Year: 2012

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Waiting: Month Three

This waiting, it sucks.

You’re shocked I know.

But here’s the thing about waiting for three plus years – sometimes your pride tricks you into thinking you’ve actually gotten good at it. Like you’ve conquered it and are so content and experienced at it you’ve got it under control.

Then you get smacked upside the head with what seems like an impossible weight of waiting you can’t possibly live through. For us, that smack came last week when we learned we are still 12 or so months away from bringing “J” home.

And here’s the thing about that weight – we can’t carry it. We must wait on the Lord. Not in a cheesy just stand on the sidelines and pick daisies all day while something in the Heavens magically comes together.

We have to wait on Him. Lean on Him. Ugly cry out to Him.Get on our knees before Him.Give it all over to Him.

Only when I am crushed by God, do I truly wait on Him. It’s sad but true. My humanness can’t do it otherwise.

So here we are: crushed and waiting. Thankful that He’s got this. He’s not finished writing this story, it’s just going to take a little longer than we thought it would. Like three years longer. But who’s counting?

p.s. For those of you who are reading because you’re in the DRC process and care about the logistics – there were more errors found on our Consent to Adopt and our attorney was robbed at gunpoint. He lost his cell phone, computer and passport. (he was out of country) Therefore, we don’t know if the Consent to Adopt has been signed by the mayor yet or not.

The reason for the additional wait is because we have an amazing agency who cares about the children of the DRC – ALL of them, not just the ones who can be adopted, and is working hard to build a relationship with the government officials instead of working around them. Building relationships takes time but they are committed long term to the care of the vulnerable children of the DRC.

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Lindsy Wallace

Lindsy and her husband William lead the Orphan Care Ministry at Antioch Church in Louisville, Kentucky and are passionate about sharing God

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Irresponsible

“After the third kid people stop congratulating you. Then they just look at you like you are Amish.”
-Jim Gaffigan

We can relate. When people find out we have four kids their response is usually something along the lines of, “Really? Four?” or “Wow, that’s a lot.”

But more often than not I hear the following question: “So are you guys done?” Sometimes I can’t tell if they are asking a question or pleading for us to stop.

We have to be done, right? With our income and in today’s world it was borderline irresponsible to have four, much less five children. We couldn’t possibly afford more kids could we? Besides, where would we put them? We are still trying to figure out where to put Jude’s bed for goodness sake. Don’t even get me started on how we are going to pay for college in the years to come.

We should really do the responsible thing and focus on the kids we already have. But then again, whose definition of responsible am I using? The world tells me that it’s responsible to have a beautifully decorated home, nice cars, college savings for everyone, expensive hobbies, well invested retirement accounts and kids who excel in academics and sports. If I can’t give each kid their own room, own television, own smart phone, own computer, their own this & own that then it’s pretty clear what am I: irresponsible.
It’s not that any of those things are bad. In fact, many are good. But does checking everything off of that list make me responsible? Or wise? I am starting to think the answer to that question is a resounding “no”.

No doubt, we all have a responsibly to provide for our families. But an even greater responsibility exists to spread the Good News to the ends of the world and to reach those in need: the poor, the abandoned, the foreigner, the widow, the orphan.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that my family isn’t done. I don’t know if that means we will adopt more sons and daughters into our home. It may. But even if we don’t we will never be done fighting for the millions of Rylies & Judes who are waiting, literally waiting to come home & waiting to hear the Gospel.

The more the world looks at my family and cries, “How irresponsible!” the more I’m convinced we are finally being responsible to the call that a Jewish carpenter made some 2,000 years ago.

Jennifer Middleton

Jennifer and Rush Middleton have been married for 11 years and have 4 kids, Jonah (8), Reagan (5), Rylie (3) and Jude (2). Rylie came home from China in 2010 and Jude just arrived earlier this year. The Middletons have been through the easy and the hard of bringing a child into their family, yet the awesome gift of adoption has rocked their worlds in more ways than they can count. You can check out their blog about family, life, adoption, cleft lip/palate and other randomness at Apple Pie and Egg Rolls.

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Finding Her Rhythm

Janie has been showing us a different side of her during these past few weeks. Tantrums…long ones…die hard not giving up and refusing to say “sorry” or “please.”

This morning was a perfect example. As soon as she got up and crawled up on the couch with me, she asked for a drink and before I could even answer she fell back and started kicking those feet together like I was going to tell her “no.”

The morning continued with many little battles with me praying my way through them. Battles of not wanting any socks to wanting socks to going through 4 pairs of socks to finally wearing socks…changing her pull up and not wanting the one I had and having to dump out the entire box of pull ups to find the exact one she wanted…falling on the floor because, I don’t even remember why…think I was praying to keep it together at the time!!!

