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Feeling No Pain

Today I watered the kids as well as the veggie and flower gardens. This was Scarlett’s first exposure to the hose and so we took it slow. She loved it and shrieked and laughed her way through the hose spray.

Priceless.

Towards the end of it, she ran onto the driveway and fell down. Because she falls all the time and gets right back up, I didn’t think anything of it. I went over to her, but she just got back up and ran off to continue the pursuit of the hose. It was only after we came back into the house that I noticed the back of her arm. She had a huge, open, bloody scrape on the back of her elbow.

Now, if this had been one of my bio kids, they would have been going on and on about it. They would have been “this close” to death, the agony, and so on. This child never uttered a single word about it. In fact, when I took her into the bathroom to clean it, again, she didn’t utter a word. My bio kids would have been SCREAMING bloody murder.

She never said a thing. It’s as though she was immune to the pain.

How is that possible? How can she not have felt that and wanted comfort for the pain?

She received kisses and tickles and everything else in between regardless because that’s what I do. But, I was a little freaked out. The two older kids were freaking out.

Why wasn’t she crying?

My heart is still crying for her. For her lack of acknowledgement of the pain she must have been in…
For her thought that no one was going to comfort her anyway so why bother…
For her heart that must be crying, even though her face isn’t…
For every time she has fallen down and picked herself back up without someone there to help her up…
My heart aches…

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Kenlyn Jones

Kenlyn started advocating for the children of Shepherd’s Field about 3 years ago through sponsorship and fundraising. Adoption was not on their radar. God called them to help the children, and it took them a little while to realize it would be through adoption as well. Kenlyn aims to blog the “real story”– “the good, the bad, the ugly” — in hopes of better preparing adoptive families for their children’s homecoming. Go check out their blog and see their newest addition recently home from China.

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And the Name is…

Will

Gentle 6 will be officially named
William JiaLe Gentle

  • Rob’s reaction, “I never suggested it.”
  • Charlie’s reaction, “Will! How will I ever remember Will? It is too hard!”
  • Jack had no reaction. He’s still oblivious to the idea of another brother. Yesterday, we were working on the idea of categorizing people: brothers, cousins, friends, etc. Jack was adamant that he is the sister of the family.

So, where and why did we pick Will? I’d like to share a little about Mike’s and my creativity level.

  • Rob’s full name came from his two grandfathers’ first names.
  • Charlie’s full name came from reversing his dad’s full name.
  • Jack…Well, we were out of family names, and we both liked the name. It wasn’t a sure thing though. His Chinese name meant lucky omen. There are few American names that mean lucky omen. I substituted gift from God for lucky omen found John, Johnathan, and Jack. That seemed to seal the deal. Jack it would be.

So, why Will? Jia Le means happy family. I didn’t really see any American names that meant the same thing. We resorted to reviewing the Social Security Administration list of popular names. Mike suggested Will along with two others. I too liked Will. So, after going public with the name, I felt bad. The other boys have a story to go with their names. This kid’s name just seemed right. Thinking it over, maybe there is a bigger story, and here’s my first attempt at documenting its significance for me.

Wikipedia has this to say about the meaning and origins of William:

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Newer Everyday

Originally published on her blog February 22, 2011…

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Today is Caden’s second birthday…and his first birthday at home. I feel like I should write a post commemorating the occasion, but I’m really torn on how to do that. Birthdays are a celebration. Hats, streamers, noise makers, cake, and confetti. But, today, I have tears.

Becoming Caden’s mother changed me in a way that I never expected. While he is such a joy and delight…truly a person to celebrate…I find myself grieving. I grieve the 21 months that I wasn’t his Mommy. I grieve the fact that I don’t know what happened two years ago today. There is an entire story surrounding his birth that I’m not privy to. I didn’t hear his first cries, and I didn’t feel the wonder a mother feels when she looks at her newborn child for the first time. I grieve that “loss.” And I grieve for the woman who DID hear his first cries, but gave him up four days later in an act of desperation that I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around. I grieve that Andrew wasn’t there for “Gotcha” and won’t meet his son until three months after homecoming. I grieve that Caden is losing his ties to the Chinese culture.

