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Caring for the Caregivers

A few months back we were all abuzz about our two-of-a-kind tote bags. We posted about them on all our social media accounts, opened up our Etsy store, and told you about the special ones my mom made for Kelly and me, ones that had a piece from all 30 different patterns.

Every one of these bags were tailored specifically for the Chinese ayis who would be receiving them in October. They were colorful, personal, and fun but also useful and practical. The idea grew to not only be a tangible gift for them but an opportunity to tell them that so many people want to support them and the work that they do as women here in the states purchased a bag for themselves and sponsored the bag for an ayi. When I traveled to China last month, 30 bags traveled with me–a number I was grateful for given how packing said 30 totes took pretty much all the space in my carry on. It was so densely packed that TSA decided that they needed to dig through them and thus got a chance to admire the bags themselves.

As our little group got going with what we came to do, I’ll be honest, I was initially frustrated with our limited ability to connect with the ayis. There was a lot happening. Half the site was under construction. Most of the kids were relocated to just one playroom. And, the lack of a full-time translator led to some chaos during our days. The ayis clearly had their hands full and were taking the opportunity while they had it with us there to get other projects done. They were on the move, and we were getting very little time with them. I was feeling like our focus of caring for the caregivers was slipping, and I was struggling with that. I wanted these ladies to know that we came to encourage, support, and equip them, not just to play with children. The week was moving quickly and come Wednesday, we had still barely learned their names. I didn’t want to leave with this feeling of lack of connection.

We decided to change the pace and take a step back on Thursday. We told them there would be no formal trainings on that day as originally planned. Instead, we asked for intentional time to simply be with. We wanted to sit with the ayis and pour into them specifically. We also decided to go ahead and give them the tote bag gifts and tell them about each having a matching friend across the sea, something we had thought we’d do Friday. I was oh-so grateful that it turned into just the moment I was hoping for.

As I pulled out the collage of pictures we had received from some of the women in America who helped make this work, we could see the understanding and excitement light up their faces. They were excited about the gift, yes, but knowing they were connected to a matching partner was clearly meaningful for them. The executive director jumped up to help distribute the bags, his servant heart and care for these women clearly on display. The giggles and chatter that filled the room as each ayi picked their own bags was just the encouragement I needed.



They got it. At that moment, I really think they understood the point we were hoping to make with the totes. It wasn’t just our little group who cared about them; there are so many more behind us. They caught on that we saw them as valuable, worthy, important. They poured over the pictures, hoping to find the friend who matched them, who held their bag on her own shoulder, and asked us their names.

It was a game changer. The ayis were much more willing to try their broken English with us. They wanted us to know about their families and their own personal story. They knew we saw them for who they are, and I finally felt like we were on our way towards the goal of caring for them, the caregivers, even if in only one small way.

Erin Garrison has been a pediatric physical therapist since 2010 and was first introduced to The Sparrow Fund through serving on an orphanage trip in October of 2016. It was during this trip that her heart was stirred, and she was drawn to a big move and career change in order to serve children living in orphanages and their caregivers both for a season and forever. Her passion is to help equip and train the orphanage staff on developmental and handling techniques to assist in reducing delays. As Family Services Coordinator with The Sparrow Fund, she  seeks to be a resource for families as they transition children to home and get connected to the services needed. You can contact Erin directly at eringarrison@sparrowfund.org.

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Resources for Educators

When we say we are all about caring for caregivers that includes teachers. After our workshops Trauma Matters: What You Need to Know to Best Come Alongside ALL Your Students and Their Families and Beyond the Family Tree: Partnering with Foster and Adoptive Families at the MidAtlantic Christian School Association’s conference, we sent this list of resources and links onto workshop attendees and decided to share it here publicly as well. Not every educator can make it to workshops; we get that. There’s a lot out there beyond workshops to help professionals navigate caring for children with hard starts and their families. Click away.

GENERAL RESOURCES RELEVANT TO EDUCATORS

Adoption Basics for Teachers
Published by the Iowa Foster and Adoptive Parents Association, this 20+ page PDF guide goes over children’s typical developmental understandings of adoption, tips for educators to come alongside children, possibly troubling curriculum to consider, and lists of resources.

Creating Trauma-Informed Classrooms by Call, Purvis, Parris, & Cross
This 10-page PDF shared by the National Council for Adoption is a great resource to share with colleagues, giving an overview of the impact of trauma, risk factors, understanding how fear comes into play and how connection with parents and with caregivers like teachers is critical. It also includes a bullet-point list of trauma-informed care strategies that are good starting points and points for conversation between teachers and between teachers and parents.

