Adoption and Faith Archives - Page 15 of 44

May 20, 2014May 20, 2014

Once Upon a Time Until Forever {Part Two}

There’s a new picture hanging in my kitchen today, a new masterpiece to our mixed media gallery, hanging between Olaf magnets and a flyer from school.

Yesterday was her last Chinese class of the year. Little dark-haired people skitted around the room while soft-spoken Lao Shi tried to shepherd their bodies with seemingly swelling energy. Typically, one of us sits in her class and typically tries to read despite the reason why we’re there. But, with the senioritis that suspiciously attacked even these preschoolers, I was needed.

Lao Shi had brought photocopies for the children to complete and staple together as memory books of the year. Way over the heads of children who can barely write their own names, most of them were scribbling and distracted and alternating between singing Liang Zhi Lao Hu and Let it Go. Lydia clutched a red pen in her little fingers, firmly held it motionless over the ABOUT ME page before her and swung her feet with gusto below her. As the teacher tried to help other kids, I pulled up to her desk to help her, filling in the blanks with the words she supplied to me.

My age: 5.

Where I was born: China.

My parents: Mommy and Daddy.

Brothers & Sisters: Ashlyn, Drew and Evan.

Pets: Mojo and Bebo.

My picture:

Okay, Lydia. Go ahead. You draw a picture of yourself there.

Pressing hard on the page, she drew her typical person—a round circle for a head, an oval torso, stick arms and legs, eyes and a smile, and some hair around the head. But, then she started intensely working on that torso. I thought she was intent on giving herself a dress that matched the one she was wearing. I watched until she put the pen down with contentment.

That’s a big belly and inside that is a baby that was beautiful called Yue Yue that became Lydia.

It was not a dress she was intensely drawing, it was herself in the womb of her first mother. I smiled and waited for her and for the lump in my throat to dissipate a little. While I waited, she picked up the pen again and went back to her drawing, this time drawing a little body on the chest of the stick figure that was her China mommy.

A doctor helped me to come out of her belly because that’s what doctors do.

Is that your China mommy holding you?

Yup….I don’t know her name.

I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know her name either. I wish we did….

No one stopped to listen. No one there sat with me and marveled at all this little 5 year old girl is processing when she is told to complete a picture appropriate for the title ABOUT ME. This little moment just blended into the energy of the room and class went on without a notice of another step in the journey of a little girl and the woman who is her second mother.

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Kelly has a passion for supporting adoptive families, specifically to encourage parents to be intentional and understand their own hearts more clearly as they seek to care for their hearts of their children. Kelly has a Master’s degree in counseling and has been working with adoptive families since she and her husband Mark founded the The Sparrow Fund. Married to Mark since 1998, they have 3 biological children and 1 daughter who was adopted as a toddler from China in 2010. You can learn more about their adoption story, how they’ve been changed by the experience of adoption, and what life for them looks like on Kelly’s personal blog, My Overthinking.

May 19, 2014

Once Upon a Time Until Forever

We were just snuggling up in my favorite chair to read together. A few pages into some silly old book about the Jetsons that she dug out from the shelf, I found myself skipping words and wondering how long I’d be sitting there killing time. She joined me in corporate loss of interest and shuffled through a stack of books to find another, landing on one about adoption that I don’t even like and have kept only as an example. Great. I had this book in my own stack of books next to my desk, not with her books, but she found it and now wanted to read it. I decided reading an in-the-moment edited version was better than the message that could be sent if I said no. And so I read, moving quickly, changing words as we went, and closing the cover in record time.

She didn’t seem affected and just nestled in under my arm and chit chatted about seemingly silly things. Sandwiched between observations about the cats and requests for the iPad, she threw this one in with a big smile on her face:

Tell me the story of when I came out of someone’s belly.

You mean your China mommy’s belly?

Yeah, I want to hear the story. Start with Once upon a time…ok?

While Mark was sleeping on the other side of the world, the place where her story began, here I was facing perhaps the most challenging request she’s ever made of me. Sitting comfortably in my favorite chair on the prettiest day of spring yet and being asked to tell my daughter her own story is infinitely harder than all her midnight requests for more water waking me from a sound sleep put together.

