This post is a reminder to myself. Because I’m not loving anyone well right now.
And, I am not so lovable or fun to be around.
You see, I am struggling greatly with how to really love.
Love that is absent of jealousy.
Like when I hear how smooth another person’s bonding/attachment is going with their newly adopted child.
Yea, I am jealous like that.
And, yet ,that isn’t love!
It isn’t loving my family or loving the way God brought our family together.
So, instead of seeing the growth and the lessons our Lord is teaching me through hard times,
I get jealous,
and then I start complaining,
about how it was SOOOO much harder for us than them,
and I blind myself to the goodness of my Savior.
I want a love that is does not take into account a wrong suffered.
Where I can walk through a time when I was hurt, deeply, by someone who said they loved me
and forgive them,
and hug them when I see them,
pray for them when they need prayer,
or hurt when they hurt.
Without holding it over their head how much I was hurt,
because that’s not forgiveness, nor is it love.
Am I the only one who feels like this sometimes?
When I should be loving and kind with my child who has been oh.so.difficult
ALL.DAY.LONG.
And I am not.
And I hurt them with my words out of my frustration.
And I ask for their forgiveness, because I was the one who was unkind.
Why is this so hard?
To love others well. To love them like Christ calls us to?
I want to be more than I am now.
Not in a wordly sense like having more money, greater status, or more things to have around my home.
I want to be filled and overflowing with love,
for my family, my friends,
and the stranger I meet in the store.
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love”
Wow! I could have written this post. Why is loving so hard? I want to with all of my heart. Frustration seems to be my best friend at times.
What a beautiful post. I too fall so short of loving others well. Well said.
Beautifully written…..a wonderful reminder for me as well. Thanks for sharing Branda! 🙂
Yes Branda, exactly!! That is exactly how I felt when I saw how someone else was raising so much money for their adoption. I was JEALOUS! I know, that’s no way to love. So I emailed them and asked them for forgiveness. Yep, I did and they forgave me and then I felt that love.
Thanks for posting this!
Hugs,
Carla
You have absolutely no idea how you just totally, through your honesty, touched my life. This has been me for almost two years now. It saddens me to admit it. The sheer longevity of it makes it even harder. My family has been in the process of adoption for a little over 10 months now. I pour over adoption blogs and in essence compare timelines…bad idea. I realize that our story can’t be like everyone else’s (seems surreal sometimes when I read them..I get all these visions of grandeur) But the difficulty I have with love comes from a wounded heart, a damaged friendship, a betrayal, and when I think things are healing and I am allowing God’s love to flow through me, things sprout up, and I realize there is still so much anger and brokenness. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I know that God is preparing my heart for a love that is from Him, a perfect love, one that exceeds the boundaries of the womb. I know that this lesson in love is, in some way related. I NEED this love and so will my daughter.
Best,
Amy