Uncategorized Archives - Page 12 of 16

November 11, 2013November 10, 2013

how to love in uncertainty

When you decide to say yes to a child who might only be in your life for a few days, there’s a choice to be made.

How much will I love? Where will I draw the line of investing in this child’s emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing? How much of myself will I allow to be vulnerable so that this vulnerable child can feel safe?

When that baby is placed in your arms – when that child slips her hand into yours – you hope they will feel safe. But how much safety can I expect to exude if my own heart is guarded by so-called wisdom and held back by fear of letting go one day? It’s well known that I advocate a deep heart-giving in these kinds of situations. There are too many days when a particular child is hard to love, nights when someone wakes up just.too.many.times. On those occasions, I need to be fully invested. I need the attachment even more than they do on those days.

[photo by Morgan Perry]

Of course, this kind of commitment – this emotional and spiritual connection – leaves room for a deep sense of something missing when the child moves on. In fact, Rachel and I have found that when we’re honest about missing our Ugandan kiddos, it makes people uncomfortable. It’s as if the intensity or prolonged existence of the pain somehow calls into question the legitimacy of our grief. A few people have said that we should, “get over it already.” But somehow I don’t think it’s inconsistent to say that you miss someone while still rejoicing and profoundly approving of God’s plan for them to move on. Of course, choosing a heart posture that honors God in that grief is necessary. Maybe the rejoicing brings all the more glory to God because of the place of pain from which it comes.

But this post is not a discussion of how much to attach or how much to grieve. It’s about what to do when you attach all the way and then need to let go. I’m learning that there’s a healthy tension of loving fully, guarding my heart, and allowing myself to miss and it can only be maintained if I remember two things: who I am and who God is.

Let me tell you what I mean:

Everyone has their own style of attachment. Mine is to jump in no holds barred and love each child right nowbelieving, at the same time, that they might be in my life forever and they might be gone tomorrow. Those two very real possibilities call out the same level of commitment, intensity, steadfastness, and purpose in me. If this baby in my arms is my daughter, would I want to remember that I held back from her in our first months together? If she’s someone else’s daughter, loving her someone else means I lay down my life for them by caring for this child as if she were my own, ready to humbly return her to Jesus and allow him to place her in that someone else’s arms when the time comes.

There’s no profound revelation behind this heart stance. It’s simply what I’ve learned from the way Jesus loves me.He chose me before I loved him and he loves me whether or not I choose him. He loves me today with the same passion as tomorrow and yesterday, whether I’m walking close to him or turning by back to him in fear. His love is constant, consistent, sure. It’s this love I’m drawing on most days. There are days when I’m drawing from my own leaky bucket and on those days, he scoots in closer than ever and whispers, “Remember where you started this day? Come back.” It’s his consistent love that compels me to joy even when my circumstances (or those of the children I’ve loved) are not what I think they should be.

Trusting God’s goodness for the children I cared for in Uganda is not difficult at all. They are each living in homes where they are adored, where they are learning love, where they will grow up knowing God’s goodness on every level. But I still miss them, because when you dive in wholeheartedly in love towards a child who suddenly moves on, that place in your heart is left empty. The great thing about having empty places that no one understands and no one else can fill is that Jesus moves into them – if we ask him to.

In the case of several of my foster children (from long ago), the someone else who I was standing-in for turned out to be someone I didn’t trust. When it came time for them to go, I didn’t agree. Seven years later, I still don’t know where they are. This is not ideal, obviously, but sometimes it’s reality and my only salvation in a situation like that is to remember that the God who committed them to me for a season has committed Himself to them for a lifetime. That’s the promise.

My perspective of God’s goodness is too limited for me to attempt to tell him what that everlasting covenant should look like today – for me, for my family, for anyone I love. The fact that I don’t understand his timing is not a reflection on God’s goodness. It is a reflection of my struggle to trust his goodness. I can as soon fully understand the goodness of God as a baby can understand why her loving parents allow the doctor to give her a life saving, but painful, surgery. But whether or not I can fully understand him, I have him. And he is good.