I looked right into her eyes, brushing her hair from her forehead and I told her her story, starting with “Once upon a time” just as she had requested. She smiled the whole time as I told her things I know because I just know like how her China mommy’s belly grew and grew and how she felt her kick and twirl inside her because I bet she was a little monkey even then. I moved to what I know universally to the little we know more specifically, giving her what I felt like her little 5-year-old heart needed. She added in a few details she knew herself that she has learned along the way as I’ve looked for opportunities for openness, and I affirmed her as she did.

Oh yes, the lady with a ponytail walked into the room holding you and your eyes were so big and I thought at that moment that I was looking at the most beautiful baby in the whole world.

She told me to keep going when I thought I was finished, urging me to continue until I took that story right up to today, summing up several years in a few sentences that included things like moving from a crib to a big girl bed and then another bed as we made the playroom into her new bedroom. At a loss of something more to say when we got to present day, I paused and wondered if I should tack on a The End or something but feeling like it just wouldn’t be the right words. Instead, she nestled in closer and smiled even bigger and ended my story of her story herself

And they all lived happily ever after.

And, then we just sat for a while, the quiet interrupted occasionally by another funny observation about a stuffed turtle toy or the marble tower she was going to build until she jumped up and bounded onto the next thing.

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May 16, 2014May 16, 2014

Chatting with My 25 Year Old Self

When I was 25, my husband and I had been married for almost two years. It seemed like the perfect time to add children to our family. Little did I know the journey we were going to experience…

If my 25 year old self was sitting in front of me I would hand her a sweet and salty snack and cut right to the chase.

Your journey to becoming a mom is not going to be easy. You have a plan, but God has a different one for your family. You are going to cry a lot (even more than you already do) and have many ups and downs.

You will take more pregnancy tests than any one person should ever take. You will be consumed with wondering whether or not this month will be the month you finally see a positive result.

You will avoid certain people because every time they see you they will ask, “So when are you two going to start having kids?” Every. Time.

You will go to a fertility specialist to get answers and discover that there really are no answers…something they like to call unexplained infertility.

After two failed IUI cycles you will realize that God is calling you to wait. This will be one of the hardest parts of your journey. As you wait, women all around you will be getting pregnant. You will want so desperately to be happy for them, but on the inside, you will be a mess.

God will start putting a desire for adoption in your heart, but once again, there will be more waiting. Your husband will not be ready.

But hold on, 25 year old Abby. There is hope. Lots of hope coming your way.

You will look back on all of those tears that you shed and be so thankful. Those tears will bring you to your knees and draw you closer to your heavenly Father than ever before. Your faith will be tested and you will learn that He is good. Always.

Although the desire to become pregnant may never go away, God will miraculously take away the deep sadness of not getting pregnant and allow you to truly celebrate when others announce, “I’m pregnant!”

People are going to ask your husband, “When are you going to start a family?” and you’re going to get to hear him say, “I already have family.” It will melt your heart and make you love him even more.

And that sweet husband of yours? He will come around and say out of the blue one day, “Let’s adopt.”

You will begin the adoption journey with lots of excitement, lots of questions and a bit of fear, but you will have complete peace knowing that this is exactly the path God wants you to take.

Expectant moms will choose you and unchoose you, try to scam you and rightfully change their minds, but once again, you will have peace. It will be hard and you will wish you could be at the finish line, but you will have peace.

And then I would cut right to the chase again because I wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore and a would whip out this picture.

You would say, “This isn’t what I pictured.” and I would say, “Isn’t it so much better?!?!?!” You would agree…I’m sure of it.

I would tell you the stories of how God used two brave women to bring these two precious boys into our family. You would be amazed at God’s faithfulness and His creativity in writing these stories.

We would probably sit in silence for a bit with you trying to wrap your head around all that I just said.

With tears in your eyes, you would ask for the picture, hold it against your heart and say, “I’m coming for you boys. It’s going to be a long wait, but by the looks of things, you’re worth it.”

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Abby and her college sweetheart husband Wes began the journey of domestic adoption in 2009. Blessed with a {more than they had planned but oh so thankful for it} open adoption experience, they were able to witness the birth of their first child Max in the summer of 2010. Little brother Sam joined their team in September of 2012. You can read their story at Akers of Love.