Dear Teacher by Robyn Gobbel
Written by a therapist specializing in developmental trauma and attachment, this 10-page PDF is a good resource for a team of teachers to read and dig into together which both explains some things and gives some practical tools to help.

Empowered to Connect
The Empowered to Connect ministry and resources are based on TBRI (trust-based relational intervention) originally developed by Karyn Purvis and her team. Empowered to Connect’s website provides lots of articles and informative videos to give parents and professionals serving children who have had hard starts a holistic understanding of their children’s needs and development while empowering them with tools and strategies to effectively meet those needs, build trust, and help children heal and grow.

Flexible Mind/Rigid Mind classroom poster/bookmark graphic from Plant Love Grow
A very helpful graphic from the very helpful website Plant Love Grow that could be used in a classroom to help children pause and pay attention to what’s going on in themselves that may create conflict internally and with others. Check out their website for many more free tools.

Generation Mindful
Created by a PT, parent educator, and mother of four (that’s one lady!), Generation Mindful creates tools and toys that nurture emotional intelligence by connecting caregivers with children playfully. We’re big fans of their posters and Snugglebuddies.

How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across a Lifetime
In this 16-minute TED talk, pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This is a helpful introductory link to share with people who may wonder if early trauma really matters long term.

How to Help a Traumatized Child in the Classroom by Joyce Dorado and Vicky Zakrzewski
This is a short, readable article that shares the impact of trauma and introduces a few proactive strategies to help that include noticing triggers and responding with compassion, providing calm and predictable transitions, consider what you are saying publicly and privately, promote mindfulness, and take care of yourself. Look to other resources like The Connected Child and Empowered to Connect for helpful reactive strategies.

How to Support Stressed Out Teachers by Joyce Dorado and Vicky Zakrzewski
Another short, readable article that introduces vicarious or secondary trauma (simply put, when caregivers experience their own trauma as they care for those who have experienced trauma). The authors suggest a few proactive strategies for caring for caregivers including cultivating connections and community, offering wellness groups, and taking opportunities for wellness practices at regular staff meetings.

Kimochis Mixed Bag of Feelings
These little emoji-like pillows are a bit of an investment but a tool we use in so many different ways with children and families to help people identify and express feelings and promote connection. There are resources available from the company to help educators and clinicians creatively use these little guys in individual and group settings.

Lead Teacher website
Lindsay Mangold, Phoenixville teacher who taught TSF founders’ Mark and Kelly’s youngest daughter, launched a website Fall 2018 where she shares resources and tools for social/emotional education that are helpful for kids from hard starts as well as all students as they promote self-regulation and connection. One of our personal favorite exercises she describes is the High Five, a daily practice with a class that creates a culture of acceptance and promotes that feelings are mentionable and manageable. She also offers a great lesson plan on understanding the amygdala and understanding anger.

Morningside Center website
Morningside is an organization that works with educators to build students’ social and emotional skills, promote community, and encourage restorative practices and brave conversations on race. They provide articles and online resources that dig deep into current events and reflect on stories in a way that engages students and caregivers alike to identify and express feelings about complex issues.

Teaching Restorative Practices With Classroom Circles by Amos Clifford
60+ page PDF available for free from the Center for Restorative Process that explains how using intentional classroom circles can help develop community and a restorative culture in the classroom for handling conflict.

BOOK TITLES RELEVANT TO EDUCATORS

Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson
We can only walk with our children to places we’re willing to go ourselves. In this book, Curt Thompson integrates neuroscience and attachment with Gospel Truth, revealing how it is possible for us to rewire our own minds, altering our brain patterns and literally making us more like the men and women God wants us to be. Explaining the brain in layman’s terms, he shows how we can be mentally transformed through spiritual practices, interaction with Scripture, and connections with other people.

The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis
Often required reading for prospective adoptive parents, this book explains what trauma looks like, how it affects our children, and strategies that help in an easy-to-read format. The basic strategies presented in our Trauma Matters session and others are explained in this text.

Different by Sally Clarkson
Choosing to shut out the voices of the world that said her son was “bad,” “broken,” and in need of fixing, Clarkson shares how she moved to trust that her biological son’s differences could be part of an intentional design by a loving Creator. Appropriate for any parent or educator working with an outside-the-box child whether they are living with their biological parents, a foster family, or adoptive family.

