There we were, going through another miscarriage. I began wondering if it was wrong for me to continue to pray to God for a baby. Afterall, if parenthood wasn’t in God’s plan for us, we didn’t want to be outside of His divine will for our lives.

But, what would I do with the gaping hole in my heart aching to be filled by a baby!?!? My empty arms and aching heart were sobbing ~ at moments even SCREAMING ~ for God to talk to me!

Didn’t HE put this strong desire to be a mommy in my heart!?? WHY wasn’t He answering my heart’s cry?!? Was I being disobedient for continuing to seek Him for a child, if His answer was consistently “NO”?

Jeff believed we should stay on our knees and seek the Lord. I began to wonder if it was even worth asking for, if God had no intention of bringing us children.

I wondered if I was being selfish in my continued prayers for what God didn’t seem to want to bless me/us with. God assured me one night, through Jeff, that YES! He wanted me/us to continue to seek Him and pray for the desires of our hearts! He wanted us to continue to pray for our children and wait for Him!

Psalms 27:14: “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”

After reading an article one night, Jeff paraphrased for me the difference between expectancy and expectation. He doesn’t recall now where he read it, darn it! I wish I could credit who helped answer such a mystery for me! Allow me to share with you how learning such a difference freed me to keep praying amidst our unanswered prayers!

God wants us to lay the desires of our heart at His feet. He wants us to pursue these desires with confidence in Him. Not confidence in our ability to reach these dreams, but confidence in His ability and willingness to answer our prayers! He yearns to bless us abundantly! His plan for us is GOOD! ALWAYS!

Matthew 21: 22: “And what you ask for in prayer, having faith and believing, you will receive”

He definitely does want us to pray with expectancy ~ belief that He WILL answer our prayers!

Here’s the catch: He wants us to have child-like faith that He will answer ~ but He doesn’t want us to tell Him HOW or WHEN to answer our prayers! He doesn’t want us to pray with expectations of the details. He wants us to pray with excited anticipation and assurance that He will answer our heart’s cry. He just doesn’t want us to go about telling Him how to do it! {ouch!}

Knowing that His plan is good (Jeremiah 29:11), we are to seek Him like a child awakening on Christmas morn, excited beyond all excitement of what awaits us! Such expectancy builds in us hope which stems from belief. Belief in God’s faithfulness ~ more than the details of our dreams!

Our dreams will be fulfilled perfectly, in His timing, in His will! No worries. If His answer differs from our original dream, He will gently transform our heart to match His blessed plan for our lives.

Isaiah 30:21: “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.'”

Living with expectancy but without expectation frees us from disappointment, worry, and doubt.

Living with expectancy but without expectation frees us to have hope, to believe. With each answered prayer, it frees us to build more and more trust in our Lord.

Romans 15:13: “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Thank you, Lord, for helping me find your truth in that difficult time. Thank you for helping me find my hope in you again! I do believe! I trust you, Lord, with the creation of our family!

Thank you for introducing to us, this amazing blessing called adoption!

We are coming, my little one(s)! We are coming. And, God is holding you while we wait!

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Debbie has been married to the man of her dreams, Jeff, for over 3 years. God has greatly blessed their marriage. And now, God’s handprints can be seen all over their journey to parenthood. God is blessing them with the precious gift of adoption! They have been on the waiting list for an infant boy (or maybe siblings!) for almost 3 months now. You can follow their journey by visiting her blog, Holding God’s Hand in the Journey.