May 12, 2014June 11, 2018

Wrestling

I’m a rule follower. I’m usually not that interested in blazing a trail or forging a new path. I like tried-and-true. I like safe. Perhaps I feel like if I follow a set rule or the “right” way the outcome will be guaranteed. Guaranteed to be positive, productive, and pleasant. Who doesn’t like pleasant, right?

So, I’ve done my fair share of reading. I should clarify, I am not a reader of novels and quality literature. I really wish I was, but I’m not. But, I do read helpful how-to books. Books about how to grow spiritually, parent successfully, and nurture effectively.

I’m also surrounded by friends and family whose input an opinions I value. Honest, God-following, straight-shooting, encouraging, wise people. I’m not afraid to admit when I don’t know something or need to grow in an area, and I’m quick to seek out the wisdom and experience of others.

But, what I’m really looking for in all of that is a rule. A “right” way of doing things. The right way. Because if I can figure out the one right answer to whatever challenge or decision I am facing, I will be guaranteed to like the results.

The only problem is, as much as I really, really want there to be one. right. answer. There usually isn’t.

What works for you, might not work for me.

What worked for one of my children, may not for the other.

Which makes this whole parenting gig challenging, to say the least. Besides the typical decisions of parenting, there are questions and decisions about what my children – biological and adopted – need to grow into emotionally healthy, spiritually strong people. And as they grow, the questions and decisions change. In parenting, instead of a to-do list where things are crossed off leaving you with a feeling of accomplishment, one decision or question often leads to another.

Does she need more time with me?

How can I encourage bonding in a way that she will connect with?

Are her outbursts a normal phase or is she working through something adoption related?

How will my two daughters with two very different adoption stories feel about their story?

When is it appropriate to share each detail of their story? When are they ready?

Is she too attached to me? Is it healthy attachment?

How do I encourage our bio daughter who feels left out being the only one not adopted?

Big questions. Big decisions. No real “right” answers. No one rule to follow to guarantee results. Just a wrestling.

Wrestling with the options, the experts’ opinions, the input of wise counsel and the prayers to my Heavenly Father to guide me. To guide me in some clear and unmistakable way, please. And while there have been times when He has done so, I find that more often than not I am left to wrestle.

Wrestle with the options and choices and decisions. We wrestle with the what as well as the why. We wrestle with Him.

“Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak.” Genesis 32:24

“…your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.”
Genesis 32:28

“…he wrestled with the angel and prevailed; He wept and
sought His favor.”
Hosea 12:4

However, wrestling is never wasted.

I believe God actually wants us to wrestle. Wrestle with decisions and wrestle with Him. He doesn’t spell out every right answer to every question we face. You just have to look at all the Christian denominations there are to see that people interpret his Word in different ways, all wrestling with what it means to follow Christ. We want black and white, but often we feel like we find a lot of gray, and so we wrestle. We want clear explanations to the struggles we face, and so we wrestle.

It is in the wrestling that we develop a closer relationship with God. There is a closeness – an intimacy – necessary in wrestling. It can also be messy. It is a struggle that brings us near to God and strengthens our faith, changing us as He touches the parts of our character that need shaping.

So, while I still want one right answer to each parenting and attachment question, I’m often times left to wrestle. Wrestle with the choices set before me and wrestle with God, yearning to hear His voice and see his leading. And in the end, praying to be strengthened in the process.

I’m not sure that my desire for the Book of Right Answers will ever go away, my list of questions, concerns and decisions about my children sure isn’t. But, I am growing in my appreciation of the growth and intimacy that comes from the wrestling.

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18 years in the classroom as a teacher was easy compared to parenting three little ones at home full-time. Through their three daughters, God has revealed Himself most clearly to Stephanie and her husband Matthew. He not only worked a miracle in giving them their biological daughter, He continued to show Himself in mighty ways throughout adoption journeys in China and Bhutan that were anything but normal. Nowadays she enjoys encouraging and connecting with other adoptive families through speaking and her work on the leadership team of “We Are Grafted In”. You can read more about their family on their personal blog We Are Family.