Help for Billy by Heather Forbes
Using tables, outlines, and lists for quick reference and readability, Forbes provides guidelines and specific ways for teachers and parents to navigate challenging symptoms of developmental trauma that evidence themselves in learning and in the school context in general.

No Drama Discipline by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
Highlighting the link between a child’s neurological development and the way a parent reacts to misbehavior, No Drama Discipline provides an effective, compassionate road map for parents as they deal with tantrums, tensions, and tears. Defining discipline to be more about instruction than punishment, the authors explain how parents and caregivers can seek to reach a child, redirect emotions, and turn a meltdown into an opportunity for growth.

Nurturing Adoptions by Deborah Gray
Written for professionals, Gray explains how neglect, trauma, and prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol affect brain and emotional development and how to recognize these effects and attachment challenges in children. She also provides ways to help children settle into new families and home and school approaches that encourage children to flourish.

Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson
This is a compelling, easily readable book that we recommend to foster and adoptive parents to help them identify and navigate what they bring to the table. Thompson provides theological and practical tools necessary to dismantle the shame that binds us and helps us identify our own broken places and find freedom from lifelong negative messages.

Teaching the Hurt Child: Relationships Between Trauma, Attachment and Learning by Andrea Chatwin
Published by a Canadian organization committed to supporting adoptive families and professionals serving them, this 40-page manual is based on a popular workshop they offer for educators and gives foundational information about trauma and the developing brain as well as strategies to help educators navigate typically challenging behaviors for children with hard starts.

CHILDREN’S TITLES RELEVANT TO EDUCATION

Captain Snout and the Superpower Questions by Daniel Amen
This is a fun children’s book that helps kids (and their grownups) identify automatic negative thinking patterns and combat them so that our kids are better able to respond to challenges with truth.

Decibella and Her 6-Inch Voice by Julia Cook
Published by Boys Town Press, this book is about a girl named Isabella whose voice volume needs some tweaking. The book teaches five volumes of voice and when to use them.

Foster Care: One Dog’s Story of Change by Julia Cook
Written in engaging prose, this book tells the story of a little guy going into foster care for the first time and his fears and feelings. Appropriate for children who have experienced foster care and to help other children better understand it.

Glad Monster, Sad Monster: A Book About Feelings by Ed Emberley and Anne Miranda
A classic book that puts colors and experiences with feelings, normalizing both positive and negative feelings and opening up conversation about what makes us feel different feelings. Includes on every spread a removable mask that expresses the feeling that you could use in a classroom and open discussion about how we show our different feelings.

I Just Don’t Like the Sound of No by Julia Cook
Published by Boys Town Press, this book is about a boy named RJ who tries to change his parents’ and teachers NOs into Maybes or Yeses. It’s a good resource for helping kids learn how to accept NO and disagree appropriately.

In My Heart by Jo Witek
We like how this book normalizes feelings and gives verbiage around what different feelings physically feel like, giving us a resource to use to help kids learn to be in tune to their own bodies and learn to self-regulate. The book itself is a good size with hard pages and a die-cut heart on each page which is fun and engaging.

Mouse Was Mad by Linda Urban
Fun book about what mad can look like for different people and what works to help us regulate when we have big feelings.

My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss
A Dr. Suess classic, this book uses strictly colors to identify different feelings which could help kids who have trouble articulating some of the bigger emotions to translate them into less threatening, creative verbiage. In addition to lending itself to lots of creative classroom activities, the book could be used to create a shared language of feelings in your classroom that parents who struggle with this specifically could use at home.

Silly Limbic: A Tail of Bravery by Naomi Harvey
Written about a little boy and his invisible dog friend named Limbic, this book helps kids to understand the limbic system of their brain and how they handle stress.

Star of the Week by Darlene Friedman
Tells the story of how a kindergarten girl adopted from China navigates a challenging assignment to be star of the week and tell her class all about herself. The book insightfully shares different things the assignment brings up for her and how she navigates the project.

The Elephant With Small Ears, The Redo Roo, The Penguin and the Fine Looking Fish, It’s Tough to be Gentle, Doggie Doesn’t Know No, Baby Owl Lost Her Whoo by Cindy R. Lee
While the illustrations in these books by Cindy R. Lee are not our favorites, the series does give parents and educators stories that correspond with Karyn Purvis’ TBRI (trust-based relational intervention) strategies described in The Connected Child and presented in part in the Trauma Matters session.

