I
So We Wait…
So thankful that we can lift each other up in prayer…
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I have always viewed myself as a patient person, that is until we began this adoption process. There have been many times over these past 16 months that I have struggled with that word. The truth is, these past few months have been really difficult. There are moments when I am a hot mess trying to figure out why this is taking so long when we just want them home.
There have been moments when I have asked God how much longer? How much longer do we wait? How much longer do we put our lives on hold? Then I am brought back down to reality when He reminds me how long He waits for me. How long He waits for me to get it right. How being a follower of Christ isn’t living “my life” but the life that my Savior has written for me. So we wait….
We want to thank you for walking along side us during this time. Many of you have reached out to us with encouraging words and countless prayers for our family. It is those faithful prayers that have given us strength and helped carry us through the tough times.
We are currently waiting for a document from DRC so our case can be sent to immigration. Please pray that our faithful God will move mountains and that we’ll soon be one step closer to bringing them home.
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Jaason and I have been married for fourteen years and have been blessed with three biological children- Madi, Elijah, and Jacob. We are currently waiting to bring home our two little ones from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The lessons we are learning about love through this adoption process are continually changing who we are forever. You can follow along at www.detmersfamilyadventures.blogspot.com
Surrounded
As I write this I
Fear Not
I often think of the foster children who have passed through our home.
{Advocating} For the Strong Hero
“Who will be my buddy?”
These are the first words I heard Peter speak (in Mandarin).
It was Day 1 of the Bring Me Hope summer camp for orphans, and Peter was waiting with eager anticipation as he watched the campers get matched up with their buddies. As an exhausted staff member, I had previously decided to not have a buddy that week.
Plans changed.
With one look at this little boy, I knew we were supposed to spend the week together. I walked across the room and grabbed Peter’s hand, announcing I was his buddy. The smile that erupted on his face is etched in my memory forever. During that first day, Peter and I bonded more quickly than any other child I had every been matched with–evidenced during Day 2’s water gun fights. For over an hour, Peter positioned himself between me and the others shouting, “You can’t shoot her! If you shoot her I will get you!” I laughed as I watched him race around, trying to protect me by shooting all the other kids with water.
As the week progressed, my laughter turned into sorrow as I saw this precious boy yearning for love. If I spent one moment with another child, Peter would become jealous. He thought he had to work harder to earn my love. He served me food, filled my cup with water, gave me his toys, stole candy from other children to give to me, and even wrote me notes and drew pictures. The pictures always told the same story. He carefully colored a strong prince and one princess. When he gave it to me he said I was the princess, and he was the hero.
Even though he had a soft heart, Peter was strong. He tried to hide the fact that he wore a diaper because of being born with a myelomeningocele (spina bifida), disappearing for short times to change himself. When he returned, he pretended like nothing happened. I watched all of this and decided that Peter was my strong hero.
Friday came; time to say goodbye. I had been dreading this moment all week and wasn’t sure how Peter would respond. Hist strength faltering, he held my hand tightly as we walked to the car door. Before he got in, a small tear fell down his cheek. The first tear I had seen all week. Hesitating for just a moment, Peter turned around and hugged me tightly. As I wrapped my arms around him, a personal responsibility for him grew in my heart. He may be leaving, but I was his advocate.
The car pulled out of the driveway. As tears streamed down my face, it began to pour rain. I looked heavenward and asked the Lord, “Why is he alone? Why doesn’t he have a family?” The reply? “Becca, you can speak loudly on his behalf.”
And so I am. Would you consider bringing this little boy, my little brother, into your family?
His words are still in my heart: “You’re going to find me a family, aren’t you Becca?” desperately loving me to his best ability during the week when God redefined love for me.
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This little hero (b. 9/18/2001) is currently on the shared list waiting for his family to find him. A family can use any agency to bring him home.
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Hey everyone, my name is Becca Bolt and I live in California. Since my parents adopted in 2003 and in 2005, my heart has grown into a crazy love for the vulnerable. They need voices to speak up on their behalf, and I knew I could be a voice. I am still a student at San Diego Christian College and will graduate in a few months. Wherever the Lord leads me (which is looking like China), I know I will be loving the helpless, for that is where His heart is.”
Ramblings From a Selfish Jerk
It is funny what people say when we are talking, and it is amazing what funnies we can miss if we don’t actually stop and pay attention to what is being said. I’ve documented a few conversations I’ve had at work over the past little while, and have reprinted them here in exacting detail.*
Little Bing in the middle – our newest just turned 3
after being in Canada for only 6 weeks!
… flashback a few months ago…
Coworker: So, are you going to tell Ping that she is adopted?
Me: *blink* *blink*
Coworker: What?
Me: You know I’m not REALLY Chinese right? I only pretend to me.
