THE POUT has descended.
Are you an adoptive parent? Then you KNOW what I am talking about. I don’t think I’ve ever met an adoptive parent who has not encountered THE POUT.
For those of you unfamiliar with THE POUT, let me attempt to describe it.
What THE POUT looks like:
Child presents with mouth firmly shut with lower lip protruding. Often, arms are crossed. Head, may be down on tabletop or cocked to the side. Eyes emitting either look of death at parent, or oddly vacant with zero eye contact. In younger children, tummy may be pushed forward. In tween, hands on hips, hips forward, or arms crossed, hips forward. Feet are firmly planted to the floor.
Origin:
Child’s expectation of how adoptive parent should or should not respond to their desire (desire may be spoken or unspoken) has not been met in part, or in full.
What THE POUT is meant to communicate:
You brought me all the way from _________ (fill in country of origin) for THIS?
Psychological effect on the adoptive parent:
Irritability, helplessness, loss of rationality. THE POUT may cause all prior adoption training to go out the window.
Suggested Treatment:
During seasons of chronic POUTing, primary caregiver must take regular breaks for times of refreshment with whatever fills you up (i.e., coffee with friends, exercise, Bible study). It also helps if you can find the humor in the midst of a particularly potent POUT. Find a friend who knows the POUT and can talk you down. You may not want to hear this, but if you take the time to find out what is fueling THE POUT, you will, in time, eliminate THE POUT. Remember, there is more to THE POUT than meets the eye. It represents something- grief, loss of control, fear, etc. Good news- THE POUT is NOT fatal to child or parent (though at times it feels like it might be!).
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Erika has been married to Casey for 11 crazy beautiful years. Erika is mom to two 10 year olds and two 6 year olds who aren’t twins! Therese (10), newly adopted from Burkina Faso, is awaiting heart surgery. Evelea (10) willingly gave up her position as oldest child so we could add Therese to our family. Sitota (6) was adopted from Ethiopia and brings a lot of fun to the family. Carter (6) has had six heart surgeries and gave us the courage to adopt a child with a heart defect. They are astounded that as our family doubled in size, our love quadrupled. You can learn more about their family on their blog.
Too funny!!!!! And so true!!!! =)
Ummm … yeah! We’ve seen that! LOL! Great post! 🙂
Had to laugh and it was a relief to do so. We brought Lauren (6) home in January from Shanghai, China and have had none stop testing, tantrums and the POUT. She has an underbite currently anyway so when she pouts it’s very pronounced and can generally denote that she’s debating on the next course of behavior.
I too have had to take deep breathing sessions at the site to be able to deal with what’s coming or try to curb the situation into a more positive outcome : )
Appreciate this and knowing I’m not alone in the frustration this facial expression can create in you as you try desperately to think out your options. Okay what worked before or what did that book say?