May 9, 2014May 10, 2014

Hurt and Healing and God’s Goodness

I’ve said before that we always knew we’d adopt if God was willing. We didn’t know when or how or where from, but it was in both of our hearts and we really hoped it’d become a reality.

We’d always wanted a big family. We were so excited with the birth of our firstborn, there was no question about going for number two. My pregnancy was easy, his birth was quick, and taking care of him was honestly delightful. We’d hoped for our kids to be two years apart, and that was the plan. Our plan. God’s was different. (That’s usually the way it goes, I am starting to learn.)

Baby number two didn’t come so easily. I worried, I talked to my doctor (more than once), I fretted and fussed and was disappointed a lot. When people asked when we wanted to have another, I silently felt heartbroken, wondering if it would ever happen.
After a lot of prayer and endless conversations, we thought maybe this was God nudging us to start the adoption process. It had always been on our hearts, after all. But was it the right time?

One night I was listening to my iPod, feeling particularly sorry for myself when The Valley Song by Jars of Clay started playing.

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I’m crying out to you

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren’t listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

Every word resounded in my soul. I was in sorrow, and while I knew God was there, I wasn’t sure He was listening. But I knew I needed to wait on Him, on His plan. Then the next song started playing. Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath. I knew it wasn’t coincidence.

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see

It was time. Time for adoption and looking beyond myself, and realizing that if I would stop planning everything and just let go and trust, it was going to work out.

Turns out, it was going to work out beyond my wildest imagination.

Carina’s boys in 2011 when the post was written

10177944_10152353751740729_6751337547588395296_n — Carina’s children today

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We are a family of 7: 5 kids – 3 biological and 2 adopted. Adoption has always been on our hearts, hopeful that it’d be part of our story. We’re so blessed to say that it is, and has changed us forever. We love our children more than we’d imagined possible and can’t wait to see what is in store for the future! Carina blogs at Lovely Little Whimsy.

May 7, 2014May 10, 2014

The Other Side

I’ve had this post swirling around in my head for almost two months now, but simply haven’t been able to find the time or energy to figure out exactly how to write it. You see, as an adoptive mom, it’s very important to me to protect my children’s stories in the best way I can. I try to be very intentional about what I do or don’t share with the world. Along the way, I’ve made many mistakes with this, sharing too much I think, so I’ve gone back and forth about whether or not I should write this post at all. BUT, when it comes down to it, I’ve always seen this blog as a way to connect with others going through a similar journey. I’ve been fortunate to “meet” people who say our story has been a big part of what led them to adopt. I’ve also been on the other end of that where I’ve “stumbled” upon someone’s blog and God spoke directly to my heart through their words. That being said, if what I have to say can help ease some other adoptive mama’s mind and heart or make them feel less alone then it will be worth it.

There was such an intense longing with Gideon’s adoption. We had been through years of infertility, lost our precious baby, and had to fight so very hard to become his mama and baba. The moment they walked him into the room, my whole world became instantly brighter. I fell head over heels in love with him long before that moment, but it was instantly intensified to a place I didn’t even know existed. And that love has just continued to grow from each day going forward. He IS my heart.

This time has been, well….different. We entered into this adoption process in quite a different way. We felt God nudging our hearts when we’d only been home with Gideon for about 6 months. I thought, “NO WAY!” It is too soon! But when it came down to it, we knew that in our life, when God says GO, we would say YES! I wrestled with that choice constantly thinking that maybe Gideon didn’t have enough time with just us. Maybe I didn’t have enough time with just him, but we knew it was what we were supposed to do.

When we were presented with Bishop’s file, VERY QUICKLY, I felt panic, but Ryan fell instantly in love. We had 72 hours to make our decision and we took it down to the last hour. Fear was paralyzing me, but I didn’t want fear to be my deciding factor. Through lots of intense prayer and talking it through with one another, we knew God was saying he was ours. Even after making that decision though it took me several months to feel a connection to him. I realize some people may read to this point and start thinking how awful of a person I must be. If you’re already thinking that, I warn you to just stop reading now because it gets worse.

