Tiny Steps to Victory

One of my greatest joys in life is to see my children learn new things. Some of them master new things fairly easily. Others have to overcome incredible obstacles in order to have the smallest victories.

There was a time in my life when I understood victory as being highly successful in the big things.

Win a big race.

Achieve great grades.

Quit an addiction.

Climb the corporate ladder in record time.

Win a pageant.

Beat an opponent.

But these days, I understand victory to be so much more than crossing the finish line ahead of the pack or mastering the most difficult of skills.

I see great victory in the small things. The things the old me would surely have taken for grated.

Every doctor and therapist told us that Kael would definitely learn to walk within six months of being home. No doubt about it. They were wrong!

Fifteen months down the road, our tiny little guy (who is ten years old and weighs 32 pounds) is still not walking independently.

BUT…

We see victory! HUGE victory in the baby steps that he takes.

Like standing on a balance beam for the first time (instead of putting his feet on either side).

I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.

photo(5)

And mastering the art of cruising!

I know I can. I know I can. I know I can.

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These are the things that make me tearful.

Seeing my darling boy learning to overcome such huge obstacles.

Each little step, an unfolding miracle.

A gift.

photo(4)

And one of these days, we know that he’ll be running all over the house.

But for now we’ll go at his pace and trust that our God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly MORE in his life.

And restore EVERYTHING that the locusts have eaten.

Shine, Jesus, shine!

_________________________

_MG_4340-EditAdeye is a blessed daughter of the King of Kings, wife to the most amazing man in the world and mommy to nine beautiful children. Three sons the good old fashioned way, two special needs princesses from China, two angelic treasures who have Down syndrome from Ukraine, and two amazing blessings who also have profound special needs recently adopted from Bulgaria.  We’re crazy about Jesus, learning daily about total surrender, passionate about adoption, and learning every day how to live life to the fullest with various special needs and medically fragile children.  I share my passions, my heart, my victories, my struggles, and my daily life on my blog, No Greater Joy Mom.

“Tell Me My Story Again”

“Tell me the story about ME now.”

“Talk about me, tell me one more thing.”

“Um, now please tell me my story again.”

In May, we celebrate family days for both Erica and Brooke. May 6th marked two years for Brooke Cai Wei. May 23rd marked eight years for our Erica Xin Leigh. Two years a family. Eight years a family. These days are special to us; they have become special to the girls. A day to remember, a day to reflect. A day to recognize the invaluable gift we were given the day they became our own. A day to grieve the unknown events. The unknown families. The unknown circumstances that would necessitate this day. A day to rejoice over this thing called “family”. A day to look back and measure just how far we’ve come, how far He has brought us in this journey of restoration. This journey of mending hearts, binding hope, weaving the bond between a family formed not by blood, but by love.

Meredith 1

“Tell me the story. Tell me the story again”

“Was I funny? I was chubby, right Mei? The China nannies always called me “chubby girl”, didn’t they Mei?”

“I only said ‘Bu Yao’, because I was scared. Why was I scared?”

“I loved to play with those toys. Remember those toys in that picture? From when I was in China? I think I really loved those toys.”

“What did I like to do when I was a baby like Lizzie’s new baby sister? Was I a cute baby?”

“Tell me more about me. Tell me the story again.”

These past weeks, more than any other, have been filled to the brim with questions. Peppering. Bouncing. Endless. Wanting more and more, and never satisfied. One brings it up; the other quickly follows suit.

“Now me…now say something about me!”

Meredith 2

Asking questions. Jumping in and filling in the answers, because they’ve heard the stories told over and over again. Recounting “memories” from photos seen; photos displayed around the house. Telling new stories of their early selves that may be true; but may be not. Searching for details. Breaking into smiles when we say “Yep, you were!” “Oh my goodness, I remember that too…” “Really? Tell me more about that story! I don’t remember that one!”

My heart breaks, however, when they inevitably ask questions for which I have no answer.

“What did I look like?” “Was I bald?” “When did I learn to walk?”

In my head, all I can think is “We don’t know.” “It doesn’t say.” “We weren’t told.” “We weren’t there.”

“We weren’t there.” There’s a certain twinge to “Gotcha Day”…”Family Day”…that I can never fully shake. Yes, eight years. Yes, two years. Yes, years now spent together as a family. I’m immensely thankful for those years; I wouldn’t trade them for the world. But I know that those years can never give back time. Those years will never provide me with the answers to their questions. They will never make doctors appointments easier, when a cardiologist asks for Brooke’s family medical history. They will never answer Erica when she asks if her first mama had glasses like she does now.

Meredith 3

It can be overwhelming. It can dishearten. Discourage. It can be painful. But just as adoption is borne from loss…creating beauty from brokenness; growing hope from pain…something incredibly beautiful can come from these unknowns.

Each year together is filled with opportunities. Countless opportunities to discover these precious souls. For every “unknown”, there are a hundred “knowns”. For every unanswered question, there are a million that can be answered. For every memory apart, there are countless more together. These years can’t replace – by any means – but these years can build. They strengthen. They create and they nurture the relationship formed, so that when the questions come, when the unknowns arise, you are there to see them together.

Meredith 4

So yes, sweet girls, yes…I’ll tell you your stories again, all about every moment I can. I’ll tell you all about how you became ours. Show you each picture, every tear, each grin. We’ll remember together, every detail we can, and wander together throughout the unknowns. Let’s look through the memories, yet another time. I’ll recount what I know; you do the same. I’ll remind you again how deeply you are loved, what a miracle you are to our family. You’ll scurry off again, ready to play, but know that whenever you need…

I’ll always be here, I’ll always be near, to tell you your stories again.

