Blog - Page 20 of 94 - The Sparrow Fund

May 6, 2015

Thoughts on Home

Last Fall I was able to accompany my parents on a two-week trip to China to adopt my new little sister. It has been a hard journey, and it didn’t end when we got off the plane in Omaha, Nebraska. But it has been wonderful, and I am grateful that I was able to come on the China trip.
It was exciting, fun, and I learned a lot. But I was homesick before the end of the first week.
Adoption is a beautiful picture of God’s love and our own salvation story. Our story especially represents this, as we left our home and traveled to where our child was to bring her home.
I have been wondering this year if Jesus thought about Home as much as I did. I have been thinking about the culture-shock, and wondering if His experience was close to mine.
Now, obviously I am not trying to say that China is inferior to the U.S. like earth is inferior to heaven. But going there did take me out of my ‘zone’, and I think I better understand the way God adopted us now—kind of.

“He sat in the garden alone, grieved beneath the weight I feel right now times the Universe.” –Shannon Martin

I cannot really imagine what Jesus did for us. I have been wondering this year if Jesus thought about Home as much as I did. And writing this has brought me to the conclusion—he probably thought about it more. And being around children who have never experienced this kind of love before and don’t know how to except it, has only made me realize what love is. What it means to love unconditionally.
Adoption is a perfect representation of our spiritual adoption—but that does not make adoptive parents and siblings heroes. If there is one definite thing I have learned during this journey, it is how incompetent I am. How lost. How broken. . .
Without my Savior.

“In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ.”
-Ephesians 1:4b-5a

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My name is Hanna Rothfuss. I am 14 and in eighth grade. I have lived in the suburbs of Omaha, Nebraska for my whole life. My interests are reading and writing, mainly about fantasy and orphan care–often adoption. I have four siblings, two of which are adopted. I’m a homeschooler and a child of God. I pray that all my writing is encouraging, empowering, and brings glory to Him.

You can read more of Hanna’s writing on her blog: Taking My Time.

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We’re building the nest this month!

Head right on over HERE to find out more and learn about the 40+ businesses that support adoption and the work of The Sparrow Fund!

May 5, 2015May 5, 2015

Their Vision is Valuable {After}

Starting in May, every first Friday of the month until October, the quaint town of Phoenixville explodes with activity. Streets are closed, people are everywhere, and parking is atrocious. Restaurants are all abuzz with long waits for good eats. Happy hour becomes happy hours as bartenders can’t keep up with the demand. And, there, in the middle of it all, is The Bridge, our church office, where on this first First Friday of 2015, something very very special happened.

Portraits of 12 children were set up in the front window, and their art filled every square inch of the rest of that space. Hundreds of people came through Friday night–the vast majority of whom just wandered in on their way to catch dinner with friends. I saw their eyes widen as I explained the story behind the exhibit and showed them the pictures of the children who created it. I smiled with them as I told them about the little boy who loves to dance and the little girl who now lives in Omaha with her new family. I saw parents pick children up and point out details in the pictures. I heard them talk about what they would name each one. I saw groups of teenage girls gushing at how cool one of the pictures was and snapping pictures on their iPhones to remember it. I heard a young woman ask her friend if the text underneath each photo’s name was “from the Bible or something.”

There we were, right in the middle of all the activity, showing people the faces of children with special needs who don’t have families, who call an orphanage home. There, in the middle of the bar scene, were 30 incredible pictures of hope and beauty and life. There, in the middle of crowds of people, were Bible verses next to each one of those pictures that drew those crowds in.

I was all alone in that space at the end of the night. While the sound of several different bands playing throughout the streets could still be heard, it was quiet in there. As I swept up cracker crumbs and packed up brochures, I thought about how at that very moment, the children who created all that beauty were probably sitting in their classroom together–all but the one sweet girl who was likely sleeping in her new bedroom in Omaha. Whatever they were doing right then–reading, learning math, staring out the orphanage window, holding hands with their friend–they had no idea how they had just changed the world on the other side of it. I can’t wait to tell them all about it. I can’t wait to tell them again how valuable they are.