Then…she is ready to go with her “duckys” for show and tell and a big ole smile on her face. I had to take a picture since it was hard to believe this little angel was so not a little angel all morning. Oh, the life of a 4 year old.

I took her happy little self to school and went to my happy place, the pool. I love to swim. It is my “nothing” time, free from any noise but the water. I do all my praying, problem solving, and deep thinking in that pool. I push myself hard and generally just feel better about life when I am finished. Many a day, Hank can just take one look at me and say, “I’m thinking you may want to go swim or run.” I know he is motivated by the fact that I’m nicer when finished.

As I swam today, I just could not get a rhythm, fighting the water instead of going with it. Thoughts were running through my mind about how some days swimming or running feel so great and other days it is plain hard, and you can’t get a good rhythm going. I had been praying for Janie and it hit me–that is what she is doing. She has lost her rhythm with our family. She has gone from her world in China to her world with her new family and sometimes it is just plain hard on her. This precious child is struggling in her own way: fits, bossiness, refusing to say please, etc. Madeline struggles many days with her place in this world and now Janie is showing me this side as well. I know through my experiences with Madeline that once she works it out in her little mind, she is oh so precious and sweet. My job is to help Janie work through this with understanding and love. I am learning to pray my way through these battles and try not to get caught up in them! I am thankful that this is a season and she will heal and grow over time. Oh how we love this child, brat and all.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

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Paige Wright

Mine is a story of heartbreak and happiness with God’s enormous mercy upon me. I lost my first husband to brain cancer when we had been married 15 years. Our children were 8, 10, and 11. Shortly after his death, God blessed me with my husband Hank. We have been blessed with 3 more children, one the easy way and the other 2 through adoption. I did not start our blog until we were in the process of adopting our 2nd little girl from China. We live in Tennessee with our 3 youngest, 10, 5 and 4. Our older 2 are married and live in town and the original baby of the family is a senior in college. Our family is one crazy machine, lots of laughter and lots of whining!

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Attachment and Bare Feet: 6 Months Home

I love little bare feet.

Our youngest son William has been home from Ethiopia for six months now, and he continues to make great strides in his attachment process. A while back I posted Sweet Little Breakthrough about how he had started doing little things that seem like no big deal with our bio kids, but mean the world with kiddos who have been adopted at an older age (holding my hand without protest, for instance). In that same vein, the picture above represents so much more than than cute little piggy toes (and chipped nail polish).

When William came home, one of the first things we noticed was that he was obsessed with being fully dressed. First thing in the morning he would go into his closet, pick out his clothes, and get dressed all the way down to his socks and shoes. It was adorable.

It was also an institutional behavior.

I don

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Every Once in a While

For some reason, this week has been a little tough for me. Usually I feel very at peace with how Ruby is, but once in a while old dreams crop up and the “what ifs…” creep in.

Sunday morning, as part of his message, our pastor showed a beautiful picture of his granddaughter up on the screen. She is adopted from Ethiopia and her huge smile and gorgeous brown eyes would melt your heart.

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Wayne waits

How can I describe him? Who can I give words to describe the 4-year-old boy who has changed my life?

Going to China this past summer opened my eyes as I got to see how these orphans live everyday. It opened my eyes to see what life could have been like for me. You see, 15 years ago, I lived in an orphanage in Anhui Provence, China. I lived in a building full of children like me; and we all lived alone. No parents, no families, needs barely met if at all. Sometimes I still wonder all these years later, what brought my birth parents to that place of abandoning their baby–me. I was only 1 day old when it happened; knowing I was unwanted and abandoned is an indescribable feeling. For 13 months of my life, I lived that way–unwanted and alone.

Now, I”m 15 and living in south Mississippi with the most loving and caring family. My life is filled with blessed relationships and I have the joy of riding my horse and singing and playing guitar at our church. And, I love God. With the blessing and support of my parents, He has led me back to orphans in China.

As I volunteered with Bring Me Hope this past summer, He led me to one particular orphan–Wayne, a little man from ZhengZhou. Unlike many of the orphans who come to these camps who are never made paper ready for adoption, Wayne is now available for adoption. He”s looking for a forever family just like I was. And, I believe I”ve been called to help him find it.

I will try to make words bring him to life for you (in case this video doesn”t do it). He LOVES to laugh and smile, and he is good at it too! During the camp, he was a social butterfly. I taught little Wayne how to peel off stickers, stick his tongue out, and even say “I love you” in English. He would run off to other people at camp giving out wet kisses and then would run to me with the biggest smile wanting another kiss.