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The moments of missing are few and far between these days. They’re limited to anniversaries and the times when Rachel and I let ourselves reminisce about the improbabilities and chaos of that year in Uganda. But, when they do surface, my go-to phrase for Jesus is, “OK, I feel lonely here and I miss so-and-so today. What do you want to show me about yourself in this? Where are you for me right now?”

And let me just say, that little series of questions is like a key that unlocks things I didn’t know about Jesus and me. It turns the areas of my life that I don’t understand into spaces where I can go deep with Jesus. It turns fear into the most trusting friendship. It turns shame into the deepest acceptance. It turns loneliness into the sweetest communion with my truest Friend. And I’ll take that over avoiding pain any day.

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Mandie Joy is a foster parent and soon-to-be adoptive mama of two beautiful little girls who are waiting in Africa. She blogs at www.seeingjoy.com.

November 1, 2013November 1, 2013

Typical {Referral Day Link Up}

I wouldn’t describe either of them as typical.

No, I’m not talking about my children – although the same statement could perhaps be true of them. I’m talking about their referral day stories. Both daughters came to us under very unique circumstances, so it stands to reason that their referral day stories are unique as well.

Take Miss A’s story, for example. When we received Miss A’s referral, we had just hit rock bottom in our adoption journey – unsure of if God even wanted us to continue. Perhaps this is how it all ends, we thought. We don’t understand the what or the why, but we’ll trust Him wherever He leads. And if that means not adopting, then so be it.

But our network of praying friends and our incredibly supportive agency worker encouraged us to stay the course, stay open to the possibility. And so we did. Sad as it is to admit now, we were anything but excited when “the new list” came out. Missing was the typical nervous energy and excited anticipation of news of a match from our agency. Defeated and worn down, we simply went to bed, deciding to check our email the next morning.

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5b

Logging into email the next morning, we found message from our agency worker. She had locked a child for us, a child with a need we had felt comfortable with. Sadly, still shell-shocked and feeling defeated, we had to admit we didn’t know if she was the one God wanted us to adopt.

We saw her beautiful, smiling face and read the facts of her file. We talked endlessly with each other, with our prayer warriors, and with our agency worker. How gentle and patient they were as they walked us through our pain and doubt and uncertainty.

It wasn’t about her. Our doubt. Our hesitation. Our needing to process. None of it was about her. It was all about us…and Him.

Where He led us thus far in this adoption journey was filled with pain and questions. Would we – could we trust Him as He continued to lead?

My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord, “And my ways far beyond anything you could imagine. Isaiah 55:8

So God did what He does. He was patient with our questioning and wrestling and processing. He was powerful, moving mountains and infusing the undeniable confirmation we were so desperate to receive. He was faithful, not leaving us to wonder where He was in this rock-bottom place. He restored our hopes. Dashed as they were, they were made new in ways that were beyond what we had imagined.

And in the end, He made it more than clear that this precious child – with twinkling eyes and robust cheeks looking at us through our computer screen – was most definitely our daughter.

I used to feel bad that her referral story wasn’t what I imagined to be typical – that we didn’t gush at first sight and instantly know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was ours. Instead, I now see that her referral story is the best kind because it’s hers…ours. And through all of the private details and the ones I’ve shared here, God was telling us about Himself and His deep, patient, enduring, passionate, and abiding love for us…for her.

So, no. I wouldn’t describe Miss A’s referral day story as typical. But if we’re honest, when we are following God’s plan, is anything typical?

– – – – – – –

What about you? Do you have a referral day story you’d like to share? It may have happened years ago or just recently. Perhaps you’ve never taken the time to write it all down, or maybe you’ve already written about your child’s referral day on your blog. Whatever the case may be, we’d love for you to share your story with the WAGI community! Use the link up below to provide a direct link to your referral day blog post. And while you’re at it, take the time to visit and comment on other referral day stories. It’s in sharing our stories that community is built and God is glorified!

__________________________________

18 years in the classroom as a teacher is nothing compared to parenting three little ones at home full-time. Through their three daughters, God has revealed Himself most clearly to them. He not only worked a miracle in giving them their biological daughter, He continued to show Himself in mighty ways throughout adoption journeys in China and Bhutan that were anything but normal. You can read more about their family on their personal blog We Are Family.