______________________

Meredith
Meredith

Meredith is a storyteller and a dreamer; a passionate heart for justice and an advocate for the voiceless. A recent college graduate, Meredith is the oldest of 6 children, a family formed through the gift of adoption. After interning at a special needs orphanage during college, and caring for and falling in love with a little girl with a very broken heart, Meredith’s own heart was broken for orphans, and for children with severe heart defects. By God’s grace, this little girl soon became Meredith’s baby sister, and “life as she knew it” was turned upside-down. Her heart for orphans with CHD has taken her from China to Iraq, and everywhere in between. She believes in choosing courage, daring greatly, and loving well. You can follow along on her journey at www.risingtogo.com.

The Other Side

I’ve had this post swirling around in my head for almost two months now, but simply haven’t been able to find the time or energy to figure out exactly how to write it. You see, as an adoptive mom, it’s very important to me to protect my children’s stories in the best way I can. I try to be very intentional about what I do or don’t share with the world. Along the way, I’ve made many mistakes with this, sharing too much I think, so I’ve gone back and forth about whether or not I should write this post at all. BUT, when it comes down to it, I’ve always seen this blog as a way to connect with others going through a similar journey. I’ve been fortunate to “meet” people who say our story has been a big part of what led them to adopt. I’ve also been on the other end of that where I’ve “stumbled” upon someone’s blog and God spoke directly to my heart through their words. That being said, if what I have to say can help ease some other adoptive mama’s mind and heart or make them feel less alone then it will be worth it.
There was such an intense longing with Gideon’s adoption. We had been through years of infertility, lost our precious baby, and had to fight so very hard to become his mama and baba. The moment they walked him into the room, my whole world became instantly brighter. I fell head over heels in love with him long before that moment, but it was instantly intensified to a place I didn’t even know existed. And that love has just continued to grow from each day going forward. He IS my heart.
This time has been, well….different. We entered into this adoption process in quite a different way. We felt God nudging our hearts when we’d only been home with Gideon for about 6 months. I thought, “NO WAY!” It is too soon! But when it came down to it, we knew that in our life, when God says GO, we would say YES! I wrestled with that choice constantly thinking that maybe Gideon didn’t have enough time with just us. Maybe I didn’t have enough time with just him, but we knew it was what we were supposed to do.
When we were presented with Bishop’s file, VERY QUICKLY, I felt panic, but Ryan fell instantly in love. We had 72 hours to make our decision and we took it down to the last hour. Fear was paralyzing me, but I didn’t want fear to be my deciding factor. Through lots of intense prayer and talking it through with one another, we knew God was saying he was ours. Even after making that decision though it took me several months to feel a connection to him. I realize some people may read to this point and start thinking how awful of a person I must be. If you’re already thinking that, I warn you to just stop reading now because it gets worse.
I’d read stories about adoptive parents not feeling connected to their child for quite some time even after having them in their arms and to be really honest I judged them harshly. Not out loud, but in my mind I thought how terrible. How could you possibly feel that way!?
Well, let me tell you something. I was about to learn my lesson. After a VERY long wait to get all of the necessary paperwork to bring Bishop home, there was a mama bear fight that grew in me. I cried many times at the injustice of stupid paperwork being what kept me from holding my boy in my arms and getting him out of his current circumstances. I really feel that God used that time to grow my connection to him. Looking back, I am so grateful for that time. So when the big day came I was anxious to finally see his face and hold him in my arms. I couldn’t wait to get there. I was nervous about what changes it would bring for all involved. I was scared of how Gideon would react. But I was excited to see his face. I was excited he would finally be ours forever.
We walked into that room and saw him and when they placed him in my arms I felt….
nothing.
Hold on, this couldn’t be right. This was a child I had fought for for almost a year. He was my son. He was Gideon’s little brother. We had prayed for him and waited for this very moment for what felt like forever. How could I feel this way!?
As he cried and thrashed to try to get away from me, the stranger he was looking at with his fearful eyes, all I could think was no no no no no! This isn’t right. What have we done? I didn’t feel compassion or the feeling that I wanted to calm and comfort him. I wanted to hand him back to his nanny whom he obviously loved and run far far away. In the long 45 minutes it took to get him to calm down, I was frozen. I literally didn’t know what to do. So I just did what I did with Gideon, hoping it would snap me back into reality so I could be what he needed in that moment. I sang Jesus Loves Me to him and held him close, but it didn’t work. So, I walked him to a different room and sat down with him in my arms. I kept looking at his face, those eyes that were searching for something in mine to tell him he was going to be okay, but it wasn’t there. My sweet Gideon came over and brought him his bear and rubbed his head saying the words he should’ve heard from his Mama, “It’s okay Bishop. It’s okay.” I just held Gideon close and cried with Bishop. The tears were for the sweetness in my compassionate child who knew what to do when his Mama didn’t, but they were also for all the times I harshly judged others for feeling exactly as I did in that very moment.
I went through the motions from that minute forward…holding him, rocking him, feeding him, bathing him, changing him, until it was bedtime that night. It was then, with my parents and husband, that I was finally able to let it all out. I just sobbed and said what a horrible person I felt like for feeling this way. I prayed that it was just the shock of everything changing so quickly. I got on my adoption boards that I belong to and bravely put it all out there, hoping I wasn’t the only one. Some of the ladies instantly added me to a Safe Haven group where I learned that about 90% of adoptive parents feel exactly like I did. A dear friend said something I will always remember…”Adoption is beautiful and it is redemption, but it is not natural so why would you expect it to feel natural. Give yourself grace.”
Even after knowing I wasn’t the only one to ever not love their child right away, I still felt like something was wrong with me. I mean, I didn’t feel at all like this with Gideon. Well, through my social workers and other adoptive families, I learned that my experience with Gideon is actually the exception. I am so grateful for what we instantly shared. I guess I naively assumed it would be the same with Bishop.
I asked a dear friend of mine if I should write about this because, like I said, I never want to share something that could potentially be detrimental for my children to read. So, I figured I would wait. Surely in a few days, I will get to the other side of this and feel differently. I just knew that would be the case. Well, the days turned into weeks and weeks and weeks. I was still “faking it til I made it”. I knew enough to know that Love is an intentional choice. Once you go through the motions long enough, surely the feelings will follow. Well, what I’ve learned is sometimes that takes a very long time. But that’s okay. I was, immaturely, indulging in my dislike, instead of CHOOSING love regardless of his behavior. I see how this could definitely put a distaste for me in your mouth, but I’m trying to keep it real in the interest of hoping to help other mamas. Do yourself a favor and try your best to pull out of that funk as soon as you possibly can. Your kids deserve it, but so do you. And if you can’t do it yourself, seek help. Contact me if you have no one else to help you.
We have been VERY fortunate to have a few friends who have very intentionally been walking on this journey with us, literally day by day. They know there are many things they CAN’T help us with, but there are things they can do like coming over to spend a morning just carrying the burden with me, grabbing some groceries for us when they are shopping for themselves, bringing us dinner on a rough day, among other things. Having this help has been instrumental in helping me number one…remain sane and number two…pulling myself out of the yuck! So if you are not being offered this help, please ask someone for it!
Let me be clear, even through all of the trauma Bishop is experiencing (that which I will not discuss on the blog in detail) there really is nothing unlovable about him. He is funny and sweet and kind(when he wants to be). He is as deserving of my love as Gideon was from the beginning.
We have been a family for almost two months. Things are slowly changing. I have more patience for his challenging behavior. I find myself smiling at something he has done or just his pure cuteness. I talk more lovingly about him and the sweet and funny things he does. I want to be the last face he sees on his surgery day and the first face he sees when he wakes up. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I spend lots of time kissing him on his cute little cleft lips and hugging him and walking around with him strapped to me in the Ergo. We dance together and laugh together and act silly together.
We LOVE together.
And the best part is…
I’m not faking it anymore.
                                     _______________________
rennoMelissa has been married to her amazing husband, Ryan, for almost five years. In a story that only our faithful and incredible God could write, they were led to bringing home their two sons, Gideon (home since December 2012) and Bishop (home since February 2014), via China’s Special Needs Program. Melissa spends her days at home loving up her two boys. It is the most challenging thing she has ever done, but, without a doubt, the most rewarding. Melissa has a deep desire to share the TRUTH about adoption, good, bad and ugly with other adoptive mamas. She uses her blog, You Were Born In Our Hearts, to do just that. Go check it out!

