When we look back 3 months, we can really see how far our little girl has come.

But, there are times that the sadness and the heartache of China overwhelms her, and she is overcome with homesickness and grief.

Nothing that I can point to initiates these “sad days.” But, there is an obvious change in her face and it is so often, instantaneous.

She reaches for daddy or I to hold her while she cries in our arms. The moments are fewer and farther between, and they last for less than an hour, but they do come.

And, they come when I least expect it.

I don’t ever expect for her to stop being sad or stop missing China. Maybe I am a bit pessimitic or a bit realistic, whatever you want to call it. I don’t believe I can ever replace the hole that was left when she was abandoned or the grief that she wasn’t adopted by her foster family and sent back to the orphanage. I do believe the Lord will meet her where she is and begin to heal her heart and the feelings of rejection and abandonment she carries around, but I do think there will always be a longing or even a sadness for what was home, for what was familiar. Talking to many adult adoptees, there always seems to be a longing for what was or should have been.

I can’t imagine why anyone would believe that an adopted child should be thankful for their new home and not be sad. They have been taken away from everything familiar, even if it wasn’t always good.

Familiar is good.

Just look at the women who go back to their husbands who abuse them or the children who cry out for mom and dad even though they are abused.

Familiar is home. Familiar is what we crave. We don’t want new all of the time; we want the same. The same smells, the same language, the same food, the same people.

If there are any adoptive parents in the process out there reading this, here is a reality check.

New isn’t always better. It’s another change for our kiddos. Another “something” or “someone” to get use to and the thankfulness will not be there for quite sometime until its familiar.

And that takes lots of time.

Be patient.

Give more of yourself than you ever thought possible.

Let them see and feel your love.

Someday they will understand what adoption is about and what life would have been like for them where they came from.

Someday they will reach for you when they are scared or sad.

Someday you will be the first one they run to to show off their latest critter they’ve caught or their newest accomplishment.

Someday you will be mama or daddy.

Someday they will say “I love you” all on their own.

Don’t expect them to feel “lucky” that you adopted them. Expect them to be sad or angry or depressed because you took them away from familiar things.

And wait for the smiles to come. Because they will come. When you least expect it.

See. Look at our little monkey smiling all goofy for us.

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I am a mother to four children–the newest of which is our 8 year old Man Yu, 6 chickens, 3 gerbils, 2 cats, 1 dog and a multitude of birds. I am married to my sweet & amazing hunk of a hubby, Michael, for the past 12 years. In addition to being a stay-at-home mom, I am honored to be a part of An Orphan’s Wish as their Human Resources Director and serve the children still waiting for families. We welcome your visit into our world at Days Made of Now.