“But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God.” Phil 2:17
This fostering journey has taken it’s toll on me emotionally and physically but it has grown me spiritually. My natural tendency is to think that when it is hard or when I see myself or my kids being affected that we shouldn’t have done this. But, that’s simply not true. We know that we are right where we are supposed to be. We didn’t make a mistake.
Somehow, we have this notion in our heads that if we’re in God’s will, life will be easy and uncomplicated. Things will make sense but that is just not the case. If it were, where would faith come in? Why would we need to be dependent on Him?
I’ve been pondering the story of Jesus’s birth – The Story. Mary was pregnant with the Son of God. The King. The Savior Himself. And yet Mary and Joseph went from Inn to Inn looking for a place to rest. They had to question what in the world was going on. “God, you want this baby to be born healthy don’t you? We need a place to stop. Why are there no rooms? I thought this was Your plan but it doesn’t make sense to us. It hurts.”
In our own waiting seasons, don’t we find ourselves asking the same types of questions? Mary’s situation was not easy or uncomplicated. It was definitely not comfortable. She was affected in many ways and yet through her obedience, she received the greatest gift imaginable. She held Jesus in her very arms. She cared for the King of Kings. I cannot grasp this really.
In our situation, I have come to realize that I need more help. I have always been full of emotion but with the added stress that six kids brings (and oh they do!), my lows have been lower, and I need some help with steadying out my hormone levels. I’ve talked with my Dr. and we have a plan to try out some medication.
This is not really fun for me to share but I do so because I want you to know the realities. I know there are differing opinions on this whole issue but we believe that this is the right next step for me.
Even so, I struggled with this. One of my biggest fears going into fostering was that I would “wither up like an old dead flower” and let me tell you, Satan has been throwing that back in my face. “Look, Jami. You have failed, you can’t handle it. You are losing.” But I am not accepting his lies nor his evil whispers. I will choose to listen to the Voice of Truth. He tells me “You don’t need to handle it. I am in control. I have given doctors the ability to help you. This is My provision right now.
When I am weak, He is strong. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. He doesn’t call us to pull up our bootstraps and work harder for Him, He knows our weaknesses. He just wants us to look to Him and be led by Him. He calls us to obedience, no matter what the cost. Even if that means the decline of health. Even if that means pain. He died for us. Why should we not suffer for Him? In our situation, my “suffering” pales in comparison to what the three little ones in our care have experienced. They are worth it.
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Jami,
One of the things I’ve loved about BSF this past semester was how much it challenged that lie we so often believe that when things are hard, God must be “closing a door.” God has taught me so much through the examples of Paul and others how as Christians, we need to do the opposite of retreat, but to fight and persevere through the battles satan would throw our way. I’m so thankful God has shown me His truth in this more clearly for my own life.
I’ve often said if there is any area that satan would love to weaken, it is the Christian mom. I fully believe if there is ever an area we need to stand up and tell him we refuse to accept a world of discouragement, defeat and worry, it is as a mom. Too much is at stake in our children’s hearts and God desires a fuller life for us. Not “easy” : ), but FULLER. So I admire your own choice to claim that fuller life that God has for you.
Be encouraged. : )
Hey Amber! Thanks for the encouragement! I love you, my friend!
“My natural tendency is to think that when it is hard or when I see myself or my kids being affected that we shouldn’t have done this. But, that’s simply not true. We know that we are right where we are supposed to be. We didn’t make a mistake.”
YES. This is exactly me. Thanks for your openness. I am so blessed and encouraged by your words today. 🙂
Jerusha – I want you to know that your words truly encouraged me today! So thank you!
Jami thank you for this post, for being transparent and encouraging. I take great comfort and strength in what Jesus says when I am feeling completely depleted and weak– “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world.” It is so good to walk in the strength that Jesus provided for us! Bless you and your whole family.
Beth – I completely agree – what would we do without HIS strength! We serve a mighty God!! Blessings to you too! 🙂
Thank you for your honesty, Jami! You are to be admired for your faith and love for Christ. I love learning what God has been teaching you. Always an encouragement. ((Hugs))
Aw Esther thanks! I very much appreciate you!!
Jami,
I totally get what you are saying here. We are have been living the “hard” stuff for the past 18 months since completing our 3rd adoption but first time adopting an older child at the age of 12. We also have six kids. Some days I can get really down and feel like a failure, but I know that is exactly what the devil wants me to believe. It took this last adoption for me to truly realize that all the people from the bible stories that I admired didn’t have it easy, and they were in God’s will, too. The difficulties of this world are but a mere 15 minutes compared to eternity with our Lord and Savior where our treasures are!
You are not alone friend,
Cari
hi Cari! Thanks so much for your words – it is so good to know we’re not alone. I was feeling down tonight – thinking about how much I mess up with the kids and this encouraged me. So thankful for the Body of Christ! Bless you!!
i truly appreciate your openness and honesty, jami. i think bringing these challenges into the light just made satan cower a bit 🙂 what freedom and grace we have in jesus that we can openly display our weaknesses- when satan would have us hide them in shame. i know your words brought great encouragement to my heart as i seek to give all I am for His glory. knowing that it is really right there in the midst of our weakness that HE is made strong in me and you!! keep fighting the good fight…
haley in florida
Hi Haley! Thanks for your encouragement! Keep on fighting the good fight my sister!
WOW! I am visiting your posts for the first time and I just want to thank you for the insight on fostering 🙂 Your posts are truly inspiring and I hope you continue to share your experiences.
Well thank you Lacy. You are a encouragement to me today!
Hi Jami,
Thank you for your honesty. You took the words right out of my mouth 🙂 Hang in there. God always blesses obedience. I too went on medication and at first I felt guilty and believed the “father of lies” that I was too weak of a Christian for having to rely on medication. I was thankful my Pastor and his wife and a Christian counselor encouraged me to go on medication and helped me to realize it’s not weakness. I have come through the nasty storm of post adoption depression. I am thankful God directs our footsteps. I would have missed out on a wonderful blessing if I had known what lay ahead of me – I would have ran the other direction. Praise God for perseverance. God will help you, guide you, and equip you through this trial and storm. If you haven’t heard of the book Anxious For Nothing, I would encourage you to go to John MacArthur website – Grace to you. Also, Dr. Charles Stanley has wonderful sermons on his website regarding trials and obedience. His messages also greatly helped me persevere. God Bless you – I’ll be praying for you. Jackie