Consider the Waiting Child – Living Life with Limb Deformities

 

My children are BEAUTIFUL. God made every one of their fingers and toes PERFECT. Will the world see it this way? Not always, but we know God designed each and every one of us for His glory and loves us just as we are.

 
“For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” 
(Ps. 139:13-14, NIV)
____________________________

 

Imagine a boy from China thinking he was abandoned because of a deformed thumb. 

Imagine living your whole life with a dysfunctional thumb, one that flopped about, out of your control. 

Imagine being ripped from the only country and home you have ever know to be whisk off to a new country with a new language, new family, new home, and new friends.

Imagine being told that something that has always been a part of you is going to be removed, yes, to make your life and functionality improved, but still . . . 

Imagine thinking that they were just going to cut off that floppy thumb without any pain killers. Horrifying thought for an 9 year old boy.

Imagine the relief when you learn they have “special sleep medicine”. 

Our boy from China, though scared and unsure, held his head high and walked strong and sure into Scottish Rite Hospital in Dallas, TX to emerge 24 hours later with a new thumb. Well, he did have to wear a cast for six weeks, but you get the idea.  

Anthony is full of life and energy with a flair for the dramatic! He is extremely intelligent and picked up English with incredible speed. He joined our family in January of 2013. Anthony has a deformity in his right arm and hand. He is missing the bones in his right thumb and the radius in his forearm is short causing his arm to slightly curve in. The amazing and renowned pediatric hand surgeons of Scottish Rite Hospital performed an amazing surgery on his hand. They removed his limp thumb and moved his index finger to the location of the thumb so that he now has an opposable digit. It is truly amazing! This is the only surgery they plan to perform. At some point as medicine advances, there is a possibility that they might be able to lengthen his arm as well. 

____________________________

 

Imagine a darling little 18 month girl bursting into your lives like a wildfire. 

Imagine the parental distress over her precious misshapen fingers and toes.

Imagine the joy in learning that only a few short hours away from your home is someone who can help provide her with better functionality. 

Imagine a sweet little girl who in and out of surgery without a single issue in less than a day.

Grace is a vivacious fun loving four year old who makes friends everywhere she goes. She joined our family in May of 2011. Grace has amniotic banding syndrome which led to deformities in her fingers and toes. She is missing her big toe on her left foot and the middle toes on her right foot are fused together as one. Additionally, her right foot is a slight club foot. Her index finger on her left hand is not properly formed and two of her middle fingers on her right hand are short. The same pediatric hand surgeons at Scottish Rite worked on her right hand to help her with movement and will possibly perform a follow up surgery on each hand in a few years. Grace wore her arm cast for a mere four week, and she never complained or once tried to pull it off. Keeping it dry was a bit of a challenge. 