I’d read stories about adoptive parents not feeling connected to their child for quite some time even after having them in their arms and to be really honest I judged them harshly. Not out loud, but in my mind I thought how terrible. How could you possibly feel that way!?

Well, let me tell you something. I was about to learn my lesson. After a VERY long wait to get all of the necessary paperwork to bring Bishop home, there was a mama bear fight that grew in me. I cried many times at the injustice of stupid paperwork being what kept me from holding my boy in my arms and getting him out of his current circumstances. I really feel that God used that time to grow my connection to him. Looking back, I am so grateful for that time. So when the big day came I was anxious to finally see his face and hold him in my arms. I couldn’t wait to get there. I was nervous about what changes it would bring for all involved. I was scared of how Gideon would react. But I was excited to see his face. I was excited he would finally be ours forever.

We walked into that room and saw him and when they placed him in my arms I felt….

nothing.

Hold on, this couldn’t be right. This was a child I had fought for for almost a year. He was my son. He was Gideon’s little brother. We had prayed for him and waited for this very moment for what felt like forever. How could I feel this way!?

As he cried and thrashed to try to get away from me, the stranger he was looking at with his fearful eyes, all I could think was no no no no no! This isn’t right. What have we done? I didn’t feel compassion or the feeling that I wanted to calm and comfort him. I wanted to hand him back to his nanny whom he obviously loved and run far far away. In the long 45 minutes it took to get him to calm down, I was frozen. I literally didn’t know what to do. So I just did what I did with Gideon, hoping it would snap me back into reality so I could be what he needed in that moment. I sang Jesus Loves Me to him and held him close, but it didn’t work. So, I walked him to a different room and sat down with him in my arms. I kept looking at his face, those eyes that were searching for something in mine to tell him he was going to be okay, but it wasn’t there. My sweet Gideon came over and brought him his bear and rubbed his head saying the words he should’ve heard from his Mama, “It’s okay Bishop. It’s okay.” I just held Gideon close and cried with Bishop. The tears were for the sweetness in my compassionate child who knew what to do when his Mama didn’t, but they were also for all the times I harshly judged others for feeling exactly as I did in that very moment.

I went through the motions from that minute forward…holding him, rocking him, feeding him, bathing him, changing him, until it was bedtime that night. It was then, with my parents and husband, that I was finally able to let it all out. I just sobbed and said what a horrible person I felt like for feeling this way. I prayed that it was just the shock of everything changing so quickly. I got on my adoption boards that I belong to and bravely put it all out there, hoping I wasn’t the only one. Some of the ladies instantly added me to a Safe Haven group where I learned that about 90% of adoptive parents feel exactly like I did. A dear friend said something I will always remember…”Adoption is beautiful and it is redemption, but it is not natural so why would you expect it to feel natural. Give yourself grace.”

Even after knowing I wasn’t the only one to ever not love their child right away, I still felt like something was wrong with me. I mean, I didn’t feel at all like this with Gideon. Well, through my social workers and other adoptive families, I learned that my experience with Gideon is actually the exception. I am so grateful for what we instantly shared. I guess I naively assumed it would be the same with Bishop.

I asked a dear friend of mine if I should write about this because, like I said, I never want to share something that could potentially be detrimental for my children to read. So, I figured I would wait. Surely in a few days, I will get to the other side of this and feel differently. I just knew that would be the case. Well, the days turned into weeks and weeks and weeks. I was still “faking it til I made it”. I knew enough to know that Love is an intentional choice. Once you go through the motions long enough, surely the feelings will follow. Well, what I’ve learned is sometimes that takes a very long time. But that’s okay. I was, immaturely, indulging in my dislike, instead of CHOOSING love regardless of his behavior. I see how this could definitely put a distaste for me in your mouth, but I’m trying to keep it real in the interest of hoping to help other mamas. Do yourself a favor and try your best to pull out of that funk as soon as you possibly can. Your kids deserve it, but so do you. And if you can’t do it yourself, seek help. Contact me if you have no one else to help you.