October 25, 2013

Forgiveness

“Forgiveness.”

This is the word the Lord has given me recently.

Quite a while ago I stopped posting about the unwelcome guest in our home: Trauma. I wish I could say that absence of posting = absence of the impact of trauma. Not.so.much.

It’s been nearly four years since we were first introduced, and I realize I need to take some time to ‘heal thyself’ in order to maximize my ability to help us become a healing home.

I still ask the Lord to change my hard heart, to give me the patience to respond with compassion, the strength to persevere through the trenches and joy to rise above the chaos. I still make the same mistakes. Not because He isn’t answering my prayers. Because I am so very human. I get in the way of His work in me every day. I.am.not.bragging. I’ve been desperately asking God to show me why I am so insistent upon living as the former self, rather than as the new creation He has made me to be.

And He has! It’s all about forgiveness.

Heaven knows I don’t deserve the depth of forgiveness God has extended to me. I can’t begin to express how thankful I am for His redemption. With God’s grace, I have been able to overcome deep wounds and forgive others who have hurt me, only because He has shown me how! But now comes a revelation that shakes me to the core.

I am withholding forgiveness. I am casting blame. Not audibly, but clearly in my heart. And it is spilling over like poison, tainting everything it touches.

What a horrible admission! But maybe you’ve been there? Maybe you are like me and didn’t realize this is brewing in your heart? Let the healing begin!

I realized that I was so beaten down with the impact of my child’s trauma that somewhere in the process I began to blame him. In my heart I held him accountable for the countless hours we spend on the road for therapy, for the constant attention he requires, for taking my focus off the other children, for every time our plans change suddenly because of his reaction or response, for the fact that he must always be supervised, for the fact that I am exhausted because every moment must be a teaching one, and on and on and on… I blamed him for relationships lost, conflict gained, misunderstandings, judgment, and criticism.

Truth is, as critical as someone else may be of my parenting, I am my worst critic.

And so, I was also blaming myself. I couldn’t understand why he would do things he shouldn’t or wouldn’t do things he should, why he would retreat so deeply within himself, why he would lash out for no apparent reason, why he would lie about something so c.r.a.z.y and obvious, and why MY response would typically escalate his reaction. And so I also blamed ME!

Forgiveness starts here!

My child doesn’t need to know that I blame him or that I need to forgive him. He doesn’t need that burden. But it is something that must happen in my heart. Today I began by granting forgiveness…to myself and to him. I will never be a perfect parent. At the end of the day I hope to say I did my best (totally relying on God!).

Raising a child requires commitment and investment. Raising a child with neurological, physical or emotional conditions requires even more. And in the words of Dr. Karyn Purvis, “…the longer a child experienced neglect or harm, the more invested you’re going to have to become in their healing.” In an effort to help my child heal, I’ve focused too much on ‘fixing’ him. That has proven to be frustrating and exhausting because in the process to ‘fix,’ I have not been able to appreciate who he is, making this adventure more about the destination than the journey.

He is treasured. He is valuable. He is wanted. He is a child whom God has entrusted to me. Not so that I can fix him. So that He can change my heart. And so that I can shape, nurture and protect my child.

God has given me a firsthand opportunity to live out Scripture. It is one thing to say, “Sure, I can love my enemies (because I can keep them at a distance); I can speak for those without a voice (because, in all honesty, I get to choose how much effort I put into it); I can fight against injustice (because I can quit when I’m tired).”

What am I to do when the person who acts most like my enemy lives in my home? When the person whose voice I must be doesn’t want to hear? When my fight for injustice is mocked? When I am at the end of my rope but the battle rages on?

Then I lean in close to my sovereign God, and I trust that He will never leave me (Jos 1:5), that He works ALL things for His glory and for the good of those who love Him (Rom 8:28), that His grace is sufficient (2 Cor 12:9), that He gives me hope (1 Pet 1:3), that His strength is enough (Phil 4:13, Heb 12:12).

God is more than able! He has loved me in spite of my hard heart, and He has made a way for me to love. Healing begins with forgiveness!

