whispers to my heart. S nippets of Scripture memorized as a child. Refrains of songs and hymns buried deep in my heart. I’ve said it before but it bears repeating. In these moments, I am so incredibly grateful for parents who trained me in The Word. Who taught me to seek His face in good and in bad moments. Who encouraged me and lived out the example that joy comes NOT in the circumstances but in the confidence and security of being HIS CHOSEN CHILD. It has carried me well in these last two weeks.

First cookie decorating party ever! Not sure how much icing went on the cookies.
Last year, only 3 of our kids were home for this tradition.
This year, The Gang was ALL here. Yes, I cried.

I am convinced, in all of these moments, both hard and healing, that the prayers of the Body of Christ carried us. I am convinced that His Word is powerful and full of Truth that rises above the difficult moments. I am convinced, now more than ever, that HE HAS CHOSEN ME for this time. For this child. For even in those moments where I feel like I’m failing miserably at all of it, He speaks to me. In those moments when I wonder if my inadequate and all-too human response to my daughter’s broken-ness is doing more damage than good, He offers me HIS response.
It’s those moments when I get the second wind to go just a little deeper into her heart. It’s those moments when I get a fresh fire to escort her to the healing He has for her. Those moments, even the hardest of moments, I remember that they are just that: moments. By definition, moments (both hard and exultant) are fleeting. He is not. He holds those moments. Each and every one of them.

________________________________________

Tracy, aka The Gang’s Momma, has been married to Todd, aka The Boss, for almost 24 years. Together they parent 6 kids (ages 19, 18, 14, 12, 6 & 2 ½). She loves to read, write, cry over weekly episodes of Parenthood, and share a good cup of coffee with a friend. A confirmed extrovert, Tracy has met her match in their newest daughter for both strength of will and love of socializing. While parenting her two youngest who came home through China’s special needs program is definitely the most challenging thing she’s ever done (between attachment issues & some complicated medical needs), the Lord is also using it to make her a stronger, better mommy. (At least that’s what she tells herself over her 2^nd or 3^rd giant Tigger mug full of coffee almost every day!) You can find the occasional musings of the momma at www.whitneygang.blogspot.com.

April 9, 2014April 8, 2014

The Fall

Lucy fell

Lucy always falls

but this was a bad one

this one was down our stairs

like all – the – way – down!

She hit hard

and so did I…

For you adoptive Mamas out there, you know the moment when you have that kick in your heart, the moment you have that “oh my gosh, I REALLY DO LOVE this child” moment?

Well today was that moment.

Not that I have not loved sweet Lucy, cause I have.

I loved her before we brought her home and I loved her when we met her and all the days after and the day we stepped foot into the R Hospital where she lived for 4 years, I knew that we would be ok cause this was so not ok.

Know what I mean?

Today though…

today was my kick in the heart moment when I realized just how strong, how deep, how real my love for this precious child is.

As I watched Lucy plummet down the stairs and land in a heap in the floor…

my world stopped

and I was terrified.

As I held her and comforted her and kissed away her tears and wiped away the blood on her lip and told her that she was ok and that I loved her and cried with her…

I knew…

I also knew that, even though she seemed ok, she needed to stay home from school…

I needed her to stay home from school…

and as she rested all tucked in on the sofa with a blanket and a doggie or two, her heart began to open up and she began to tell me a bit more of her story and I got my second kick of the day.

What Lucy told me did not shock me as I have heard many stories, heartbreaking stories, from other older adopted children and I saw first hand what I thought her life had been in China, so I was not shocked but still completely heartbroken for this beautiful child – my child.

Lucy told me that she would fall down all the time and that no one would help her. She shared that she would fall in the bathroom a lot (here my heart broke as I saw what this bathroom looked like) and that she called for help and no – one – would – come.

(heart shattered)

I asked her if her sweet BFF at the hospital would help her and she said yes. This sweet boy, who is now home with his family (praise God), told his Mom that he would help Lucy up and down the stairs and pick her up when she would fall.