We also went through a series of casts and physical therapy on her right foot/leg to work on stretching the muscles and help the foot straighten. This is an ongoing process and we will most likely be refitting her for another AFO soon. 

____________________________

Our greatest struggles will be managing our children’s hurt feelings when other children ask them why their hands and feet are different. While the doctors performed wonderful work on their limbs, they will never look normal by the world’s standards. We know and will always communicate to them that God see them as perfect and beautiful, but that we live in a fallen world, so there will always be questions and looks. Haven’t we all experienced the cruelty of children at some point in our lives? Did any of us escape the teen years unscathed, without experiencing ridicule about something? Of course, this will break our hearts, but we pray that we will use these opportunities to point our precious babies to the One who loves them more than any of us could imagine or fathom. 

 

There are many things we will never know about our children or their past. 
 
BUT
 
What we do know is this.
 
They are BEAUTIFUL.
 
We CHOSE them just as God CHOSE us.
 
We will LOVE them FOREVER.
 
We are their FOREVER FAMILY.
 ______________________________________
 
After struggling with infertility for 5 years, God led Suzanne and her husband, Adam, to His Plan A for their lives—adoption! Their daughter, Grace Lihua, came into their lives on May 8, 2011 (Mother’s Day) from Fuzhou City, Fujian Province, China. And, their son, Anthony Jianyou, joined their family on January 14, 2013 from Shanghai. After a career in politics, Suzanne now works as a part time Pilates instructor while home schooling their children, writing and working as a part of the Sparrow Fund Blog leadership team. You can follow their adoption journey and life on her blog, Surpassing
 

Siblings

As a by-product of my job, I get the opportunity to talk to lots and lots of people about adoption. I get all kinds of questions and lots of chances to tell our story to families, almost on a daily basis. Most families that are calling our agency today are moms and dads who have heard God’s call to care for orphans, and are already parenting biological children. So as you can imagine, one of the most frequent things people ask, is:

“How is adoption going to effect my children I’m already parenting?”

Buckle your seat belt.

 Adoption teaches your children that the world does not revolve around them.

(Romans 15:1-3)

*Because the world does not revolve around them, by the way*

 It teaches them to think outside of themselves, when your family is working and saving to  bring a child home, and they can’t have that toy, or that Disney vacation. And they may have to share a bedroom, and their toys, and even clothing. Maybe the van is really crowded (amen) or they don’t have Christmas presents stacked 6 feet deep like their friends. But that’s OK. We adopted both of our children within weeks of Christmas. They never asked why it was lean. They knew it wasn’t about gifts anyway, and we had babies to go get. And although they didn’t always have perfect attitudes about it, and they didn’t really understand, one day they will. 

 Adoption teaches your children to love and respect cultures that are not their own.

(1 Thess. 1:9, 1 Peter 1:22)

It teaches them that there is a world outside of the city and state they live in, with different people and different languages, and different cultures. If you adopt a child of a different culture or race, congratulations, you are now a multi-cultural, multi-racial family. You now get to celebrate double the holidays (kids really love this:) and your kids learn by default to respect and celebrate different skin tones. My girls especially love to point out every Chinese person they see….most recently in the van, Annalyse went crazy screaming at Ashley, “LOOK!!! LOOK!! THERE’S A CHINESE BOY DRIVING THAT CAR!!! HE’S CHINESE! FROM CHINA!!!” I’m sure Ashley will not think this is particularly cool when they are 17.

 Adoption teaches your children to be compassionate, forgiving, accepting and giving. (Luke 6:36, Ephesians 4:32)

Aren’t these the things we want our kids to know and live out anyway? This isn’t something they learn because you tell them to act this way. It’s a pattern they imitate by having parents who are living out the commands of Christ to be the salt and light to a hurting world. When you adopt, and care for orphans, they get it by default. You don’t just tell them to be compassionate, they learn this when they see you holding a screaming child who is grieving  for things they have no words for. They hear it when you explain to strangers your motivation behind building your family the way you are. They understand about giving because maybe your family has been the recipients of some pretty amazing financial gifts, and they watch you give your gifts to others coming behind you.

One day in car pool, my 7 year old said, “mama if I had a million dollars, I’d go straight to China to get some more brothers and sisters to bring home. Then I’d go to the mall.” Hey people, she has her priorities straight 🙂

 Adoption is the perfect picture of salvation. God meant it that way. 

(John 14:18)

Here’s the deal. Jay and I have two living breathing examples of the very GOSPEL that live and reside in our home. See that kid? He was far far away. He had a different name, and his life was hopeless. There was no way he could change his life on his own. Through the miracle of adoption, he was brought home. Regardless of his baggage, regardless of his ability, and regardless of his life before, he was adopted. His name changed. His future changed. It was sealed with a decree that can never be broken or changed. He can never go back to being an orphan. No matter what he does. You can read more about adoption and the Gospel here, but folks we’ve got an open opportunity to share the very GOSPEL with everyone who says to us, “what made you want to adopt?” AND YOUR KIDS WILL SEE THAT! 

 Can they learn all this without adoption? 

 Absolutely. 

 But for those of is whom the Lord has called to walk this road…..He has given our families an amazing opportunity to show the world about Him. To not only preach the Gospel, but live it out with our very lives. Which is what we are called to do anyway…..we just get the incredible privilege of being mama’s and daddy’s to some pretty amazing kids while we do it.

 And special needs? Apparently, kids overlook those as well. 

 Last week in the tub, Annalyse was  helping bathe Asher when she exclaimed, “MAMA!! Asher only has THREE toes on this foot, SEE????!!!!!!!!” #we’vebeenhome10months

 ummmm, yes. Yes, he does…..<3

 Matthew 5:14

“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.”