We set out to change the picture some may have in their head of a “special needs orphan” and what he or she is capable of. We set out to make louder the voice and impact on the world that those children who we have grown to love have. We set out to honor them and honor the One who created them. At the end of the night, I believe that happened; I really believe that happened.

We believe this show isn’t a once and done thing. We believe it should happen again, maybe again and again. Who knows. It will cost something, and it won’t be easy. There’s work that would need to be done to make it happen. But, I think it should because the world change is simply not limited to one night in one town in Eastern PA.

If you want to hear more about that, if you want to be part of that world change where you are, if you want your church or ministry to host this in the middle of whatever activity you are in the middle of, email me at kraudenbush@sparrow-fund.org. We’re working on putting information together for whoever else may want a part of this.

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Kelly has a passion for supporting adoptive families, specifically to encourage parents to be intentional and understand their own hearts more clearly as they seek to care for their hearts of their children. Kelly cofounded The Sparrow Fund with her husband Mark in 2011 to serve adoptive families. After a long time using her Master’s degree in counseling informally, Kelly recently joined the team at the Attachment & Bonding Center of PA as a cotherapist. Married to Mark since 1998, they have 3 biological children and 1 daughter who was adopted as a toddler from China in 2010. You can learn more about their adoption story, how they’ve been changed by the experience of adoption, and what life for them looks like on Kelly’s personal blog, My Overthinking.

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We’re building the nest this month!

Head right on over HERE to find out more and learn about the 40+ businesses that support adoption and the work of The Sparrow Fund!

May 4, 2015May 4, 2015

Walking on Water

Waters crashed beneath his feet, but in that moment of trust, Peter didn’t even notice. His eyes were bravely fixed on the one who calms our fears and carries our burdens. Suddenly, distractions over came him, and his eyes were drawn away from Jesus, down to the waves. Fear enveloped him, and he was sinking.

Have you ever felt like Peter? Boldly stepping out in faith, only to momentarily lose sight of Him and scream out, “Wait! What was I thinking? Lord, save me!” as you realize you are standing on water with no boat or support. The hand of Jesus reaches out to catch you, as He says, “‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?’” (Matthew 14:31b, NIV)

How quickly we sometimes step out in faith but just as easily forget about Him.

Adoption is an amazing journey of faith and trust. There are moments that are easy because you clearly see the hand of God, but at the same time, there are decisions to be made that are incredibly difficult or scary. And then are moments in the journey when fear, disappointment, or doubt can creep in and pull your focus away from the Lord. You begin to sink, only to realize you must cry out to Him for help.

Choosing to follow God’s call to adoption was easy in theory. We said, “Yes, Lord! Adoption will be our plan A.” Our hearts leaped with excitement at the thought. We pushed forward, but as the country paperwork phase began, mounds of documents started collecting on my desk, and I began to feel as it I would never get finished. I can honestly say that now, on our third adoption, it doesn’t get any easier.

With each new adoption we step out into uncharted waters, initially excited at what God has in store, but inevitably, at some point, I let the crashing waves distract me and pull focus momentarily away from the One who asked us to water on water in the first place. Questions and impatience creep in trying to pull my focus from Jesus. How do we pick a child? Is this my child? What if God asks you do something CRAZY that you never thought you would do like adopt an 8 year old boy?!

The good news is that even when we let things pull our focus in the wrong direction, God is there ready to grab hold of us and pull us out of the water. Even though we doubt at times and our faith may waiver, He will forgive us and help us to bravely push on. Hopefully, we gain a little more faith before the next wave hits us. With each adoption, while I have been distracted at times, I can look back and remember how His timing is always perfect and His plan far exceeds my finite imagination.

So when God asks us to travel into uncharted waters for Him, step out bravely in faith knowing and remembering all that He has done for us and how everything we do should bring glory to His name. He is faithful. He will not forsake you and will be there to carry you.

“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,’
‘As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.’”
declares the Lord.
(Isaiah 55:8-9, NIV)

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After struggling with infertility for 5 years, God led Suzanne and her husband Adam to His Plan A for their lives—adoption! Their 5 year old daughter came into their lives in 2011 from the Fujian Province of China. Their 10 year old son joined the family in January of 2013 from Shanghai, and they are traveling to China this May to bring home their newest daughter from the Hunan Province. Suzanne works as a Pilates instructor and teacher trainer while homeschooling their children and working as a part of the WAGI leadership team. You can follow their adoption journey and life on their blog, Surpassing Greatness.