The Way I Feel by Janan Cain
Going through all sorts of different feelings (silly, scared, happy, sad, frustrated, shy, bored, jealous, etc.) and what they look like, this book could be used in a group to write feelings artistically to look like the expression of a feeling (they are artistically illustrated in this book) and open up conversation about how we show our feelings with our bodies.

This is Me: A Story of Who We Are & Where We Came From by Jamie Lee Curtis
Written to help kids better understand immigration, this book is all about an elementary class learning about histories and stories and is helpful for kids adopted or not to think about what makes up their story and how to help others better know and understand them.

What Were You Thinking: Learning to Control Your Impulses by Bryan Smith
Published by Boys Town Press, this book is about a 3rd grade boy named Braden who always seems to act fast and get himself into trouble. The book teaches three strategies to help with impulse control (stop what you are doing, think about what you are going to say or do, and decide if it will make the situation better or worse) and ultimately answer the question, “What was I thinking?”

Note:
All Amazon links here are affiliate links and benefit us when you use them,
so click away.

Know of any more resources worth recommending? Let us know so we can add them to our list.

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Tips from the other side of the couch {choosing a therapist for your family}

As the Director of Program Strategy at Chaddock, a multiservice agency that specializes in residential, in-home and school-based treatment for issues of attachment and developmental trauma, I have the unique vantage point of having worked with many families who have seen a multitude of therapists and other professionals before I meet them. I have had the opportunity to hear countless stories from parents about what worked and did not work with therapists they have sought out. There are many articles out there about how to choose an “adoption-competent therapist” or an “attachment-based therapist” or a “trauma-informed therapist.” This post is going to share points from my own experience working with adopted children and their parents for the last 25 years. By the way, none of the titles above have specific training requirements or are regulated in any way. A therapist can just decide to call themselves that. There will be links and the end of this article to other resources you are strongly encouraged to explore.

Photo courtesy of: OrdinaryMiraclesPhotography.com

First, be aware that many therapists will say that they work with adoption, attachment, and trauma issues. In fact, these days probably every therapist you research will claim to be competent in at least one of these specialty areas. For this reason, it’s important for parents to ask some very specific questions such as:

  • What clinical models are you trained in and what is the extent of your training? Are you certified in any particular models and what was the certification process?
  • How are parents included in your therapy process? Children will make limited progress in therapy without their parents being involved at some level. The younger the child, the more important this is, but it’s really true for any age.
  • If you have adopted transracially, you will want to ask questions such as: How have you actively integrated transracial issues into your work? What are your thoughts about race, racism, and/or racial bias? How have you incorporated racial awareness into your practice? In what ways (books, miniatures, toys, etc. that are diverse)? What research books and trainings on transracial adoption inform your practice? Unfortunately, this issue is not thought about enough among professionals. If you have adopted a child of color, it may be that having a therapist who is a person of color may trump some of the other qualities/training you are looking for in a therapist. Yep, in some cases it’s that important.

If a therapist becomes defensive with questions like this, I suggest you look elsewhere. This is not a time for fragile egos. Parents have a right to ask these types of questions.

Another consideration, does the therapist seem concerned about you being a good fit for their practice, or do they seem ready to get you in the door with very little information about your situation? Therapists who really want to fill their hours may be open to working with just about anyone who calls them. Concern about one’s income is understandable, but this must not supersede the therapist being honest with you about what they can or cannot offer to you and you family. As a therapist, I work very hard upfront to not only hear what kind of help the parent is seeking but also to share how I work. I tell parents, “I don’t want to waste time and resources for either of us if I don’t think I can be of help to you.” No one therapist is a good match for everyone and seasoned therapists know this.

Finally, a therapist should offer a 15-30 minute free consultation by phone or in person to ask some of these types of questions before starting to work with you. You are about to make a very big investment emotionally for you and your child, as well as potentially a significant financial investment. You are likely going to have shift priorities in your schedule and your child’s schedule in order to attend therapy appointments. All things considered, I think parents are entitled to an initial free brief consultation to learn about the therapist’s training and approach and for the parent to share a brief overview of the kind of help they are looking for.

One of the best ways to find a therapist is by word of mouth from other parents and therapists. A therapist can have all sorts of degrees, certifications and training but the bottom line is…Did they help you?