Sigh…

Again, heartbreak for my sweet girl and for her BFF as he was just a child too. They apparently just decided one day that they were going to be big brother and little sister. He took care of my girl!

Lucy told me that she would get scared in her bed at night and that she would cry but no – one – would – come…

She said that when she fell down and hurt herself, no one would kiss her and make it better and that they would be angry with her, always angry with her.

Oh sweet Lucy, would that I could have come to you…

I know, however, that I cannot stay “there”

I know I have to be here for her – now

so we talked and we hugged and we cried and then we watched “I Spy”

I know there is more to come and Maggie’s story has really turned us inside out (more to come on that later) but for now, we just keep on coming when she calls and kissing her when she falls and loving her through it all!

This is why we have 3 more children than most people thought we should have had.

I cannot and I will not ignore their plight or His call.

Praying more will begin to hear this call and not just to adopt but maybe to help others who are adopting or sponsor a child or at least be supportive of those who do hear the call and choose to answer!

My heart is heavy for my daughters but I know they will be ok

My heart is heavier for those who will never have a Mom or a Dad to come to them when they call or kiss them when they fall.

Please pray for all of these precious ones who wait and all of the families who step out in faith and ignore the promptings of this world to follow the promptings of our heavenly Father.

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27

It is not easy but we were not promised easy and nothing that comes easy is treasured nearly as much as that which comes out of true hard work and challenge and we are so incredibly blessed by our challenges right now.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4

_________________________

Annie H. and her husband, Chris, live in Charleston, SC along with their 7 children, Christian, Charlie, Caleb, Emmeline, Lizzie, Maggie and Lucy. After Annie and her family adopted their daughter, Lizzie, from China in 2008, Annie’s heart was forever changed and following the Lord’s call, she became an advocate for those precious children still waiting. Annie now works for Lifeline Children’s Services as their International Adoption Advocate and has loved working with the same wonderful agency who helped her to bring her daughter home in 2008 as well as their two newest daughters in August of this year. Annie manages the Lifeline advocacy site Wonderful Waiting Kids where she advocates mostly for older children and those with more significant special needs and blogs about their family and adoption at Cornbread and Chopsticks.

April 7, 2014April 6, 2014

Changed by broken walls

It was never an easy journey to get there.

When I said we wanted to visit her orphanage in 2010 when we were there to adopt her, we met resistance. It was too far. The train was too fast for a child. We would be too tired. We would bring germs from America. We wouldn’t want to go. But, that’s where they were wrong. I was determined to go, determined to physically enter into her history even if only for a moment. And so, we went. We drove about 3 hours there to stand at the gate, walk across the grounds, allow the ayis who knew our child infinitely more than we did to dote on our baby, and take lots of pictures.

I had never been more aware of my foreignity as I was at that moment. We were out of place, standing among ayis speed talking in a language only unrecognizable to the two of us. They pointed at us and spoke freely, knowing we would stand still in front of them and smile regardless of what they said. We watched as our new baby responded in a way we could not. She wasn’t a stranger there; they knew her and she knew them. We were the strangers surrounded by grey cement walls and dusty ground. The only thing I felt connected to there were the very walls themselves. I tried desperately to grab hold of something to take home with us, not even knowing really what, while the walls seemed to desperately present themselves as cheerful with some colorful cardboard cut outs stuck to them for now until the next rainfall would turn them into more dust on the ground. I cried. It sorta felt like the grey, tiled walls were crying too.

When I said I wanted to visit the location of the old orphanage a few weeks ago, I met resistance. It was too far. We would be too tired. It wasn’t safe. We wouldn’t want to go. And, while I had been determined to get there, I was willing to let it go. I had already been given so much, and it wasn’t the reason why I came.

When the driver pulled our van over and pointed to the right, my heart stopped for a moment.

There I was again, standing at a new gate that looked 50 years old already, looking at what used to be.