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We’re building the nest this month!

Head right on over HERE to find out more and learn about the 40+ businesses that support adoption and the work of The Sparrow Fund!

May 1, 2015May 12, 2015

It’s nest building time again!

There’s a whole lot that The Sparrow Fund does nowadays to serve foster and adoptive families. We started in 2011 simply giving grants to families for the specific purpose of preadoption support, counsel, and medical reviews. But, we’ve grown a lot since then, responding to needs and walking in faith. Now, The Sparrow Fund not only gives grants but also provides training events and an annual marriage retreat and leads teams to serve at an orphanage in China.

But, those things cannot happen without funding; we’ve gotta build the nest. As you can imagine, building the nest isn’t an independent task; it takes a lot of people to build that nest so that we can help others as they build theirs through this thing called adoption.

All the businesses linked up below have joined us by making a really big commitment to donate 10% of their total sales during the month of May to The Sparrow Fund so that we can continue to serve adoptive families in a significant way.

Visit their sites, shop with purpose, and make that 10% something crazy.

Jewelry Design

Art and Design

Home

Clothing & Accessories

Special Gifts & Services

Sponsors for Building the Nest

To get the nest started…

Sparrow Sponsor

Norman L. Graham, Inc.

Norman L. Graham, Inc. is a premier builder of custom homes and additions in South Central Pennsylvania. From design to construction, every Norman L. Graham project is built with care and careful attention to detail. What better partner to build the nest than a company who is all about nest building.

Pearl Sponsor

Mervin Zimmerman Heating, Plumbing, & Air Conditioning

Merle Zimmerman Inc. has been serving customers as a family-owned business since 1968. The retail store and showroom near Lititz, PA, The Bath Barn, is a place to come to get questions answered, receive personal service, and be inspired by modern bathroom designs to make your dream nest a reality.

Rice Law Firm

Neal Rice became an attorney because he loves to help people. Being an attorney gives him the chance to do that every day. He counts it a privilege to walk alongside his clients as they journey through life including as they grow their family via adoption and care for their nest going forward.

Other Sponsors

Hey, it’s not too late to join the effort here and support adoption, the work of The Sparrow Fund, and allow us to tell the world that you do. Simply contact Wanda at The Sparrow Fund to learn about how you can be added to this post and future posts as part of Build the Nest 2015.

April 29, 2015April 29, 2015

Their Vision is Valuable

What if…

A whole lot of greatness starts with those two words. When Ben Leaman, a professional photographer and personal friend, joined our team for the second time to serve at an orphanage in Shaanxi, China where 300 children, most of whom have some sort of special need, call home, we asked a few questions that started with those two words.

What if…

What if we used our giftedness to offer something that had not been done there before? What if we offered children an opportunity to capture the world…their world…in an image? What if we offered some sort of workshop to call out their creative spirits while teaching them about life in the process?

That’s how it all started. We asked what if and then we slowly moved forward step by step as doors opened before us.

In October 2014, only 7 months ago, our team of 15 in partnership with America World traveled clear across the world to serve children without families and those who care for them day in and day out. At 4pm everyday we were there, we paired up one-on-one with 12 children the orphanage selected for our special class and saw a miracle happen.

Ben spoke truth about how shadows serve as a reminder that we make an impact on the world, how colors reflect emotions and how emotions are part of who we are, and how we are created beautifully simply as we are and that beauty is all around us even when it may seem hidden.

Those children’s lives were changed through this workshop as God spoke through Ben and the rest of our team and affirmed each one of these children that their vision is valuable and they are valuable. And, our lives were changed too as we got to take part in it.

What if…

We came home from China asking those words again. This time, they led us to something in our own neighborhood rather than to China.

This Friday, only two days from now, we will be hosting the premier exhibit featuring a sample of the images these children captured. 30 large-scale pieces of art will be on display as well as pictures of the artists themselves. We are fully expecting to have a crowd show up to take it all in. And, we can’t wait because we know that miracles don’t just happen during a weeklong workshop on the other side of the world; miracles happen right here too. And, we trust that this exhibit is going to change the lives of those who come as they enter into the beauty and the stories of the children who captured it.