______________________________________
Emily Flynt
Emily Flynt

Emily and Jay have been married for 11 years and have 5 childen–Avery 8, Ally 6, Annalyse 4, Ashley 3, and (finally) our BOY, Asher 2. Ashley and Asher were adopted from China and were both special needs adoptions.  Emily spends her days chasing toddlers and waiting in line at carpool. Her favorite place in the world is in her van, all alone with the worship music blaring! She would count it an honor to have you be encouraged at www.ourhimpossiblejourney.blogspot.com.

The Waiting Child

Thinking about Adoption? Have you considered the Waiting Childl?

When my husband and I first started our adoption process, these children were referred to as Special Needs which can be a scary term.

But what if instead we called them “Waiting Children”? Doesn’t sound as intimidating, right, and it is the truth as well! Furthermore, what if we thought of “Special Needs” kids as “special”, amazing children in “need” of or waiting for a forever family? What if God had said, “oh, I don’t want to save people with problems, only perfect people”? None of us are worthy of Him. We are all special cases in comparison to our great God. Praise God, that He, in His mercy, sent his only and perfect Son to die for all of us (John 3:16)!

When our caseworker mentioned this list as a possibility to us, we looked at each and said, “we don’t think so”, but God had other plans. He began to work in our hearts and brought people into our lives who had adopted children from China on the waiting child list and showed us that He had a completely different plan than we were thinking of for our adopted child. He showed us that we didn’t need be scared of this special list of children but rather to see them as beautiful children created by their creator, perfect in His eyes, and waiting for us to adopt them! The truth of the matter is that many children on this list in China have things that can easily corrected in the United States such as cleft lip/palate or limb deformities. Of course, there are children on these lists with more severe issues, so pray about God’s plan for your adoption and seek His will alone. Don’t focus on the fact that you want a “healthy” child but rather on the child God has for you. Step out in faith, knowing that His plan is far greater than any you could ever imagine. Yes, there will rapids along the way, but He has promised to carry you through those times of trial and difficulty that are inevitable. He will be faithful. WE CAN TRUST HIM!! “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understand.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Prov. 3:5-6)

Meet Grace Lihua

Grace Before and After Adoption
Grace Before and After Adoption

Grace is a vivacious fun loving three year old who makes friends everywhere she goes. She was born on November 12, 2009 and joined our family in May of 2011. Grace has deformities in her fingers and toes. She is missing her big toe on her left foot and the middle toes on her right foot are fused together as one. Additionally, her right foot was a slight club foot. Her index finger on her left hand is not properly formed and two of her middle fingers on her right hand are short. We took her to a renowned pediatric hand surgeon at Scottish Rite in Dallas who did some work on her right hand to help with mobility and will do on a follow up surgery on each hand in a few years. We also went through a series of casts on her right foot/leg to work on stretching the muscles and helping the foot straighten.  While all this sounds complicated, God has walked with us every step of the way, and we are excited to watch His plans for her life unfold!

Meet Anthony Jianyou

Anthony - Before & After Adoption
Anthony – Before & After Adoption

Anthony is full of life and energy with a flair for the dramatic! He is extremely intelligent and is picking up English with incredible speed. He was born on September 23, 2004 and joined our family in January of 2013. Anthony has a deformity in his right arm and hand. He is missing the bones in his right thumb and the radius in his forearm shorter causing his arm to slightly curve in. Additionally, the muscles in his right arm are very weak. The same doctors who worked on Grace’s hand will perform a surgery on his hand this coming September. They will be removing the limp thumb and moving his index finger to the location of the thumb so that he will have more mobility and ease when grabbing things with this hand. It is truly amazing! He is a little concerned about this surgery, but does want his hand to function better, so keep him in your prayers. We are excited to share with Him the incredible, unending, perfect love of God who created Him just as he is for a special purpose ordained by God.

Our greatest struggle will be dealing with our children’s hurt feelings when other children ask them why their hands and feet are different. We know and will always communicate to them that God see them as perfect and beautiful, but that we live in a fallen world, so there will be questions and looks. Haven’t we all experienced the cruelty of children at some point in our lives? Did any of us escape the teen years unscathed, without a hurt feeling stemming from ridicule by someone over something “wrong” with you? Of course, this will break our hearts, but we pray that we will use these opportunities to point our precious babies to the One who loves them more than any of us could imagine or fathom. 

My Children are BEAUTIFUL! See my post about this here.


“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (I Peter 3:3-4, NIV)

To quote Johnny Diaz, “More Beautiful You”,

“There could never be a more beautiful you

Don’t buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

So there could never be a more beautiful you.”

 _____________________________________

Suzanne Meledeo
Suzanne Meledeo

After struggling with infertility for five years, God led Suzanne and her husband, Adam, to His Plan A for their lives, adoption! Their three year old daughter,Grace Lihua, came into their lives on May 8, 2011 (Mother’s Day) from Fuzhou City, Fujian Province, China, and their eight year old son, Anthony Jianyou, joined their family on January 14, 2013 from Shanghai.  After a career in Politics, Suzanne is thankful for God’s provision in their lives that now allows her to work part time as a Pilates Instructor while spending time with Grace and preparing for the home schooling of their boy. You can follow their adoption journey and life on their blog, Surpassing Greatness.

Questions of men. Answers of Him.

The Word is eternal and it is true.
And it tells us that these, days, and us, men, are like grass.
We are here today and gone tomorrow.
But, oh, how we often live as if that is not true.
And how we fill our heads and hearts with doubts, fears, and questions.
As if this was our home and our destination.
As if there was not Glory waiting on the other side.
Surely, I have seen my own tendency towards these thoughts.