To HIM be glory!

*Disclaimer* I am not a single parent. My husband and I are very much a team with the attitude of me-and-you-against-the-world-babe, but this is my heart issue.

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Connie is crazy about her Lord, crazy about her husband, and crazy about her 11 kids. You can read more about life in her family and what God is teaching her on their family blog: http://k6comehome.blogspot.com/

October 21, 2013October 21, 2013

Too Much

The conversation has become an all too familiar one. The hurt, frustrations and tears came to the surface with four simple words spoken softly as I hugged her:

I can’t get pregnant.

Having walked the road of infertility, I could identify with her feelings of hopelessness, heartache, and anger. How can something that seems so natural be so difficult to achieve? Why is (seemingly) everyone else pregnant? What is God trying to teach me? Why is it so hard?

But what stuck in my mind is something she repeated a couple times: I know God won’t give me more than I can handle, but today I feel like I just can’t handle it.

It was too much.

Haven’t we all been there? That place where it all just feels like too much? Too much fear of the unknown. Too much of a challenge. Too much heartache. Too much pain. Too much to endure. Simply too much.

When we reach that place of too much, we often remind ourselves that God won’t give us more than we can handle, which leaves us feeling like maybe we just have to suck it up a bit more because these challenging circumstances, this life, should be well within our limits.

Do you realize that “God won’t give you more than you can handle” isn’t even in the Bible? Seriously, it’s not. I dare say, God DOES give us more than we can handle. It happens all the time in big and small ways, doesn’t it?

Demanding toddlers.

Job uncertainty.

Infertility.

Job loss.

Death of a child…or parent…or spouse.

A failed adoption.

A terminally ill spouse.

A stillborn child.

A job transfer.

An unexpected diagnosis.

Isn’t it all just too much for us to handle?

I can think back to some hard stuff in my life. The struggles with infertility. The 11 month wait that stretched into an almost 4 year wait to adopt. The big detour in our adoption from China. Tackling an independent international adoption. It was all too much for ME to handle.
I don’t like change
or the unknown
or uncertainty
or waiting.
But GOD? God could handle it…and HE did…although it was often only in hindsight that I could see how he worked things out. It may not always be the ending to the story that I may have envisioned, but I can see his hand at work. I can see how HE got me through. (And I am grateful that HE is the one writing the story of my life.)
My job (although I failed miserably at this at times) was to depend on HIM, lean on HIM, cry out to HIM. Doing my best to walk in obedience, and trust what I knew in my head to be true, even when my heart couldn’t feel it.

It is about depending on HIM intentionally hour-by-hour or even minute-by-minute saying, “I can’t do this God. Please give me strength for the next half hour.” (Or the next procedure. Or the next ovulation test. Or the next family gathering. Or the next paperwork gliche. Or the next interview.)

Years ago, as I sat in a parking lot collecting myself before heading in to see the fertility doctor for diagnostic testing that would predict our likelihood of ever conceiving, I put my head in my hands and prayed, “I just can’t do this. I can’t walk in those doors. I can’t smile at the receptionist. I can’t hear what the doctor will likely tell me.” And as clearly as if it were spoken aloud, I heard in my heart: My strength is made perfect in your weakness.

Now THAT is biblical. His strength is made perfect in {my} weakness.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Because of HIM, I walked through those doors and learned that our chances of conceiving were dismal at best.
Because of HIM, we somehow made it through an adoption trip full of surprises and heartache.
Because of HIM, we were able to complete an independent international adoption that most would have never attempted.
Because of HIM, we are able. Not because He won’t give us more than we can handle, but because when He does give us more than we can handle, HE is able. HE equips. HE sustains. HE directs.
HIS power is made perfect in OUR weakness.

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October 9, 2013October 9, 2013

A Peek from His Vantage Point

Lately God has been inviting me to look at our adoptions from His vantage point–kind of like a bird’s eye view/big picture perspective. I want to share this with you because I have found this perspective to be so refreshing and helpful. It has lifted and empowered me to love my children better. How kind of our Father to take my hand and say, “Come up here for a moment, Beth. I have something I want to show you…..” The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets to Dwell In. (Isaiah 58:11-12 AMP) God’s clear intent expressed throughout scripture is to restore who we are meant to be. We are talking full recovery. His holy intent is to wholly restore!

