When we started the paperwork to adopt Emery, I thought and prayed deeply about the impact and impression it will make on our family.
Could I handle the unknowns that were sure to come?
Surgeries, doctors visits, therapy sessions, emoptional scars, family counseling, attachment issues, etc.
The possible negatives could mount up quickly if not kept in check with God’s ability to heal.
Now, 6 months in, I’m finding I have so much yet to learn. So many days that I wonder if the choices I am making as a parent are the right ones. I struggle. It’s hard.
My dad always says:
Anything highly worthy of doing is the hardest thing you can do
and he’s right…oh so right.
But there is another side to the challenge…it’s the reward. today, I was present for something God needed me to see…one of the many rewards of adoption: its impression on my family.
When we sit to eat, he often asks
Mother’s Day Week: Waiting
my baby girl is 11 months old. and as i sit here writing, my mind wanders to what she might be doing at this very moment. my heart begs for her to be held. to have someone smile at her. soothe her when she cries. pick up her favorite toy when she drops it. giggle at her silly antics.
perhaps by her 13th month, i’ll look back and wonder what all this fretting was about.
LOA
an acronym that sounds like something teeny bopper texters are zapping back and forth…
but in my world, it means a HUGE step in our adoption progress…our Letter of Approval (shortened from the real name, which is Letter of Seeking Confirmation from Adopter = LOSCFA…goodness. add in our I-800. I-800A. I-864W. Artical 16. DS-230. DS-1981. and the list goes on…the vast number of forms and form names that make no rational sense in the adoption process is mind boggling.
but this…the LOA. the text messaging name. it’s my favorite.
you know why? because i have been dreading it. it’s a HUGE step, but because of our living situation, we are still waiting on a second homeland security approval in order to return our signed LOA. i have been hoping and praying the homeland security would come in first. but it hasn’t. so now, i will pray for faith. for an added abundance of faith. faith that God has this under control. that we aren’t behind. that we won’t miss a single possible day without our daughter. that i can release my heart racing palpitations. that the earth rocking anxiety pains i am feeling will subside. that i can stop shaking with nervous anticipation.
this is a blabbering post…but i need to document it for me. for emery.
i’m coming for you, sweetie.
your Father has not forgotten you.
i can’t do anything to change this process.
i can’t do anything more than i am doing.
i’m letting Him do the rest.
and i’ll come for you right when i am supposed to.
my sweet sweetie pie.
today i cried a lot for you.
i cried because i don’t have you.
and maybe you are crying because you don’t have me.
soon and very soon…we can cry together…tears of joy at our family complete.
it is a day that will be sooner than i realize. yet still too far away.
LOA. Love of Adoption. because no matter how hard or difficult or confusing, it leads me to you. and i love it.
