No man’s land.
We’ve been there.
It took me by surprise the first time it happened.
I got the call that the birth mother had relinquished her parental rights.
I cried.
Then, I got the paperwork and cried some more.
Our child was a “ward of the state.”
Orphan.
With no one.
As hard as foster parenting is, somehow knowing that birth parents were still in the picture was better than no man’s land.
That day, I was overwhelmed with sadness for what this mother had done.
What she had given up.
For her child. For my child. For our child. Hers and Mine.
Everyone told me I would be “happy” because the child was now free for adoption.
On the outside, I was, of course.
Moving forward is good. Being a foster child is not good.
But there is no gain without some loss.
I remember introducing her (still quite young) and people telling her how lucky she was to be adopted into our family.
You wouldn’t have seen it, but I did.
The shadow of confusion that went across her face, a split second.
Yes, of course, she was happy. But, she was filled with sorrow, too.
Because gaining a new life means loosing the old one, even if it isn’t so good.
That’s how I am feeling about Joshua today.
I am sad that he has to give up EVERYTHING to be part of our family.
The onus is on him to change.
He has to learn our language. (We have Chinese word charts on the wall.)
He has to eat our food. (We like Chinese food but it’s not the same.)
He has to adapt. (We only have to make another place at the table.)
He will have a family. (Not an institution.)
He will have the best medical care available. (Not limited by status.)
He will know the Savior. (And have eternal life if he chooses to embrace the Hope.)
There is no gain without some loss.
Thank you, Jesus, for giving your life so that we might have ours.
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Jennifer Peterson is wife to one faithful man and mom of 9. After the first three came along, they became foster parents and adopted 5 kids including 2 sets of siblings. Jennifer and her husband Bob are currently in China to adopt an 8-year-old boy with a heart condition who has been waiting a long time for his forever family. Join the journey here as they ponder how and where God will stretch them next.
So beautifully explained to those who are not familiar with the wide range of emotions involved in adoption. Maybe one day our kids and can email friends and we can share our love of China all together!
Carrie, I would LOVE that. I have fallen in love with China for sure. So glad to be bringing a part of China home with me, the best kind there is!
Thank you for writing this and your heart for older children in need of adoption in China. I pray and hope families like you inspire others to adopt older kids, as there is such an overwhelming need for them to be placed in families…
Kristen, I couldn’t agree more about the need especially after visiting the orphanage. The orphanage and staff were wonderful but it will never be same as setting the lonely in families.
How encouraging to read your post Jennifer! Beautiful. Your heart for understanding your precious child. I am an adult adoptee who has facilitated a local triad support group for- Adoptees, Birth Parents & Adoptive Parents Together in Chicagoland for 13 years. Yes, adoptive parents are given a window into the lives of adoptees through all the wonderful resources and teachings available. But I hear your honesty and transparency as you write this, its not just head knowledge but a love, compassion & understanding deep down- your children are truly blest and God smiles!
Thank you, Jody. What a wonderful support you have. I learned early on that just because birth parents were not able/chose not to raise their children did not mean they didn’t deeply love them. I am grateful that God gave me this compassion for the lost which has only deepend and strengthened while we are in China.
Very well said Jennifer. You wrote with simple clarity about a truth that sometimes gets lost in our adoption talk. Thank you!
Your welcome. I had to grow into this for sure but God was faithful to drag me along. I would much rather be on His path anyway.
Thank you for addressing this!!! Although I treasure each one of our five adopted children, I cried at each adoption for the loss experienced by the child and their birth parent. I fume when people tell my children how “lucky” they are to be adopted. How lucky is it to have to go through all that loss?! Adoption, like death, was never part of God’s original plan. Your article expressed that very well. Thank you!