Jessica Cooksey 2

September 18, 2011 is our oldest son, Adam’s birthday.
It came unexpected, to us.
Husband and I were playing badminton on that muggy hot Indian evening.
We did not know of the baby that was being born in our rural hospital.
That precious baby, whose unformed body had been created by a good God.
But, whose unformed body, puzzled us, mankind.
Our precious Adam entered the world without eyelids, a severe cleft lip and palate, a partly absent nose, and severe webbing of the legs.
There are diagnoses for these things.
And his is “Bartsocas Papas Popliteal Pterygium Syndrome”.
It is a bit overwhelming, is it not?
And if you really look into it, you will see it is often referred to as the
“Lethal Pterygium Syndrome”

When husband, a doctor, and I, a nurse, read those words, we grasped the severity.
Maybe you do too.

But, we also read something else alongside this diagnosis.
We read from the Word, Living
He said “Your eyes saw my unformed body, every day was ordained for me before one of them came to be”.
The psalmist, David, scribed those words.
So if the Creator’s eyes sees unformed bodies and brings them into this world with breath in their lungs, then He created this Adam for a purpose.
His first days were heavy, but a silver lining revealed a Hope unseen.
An adoption story that would move mountains.

For this husband and this wife, they had already been adopted.
Into an eternal family.
They knew that they were more like Adam than people realized.
Spiritually, they had been Adam.
They, too, had once been deformed, orphaned, and destined for death.
But a Holy Blood was spilt on their behalf.
And a Holy God became flesh and dwelt among them.
And gave Himself for them.
So they could no longer be orphans, but children of this God.

So, if this adoption was true of that husband and wife
And if they were called to be His ambassadors on this earth
How could they deny this abandoned, unformed child and his need for a family?

They could not.
His Spirit compelled them and empowered them.

But, I, that wife, had one question.
“How can I raise a dying child?”
“Could I knowingly raise a child with such a diagnosis?”
I did not know that I could.
But His still small voice pierced those depths of my heart.
“Jessica, you TOO, are dying”
“Raja, your beloved, is dying”
Yes, our Spirit’s will live. But this body, it is fading.
“Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day”
After all, didn’t Solomon tell us…
“All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the Word of the Lord stands forever”
Yes, we are eternal beings. That I know. And in that I rejoice.
The idea that we are all dying is not some fatalistic idea.
Each year that passes, I see changes in my own body. We age and no man knows if he is guaranteed tomorrow.

Did I choose to not marry Raja because one day he may die before me?
No.
Do I love him or any of my family and friends less because of unavoidable death?
No.
I love them deeply in this moment.
Then why should I question loving, adopting, and caring for this precious boy because a diagnosis speaks of a shorter life?
There is no answer.
And one day, when other children enter our family, I should not look at them in a different way.
For their future, too, is uncertain.
I love each of them, my husband, and all my loved ones with love from Heaven. Love one day at a time.
We do not know what tomorrow holds. I know this moment. I know Jesus. I know what love is. I know His word.
And, after all, “the word of the Lord endures forever”.
Flesh fades like grass, but the Word endures.
The Word will give me the strength I need to love Adam.
No matter what tomorrow holds.

So, he became ours.
And this unnamed baby was named Adam.
And the one seen as a curse was a now a blessing to countless thousands.
And he was no longer alone but known by many.
And he is our son.

Jessica Cooksey 3

Many of my questions ended there.
His Word silenced my fearful heart.
But their questions?
From others you look and see…
They do not stop.
They come daily and it can unnerve me.
And it can bring up anger in me.
But He is teaching me grace in those moments.

And He uses the stories of others to remind me.
I am not alone.
We are not alone.
Adam is not alone.

Like this story.
It is incredible.
It is about a boy and a girl.
Headed for marriage.
He gets a brain injury from a car accident.
She still marries him.
And they say “it all works for good”
That verse Paul scribed in Romans 8.28.

That same verse has pulsed life through our veins many days since September 18, 2011.

There are really not words to share to capture the Glory in their story.
Just watch.

They have a blog.
And I was reading an entry from September 2012.
It was titled “What If”.
The husband and wife are talking:

wife: “Ian, if the role were reversed and I had the tbi, would you still be with me?”

husband: “yes”

wife: “why?”

husband: “because you’re more than a brain.”

And it resonates so much in this heart of mine.
And it makes such sense.
So the more people ask me,
“Why did you adopt Adam?”
“Why did you save this child?”
And when they bring up future issues that, though we consider, are not relevant or important to Adam being Adam,
I have a new answer.

“Because a baby is more than eyelids”.

“Because a person is more than fingers”.

“Because a life is more than a nose”.

“Because a baby is more than full legs”.

And when that fails, the Word LIVING is there.

His eyes saw our “unformed body”
and
“What God calls clean, do not call common”

So my heart’s “how’s” and their “why’s” are answered in Him.
We are temporary bodies, with eternal purposes.
Not just the medically fragile.
But each and every one of us are temporary.
And we are more than perfect bodies.
So much more.

He became flesh to be among the likes of us.
To adopt us thru His Holy Blood.
So these weary, broken, unformed bodies.
Can one day join Him in glory.

_____________________________

Jessica Cooksey 1Jessica Paulraj loves to see the Light known and made much of. Bred
and reared on Florida shores, she now lives in north India with her
adventurous husband, Raja, who is a Psychiatrist. She was teaching
nursing in India when her son, Adam, entered their life through the
glorious ransom of adoption. Adam’s younger brother, Elliot, was born
this past September through the beautiful miracle of childbirth, and
these brothers are quite the force to behold, keeping Jessica busy all
the day long. Jessica is convinced that a steaming cup of spicy chai
is remedy for any peril a day may bring and she loves exploring by
bicycle. You can read more about her life with these boys and her
longings to see the Light pierce darkness at We: Unformed.