Most of the walls that had cried along with me four years ago were no more. I stood looking at what was in front of me and cried alone.

It’s China. Buildings are built and torn down and built again to be torn down again. It’s a seemingly never-ending cycle of building and destruction. Standing witness to it before me, I didn’t feel like the foreigner I had four years ago. Everything was different now. At the very moment I stood crying on Bao Ping Road, my daughter who had been there, who had lived behind those gates and inside those broken walls, was sleeping soundly beside her sister in a warm bed in the place she knows and I know as home.

I saw a picture of adoption that day in the form of broken walls and a quiet construction site.

They gave us a bag of dirt the day we received our daughter in March 2010. The director handed us a little bag of stones and dust from the grounds of the orphanage. I thought it was nice, thoughtful, a memento for her to have as she got older. We put it in a special box for her along with the clothes she came to us in and other special things. Now that gift means something entirely different. It is not a memento; it’s a monument. It gently says:

Those walls that were the only home you knew need to come down now. Let God turn them to dust, as hard as that may be, so that He can build new walls, strong walls, walls that will not crumble, walls where you will never be alone. It’s never an easy journey to get there; but, stone by stone, brick by brick, while it may be a painstaking journey, you can get there. Accept this gift so that you always remember your story and so that you can trace the work of the Repairer of Broken Walls, the Restorer of Crumbling Dwellings, the One who makes beautiful things out of stones, dirt, and dust.

_________________________________

Kelly has a passion for supporting adoptive families, specifically to encourage parents to be intentional and understand their own hearts more clearly as they seek to care for their hearts of their children. Kelly has a Master’s degree in counseling and has been working with adoptive families since she and her husband Mark founded the nonprofit The Sparrow Fund (www.sparrow-fund.org). Married to Mark since 1998, they have 3 biological children and 1 daughter who was adopted as a toddler from China in 2010. You can learn more about their adoption story, how they’ve been changed by the experience of adoption, and what life for them looks like on Kelly’s personal blog, My Overthinking.

_________________________________

Wanna learn more about going to China with The Sparrow Fund in October to serve at this orphanage? Click on Upcoming Events to read more, and email us for more information.

April 2, 2014April 2, 2014

It’s Different

One of my friends recently shared on Facebook that she was struggling with being newly home with her second Chinese son. She received so many encouraging comments, it was beautiful! But she also received a hurtful comment implying that parenting biological and adopted children is exactly the same, and she should roll with the punches because everyone else had been through the same things with their new children. Although I know this could be true in some cases, I also know that parenting adopted children is sometimes very different.

Of course, each child is unique and different. There is no one-size-fits-all status for any child, biological or adopted. But as a parent of both biological and adopted children, I see the differences, especially when they first become part of your family. Parenting a new child who may have been institutionalized for the first part of their life – who may not have had someone to meet their needs consistently, who may not have been loved or told how precious they are, who may have been neglected and/or abused – can be very challenging and delicate compared to parenting a child who was loved and had his/her needs met consistently from the beginning. While I know that biological children can also offer significant challenges, institutionalization introduces a number of issues not typically common with biological children. Children who have been institutionalized can be traumatized, hurt, and delayed. Children generally lose one month of development and linear growth for every three months they are institutionalized. Our children often come to us with behaviors learned to survive. We usually do not share most of those behaviors with others to protect our hurting children.

Teaching them that they have parents who love them unconditionally and will meet their needs often takes a lot of intentionality and time. This may include not letting anyone hold our children or help with any basic needs until he/she is firmly attached and bonded to us as their new parents. As much as we may want and desperately need the help that is very naturally accepted when we bring biological newborns home, we oftentimes hold off with adopted children because we know it’s best for our children. There may not have been a consistent caregiver in their past. They may have depended on only themselves to survive. Survive is defined as “to continue to live or exist, in spite of danger or hardship.” Survival is the most basic human instinct that children shouldn’t have to worry about. If consistency is lacking, our children may think they can only depend on themselves. Oftentimes the only way to teach them that mama and daddy will always be there for them is to be the only people to meet their needs. It can be exhausting and isolating.