For many of our children there are generations of “ancient ruins” and “age-old foundations” that God wants to rebuild, and many whose inheritance apart from adoption is not one of wholeness and abundant life.

How amazing is it that we can be a part of the giving and receiving of a new inheritance, of a complete legacy shift, so that future generations no longer inherit abandonment, rejection, alcoholism, abuse, neglect, or other manifestations of a broken world. To see our children embrace love and then have the freedom to give love, to see them learn to enjoy life and to make plans for their future, rather than only decisions for survival that day–this is just incredible! Oh what a shift adoption is making in the trajectory of a generational line! Is this not amazing to be a part of?! It is the gospel at work in our families, and it is powerful and oh so good!!

Our God thinks and moves generationally, not merely circumstantially. He is in the circumstance, in the moment, absolutely! I’m sure you are like me and know Him to be “an ever-present help in time of need.” (Psalm 46:1) But from this birds’ eye perspective, we see that God is up to some amazing things with our adoptions or fostering that go way beyond the circumstance of the moment.

So, what you are fighting for right now–reams of paper work in order to bring your child home, government regulations and international laws, meltdowns or rages, attachment or trauma issues–may have more to do with the seeds in your child that will bear fruit in future generations than it has to do with the circumstance you are in right now.

The adoptions of our children, Kristina, Pasha, Andrei, and Sergei, were not just about Kristina, Pasha, Andrei, and Sergei. God is showing me that our adoptions were also about their children, and their children’s children for generations to come.

The truth is that when Stephen and I were first called to adopt we didn’t see the grand vista that Father God was seeing of the generations to come. We saw our children, and that was grand enough for us! That God would rescue our children from their relinquished state was overwhelming in itself, and still has the power to bring me to my knees. Such a thing is too lofty for me to attain, as the psalmist says in Psalm 139.

Our intent was to adopt children; God’s intent was to change the lives of generations of children to come.

And you know what we have found to be even more exciting?! These legacy shifts are not limited to our adopted and foster children. Adoption changes us and our birth children too. Listen to what our daughter Rachel wrote on our Hope at Home blog: I could write a book on this experience, on adoption and how it has affected my life, and my family’s life, but what I really want to emphasize is that adoption has not only dramatically changed me, but has come to define my life and my view of the world around me. As many of you surely know, melding individuals who previously knew nothing of each other into the most intimate of relationships–a family–is a weighty venture that has the potential to redeem and restore broken lives, for both those who are adopted and the family into which they are adopted. Our adoptions have changed and shaped my life completely. When I meet new people I talk about adoption; when I wrote my college application essays I wrote about adoption; when I picked my major I thought about adoption; when I show friends family photos I talk about adoption. I say all this to show that adoption doesn’t just change those who are brought into your family – it changes you to the core. It expands you, challenges you, and fills you up until it overflows into every area of your life.One thing I know for certain is that God’s love is infinite, his heart is universal, and his vision is endless. God bridged the gap between each of my family members, connecting us with threads of supernatural love that cannot be broken and that pulled and shaped us into a wholly unconventional and wholly beautiful family. Yes it’s hard, and there were bumps and bruises on all sides, from having to share my friends with Kristina to getting used to having smelly, loud boys in the house (who were also handsome and wonderful of course). And yes my family doesn’t look like many peoples’. But thank God that he is strong enough to heal the broken parts in all of us, and to not be constricted by terms like “normal families”. I love my family, and I love God for bringing it together in such a powerful and beautiful way.

To be honest, it’s not like I wake up every morning and contemplate the grandness of God’s purposes for future generations! I wake up thinking about my needs, my children’s needs, grocery lists, school meetings and car pools. It doesn’t come naturally for me to think in terms of living for something bigger than myself, but it does come supernaturally!

So as you and I are living out our days, parenting our children in the circumstance of the now, let us remember that every prayer that we pray for our child, every word of life that we speak into and over him or her, every breakthrough in attachment, every sacrifice of love, every dinner time conversation–it all is an inheritance we are leaving for the next generation.