And yet…I rejoice in my son in a way I never expected. Already having three children, I expected #4 to be pretty much routine. It’s anything but. Everyday, I stand in awe of the work God did when he brought Caden into our family. I still can’t grasp the wonder of it. Everytime he hugs my neck or reaches his little arms out for me to hold him, I am filled with a million emotions and worry that my heart can’t contain them all. While the joy and sheer radiance of the moment fills me to the brim, I also feel very sorry for the “unknown Chinese mother” that’s missing out on those sweet moments. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding Caden’s birth, and I know nothing of his birth family other than their basic geographic location. But I love the woman who brought my son into this world. I’m thankful for her sacrifice. I wish I could swing by and pick her up on our way to lunch today…celebrating in the miracle of our son with his favorite steamed dumplings.

I expected to board a plane bound for the US and leave China…only my heart never did. Part of it remains with a family in a rural part of China’s most populated province. Part of it remains in an orphanage not too far from that rural location. Part of it remains with the college student I met while attending church in Guangzhou. I have Chinese artwork in my home, a Chinese bracelet on my wrist, and a Chinese boy on my lap. And I don’t know what to do with it all. Pieces of China here, part of my heart there. Dreams of bringing more Chinese children into our home, dreams of being the hands and feet of Christ to the people of China.

When I left the US bound for China, I knew exactly who I was and exactly what I wanted. The only part of China my heart was longing and aching for was supposed to come home with me on an IH3 visa. But I can’t love him without loving the land of his birth…the people of his birth country…and the children waiting just like he once was. And I’m learning that loving a once-orphan from a foreign land brings with it a heaviness that I don’t know how to manage. So many of my priorities have changed, and yet so many haven’t.

Two years ago, a little boy was born in China. Four days later he became an orphan. Just over two months ago, he became a beloved son. He is now a US Citizen with a great belly laugh that is developing a fluency in English. Becoming his Mommy shattered my heart and turned my world upside down in the most incredible way possible, and now I’m experiencing a rebirth of my own….

We turn not older with years, but newer every day.
–Emily Dickinson

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Tara Anderson

Tara Anderson began a journey of grace over 20 years ago when she walked the aisle of a little country church and gave her heart to Jesus. She is a stay-at-home mother of four, the youngest of whom was adopted through the China Waiting Child Program in November 2010. Not too long ago, Tara knew exactly who she was and exactly what she wanted out of life…but now she’s just trying to figure out who God intends her to be, and what He wants from her. You can get better acquainted with Tara on her personal blog, Following Our Leader.

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Tune In

Lauren

Lauren, author of Our First Failed Adoption featured on WAGI on March 9th, has been invited to a live interview Monday morning, April 4th. She will be chatting with Gus Lloyd on his show Seize The Day at 8:00 AM EST about their adoption story. It will be on satellite radio, Sirius 159, XM 117. Or, you can listen online here.

Go to her blog and leave her some words of encouragement as she prepares to share!

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Therapy

Being a parent to a child with special needs is hard. No getting around it. No parent would tell you otherwise. As I sit and reflect this morning after a heart wrenching physical therapy session with our daughter Macy, I am at a loss. I feel such an imbalance and unrest. On one side Macy hates therapy. She is delayed in her physical growth and in her gross motor skills. She is 14 months old (11 months on the charts because of being a preemie). She sits up, army crawls, babbles, smiles, communicates exactly what she wants and is sad when she hears the word no. Last week she began standing, holding onto furniture. This was the first time EVER that she would bear weight on her feet. Even standing on our laps or at other times over the past year, she has never put her feet down and jumped or bounced. She just pulls them up and wants to sit. Always has. So, when she started to stand, I became very hopeful. She can do it. We are seeing something that she can do. It put an end to the questioning of her physical ability to stand and walk eventually. But after a week of working on standing and loving it, Macy is going backwards. Mommy doesn

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Just Three Letters

My husband and I agreed before we got married we wanted five kids.

Now, that was a strange number for a young couple with limited experience with children to pluck out of thin air. Why five? I mean, don