Coworker: Huh?
*awkward silence*
Coworker: AAAaaah! Wait! You are white!
Me: Yea.
Coworker: And she is Chinese!
Me: Yea.
Coworker: So I guess you’re gonna tell her then?
Me: Well, I’m gonna try to hide it for as long as I can, but I think eventually she will figure it out.
… flashback a couple months ago…
Coworker: You’re wife doesn’t work, right?
Me: Well, I don’t know. Depends on how you define work. If you mean, dose she work from 8am to 5pm, get a benefits package, a decent wage, time off, the respect of coworkers, and satisfaction from a job well done… then no. But, if you are asking is she busy from dawn till dusk, 24 hours a day, with no pay, no thanks, and a never ending to do list…then yes.
Coworker: Wow. Uh, what does she do?
Me: Stays home with the 5 children.
Coworker: Oh, so she DOESN’T work.
Me: *blink* *blink* Yea, she does nothing all day.
… flashback a few weeks ago…
Coworker: Hey, you speak Chinese!
Me: Yea.
Coworker: So, is your wife Chinese?
Me: Uhhhh, no.
Coworker: Why then?
Me: Um, because her parents were English? (Now, in her defense, the question in Chinese made perfect sense, as in “why [do you speak Chinese] then”, I was just being a smart … )
… flashback a few days ago…
Coworker: So, 5 kids now right?
Me: *snoork* Whaaaaaza, some … one talking… *zzZZZzzz*
Coworker: Right, 5 kids I get it. So you gonna have any more?
Me: WHAT?! 6?! Are you crazy!
Coworker: No, but apparently you are! 5 kids!
Me: Oh right, well, yea… maybe.
… flashback to a couple days ago…
Coworker: So, why did you adopt?
Me: Oh, it was an accident. My wife and I were up a little late, had a little too much wine, and before you knew it, we had filled out 27 copies of paperwork for international adoption.
Coworker: I mean, you can have your own kids, why adopt? Is it your faith?
Me: Well, yes… and no. I mean, it is. There is something in the Bible about caring for the widows and orphans. However, that is not why we adopted. It would be easy to say that and sound all noble and righteous, but in all honesty, I choose to adopt because I’m a selfish jerk.
Coworker: Wha?! Oh no, you are not selfish!
Me: Oh, but I am. If I really wanted to help care for the orphans, than I should have taken the thousands of dollars this international adoption cost and built a new orphanage in Africa! I could have drilled two wells in an Kenyan village, installed a grain feed system for cattle, purchased 4 acres of land for sustainable farming, and supplied a means of food for over 30 children and all their generations to come. But instead, I was selfish. We wanted another child, and we adopted. I only managed to help 2 children so far. What a waste of resources, I know. We could have taken care of TWO Kenyan villages and all their orphans. If we built the wells, the grain feeders, and the farms, then maybe those children would not have had to have been orphans! Who knows. So was it my faith that made me adopt? I would rather say my faith made me capable to love all people, and in that, I had a desire to love a child into our family. Was that the perfect or correct expression of my faith? Well, that is a different matter.
Coworker: … so, it was your faith then?
See yea, there you go. I’m a selfish jerk. I mean, when God said to help the widows and the orphans, I though I was answering the call through adoption. But in the end, I was really only helping a couple of kids. If I really wanted to help orphans, I should/could have taken the thousands of dollars it costs to adopt internationally and built schools, farms, and orphanages in parts of the world where they are very needed. For example, check this place out; see what wonderful work they are doing! The UN even had a World Farm Day at their farm 2 years ago, setting youfeedthem as the example for all sustainable farms to follow.
Yet, Silas and Kimberly (the couple who head up youfeedthem) are NOT being stopped on the streets by strangers going “oh look at you, you are doing such a wonderful thing.” Yet, they are helping hundreds of orphans everyday. I only helped 2. I suck at this helping orphans thing!!!
So, what, as a Christian, in response to our “faith,” are we to do for the orphans and widows?
If you are called to adopt, great. Adopt! But if you are NOT called to adopt, there are still so many many things you can do to help the 147 MILLION children who are in need!
Do not sit idly by and say “Well, we’re not called to adopt, so we can’t help the orphans.” And, at the same time, don’t say “I’m helping the orphans by adopting!”
I’m a selfish jerk. I hope to fix this in the future as I am in the process of setting up a monthly donation to Youfeedthem so I can actually get around to “helping some orphans” like people think I do.
