Because I’m a pastor and think about things in spiritual terms, it’s only appropriate that I spend a moment to comment on how physical adoption reinforced Gospel adoption to me.
Consider…
I didn’t choose God but He chose me because of His great love (Eph. 1.4-5).
I am bought by a significant price and sacrifice on His part (Eph. 1.7).
I am experiencing a life that I never could’ve created on my own (Eph. 2.8-9).
I am, quite literally, a citizen of a different kind of governance (Eph. 2.11-12).
I was a foreigner to God and He took me in, calling me His own son (Eph. 2.13).
I am now a part of a family that is much bigger and cooler than I could’ve imagined (Eph. 2.19).
The beauty of all of this: just as I don’t have a regret in the world, neither does He. Wow.
But that’s just me thinking thoughts…
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Trent Henderson
Trent is the husband of the amazing Ginny and father to the thoughtful Jack, adventurous Sam, and hilarious Ruthie Mei. He also serves as pastor to the saints of Heritage Park Baptist Church near NASA in Houston. He tries to say something worthwhile in his preaching and at his blog. Feel free to go check it out.
I had some fears going into the adoption process that I’ll say out loud here so that if you have them or know people who have them, you can at least say you’re not alone.
First fear: Can I raise a daughter? I grew up with two brothers. I had two sons. The only females in my life on any kind of closely-tied relational level were my mom and my wife. I wasn’t sure I could do it. I’m still not sure – we haven’t gotten to the puberty-stage yet. Stay tuned.
Second (and bigger) fear: Can I love my daughter the way I love my sons? I was there when my sons were born. I literally saw them take their first breath. In moments, I knew their APGAR score and was holding their swaddled bodies, singing over them, praying over them, and letting their mom kiss them when I wasn’t. That wasn’t the case for my daughter.
Two things changed my fear. The first were two pictures.
Picture 1: We were sitting in bed one night when the email dinged on my wife’s computer. We had sent over a care package with snacks and clothes and a pillow with our pictures on it. In an email, we got a picture of our daughter holding the pillow. I was done. In an instantaneous moment of divine heart surgery, I knew she was mine, and I was ready to go get her. We cried when we saw…
Picture 2: We got our daughter’s file of all the things she had recorded since being found. Included in that was her finding photo. I’m choked up right now just thinking about it. I’ll not post it here for reasons I will not explain, but I know what she looked like at a few days old (or a few weeks old, we’re not exactly sure when it was taken). I didn’t get to hold her then but I am holding her now. This morning she came down the stairs and into my arms, jammies wrinkled from a long, solid night of sleep and hair looking about the same. She’s mine.
And that leads to the second thing that changed my fear. This thought hit me (and continues to do so): there’s a difference between being her father and being her dad. It’s not just semantics for me. She’s not mine, but she is. She’s not from me but she’s a part of me. She’s not my flesh, but I’d give my life for her. She’s my daughter. I may not be the guy who is responsible for her being in the world, but I am the guy who is responsible for her. And gladly. I may not be her father, but I am her dad.
But that’s just me thinking thoughts…
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Trent Henderson
Trent is the husband of the amazing Ginny and father to the thoughtful Jack, adventurous Sam, and hilarious Ruthie Mei. He also serves as pastor to the saints of Heritage Park Baptist Church near NASA in Houston. He tries to say something worthwhile in his preaching and at his blog. Feel free to go check it out.
Having brought adoption up in this sermon I gave at Heritage Park Baptist Church where I serve as the pastor, I thought I’d post some reflections on adoption. First out of the box and hot in my heart right now is adoption is a calling.
What I said in the sermon and I’ve blogged on before I stand behind: I think every Christian couple should ask if God will let you. But throwing the door open like that doesn’t mean there’s not a massive, weighty, spiritual piece to it. Quite the contrary. Should God allow you, you’ll find yourself caught in this gravitational calling and actually depending on it. We did.
I remember when it clicked for us. I remember eating italian food with Ginny and talking about entry into this process. I remember all the waiting.
We waited a year to get a match.
We waited a long time for our PA.
We waited forever for our RA.
We waited longer than anyone under the non-Hague rules for our TA (over 150 days).
We cried while waiting.
We fussed with God and our boys and one another.
We got promises from God. None more precious than 1 Thessalonians 5.24: Faithful is He who calls you and He will bring it to pass. We clung to that truth like a kid to a lollipop. Multiple times, I’d tell myself and my wife that we weren’t going to stand before Jesus someday to give an account for our lives and tell Him that we quit just because the wait was long and too hard. The temptation to give up was there. God’s promises are stronger than the promises of temptation.
I received what I thought was a word of knowledge from the Holy Spirit: January. Turns out that’s the month in which she was born and that’s the month we got matched.
We saw God move in the last minute on both our RA and our TA (posts on my wife’s blog here and here).
We rode roller coasters of unbelievable heights and depths.
None of it – NONE – could we have endured without the sense of calling. It’s what sustained us. And that sense of calling is that gravitational pull toward something, giving weight to what you do and keeping you together when everything else is going supernova around you. We have some friends in the process right now enduring quite a bit of opposition from their family. Harsh words. Sinful attitudes. Guilt. Frustration. Prejudice. You don’t endure those kinds of things (especially from family) with eyes on God without that settling, focusing, steadying weight of calling.
