I dropped ‘my’ little boys off for their visit with their parents and their 2 year old sister. I watched the joy in their mom and dad’s eyes as they hugged the boys and talked with them. I saw their sister smile excitedly as we drove up, and I watched as LM leaned into his mommy’s arms, giving her a big hug.
As I watched them walk away together I thought, they need to be together. I want them to make it. I want this family to be restored. To know the joy of family. To ultimately know the joy of Jesus.
And I felt so peaceful watching them.
Two hours later, I pulled back in to pick up the boys and as I hugged them and loved on them, I thought, “No. How could I ever give them back? I love them so dearly. They have become part of our family.”
And yet we have to live with the expectation that they are going back home. We live with the reality that most likely, we will be saying goodbye.
My heart says one thing one minute and then another the next. But I’m so thankful that I don’t have to trust my heart, I trust the ONE who never changes. I trust Him with my heart and with my kids’ hearts. Each one.
thank you for this. I am beginning the process to mentor girls in the foster care system and I pray about becoming a foster parent one day. It is nice to read a glimpse of the life of a foster mother.
Hi Elizabeth! I love hearing that your going to be mentoring girls on foster care. I would love to hear more about that. We are talking with our community residential center to start a mentoring program! I’d love to connect with you about that!
Thanks for sharing your heart, Jamie! It’s got to be a tricky thing…to love them and also to desire that they be restored to their family.
Hey Stephanie! It is such a challenge. I have to give all of us over to God consistently. He is trustworthy!! This is true and I will trust Him!
Thanks so much for your comment by the way. It’s always an encouragement to me! 🙂
Hey Lady! Fancy seeing you here today. I was thinking of and praying for you earlier today. May God’s grace wash over you in a brand new way today as you love those little people.
Oh Shannan – i can’t tell you how much I appreciate your prayers. I need them! Today was a hard day in many ways. I’m so blessed by you!!
AMEN!!! We have just begun the foster journey. We have a bio 18 month old and a foster 6 week old. Much of the circumstances makes me think we have a pretty good chance to adopt her, but something in my heart isn’t so sure. Maybe its just fear. Trying hard to hold her loosely and love her as much as possible. To enjoy being her mommy “for now.” Give us GRACE Lord!!
Oh I completely relate!! The emotions are just crazy. Thankful the Lord is holding us tightly so we can hold on loosely!! Keep on serving girl!! Love meeting other foster parents!
Another great post, Jami! I remember those emotions well. I still struggle with them sometimes with our youngest three. Even though they are adopted now, I still feel sad when we go to visit their birth mom (ours is an open adoption). I love my girls fiercely, but, somehow, I wish she could have gotten them back. There are such deep sorrows associated with caring for the orphan, but I am blessed to be able to share some of God’s love with all of them.
I want to be a foster, adoptive, and biological mom some day! All in the Lord’s good time! Right now, I am a single woman working towards my Masters in Social Work. Thanks for sharing your story! I have worked with foster children and have been very aware of the conflict foster parents experience. Thank you for sharing – it prepares me for what I one day might experience.
Jami,
I just wanted to tell you again how blessed I was by your words at Hearts at Home! Your loving, servant’s heart is so refreshing and a blessing to many.
As I was reading the comments on this post I’m surprised (even though I shouldn’t be!) to see you know Shannan. She is a friend of mine, we go to the same church. Small world!
Thank you for being obedient to where God is calling you! Especially when it’s hard!
Blessings to you,
jamie