Identity

 

Our daughter is so proud that she can now write her name. She loves to practice. Her name and her ability to write it is important to her. Her name is part of who she is. What’s even more amazing is that she only has three fingers and no thumb and she just came home from China six months ago. She writes her name in spite of it all. No one tells her she can’t. She knows it is part of her identity, and she just keeps writing. How will she respond one day when that identity is challenged? How will she respond when she is teased or bullied? Or told she can’t do something?

The crazy thing is that we walk around every day letting others challenge our identity. When we choose to truly follow Christ, we claim a new identity in Him. Our entire mindset is changed, we are a completely new being. Romans 12:2 says, “ Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” We now choose to be empowered by Christ, not by others. Our identity is in Christ.

I know that the day will come when Madelyn’s identity is challenged. She will be made fun of, she will be called names—it will happen. I want her response to be, “I am Madelyn, my identity is in Christ. My confidence is in Him, and He empowers me to rise above.”

Keep writing your name Madelyn!

___________________________________

Amy Kratzer

 Amy Kratzer’s identity is in Christ. She has been married to her awesome husband for seventeen years. She is a pastor’s wife, mom, and seventh grade public school teacher. She has three children, Harrison, 13, Cailyn, 6 and Madelyn, 4. The youngest, Madelyn, joined the family in February 2012. In her “spare” time, she loves blogging, reading other people’s blogs, and helping adoptive families with her ministry Forever Hope

Broken Little Child

He threw a rage at the hospital tonight. A big one. He kicked and screamed and threw a chair at the receptionist. His super-human fury-driven strength required five men to contain, an empty “time-out” room, a bed with restraints, a “burrito wrap,” and some emergency medications. And somehow, he still managed to spit on people, hit, and slap the doctor across the face.

Of course, we’ve seen this sort of thing before. Many times. At home. We aren’t surprised by his actions, just surprised that he finally lost control enough to show this very real side of himself to other people…the same people he’s been trying to convince that he’s perfectly compliant and well-mannered. He wants them to believe that this is our problem and not his.

We stand by the truth. We are not, have never been, and never will be perfect parents, but the responsibility for the behavior our son chooses does not belong to us. It belongs to him and him alone. The responsibility for the trauma that caused his brain to work the way it does also does not belong to us. It belongs to another set of parents that failed him many years ago.

And yet, I concede to my son’s way of thinking on at least one point. Although not in the area of responsibility, this problem does belong to us as well as to him.

Because we love him.

Tonight, as I was putting our other kids to bed, Miss M, who is our troubled son’s biological sister and who is currently winning a long battle with an attachment disorder, got really serious.

“Mom, why did you adopt us if it was going to be so hard?”

“Girlie, we’ve talked about this before. Everything that’s worth doing- everything really important – is hard.”

“Do you wish you could change it?”

“Sweetie, I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever go back and not adopt you, because then you wouldn’t be my daughter.”

I walked over to her bunk bed, reached up, cupped her head in my hands, and planted a few kisses right in the middle of her forehead. Those big brown eyes as dark as chocolate were sparkling with genuine joy as my voice filled with tears and I said to her,

“You are mine. Forever and ever, you are mine. No matter how hard things get, you are my girl. Forever.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“Love you, too. Now go to sleep!”

There was a time, less than two years ago, when I no longer had any idea what I was fighting for. When I felt like giving up. There was a time when that same little girl that hungers so much for her Mama’s love and approval couldn’t get through the day without throwing a tantrum about something, without hitting or biting or screaming, couldn’t let her guard down long enough to show us the real Miss M that she kept hidden inside.

There was a time when all things felt hopeless, when every thought of our daughter brought on panic and despair, when constant talk of her dominated our marriage, and when we couldn’t see God working through all the pain and anger and frustration.

There was a time when I couldn’t see the scared, broken little girl underneath all that spewing hatred; the little girl that I now love with all my heart.

I am convinced that there is a terrified, broken little child inside every traumatized, angry, unattached child.

Inside my son.

It’s that thought that allows me to feel sorrow for him tonight, in an out-of-control rage against people that he doesn’t know and have done nothing to him. How scared and panicked and all alone that little child inside must feel! And as silly as it sounds, he’s never been without my husband and me when he’s been in one of his rages. Does he care? Does he feel abandoned? Does he even notice?

I know God is working in this situation. I don’t know how yet, but I do know that when all seemed lost with Miss M, He showed up in amazing ways…in His own time. He’s healing my daughter. He’s changing who I am. He’s strengthening my marriage and my faith and my family, and best of all, He’s reminded me what – who – I am fighting for.

That scared, broken little boy or girl inside every traumatized child is His precious child. Not ours, but His…created beautifully and wonderfully in His image and for His glory.

And they are people worth fighting for.

_____________________________________

Lisa Barry

I’m married to a man that makes me laugh so hard that I usually end up in tears. He was saved four years into our marriage, and then we turned our union over to God and His plans. God took our offer and blessed it with four children in two years (two through the foster care system and two through good old-fashioned baby-making), and then (surprise!) gave us another little biological squirt three years later. If you did the math, that’s five children in five years. Did I mention I’m insane? No seriously, God is good. He’s gently leading me down the paths of mothering, partnering with my incredible, Godly husband, dealing personally with impulsive ADHD, homeschooling, and helping our adopted kids overcome Attachment Disorders. I’ve got a long way to go, and most days I wonder how God could possibly love me with the absolute abandon that He does. I’m so thankful. I’m so blessed. I write about my life and my journey to overcome the worst of myself. Feel free to visit, but don’t expect perfection…the only good in me comes from Him.