Add in the fact that you are parenting a new toddler (or older child in many cases) with a very clear personality for the first time … the road can be much harder and may look a lot different than parenting biological children. Throw in a the possibility of a language barrier, institutional delays, weekly therapies, and medical special needs … it all just compounds how difficult adoptive parenting can be. It may be easy to look at the beautiful airport homecoming pictures and new family portraits and think the family is filled with love and everything is perfect. The truth is the family is filled with love and it is very beautiful indeed, but things are not always perfect. Fortunately we are filled up daily with His perfect love and that shines through. It is only from the Father that we have the strength in those first few months (or sometimes years). Only He makes beauty from ashes and has the ability to redeem the brokenness of adoption. His beauty and truth always shine through.

I do not think everyone should feel sorry for anyone or adoptive parents deserve a big pat on the back. We all mess up daily (often minute by minute) just like every other parent on the planet and need Jesus desperately! I write it only to offer a different perspective and to hopefully share that parenting biological and adopted children can be very different. It’s hard to understand for most people who haven’t parented children from hard places. I get that. But when adoptive parents are struggling through something tough and are asking for support and prayer, it may not always be the normal everyday parenting stuff. Of course, it is ALL worth it. Totally worth it. Biological or adopted, it doesn’t matter – every bit of it is worth it. Every child who we have the privilege of parenting here on earth is precious and unique. We get such a special opportunity to borrow them for a bit from the Father to train them up! It is surely beautiful and we are overwhelmed with love. Our children are gifts from the Lord and it is our privilege to parent them.

______________________________

Nicole is a child of God and a wife to an amazing man. She is a classical homeschooling mama to three (two homegrown, one who came to them through the beautiful gift of international adoption). She is also a part-time newborn photographer, founder and adoption photographer at Red Thread Sessions, a contributing blogger at No Hands But Ours and an advocate of orphan care and adoption. She loves to blog and learn new things. She strives to live her life to glorify our Heavenly Father. With His love, all things are possible.

March 31, 2014

FROM ATTACHMENT DISORDER TO ATTACHMENT REORDERED

“I know it’s not THAT papaya…..but I still can’t bring myself to try it.”

Years ago, I used to love papaya…..
until that fateful afternoon in tropical Costa Rica, when eating a bad papaya made me so weakly dehydrated from food poisoning that I had to suffer the repeated humiliation of being carred to the commode by my new husband.

Even though that was over 30 years ago and I KNOW that today’s papaya is not THAT papaya, my stomach still turns in disinterest at the sight of one.

My papaya story has helped me understand how some of our children felt after having suffered great harm at the hands of their first parents; while we know and they know that we are not THOSE parents, the experience of fear and rejection and self-protection often seems woven into their very framework.

And all of these emotions often come to the surface during the teen years, when each of us has to work on figuring out who we are.

One particular day I was surprised to hear these words from my beautiful, outgoing, winsome,16 year-old, “Every day when I look in the mirror I always am wondering….”
“Wondering about what?” I asked.
“Wondering if she every thinks about me and remembers me and wonders how I am doing.”

The ‘she,’ of course, was her Russian mama, whom she had not seen since age 4 when she was taken away from her home by the authorities.

It was during this same time period that outbursts of rage would sometimes arise like an unpredictable thunder storm. I would hear things like,
“You are NOTHING to me! I am going to tear up those x*&$@# adoption papers and you will be NOTHING to me! NOTHING!”

I cried because I felt so deeply saddened and confused and desperate for some comfort from above, and for some wisdom and insight into the cause of such outbursts, and for some leading about how to respond in love.

Only later did I come to understand reflection. She was reflecting what she felt in that mirror: one feeling rejected naturally reflects rejection. And as the mama or daddy, at this moment we can choose to reflect rejection or distance or judgment or anger or disdain BACK to them, OR we can, instead, reflect Jesus’ unconditional and indestructible love to them.