We have been VERY fortunate to have a few friends who have very intentionally been walking on this journey with us, literally day by day. They know there are many things they CAN’T help us with, but there are things they can do like coming over to spend a morning just carrying the burden with me, grabbing some groceries for us when they are shopping for themselves, bringing us dinner on a rough day, among other things. Having this help has been instrumental in helping me number one…remain sane and number two…pulling myself out of the yuck! So if you are not being offered this help, please ask someone for it!

Let me be clear, even through all of the trauma Bishop is experiencing (that which I will not discuss on the blog in detail) there really is nothing unlovable about him. He is funny and sweet and kind(when he wants to be). He is as deserving of my love as Gideon was from the beginning.

We have been a family for almost two months. Things are slowly changing. I have more patience for his challenging behavior. I find myself smiling at something he has done or just his pure cuteness. I talk more lovingly about him and the sweet and funny things he does. I want to be the last face he sees on his surgery day and the first face he sees when he wakes up. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I spend lots of time kissing him on his cute little cleft lips and hugging him and walking around with him strapped to me in the Ergo. We dance together and laugh together and act silly together.

We LOVE together.

And the best part is…

I’m not faking it anymore.

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Melissa has been married to her amazing husband, Ryan, for almost five years. In a story that only our faithful and incredible God could write, they were led to bringing home their two sons, Gideon (home since December 2012) and Bishop (home since February 2014), via China’s Special Needs Program. Melissa spends her days at home loving up her two boys. It is the most challenging thing she has ever done, but, without a doubt, the most rewarding. Melissa has a deep desire to share the TRUTH about adoption, good, bad and ugly with other adoptive mamas. She uses her blog, You Were Born In Our Hearts, to do just that. Go check it out!

April 25, 2014

Redefined

Redefined….. I ran across this word the other day. It made me think a lot about adoption.

Adoption has redefined many things in my life :
Redefined family
Redefined sacrifice
Redefined needs
Redefined importance
Redefined God
Redefined me

I am going to try to put into words how adoption has redefined my life in a series of posts.
I am not trying to be profound or prophetic…just real. “My redefinition” has been truly mind blowing in many ways. I pray as you read you will experience the gravity of what God has done through adoption.

REDEFINED —- FAMILY

2.4
That’s the average amount of children in a family. Humph.
I was almost there with my two girls for 12 years. Twelve years of what society told me was “the norm”. I loved being an at-home mom and, then, graduating to a teacher at the school where my girls attended. It was my dream job and made it possible to allow my girls to attend a Christian school. Who wouldn’t want to be a PE teacher where you could “act like a kid” everyday and get paid for it?
(Ok….no comments from the peanut gallery)

Then came, THE sermon. A sermon that revolved around the idea that you can do more and you NEED to do more. Adoption was the “more” that our friend, Greg, spoke about. He was not promoting adoption; but, merely giving the example of how God called his family to do more.
They adopted two beautiful children from Guatemala. Precious children who were very much in need of love and safety. The family was obedient to God’s calling. “Two less” as we say in the adoption world.

This was the spark our girls needed to beg us to adopt. God used them to open our minds to “more than 2.4”. We were quickly sucked in to the calling and the appeal of a baby girl was what consumed my dreams at night. Our friends and family thought we were crazy. We even heard the words, “You are ruining your life”. Goodness, the comments were harsh but The Lord led us away from the comments and into His pure and holy will.

Fast forward eleven months.

Stepping off the plane in Beijing was surreal. We were in China after months of paperwork and prayers. The sites and sounds were so different. We were walking through the portal to a very different culture. Streets were crowded with pedestrians busy on their way to work, the market, the park, to who knows where. Busy busy busy. Walk walk walk. On their way with an air of urgency.

We saw sights that were forever ingrained in our hearts. Children begging. Disabled men bearing their scars with a tin cup nearby. Poverty beyond our comprehension. A culture completely upside down from that of what we knew and lived. Children discarded because of their gender or special need.
It was a realization that I would be back…..one less would never be enough.

Our family continued to grow in the years that followed. Adoptions in 2006, 2007, 2009, 2010, and 2012 Our children all from China and needing to be loved and to feel secure.

8 less? Yes. Our family has been redefined and all our children’s lives changed for better in every way. Every day is all consuming with the constant nag of a child “needing me”. It is exhausting and tiring beyond words. It is God’s calling in our lives fulfilled. Our family is not even close to the “normal” family….the ideal family of our society. Our family has redefined normal in a radical way, It is our “new normal” and I would not change it in any way.