Wayne has overcome so much already. His paperwork lists two special needs–mild retardation and hemiparesis. But, I can tell you from spending those 5 days with him, he is a very smart and capable little boy. His mind was so ready to learn and experience new things. In fact, he was always out smarting me! Wayne could do anything he set his mind to, priding himself on putting his sandals by himself and bathing himself in the shower. On Tuesday morning, we stepped into the elevator to head out for lunch, and he was just barely able to reach the button for the 1st floor. On Thursday, two days later, he was ready for it and managed to get up on those tippy toes and push that button! And he was so proud of him self for doing that! His left side of his body is weaker than the right. But, he can run and walk with only the slightest limp. His left-side weakness didn”t stop him from chasing the other kids around at camp or walking several blocks to a meal.

15 years ago, one family stepped out of their comfort zone to follow God”s call and adopt a baby who needed a family. Now, I”m praying that another family does the same thing for Wayne and that somehow God would use my voice to help make that happen.

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Currently, Wayne is on the shared list, available for adoption for any family using any agency working in China. If you want to learn more about him or how to find him on the list, please email Laura at laura.m.knoll@gmail.com. She will gladly talk to you about Wayne.

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Laura Knoll

Hi my name is Laura, and I am 15 years old. I live in good ole south Mississippi. I was adopted from China as a 13 month old, and God has allowed me to bloom and grow with my two younger siblings and parents. I accepted his call to go back to China in the summer of 2012 with Bring Me Hope and was able to meet kids and other volunteers who changed my life. I ride horses everyday and sing in our local churches for His glory. God is the only reason I am where I am today, and I am so very thankful!

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“How do you do it?”

I have heard many comments and been asked similar questions since being home with our newest son.

“You must have a lot more patience than me!”

“So, what’s it like being a mother of four?”

“How are your other kids reacting?”

“How do you do it?”

I recently read this quote:

I

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No Regrets

The family I’m praying for tonight has no idea there is a storm brewing over the horizon. A storm so violent, life will never be the same for them again. They will lose one of their most prized possessions–their child.

How do I pray for a family like that? I almost feel as if I have some inside information on their lives that even they are not aware of today. They will go to bed tonight and without thinking about the tragedy that lies ahead. Who knows what will happen tomorrow as they go about their day? Their child will likely disobey, talk back, whine, or have a stinky attitude that needs to be addressed. There will be sibling rivalry, fighting, and disputes over who gets to ride up front or get their turn next. Will Dad lose his temper and escape to the golf course? Will Mom utter things she swore she’d never say? Maybe.

But mothering a dying child brings a new perspective to everything. I still lose my cool and say things I wish I could take back. I still wonder what in the world I was thinking when I brought home three little girls all the exact same age. But, suddenly, in light of the reality looming on my own horizon, I am compelled to live a life of no regrets.

When we brought Rachel home from China, we simply didn’t know how long we had. We decided ahead of time that what we could not change in quantity, we would make up for in quality. More than anything, we wanted Rachel to know the love of a family, to know that she had a mommy and daddy committed to walking through the dark days with her. And, above everything, we wanted Rachel to know that the love of Jesus was with her, no matter what.

The reality is that parenting a house full of children demands a lot discipline. Rachel had much to learn in order to “unlearn” some of the terrible habits formed inside the walls of an orphanage for 7 years, not to mention the many things she must learn for the very first time. Living within a family unit requires a lot of work, even when learning begins at birth. Our home is certainly not all hugs, kisses, and chocolates, and I’ve yet to be nominated into the Parenting Hall of Fame, but our home feels so much different than ever before through the lens of a new perspective. When you are committed to living a life of no regrets, you make different choices all together!.You choose to see life differently and to live it differently. If that heart never comes and we end up losing our Rachel, I want to remember this time for what it was–precious. I want to embrace every precious moment and look back with no regrets!

We could be the family I wrote about at the beginning of this post, living life completely oblivious to all that lies ahead for myself or for the people I love so much. I have not been promised any special immunity to loss. I am humbled that as I pray for the healing of my own child through a new heart, I will only receive it through another’s indescribable loss. And I wonder, why should God give life to my child and yet take life from another? Kate has offered her own heart for Rachel several times! I tell her that is unacceptable. But, is it more acceptable only when it happens to someone else? This subject makes me terribly uncomfortable, but it haunts me every time my thoughts turn toward the “new” heart we pray for so many times a day.

Tonight, as I pray for a new heart for Rachel, I am strangely not in such a hurry anymore. God has been so merciful and has kept Rachel strong while she waits. “No hurry, God!,” I whisper, “Thanks seems enough for the sweet summer we’ve shared and for the joy that fills our home, simply because Rachel is in it! Let the parents who will soon face the fate none of us want enjoy this summer with their child too! Fill their home with laughter and sweet memories so that when the impending storm blows through, they will look back with no regrets! And if your plan is to take Rachel home instead, Lord, help us to embrace each moment you choose to give, so that our lives will be filled with love and no regrets.

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