Other resources to check out:

Karen Doyle Buckwalter, LCSW, has more than 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families, the last 24 of which have been at Chaddock, a multiservice agency providing a range of residential, educational, and community-based services for youth, birth through age 21, and their families. While at Chaddock, she has been instrumental in the development of an innovative residential program for adolescents, ages 8 – 16, with Attachment Disorders and Complex Trauma. One of the only programs of its kind serving older adolescents, Chaddock’s Developmental Trauma and Attachment Program® (DTAP®) has served youth from 33 different states in the U.S. originating from 18 different countries. She has coauthored journal articles and book chapters as well as articles for Adoption Today and Fostering Families Today, published her first book, Attachment Theory in Action, last year, and hosts the Attachment Theory In Action podcast for professionals.

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“So, what exactly does he do?”

Whenever someone hears about Louie for the first time, they perk up.

Really? You use him in therapy with foster and adoptive families? That’s so cool.

We usually talk a bit about the whole training process and how I got interested in all this to begin with. And, then I’m usually asked something to the effect of…

So, what exactly does he do?

Louie and I were invited last week to visit a camp session at Paws & Affection where kids were spending their days with service dogs in training and learning about the field. The staff sent me a list of questions and prompts they hoped I’d address as I talked about my experience as a facility dog handler and having Louie as a co-therapist. Of course, in that list was a question like the one that nearly always is asked—what exactly does he do? How does he make a difference?

I wish I could create a scene where Louie and I could sit with a whole bunch of you circled around us, and I could tell you how having him for a short time already has made a difference and let you experience it yourselves even if just a little.

So, circle up. This isn’t the same, but it’s still an opportunity to be together in a way. And, I’m taking it.

A couple months into Project Puppy Love, I’ve noticed some distinct ways Louie is making a difference everyday on the job.

    • He is fun – therapy should be fun. It shouldn’t be something that makes families’ hearts sink when they see it on their calendars. It’s work, yes, but it should be something that smiles families into smiling too. I try to be fun, but I’m not nearly as fun as a puppy (and I’m okay with that). Being greeted with a classic golden-retriever smile and tail wag and starting with a game of hide-and-seek just makes the work we do here fun and makes kids and parents alike more likely to want to come and come again.
    • He makes hard things easier – A few weeks ago, an upset tummy earned Louie a sick day. A little girl who came with her dad that day was disappointed to not see him and beautifully articulated a reason why: “Louie helps me focus because he keeps my hands busy.” The fancy way to say that is that he promotes self-regulation in the repeated motion of petting and the sensory input of long soft fur and of deep pressure when he lays his head or whole body on people’s laps. But, there are other ways he makes hard things easier. For example, I’ve noticed how much easier it is for kids—particularly teenagers—to talk about hard things when they are able to focus attention on Louie and have their parents and me gazing at him too instead of at them. He seems to bring more words and feelings out, and that’s important.
    • He magnifies our soft sides – Puppies bring out our high-pitch baby voice and gentleness. It’s science. And, I’ve witnessed that here. I’ve seen parents’ eyes grow wide as they see softness in their child that they didn’t know was there. And, I’ve seen children’s jaws drop as they see softness in their parents that they didn’t notice before. And, that’s been a good thing because it shows them both that it’s in there and that with a little bit of watering and intention, we can grow it to be seen more and more (and directed towards people!).
    • He gives us opportunities to work on what we’re working on – His fun tricks to show his expression of our feeling words (mad, sad, glad, and scared) does seem to encourage kids to be brave and express their own. But, what I’ve noticed as more meaningful than his performance is a families’ mutual enjoyment of his performance. The shared experience of ooo-ing and ahhh-ing and giggling together in response when Louie closes himself in the bathroom to show mad builds connection between moms, dads, and kids. And, building connection is a big deal around here. Beyond mutual enjoyment, Louie gives us lots to talk about that always seems to align well with what we (both kids and parents) need to talk about—things like impulse control, giving and receiving affection, asking for and getting what we need, letting someone else be in charge, making compromises, understanding others by noticing body language, navigating choices, and handling mistakes.

It still feels new to have Louie on The Sparrow Fund team joining me in the therapy room and joining us during events here at the office. I’m still learning how to do my job and help him do his. And, he’s still learning how to do his job and help me do mine. That’s a good thing. We’re learning together. As we do, it feels really good to have people circling up around us—campers, donors, families, and cheerleaders.