Adoption is having a ripple effect into eternity, friends! This is a work of love that is often costly, but when I see from God’s perspective the beautiful work of enduring love that He has invited me to co-labor in, I am humbled and honestly overwhelmed to be a part of something so grand in it’s scope. When I see how He is restoring me and my whole family, when I see that He has invited me to participate in the breaking of generational bondages, the canceling of curses, the building streets to dwell in, the rebuilding of ancient ruins, and the restoring of stolen heritages that will affect future generations, I am excited once again to love my children in and through every stage of their lives.

Father, thank you for this invitation to co-labor with you in Your amazing work of restoring and enduring love. I am not up to the task, but oh how exciting to be able to be a part of such a beautiful thing with the One who is the Great Adopter and Restorer, the One who is able. Lord, I yield myself once again to Your plan for my family and I thank you for your great love that extends into the generations to come. Would You cause the inheritance that I leave to be one of eternal significance and a blessing to my children’ children’s children? Thank You and Amen.

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: Beth Templeton

Beth has been married to her husband Stephen for 27 years. They have seven children, ages 18-24. Several years after giving birth to three girls God called their family to the adventure and blessing of adoption. In 2000 they brought home a brother and sister, ages 5 and 10, from Russia. Then they returned to the same orphanage 18 months later and brought home two more brothers, ages 7 and 10. Beth’s heart has been deeply and forever changed as she has watched the love of Father God poured out on her whole family through adoption. She leads Hope at Home, a ministry dedicated to help adoptive and foster parents encounter the Father’s heart for their families, partnering with God to transform orphans into sons and daughters. For more parenting insight and encouragement in the Lord, go to hopeathome.org.

September 30, 2013

Praying For Our Children {While We Wait}

Perhaps the most awkward season of parenting is this one where an adoption is imminent, but miles of ocean and red tape still separate the waiting ones from the arms so ready to embrace them forever. As I go about my normal routine, they are always on my mind. Are they carrying water right now? Is someone coaching them to memorize the alphabet yet? What sounds fill their ears as they fall asleep? Crickets? Music? The words, beautiful or not, of the adults around them? Do they feel safe? Will they be terrified of me?

This kind of wondering and speculating can drive a mama’s heart to frantic anxiety because these children feel so real, so ours, and yet so out of reach.

Or are they?

When I was little, my mom used to tell me that when I wanted to talk to Jesus, I could ask Him to pull me onto his lap. That image has never left me and now, as I long to pull the girls onto my lap and meet their every need, it seems so obvious to just ask Jesus to do that for all three of us while we wait.

Throughout the day, my eyes close and He whispers “I’ve got you. What do you need?” The God who is not constrained by distance or time can gather us in the same space and doesn’t He love to build and restore? He’s the God who loves to make something out of nothing, to take what is not and make it real.

And so I ask Him to – even now when they don’t know I’m coming and my imagination of their days could be drastically inaccurate. Even now as I wonder what their personalities are like and if I’ll get to teach them to read, pull their first tooth, be the first one to say “I love you”. As paralyzing as the 10,000 miles separating me from the girls may seem now, life has taught me that even after those miles are crossed, fear and lost time and language barriers and trauma surface to remind that physical nearness is not the cure-all answer to our hearts’ ache. The kinds of wounds we’re dealing with here cannot be healed by cuddles and bedtime stories and back logged vaccinations alone. These are wounds, mine and theirs, that need the touch of a perfect Father – and we happen to have One who knows no limitations of time, space, and distance.

So when that Father sits beside their African beds while I eat my American lunch, why wouldn’t I ask Him to begin His work in them (and in me as their mother)…even now. I ask Him to begin building up their little hearts to know me, trust me, want me. I ask Him to gather their broken places in such a way that they will feel safe with me.

And you? Maybe the distance you feel is not miles, but invisible walls around a child’s heart. Maybe you’re a teacher whose little students walk home to empty refrigerators and absent parents and the few hours you have with them seem so insignificant to heal. This is for you, too.