Adoption is a calling. No denying it. But it could be a calling for a lot more families than you know.
But that’s just me thinking thoughts…
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Trent Henderson
Trent is the husband of the amazing Ginny and father to the thoughtful Jack, adventurous Sam, and hilarious Ruthie Mei. He also serves as pastor to the saints of Heritage Park Baptist Church near NASA in Houston. He tries to say something worthwhile in his preaching and at his blog. Feel free to go check it out.
“Through my pride – Through my shame – You show me love – You show me grace – I’m not looking back – Till I see Your face – I’m running straight to you.” – Building 429
I have never felt God’s pursuit of me more than in my relationship with Mya. He loves me without abandon, the way that I love her. Both of us, adopted. And sometimes, I really feel that space in between us. In between God & I, and in between Mya & I. Through her, I finally understand how much God loves me and cares for me and how much I can hurt His heart.
“Here I am saying I need you – I know I need you – Here I am, I’m coming to meet you – Cause I want to see you.” – Building 429
I have only begun to grasp His Redeeming Love. He has worked miracles in Mya’s life; in our lives, through her. He has revealed to us what He meant by His Commandment, “Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12). I have admitted during this journey that had someone told me how hard it would be to love someone who didn’t necessarily love you – I would have “passed”. And oh, the joy I would have missed. I am so thankful for the secret things of the Lord (Deuteronomy 29:29) that He chooses to reveal to us at the perfect time.
“All I really want to do is to fall into the emptiness that is the space in-between us. Erase it and bring us together again.” – Building 429
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Sara McClintock
Sara was blessed by marrying her best friend 15 years ago. Then, found The Greatest Love of All in Jesus Christ in 2004. Having already had the privilege to parent two football-loving sons, Sara and Bill had international adoption laid on their hearts. They were blessed beyond belief when they welcomed the cutest, spunkiest Chinese girl from Luoyang into their family in December 2008. Having left pieces of their hearts in China, Bill & Sara are praying for God’s will to retrieve them. Please stop by their family blog for random musings on life, redemption, grace, hope, love and faith.
my baby girl is 11 months old. and as i sit here writing, my mind wanders to what she might be doing at this very moment. my heart begs for her to be held. to have someone smile at her. soothe her when she cries. pick up her favorite toy when she drops it. giggle at her silly antics.
perhaps by her 13th month, i’ll look back and wonder what all this fretting was about.
I was at one of my classes. We were on break, and there was an older lady sitting diagonally across from me. We made eye contact and the uncomfortableness (is that a word?) of the moment made me talk….ok, I could talk to a rock, but still….so anyway, I just started rambling on about this and that and somehow we got on the topic of her mother. Her mother is 95 years old. She lives alone in Iowa somewhere and this lady (her daughter) goes to spend 1 week of each month with her. Her mother is completely independent. She lives in her home by herself and goes up and down stairs to do laundry…just aced her driving test and she has her own garden. She freezes her food for the winter months and gets one meal a day from meals on wheels. Truly amazing. She went on and on about how healthy she was and what an incredible lady she was…how she still drives to church, the post office, and the store when she needs something….so, I said, “Boy, you must be happy to have such good genes.” She said, “Actually, I was adopted, but I hope that the lifestyle my mother taught me will help me with that.” She kind of smirked and turned away towards the speaker who was just getting ready to start speaking again.
Hmmmm. Dangit. I didn’t get a chance to share, I thought to myself. She doesn’t know….did that matter? Probably not. Why did it matter so much to me that I share with her? I knew I might not get a chance to talk to her ever again. Would she know how much she blessed me that day? I mean…do you as adoptive parents ever wonder if your children are going to love you so much that they will stay with you when you are 95? I mean…really with you, like come and stay with you for a week. every month. Ok, the Momma in this situation CLEARLY did something right, right? I think I need to go and stay with her for a week to learn from her.
So, yes, I did grab the lady during the next break and made sure that I told her that three of my children were also adopted. I told her that I hoped that I was as good a mother as her mother so that when I am 95 my children will come and take care of me for a week. She just kind of giggled and said how blessed my children were. “No, my children are in fact the blessing in my life,” I answered. It was so interesting the connection we had during such a very short time frame.
Here was this adoptive mother (me) in my very late thirties talking to a lady who was in her 60s and was an adopted child, and we were able to share what a blessing that an adoptive mother and adoptive children are to each other. I know, I know, common sense, right? But, it was as if we had heard it for the first time. For some reason, it meant so much more to me coming from her than it would from someone who doesn’t have any adoption connection.
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Kristine
I am a stay at home mother of four kids, two dogs, and one cat and am very blessed to be able to do so. I am married to a wonderful husband who works very hard for all of us. In addition to being a mom, I am also an occupational therapist and, in the past, spent most of my time working in long-term care facilites with the elderly. We struggled with infertility issues after the birth of my oldest son, and God led us to adoption…3 times…from Russia. I have also spent time counseling birthmoms and enjoy doing this very much. Hopefully, as my children get older, I will be able to spend most of my time doing this. One of my favorite things to do in my spare time is blog. Currently, I post on two separate blogs–I Love You More Than Peanut Butter and Lakeshore Cottage Living.