– Kelly (and Louie)

Louie has a voice on Instagram.
Check it out. Have your kids check it out.
@ProjectPuppyLove

Project Puppy Love is the first attachment-based canine-assisted therapy program for foster and adopted kids in the Philly area. In order to launch the program, we have been raising designated funds and borrowed funds from our other programs’s funds. We are currently running at a significant deficit. If you want to help so we can get back in black AND fund a training this Spring so we can do this work better, we invite you to click the little yellow button below to give. It’ll take you right to our PayPal account.


Kelly Raudenbush founded The Sparrow Fund along with her husband Mark in 2011. In addition to serving families through The Sparrow Fund, Kelly works part time as a therapist at the Attachment & Bonding Center of PA. Kelly has a particular interest in (a) encouraging and empowering parents who are struggling to attach with their children, (b) helping parents walk with their children as they process their stories, (c) helping couples continue to pursue each other and grow together while they parent their children as a team, and (d) training and empowering orphanage staff in China to build relationships with children and each other. Kelly and Mark have been married since 1998 and have 3 biological children and 1 daughter who was adopted as a toddler from China in 2010. You can learn more about their journey on Kelly’s personal blog. You can contact Kelly directly at kraudenbush@sparrow-fund.org.

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Won’t You Be My Neighbor? {now available}

 

We see it as the most worthwhile movie of 2018. It’s a documentary. With clips of old black & white footage. And, puppets. Singing puppets. And, it’s amazing. Like life-changing amazing.

Over the course of the 94 minutes of Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, we think you’ll find that you forget that it’s a documentary at all. The real-life stories from people who did life with the man we all knew as Mr. Rogers and the stories from people who feel like they have done life with him will capture your attention, make you smile, make you laugh, and make you cry.

Is it good for your kids? That’s up to you. There are a few swear words—from people other than Mr. Rogers, of course. And, there are some beautiful moments talking about taking risks during big political times and over culturally divisive topics such as homosexuality. We found them to be opportunities for conversation about acceptance and empathy and how each one of us fits into the world and is called to stand up within it.

The DVD is available as of today and is on sale on Amazon now.  Click our affiliate link to order your own copy.

 

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Looks who is coming to Together Called 2019

Since the start, we’ve had speakers for our annual marriage retreat Together Called who God has used in remarkably ways that only He can do to speak the words we really need to hear. I’m not sure why we still feel surprised by it 7 years into this thing.

Not this time.

Together Called may still be 7 months away, but our team is filled with great expectation. We trust you will be too when you hear about who is joining as this time as our keynote speaker and our worship leader.

We have been longtime fans of our keynote speaker Peter Greer. Peter is President and CEO of HOPE International, a global Christ-centered organization strengthening families through job creation throughout Africa, Asia, Latin America, and Eastern Europe. Prior to joining HOPE, Peter worked internationally as a microfinance advisor in Cambodia and Zimbabwe, and managing director of Urwego Community Bank in Rwanda. Pretty neat, right? He is a graduate of Messiah College and received a master’s in public policy from Harvard’s Kennedy School, is a well known speaker, and has coauthored over 10 books, including Mission Drift which was been widely acclaimed and selected for an award from Christianity Today. More important than his professional role is his role as husband to Laurel and dad to Keith, Lilianna, and Myles as well as a foster parent.

We’ve also been fans of our worship leaders Ross and Staci King since they joined us at Together Called 2016. Since 1995, Ross has been a full-time working musician. For most of that time, his primary work has been writing music, leading worship, and recording/performing. He currently writes for a publisher called Simpleville Music out of Nashville, TN and is working on a new record that we can’t wait to come out (though we admit that our King favorite is an oldie called Hallelujah for the Cross). He and Staci are parents via adoption to two boys and two girls who we’re hoping inherent the music making biz.

Now aren’t you filled with great expectation too?

Registration for Together Called 2019 will open in early October. Make sure you join our mailing list to be reminded of it. But, we need corporate and/or personal sponsors in place to make it happen. If you own a business and are interested in caring for caregivers with us or want to be a part of supporting foster care and adoption by supporting the moms and dads in it, email us. We’d love to tell you more about why we need you and what sponsoring looks like.

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We never forget them

And, I love that they’ve come to expect it.
I love that they know I’m never going to come and forget them.
-Kelly Raudenbush

Caring for caregivers. It’s more that just a tagline or our favorite hashtag. It’s literally the heartbeat of our mission. Everyday, it’s what we seek to do stateside or on the other side of the world. One of my favorite ways we tangibly do this is through gifts, something special intentionally chosen for the orphanage ayis. It’s one way we say, “we see you, you are valuable, and you are treasured.” Every time we go, we take joy in deciding what we will take for our friends who work long hours with little recognition. On our last trip, we took handmade aprons that each had a unique pattern so that every ayi could pick one to fit her own style.