Below is a PDF download of the verses I am praying over the girls (and have been praying over my yet-undiscovered waiting children for years). Many of them are from the Old Testament and I know that can be a hang up. They were specific to people and places and battles then, yes, but Jesus is the same yesterday and today and forever. Those stories, words, and promises are recorded so that we know what we can ask. The history of those men and woman long ago is a promise for us to cling to here and now – to remember that just because our problems might be smaller than those of Gideon and David and Noah, our God is not.

He is waiting for us to ask Him to be bigger.

To access the full size pdf, click here.

PrayingForOurChildren

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Mandie Joy is a foster parent and soon-to-be adoptive mama of two beautiful little girls who are waiting in Africa. She blogs at www.seeingjoy.com.

September 23, 2013October 16, 2013

The Other Mama

My 6 year old daughter has just begun to ask some very thought provoking questions surrounding her birth mother lately. She’s my thinking child, so although this doesn’t surprise me, I must admit some of the questions…oh.my…let’s just say I’m thankful they have come mostly at night in her bed, with the lights off…so she can’t see the tears that roll down my cheeks. We’re entering a whole new chapter in this adoptive parenting journey and begging for wisdom and revelation from the Lord to help us wade and part these waters.

And at the same time, I’m often in awe of how the Lord has been preparing us for these moments, long before Ashley came home. I’ve mentioned before that I worked in the domestic side of adoption for a few years before transitioning over to the international. Over those years, I worked with birth mothers. And you better believe I took mental notes and had dozens of “light bulb, heart pounding, Holy Spirit” moments with these women. Some of them I knew for months and others I met literally in the delivery room or the day after.

But one thing I knew about each one of them….as hard as they tried to hide it, or as openly as they grieved, was that this was a gut.wrenching.process, and one that they would never, ever forget.

One day the Lord gave me this verse:

Isaiah 49:15
“Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!”

The very God of the universe in His Word, gave an answer to our children…”Did she forget me?”

Can you see it? “…even if that were possible…” which means….it’s NOT. And even if it were…HE WOULD NOT!!!

Meet little miss “A.” She’s just a week new y’all and has the most perfect baby skin I’ve ever seen!!!

Her mama, “M” called me from our church’s Crisis Pregnancy Center a few years back. She was pregnant was interested in adoption. We began meeting and a few months later, a baby girl was born. I watched her do the most courageous thing a woman can do….hand her child over to another mama and daddy to love and raise as their child. And as I watched her grieve, I prayed deep for the woman that had left my baby girl at the orphanage gate for someone else to raise. It’s as if the Lord just allowed me a glimpse of her grief through these women in my care.

A year later, she called back. Pregnant again. And, choosing life for her child, a few months later I stood in the L&D hallway yelling for them to run FAST because their son was about to be born. And she did it again, this time knowing full well the grief to come. Don’t miss that this girl had made some very poor choices, but she had made the most important one for her children….LIFE.

This time around, she’s ready to be a mama. She and her family will raise baby A and get to experience all she hasn’t gotten to with her other children. And rest assured, she has not forgotten them….their pictures hang on her walls. As I left her house, I wondered if Ashley’s birth parents had photos of her….she wasn’t abandoned as a newborn. I’d never wondered that before.

When questions come that I don’t have answers to, I go to the Word. It tells me that it is impossible for a mother to forget her child. And it drives me to pray deep for the two women that will never know this side of heaven how the Lord had His eyes on these babies, and how He placed them where they are loved and treasured.

Oh, how I wish I could send you pictures. For your walls. Just so you would know.

Thanks for the reminder, M…..you are one of the bravest women I’ve ever met, sister.
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Emily and Jay have been married for 11 years and have 5 childen–Avery 8, Ally 6, Annalyse 4, Ashley 3, and (finally) our BOY, Asher 2. Ashley and Asher were adopted from China and were both special needs adoptions. Emily spends her days chasing toddlers and waiting in line at carpool. Her favorite place in the world is in her van, all alone with the worship music blaring! She would count it an honor to have you be encouraged at www.ourhimpossiblejourney.blogspot.com.

July 29, 2013

Hello.