Being smack in the middle of God’s will may not be easy but it is right where I want to be!

Family redefined. It is a beautiful thing.

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Kelly is a fun-loving Christian girl who loves the Lord. Called to be an adoptive parent, she has ten children, 8 of which are adopted from China. Kelly is also a breast cancer survivor and feels called to give God glory through her testimonies speaking at events nationwide. Her website is www.kellyrumbaugh.com and her blog is www.mommymomentsandgodwinks.blogspot.com.

April 23, 2014April 23, 2014

The Blessings of Adoption

As adoptive parents, we partake in so many blessings along the adoption journey. There are also many times of trial, heartache, and grief, but wouldn’t you say that the blessings out weigh all this. Over the past few days, God reminded me again of the many blessings that enter our life through His amazing plan of adoption.

At our Good Friday service, I witnessed our precious son, who last year was struggling to understand English, our love for him and his place in our family, lift his hand in praise to the Lord. We were singing “Amazing love” and I looked over at him to discover this sweet boy singing his heart out to God. His little hand went up in praise even though no one else had their hands up. He then told me later that that was the first church service where he had really focused on God. AMAZING! HIS AMAZING LOVE!

Then, on this very afternoon that I am typing these words, my son, after giving me a big hug, proclaimed, “I like this family. I am so glad you are my family, my new family!” That’s right, precious boy, we are your Forever Family!

My heart is filled with immeasurable gratefulness and love for our Father who brought my boy from China into our family and held him tightly until he began to understand the depth of His love for us.

One little hand
One little hand raised in praise
One little hand where there were none
One little hand signifying love
Love for the Savior.

One little heart
One little heart filled with understanding
One little heart praising God
One little heart full of love
Love for the One who saved him.

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After struggling with infertility for 5 years, God led Suzanne and her husband, Adam, to His Plan A for their lives—adoption! Their daughter, Grace Lihua, came into their lives May 2011 on Mother’s Day from Fuzhou City, Fujian Province, China. And, their son, Anthony Jianyou, joined their family in January 2013 from Shanghai. After a career in politics, Suzanne now works as a part time Pilates instructor while home schooling their children, writing and working as a part of the Sparrow Fund Blog leadership team. You can follow their adoption journey and life on her blog, Surpassing
Greatness.

April 21, 2014April 22, 2014

what makes us really free

The mail came just as we were walking out the door, in it a surprise package for the girls. Tearing into the paper, they found crayons and coloring books and one precious item that Emma immediately grabbed. “I snuggle with this in the car,” she announced.

The 45 minute drive to a friend’s house was quiet as she admired her treasure. To a child whose life has afforded very little to call her own, anything given directly to her holds deep value.

We walked into the house where she was meeting our new-to-her friends and within minutes, I saw her place the treasure in her new friend’s hand and say, “This for you.” Less than an hour of ownership and she was already generously giving this treasure away to a stranger.

I’m embarrassed to admit that part of me wanted to jump to her rescue and assure her that she did not have to give anything away, but who wants to adjust that level of generosity? I say that I want a culture of generosity in our home, but I can learn so much from these girls.

Not two hours later, the little girls reappeared from their games and loom band bracelet creations, Emma carrying a tiny gold necklace and glowing like she was carrying the moon. One of her new friends had returned her generosity 10-fold.

And I had to wonder, what security do these little girls know that allows such radical (in their economy) giving? They give without second guessing, without wondering how it will be received or whether they might regret it tomorrow. Could it be that they have watched the goodness and regular provision of their parents and realized that no matter how much they give away, there is a steady stream of both calculated and extravagant goodness that flows their way?

No, she’ll probably never get a replica of that little popsicle stick flower that she loved and her friend will probably never get another bumble bee necklace exactly like the one she gave, but they have a child-like trust that they are loved and that whatever happens, the people who love them are working for their good. Even for the former orphans living in my home, empty is becoming less about fear and more about getting to watch Mommy fill the bowl again…and again.