My Mom has become permanently recruited as a resource when our gift idea is something handmade. It’s her way of being a part of our mission, of playing a role in caring for these women, the caregivers. When we hatched the creative idea of making totes as our next gift, she got busy sewing right away. We loved this idea of two-of-a-kind tote bags and are filled with anticipation to tell the nannies about it. We hope that it makes them feel extra special to know that for each bag they pick out for themselves, there is a sister on the other side of the world carrying the same bag. We want them to know that it’s not just us who think they are worthy of these gifts but that those who bought a matching tote remember them too.

But my Mom knows our heart and our intention behind our gifts. She knows that we use the gifts to connect with the nannies. She has learned that our gift giving is more than just giving a gift but speaks love. With that in mind, she made an extra special gift for Kelly and I.

These two totes have a square from all 30 patterns of bags made. She made these unbeknownst to us and slipped them in with the last shipment of totes. Beyond making us our very own beautiful tote bag, she gave us a very tangible gift of caring, and we can’t wait to show the nannies this bag. We love that this bag will express in ways that words cannot that we carry a piece of each of them with us.

With every gift we’ve given, the nannies always gush on about how they can never forget us. Now we’ll be able to show that we won’t forget them either.

Want to be a part of this? Click HERE to see the few remaining two-of-a-kind tote bag packages we have available to help us raise a portion of the funds needed to keep our efforts going.

Erin Garrison has been a pediatric physical therapist since 2010 and was first introduced to The Sparrow Fund through serving on an orphanage trip in October of 2016. It was during this trip that her heart was stirred, and she was drawn to a big move and career change in order to serve children living in orphanages and their caregivers both for a season and forever. Her passion is to help equip and train the orphanage staff on developmental and handling techniques to assist in reducing delays. As Family Services Coordinator with The Sparrow Fund, she  seeks to be a resource for families as they transition children to home and get connected to the services needed. You can contact Erin directly at eringarrison@sparrowfund.org.

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Mr. Lou has joined the team!

Our team of three has grown by one more—one with four furry feet! After over a year of effort and several months of intensive training with Paws & Affection, a nonprofit in the Philadelphia area that trains and places service, companion, and facility dogs, we have officially launched Project Puppy Love, an attachment-based canine-assisted therapy program for foster and adoptive families, with LOUIE.

Having Louie on our team allows us to serve families in a new, innovative way. We invite children and their parents who find connection to be a challenge to safely connect with him and then transfer those connection skills to each other. He also provides lots of opportunities for us to talk to kiddos and their parents about things like self-control, when it’s right to give and receive affection, letting parents be in charge, and recognizing and expressing our feelings. There’s a pretty neat opportunity even for kids and parents who won’t have the chance to meet him in person—Louie “speaks” on Instagram (@ProjectPuppyLove) about all those same issues and challenges in way that kids from hard starts can relate to and that can invite productive conversations for families. Make sure to follow him there!

Do you believe in Puppy Love? We’re raising $7,000 for the first year to cover the placement fee, training, and start up costs and an estimated $2,000 annually to maintain and grow the impact of Project Puppy Love.

Wanna learn more about it? Email us. Ready to donate? Click the little yellow button below. It’ll take you right to our PayPal. Louie says he’s also open to treats and toys for very strong chewers.  He’s quite gifted in chewing.




The Sparrow Fund is a 501(c)(3) charitable nonprofit organization. All gifts to The Sparrow Fund are tax-deductible as allowed by law. If you would like a copy of our 501(c)(3) ruling letter from the IRS, please contact us; we will be happy to provide you a copy.

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Saying “goodbye” wrecked us. But, we’ll do it again.

He was 4 months old. He was just getting to that stage where he knew when we were leaving the room. He would recognize when we were gone and when we’d return. And, he had just started doing this pathetic but adorably sweet little thing where his bottom lip would quiver when we walked out as if we were leaving him forever.

But then we did. We left him forever.

We each took turns squeezing him, kissing his chubby cheeks, and through tear-filled eyes whispered “I love you…I love you. We will miss you so much.”

We handed him over to his relative – the woman who would now squeeze him, kiss his chubby cheeks, and tell him how much she loves him – and we started walking back to our car. We turned back to catch a glimpse of him one last time and his bottom lip was quivering…my heart shattered in that moment. A heartbreak I had never experienced before.