Have we met before? Oh, yes, yes, we have. We’re already friends. You may not recognize us with our new digs. But, it’s just us.

With all the overlap between the mission and vision of The Sparrow Fund and the We Are Grafted In blog, on top of the overlap in people involved in both, we sorta married the two.

Take some time to click around the new site. Check out who this TSF team is, what they do and why they do it. Go read about their upcoming events including Together Called 2014, the second annual retreat for couples sure to bless the stuffing out of couples and a newly announced trip in early March to serve at an orphanage in China.

The great stuff from WAGI will now complement the great stuff from TSF from this day forth.

Great stuff. So, stick around.

June 10, 2013

Hitting repeat

You know how it is. You’ve watched every episode of 24, every second of Downton Abbey. And, then you can’t stop yourself from hitting repeat. Once you’ve finished watching, you have the bigger picture, you know where things are heading. When you go back to some of those earlier episodes, you see things in a new way and find yourself nodding your head and saying “ahhh, now I get it.”

In August, We Are Grafted In’s third season will end. With this season finale, we’re going to see a few changes around here. We are super excited to share that WAGI will be becoming the official blog of The Sparrow Fund, a nonprofit whose vision and mission aligns with our own. As we join forces, we trust that we will be able to better encourage and support adoptive families. While we may have a new address and a new look, we will still be what we have been for the last 3 seasons, a place for those with a heart for adoption to share their experiences and be challenged and encouraged.

It just seems right as we transition to hit repeat and revisit some of our favorite posts from our first three seasons. For those of you loyal readers from the start, you’ll remember some of them but will be able to read them now with newness. And, for those of you relatively new to WAGI, you’ll read some words for the first time and likely get hooked for our new season.

So, grab a cup of coffee and sit down with us every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning this summer. Can’t wait to have you join us, friends.

May 13, 2013May 13, 2013

The new cyber Monday

The day after Mother’s Day. That’s today. But, we’re just going to call it the new Cyber Monday because you all have some shopping to do.

I met Kelly a year and a half ago over coffee in her living room. A mutual friend who knew that we shared the desire to serve children and families joined through adoption set us up on a “blind date.” As the sister to an adopted brother and with the hope of being an adoptive mom myself one day, I knew how important The Sparrow Fund’s resources were for families as Kelly explained what they did. I thought I knew— but to see has been another story.

I joined in the work, volunteering, helping wherever I could. With The Sparrow Fund, I’ve attended trainings, conferences, and retreats—what an amazing and challenging learning experience for me. I have been overwhelmed with how intentional, loving, devoted, and honest the adoption community is. Sorting through adoption issues can be difficult, messy, and exhausting. The Sparrow Fund does an extraordinary job of creating s p a c e for this community—space for adoptive families to come and be blessed through relational, emotional, spiritual, and financial support; space to be encouraged by each other’s experiences, informed by adoptees’ stories, and educated by professionals in the field. The brokenness that comes with adoption is just as welcome as the joy. It has been such a blessing to watch this space be filled over and over again.

The Sparrow Fund is doing excellent work. More than excellent, though, it is needed. There are few training and retreat opportunities like the ones that The Sparrow Fund offers. And, I can tell you from experience that they are such encouraging, life-giving times for adoptive parents. In addition, The Sparrow Fund awarded grants for preadoption counseling and ongoing support to 18 families this past year alone, ensuring as smooth an adoption process as possible. Those 18 grants played a part in 24 children being brought into their families as sons and daughters, brothers and sisters.

We need you to help create more space for support and encouragement for children and families—which is where the new Cyber Monday comes in. About 50 businesses selling guitar equipment to children’s books to jewelry to skincare have committed to celebrating adoption and honoring the work of The Sparrow Fund by donating 10% of their total May sales. All you have to do is shop to grow that 10%. Click HERE or on the page in the menu bar on this site, and start shopping!

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Abbey Leaman recently married her high school sweetheart of 10 years. She works in admissions at a private school in the Philadelphia area and volunteers for The Sparrow Fund in (most of) her spare time. She loves spending time with family and friends, gardening, cooking, and traveling. She and her husband have dreams of adopting in the future.

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