And their mama who wanted to stop all this giving and just let them keep what was theirs? That’s because lack is scary to me these days. I wonder how I’ll provide for them financially and still find time for their hearts. I second guess a family trip and a birthday gift, wondering if what was given should have been saved instead. Of course there’s wisdom in saving, but this little note isn’t for the extravagant spenders. It’s for the savers, like me, who hold back what could easily be given and make that into a habit of holding onto everything.

Would my level of generosity be dramatically changed if I truly believed that God would provide everything I need –especially if I give it away? What would I freely give away if I truly believed that He would not allow me to suffer any level of lack that was outside of His loving plan for my good and my heart’s health?

Seeing Emma hand over her little trinket stirred up so much love in me and all I wanted to do in that moment was take her to Target and buy her all.the.things. I’m so grateful God allowed me to watch and feel the delight of a parent when their child truly rests in provision, so much so that giving becomes a complete joy and not a threat of lack.

Because when you’re truly trusting, not only do you feel secure in what you have, but also in what you give away.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,

how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

(Matthew 7:11)

free printable download available here

**Yes, I know that so many are generous without any assurance of future provision. I want to be like them, too, but for today, my take-away is that I DO have a Father who promises to provide – not always in my timing or my plan, but always just the same.

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Mandie Joy is a foster parent and mama of two beautiful little girls newly home from Africa. She blogs at www.seeingjoy.com.

April 14, 2014

Zo Ba! {Let’s Go!}

“We love the lovely because it is flattering to us to do so.God loves the unlovely, and it broke

His heart to do it. The depth of the love of God is revealed by that wonderful word, ‘whosoever.’The Bible reveals God to be the Lover of His enemies.” – Oswald Chambers

There’s no secret I have a favorite on this trip.
His smile and laugh grabbed me within the first 20 minutes of entering the orphanage.
This kid is a firecracker…wherever I am, he always seems to show up.
Outside with the older kids….he’s there….inside with the infants, he comes swaggering in for lunch….and comes right to me with arms UP.

Of course, as soon as I felt comfortable, I asked about his adoption status. I was told details that I can’t share publicly, but the fact is, this child will never be eligible for a family.

It is, in fact, impossible.

On day one of this trip blog, I said there were two ways that these kids would hear the Gospel.

One, by being adopted by families who live and shout Jesus with their lives.

Two, by people coming to them.

22 children of our orphanage are currently available for International adoption. Close to a dozen on top of those, are already matched and waiting for parents to come. They represent the first group.

He represents the second.

This kid.

He represents

millions.

147 million orphans worldwide in

Asia, Africa, Haiti, South America…. and only a

tiny

fraction are available for adoption.

Jesus said, in Matthew 25, “whatever you do for the least of these, you do it to me”

Today, I go to tickle one of the least of these.

I got to see him cry for the first time, and while the nannys ignored him, scooped him up and

rocked him, noticing he was patting his diaper area….he just needed to potty and didn’t want

to wet his pants…. Rushed him to a potty seat and the smiles returned.

I got to give him a sucker and watch as he didn’t bite it like most American kids do…

he licked it for 15 minutes till there wasn’t a grain of sugar left on the stick.

He doesn’t understand that Jesus loves him.

He’s still too young.

But he will one day. If people who say they love Jesus,

are willing to step outside their comfort zones,

eat some nasty food and travel around the world,

leave their families and their smells and all familiarity

and GO.

To the least of these.

And if the “least of these” to you means you tollerate

your neighbors kids,

you need to have this baby boy grab your cheeks and get as close to you

as he can…..HE is the least of these.

Luke 10:36-37
“Jesus asked, which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked? The man replied,
“the one who showed him mercy.”
Then Jesus said,
“Yes, GO now and DO the same.”

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Emily and Jay have been married for 11 years and have 5 childen–Avery 8, Ally 6, Annalyse 4, Ashley 3, and (finally) our BOY, Asher 2. Ashley and Asher were adopted from China and were both special needs adoptions. Emily spends her days chasing toddlers and waiting in line at carpool. Her favorite place in the world is in her van, all alone with the worship music blaring! She would count it an honor to have you be encouraged at www.ourhimpossiblejourney.blogspot.com.