* What I find so awesome about blogging is that in all the 360+ posts, not once have any of the stories I’ve told resulted in the comments section being filled with people in the stories clarifying the happenings. For example, when I blogged about the wife and her “mafia accidents,” not one of her friends commented with “I can not see your Wife doing that crazy thing you have described!” Nope, normally the comments are filled with “I can totally see your Wife doing that!” which means, as unbelievable as some of these stores are, they are really quite factual and accurate. Keep that in mind next time you are laughing through them thinking “Oh the Yeti MUST be exaggerating!” And I’m picking on my wife there for example only…the stories with my coworkers are just as accurate as any one of them who reads the blog would correct me if I were speaking out of turn.
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Adrian and Roberta have been married for over 13 years. They
Adopting {lots and lots and LOTS of babies}
When we started the paperwork to adopt Emery, I thought and prayed deeply about the impact and impression it will make on our family.
Could I handle the unknowns that were sure to come?
Surgeries, doctors visits, therapy sessions, emoptional scars, family counseling, attachment issues, etc.
The possible negatives could mount up quickly if not kept in check with God’s ability to heal.
Now, 6 months in, I’m finding I have so much yet to learn. So many days that I wonder if the choices I am making as a parent are the right ones. I struggle. It’s hard.
My dad always says:
Anything highly worthy of doing is the hardest thing you can do
and he’s right…oh so right.
But there is another side to the challenge…it’s the reward. today, I was present for something God needed me to see…one of the many rewards of adoption: its impression on my family.
I’ve seen an incredible change in Foster and Rowan over these past few months. Especially in Foster.
When we sit to eat, he often asks
When we sit to eat, he often asks
Surviving
Lucky?
I’ve spent the better part of every day for the past week stalking my friends in China.
I’ve watched Gotcha Day come and go. Watched orphanage visits come and go. And watched as my friends try to help their little ones go through this very traumatic time.
I go from happy for these little loves and the future they NOW HAVE in front of them.
The future that up until three days ago was dark, at best.
But, now their lives have taken a 180 degree turn and have future that now holds MUCH promise.
But, then I have cried. Ugly cries. Tears streaming, hardly able to catch my breath, type of cries.
When I see the pictures of these sweet little loves who are so hurting so deeply.
They are scared.
They are confused.
They are grieving the loss of their loved ones, their nannies.
I can HEAR in my head the cry of a little four year old adopted on the same day as Grace… it was the deepest gut level scream you can imagine. I will never forget that sound. As his nannies walked out of the building. Oh man. I remember it like it was yesterday.
You see, these children didn’t ask for this. They didn’t ask for a family. They don’t even know what a family is.
We think we know that this is better for them. It is. There are no doubts about that. A life in a an orphanage is NOT a life for any child.
But, adoption is routed in deep and profound loss. Several losses in fact.
and GRIEF.
Grief for everything that has been lost to them.
It is absolutely heart wrenching to watch. To experience.
It is these days that I hate adoption. I hate that this children have to suffer through this. NO CHILD should have to experience this pain.
So, when someone says Grace is “lucky”… I want to scream.
I mean, I know a compliment is being paid, they are merely commenting that she is lucky she now has a family. And maybe they are trying to say that we are “good family”.
But LUCKY? ACK!
Hardly.
Grace and others that have come through this journey before her and those that have come after her…. they have suffered more than any child should have to suffer. They have experienced loss like no child should. They have experienced profound pain.
So, next time you want to say the word “lucky” in terms of adoption . . . give it a quick thought. Maybe there is a better way to say what you mean to say.
and certainly, don’t ever. ever. ever. tell one of these children they are lucky. Because, they might not feel so lucky. and saying it to them might make them feel like they SHOULD feel lucky, and that is just unfair.
My thoughts.
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Deb has been married to her husband, Steve, for 10 years. They have been blessed with four children, ages 9, 6, 4, and 1. The littlest is from Henan Province, China and joined their family in February 2011. You can follow their ups, downs, giggles, tears, and chaos of their family, now a full family of 6,
His Hand in Mine
One of my favorite things about being a mom of little ones is the feeling of their hand in mine.
For me, it expresses trust, protection, connection. . . . It tells the world . . . we belong together. I”m not sure I”d really thought about that until we adopted our son.
Last week, we were walking on a sidewalk
. . . nobody near us
. . . he reached up
. . . and put his hand in mine
. . . for the first time
. . . in 17 months.
Baby steps on the long road of attachment.
Grateful.
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Amy and her husband David have been married for 22 years and are the parents of 4 kids–three bio children ages 16, 14, and 10 and their youngest who is 5. They have been home from Ethiopia with him for 18 months. Adoption was on both of their hearts for many years. They took the plunge to move forward with adoption after realizing that all of their reasons for not doing it had nothing to do with the calling they believed they had from God. These past 18 months, however, have been beyond difficult. Each day continues to be a struggle, yet they cling to the hope that healing is happening and will continue to as they learn to parent their youngest child in brand new ways. Amy is an occassional blogger and can be found at www.ourtable4six.blogspot.com.