In other words, we can respond out of who God is and not out of how we feel (read Ezekiel 20 in the Message!…you will see this 4 times!). When I think about reflecting who God is, I think of being gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

It is as if Jesus is ever whispering to us, “Copy me, not them.” It is what Paul says in Ephesians 1 “Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love.”

I think of this as attachment reordered. God’s love helping me respond rather than react.

Allowing me to reflect Him, not them.

And with time, we are seeing they have this same attachment reordering that I do…..becoming secure in how much God loves them, in spite of the failures of even those they most expected love from.

So how did all this end up?

After years of rebellion, this same child tells me Sunday night, “Mom, you are the person I try to copy!”

Amazing grace….aaammmmaaazzzziiinggg grace!!!!

__________________________________________

Susan Hillis, PhD, MS- has been a believer for 38 years, married to a godly servant for 36, a mother for 27, a US government federal official for 20, and a university professor for 10 years. She is the mother of 11 children, 8 of whom were adopted from Russia after the tragic death of her first-born son on the day before his tenth birthday. It is her deep joy and privilege to have received untold personal blessings from the living God. She has worked and ministered in countries in South America, Africa, and Eastern Europe. She participates widely as an invited speaker at scientific and Christian conferences. She has published more than 80 articles in scientific medical journals and is considered one of the leading infectious diseases experts on the HIV risk among vulnerable youth around the world. Dr. Hillis is a recent recipient of the Outstanding Service Medal as a Captain in the U.S. Public Health Service.

During her married life she has worn many hats, including stay-at-home mom, graduate student, missionary, government official, nurse, scientist, and university professor. She has experienced infertility, caring for a son with a fatal heart condition, loss of her son through a fatal biking accident, and 8 international adoptions of older children from Russian orphanages. She, her husband, and their 10 children recently lost their home in the 2009 Atlanta floods, which were declared a presidential disaster. Her experience suggests that God’s goodness is bigger than all the storms of life.

You can read more of Susan’s encouragement at Hope at Home.

March 28, 2014March 28, 2014

Adoption Update: Masterpieces Take Time

Tonight’s phone call was to tell us that all adoption paperwork has been completed and the final petition will be filed with the courts on Monday.

A huge weight has been lifted. I feel like I could sleep for days. So many times, I wanted to write here and ask for prayers, but I was scared of the questions – “Why is it taking so long?”, “What is the hold up?”

Kate Eschbach Photography-7jpga

I guess the biggest reason I was nervous about sharing was because I didn’t have any answers. It seemed like it was just one thing after another. More paperwork, more changes. On Monday evening, I spent an hour in our adoration chapel – on my knees – really giving things over to God. I told Him that I just was at a loss for why things were taking so long. I knew I needed to trust, but I was just tired. I tried to quiet my thoughts and my heart and just listen.

I was met with silence; a peaceful silence. In my short life, I can tell you that I have no doubt, even when my hands are empty, that God is holding it all together. He never fails to follow me into the murkiness of life and bring me out on the other side.

Tonight I am a mix of giddy, relieved, exhausted, and thankful.

Kate Eschbach Photography-5jpga

Next up : the court date – you should start bracing yourselves for the ridiculous amount of pictures that will happen.

Kate Eschbach Photography-2jpga

Is it easy to Praise Him when things happen that we like? Absolutely.

I hope that my heart will always be bound so tightly to His that I will always praise, regardless of the circumstance.

__________________________

Kate is a professional photographer, enjoys handwritten correspondance and may break out in musical numbers at any time. She and her husband, Brian, have been married since 1999. They have two biological children – Julia, 13 and Nate, 10 – and they are in the process of adopting an adorable three year old, named Riley. She is a Texas girl and has lived in Scottsdale for 5 wonderful (and hot!) years. She writes a personal blog named, Songs Kate Sang. She is passionate about encouraging and serving others!