My husband and I climbed into his truck and through sobs, pulled away from that sweet little boy who we had picked up from the hospital at just 2 days old and had called “son” for the first 4 months of his life.

Our friends had taken our 4 year old biological daughter swimming for the afternoon so that my husband and I could bring D to his new home…his new family. They had told us to take as much time as we’d like…go to dinner…hang out alone…take some time to gather ourselves as they too were familiar with the heartache of loving and letting go of a foster child.

As we drove, the tears continued to come. How can we stop for dinner like this? I don’t even have an appetite. I felt weak. The pain is so fresh and creeps back into the pit of me as I recall these moments.

How did we get through that? How were we ever okay to say yes to another placement again? To take another child into our home and family…to let our guard down…to be vulnerable…to get attached after having experienced THAT?

How did we get through it? How could we do it again?

We couldn’t on our own. This type of thing was not natural…the loving and letting go. The giving of ourselves expecting nothing in return. The sacrificial love needed in the world of foster care. We weren’t built to do this by ourselves. We need Jesus. Jesus knows of our suffering. He suffered in our place. Jesus knows of the giving of yourself. He gave Himself for all of humanity. Jesus knows of sacrificial love. He IS sacrificial love.

And because Jesus first loved us…first suffered…first gave Himself…first loved sacrificially, we can do it time and time again until He calls us elsewhere. The loving and letting go. The giving of ourselves expecting nothing in return. The sacrificial love that is so very needed. The handing over of 4-month-old babies. The quivering bottom lips and the tears. The lost appetites and tear-stained cheeks. The shattered hearts.

We will do that. Count us in. Over and over again. Because we know that Jesus will pick up the pieces, rub his life-giving salve on our wounds, mend us back together, take us by the hand, and walk with us back into the brokenness.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, the comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

Lisa is a biological, foster, and soon-to-be adoptive mother to two children. She and her husband, J.J., are recovering comfort-seekers who are passionate about stepping into the uncomfortable and broken places to shine the light of Christ. Lisa’s blog Mess Into A Message can be followed on Instagram and Facebook where she shares about foster care, adoption, infertility, and life’s daily musings.

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Two Visits, One Very Different Kid {Advocating}

Two different trips. 9 months apart.

The first time we met, he was reserved and uncertain. Of course he was. He should be. He had a fracture in his leg and wasn’t feeling too great. And, he didn’t know who these people were speaking words that didn’t make sense and smiling big all the time.He was wide-eyed and observant of us the whole time, curious and yet hesitant. His ayis kept saying he’s intelligent, he’s clever, clearly worried that we may think otherwise because he wasn’t smiling right back at us. But, they didn’t have to tell me. I could see it in his eyes as he watched everything with such intent.

Who are you guys?
Do you know how to play safe?
Do you know that you have to be careful with me?

It was clear that the other kids knew to be careful. You could see it in the way they gently handed the toys to him.

9 months later, we were back. That’s what we do. We go back.

And that next meeting was a different story. “Dayton” didn’t have any current fractures, and it was apparent he was feeling much better. The initial shyness was still present, but he warmed up quickly and engaged readily. He was quick to share his smile, and he reached for toys of his own choosing, new toys that we had brought that were all kinds of sensory fun. He sat right in the middle of the group of kids, comfortable being close to us with a laugh that was contagious and a joy that grew our own.

I can only imagine what we’ll see in “Dayton” next time. I hope there is not a next time for us to meet among many cribs in South China. I hope next time I’m there, he is not. I hope that he’s home with his new family multiplying their joy.

Interested in learning more about this little guy with Osteogenesis Imperfecta whose advocacy name is “Dayton”? He’s currently available for adoption through Madison, a good agency which is offering a $500 agency grant to the family who wants to make him their son. Contact info@sparrow-fund.org to learn more about where he is and our experience with him, and contact Sarah at Madison to hear more.

Erin Garrison has been a pediatric physical therapist since 2010 and was first introduced to The Sparrow Fund through serving on an orphanage trip in October of 2016. It was during this trip that her heart was stirred and she was drawn to a big career change in order to serve children living in orphanages, their temporary caregivers, and families who move forward to adopt them. Her passion is to help equip and train the orphanage staff on developmental and handling techniques to assist in reducing delays. She also seeks to be a therapeutic resource for families as they transition children to home and get connected to the services needed. You can contact Erin directly at eringarrison@sparrowfund.org.