Cognitive Tests…Make it hard to come with a title

My afternoon yesterday was most likely your night…since I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific ocean. I read through Facebook posts and tweets about the Cardinals losing, Monday night football, Dancing With the Stars and some pretty nasty comments about the presidential debate. My mind was on other things. I was googling “mental retardation.” I engrossed myself in stigmas and causes. Medicinenet.com defines it this way, “Mental retardation: The condition of having an IQ measured as below 70 to 75 and significant delays or lacks in at least two areas of adaptive skills. Mental retardation is present from childhood.”

I read about studies done in orphanages in Budapest. Some said that for each month a child spends in an orphanage up to age three, their IQ score goes down 1/2 point. I read about stigmas of each name. How retard has become a dirty word. I know, I used it on just about everything growing up in the ’80s. Now, the politically correct phrase is developmentally delayed. Huh? That’s Jack’s special need according to all his paperwork.

Why am I bringing all this up now? I just left Jack’s cognitive assessment. I won’t have the results for several weeks, but I know the test the psychiatrist was using needed to be changed to fit his level more than once over the three hours we spent in that little room. Jack was awesome. I think in the same situation I would have been irritated with someone asking me the same question in a sing song voice repeatedly. I didn’t do so awesome. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t lost my composure. Here’s the thing. It’s a standardized test and Jack, well, Jack’s not standard. We call those little wax things colors. Dolls are babies. I’m Mama, not Mommy. Grandpa is a bear. Things like that tend to skew a test. I can’t think of a time I’ve said, “Jack give me the _____.” I say, “Can I have ____?” or “Hand me the _____.” “Get your shoes.” “Find your cup.” I wanted to yell, “You aren’t asking the right way!” I did finally say, “In our house those are (and then I spelled out) B-A-B-I-E-S.” That’s when I got the standard rules for standardized test speech.

Jack can count higher than half the kids on Bria’s class but he won’t answer if you say, “Jack, how old are you?” He just learned to say “Mama and Daddy” not that long ago. Jack parrots our behavior. Matching something is an abstract concept for him. He shares. He tries to do what we ask. Today I was overwhelmed leaving the test when he patted my shoulder and said, “Woook! Is a train!” He is getting it, ever so slowly. The fact is for whatever reason he is delayed.

I heard all about the orphanage delay. I had delusions of grander. Apparently what I heard loudest was, “he will catch up.” Instead of that, can’t speak, low muscle tone, missing fine motor skills points. I heard he’ll be like everyone else. He’s not. Neither is Arleigh, or Hanan or Bria. We all come with our own set of kinks and quirks. Low IQ was off my radar. I thought this would be, show him a car, say car, he’ll learn car sort of deal. It’s not. I’m mad right now because I hear some people saying, “I told her so.” I hear the naysayers in my head saying, “Do you know what’s going to happen to your family?” or “Did you really count the cost.” When I am overwhelmed with Jack’s delay I’m reminded that there were people along the way of our paper chase who wanted to tell me it would be too hard. When I’m struggling, sometimes I wonder what they are thinking now.

This is what I would say to myself of almost two years ago when we were just getting Jack’s file…

Dear Self,

If you think the paperwork is scary now, you don’t know what scary is. Wait until they take him back for an MRI to look for brain damage. It is going to get a whole lot worse. It’s not blue skies and rainbows and sisters loving on brother the second you get off the plane. It’s hard. He’s going to get mad because he can’t tell you how he feels. You are going to get mad because all you want is a day at the beach and the beach is going to be the most terrifying place on earth the first few times he goes.

During this paper chase there is something about it. You are broken and want your boy home but you also feel like you are part of something bigger. You somehow really see your place in God’s plan. It’s easy now to shirk off naysayers. It’s a bit harder when Jack is in your arms and you want him to act like a normal little boy and he’s not. When you are holding him and he is tremoring like a seizure is coming on just because something is new and people are giving both you and Jack funny looks, try to remember that Wonder Woman feeling you have right now. It’s a bit harder to hold on to these days but it’s still there. Remind yourself that you are still part of God’s plan. You are helping the world see God’s love in a little boy.

Don’t quit. Jack will teach you so much about yourself. Some good, some bad. Jack is going to show you and those little girls a bigger world. He is going to win EVERYONE over even though he doesn’t talk much. The random guy at the school will come to love him. He will make people laugh out loud on a regular basis and you get to watch as he touches their hearts. Jack is going to open up compassion in Arleigh, Hanan and Bria like you’ve never seen. Bria will walk away from her little sister role to become a champion to her brother. You’re going to cry over all the tests. It’s going to be hard to watch him fail. Hard isn’t impossible. In his failing, he just gives himself more room to grow.

Jack isn’t going to be what you thought. He won’t be perfect. He’s going to be better. He may be with you until he’s 18 or forever. Either way it’s okay because you’re going to learn that when he’s around, you’re better. Delays are hard to swallow. It’s just one more mountain to climb. God wouldn’t have sent Jack to you if He thought you couldn’t do it. Somedays you may think you can’t. Remember that with God, you can.

Don’t quit! Sincerely,

B

________________________________________

Brandi Stiff

Brandi is a Christian, military wife and mama to four true blessings. After living in Iceland and Maryland she started blogging so their extended family could keep up with their life on the east coast. Two moves and two kids later, one brought home from China, it’s about faith and family, dealing with developmental delays and their misadventures in Hawaii. You can read more here.

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