We’re already thinking through what it would take to make this exhibit a traveling one. While it seems like a crazy thing as I look at the sheer volume of the 30 large framed pictures in my living room all ready to meet the world on Friday, we can’t help but ask…what if…

If you want to be on that list to first hear about what would be involved in bringing this exhibit to your hometown or your church or ministry, email me at kraudenbush@sparrow-fund.org, and I’ll be sure to send you information as soon as we put it together.

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April 28, 2015April 28, 2015

Do you have 3 friends?

We’ve been busy behind the scenes around here. The team has been scurrying around gathering builders to join us to Build the Nest.

It’s our biggest fundraiser of the year–and basically TSF’s only organized fundraiser. It’s when we invite businesses to commit 10% of their total sales during the month of May to support adoption and the work of The Sparrow Fund or to sponsor the nest building through a one-time gift. Our original goal was to have 60 partners in place by the start this Friday. But, with only days away, we’re got about 30 right now. We’ve scratched our heads, paced our living rooms, and brainstormed about ways we can reach more small business owners, Etsy shop owners, authors, babysitters, high school landscapers who have a heart for adoption and supporting adoptive families. And, we’ve figured out the silver bullet.

The best way to reach them is through you.

See, your heart is in this. We know that. You read the blog posts and let the words on the screen seep into your heart and transform you. You recognize the need to support adoptive families as they grow their families and bring in children who have experienced loss. You recognize the gap that The Sparrow Fund fills in giving grants to adoptive families to get preadoption counsel and medical guidance as they seek to adopt. You recognize the value of the work we do as we lead teams to an orphanage across the world to serve children and those who care for them who need relationship and healing too.

And so, the best people to spread the word and recruit more builders is simply YOU.

Here’s what we’re asking today as Friday quickly approaches—Forward this post, share this opportunity with 3 friends—three, that’s not too much (though if you want to send it to a few more, we’re totally cool with that).

Here are the need-to-know deets—

The Sparrow Fund is committed to serving foster and adoptive families through both grants and ongoing training and support. The Sparrow Fund also leads teams to serve at an orphanage in China. This May, they are raising money so they can continue the work and spread the word about what they do. Build the Nest accomplishes both. Through giving 10% of your total May sales or sponsorship by way of a one-time gift, they will be able to continue their programs for the rest of 2015. And, as The Sparrow Fund works to promote those partnering with them and the partners share as well, everyone helps each other out, getting the word out about adoption, the work of The Sparrow Fund, and all the partners who are willing to say they support both.

Interested in being a part of it? Email Wanda directly at wanda@sparrow-fund.org, or skip that step and go right to the Google form at this link: http://bit.ly/1Fkuoen

Get building with us. We need you.

April 27, 2015April 28, 2015

From an Adoptive Mom to God {Letters}

Dear God,

I’m thinking you laugh. That you smile. That you are so creative, all knowing, and sovereign that we messy, tremble prone humans must make you giggle. I’m hoping so anyway.

You are love in its purest form. The ultimate Father. So I don’t imagine your laugh to be mocking or your smile to be mean.

I imagine you smiling at me the way I grin at my growing, desperate to be independent kids. The way I chuckle as I stand beside them through their anxious, untrained attempts at bike riding, diving board jumping, and chapter book reading. I beam knowing they’ll get it. Their doubts are raging and knees shaking. But I know what they don’t, so I can’t help but smile. I grin knowing the joy that is ahead if they will just trust my leading.

It’s that kind of joy that I imagine you having over me. For me. With me.

…………………………………………………

Did you laugh when adolescent me attended to the seed of adoption you planted in my heart and started dreaming of an Asian baby? I bet you pictured almond-eyed Claire, Eli and Evelyn around my future dinner table and smiled big.

Did you laugh when love struck, totally naive, college student Mark and I sat across from each other at Applebees on our first date and I mentioned adoption? You knew how deeply and beautifully it would complicate our uncomplicated lives, so I imagine you had a good laugh at wide eyed us.

Did you belly laugh when newlywed us mapped out our life plan? When we decided on one bio birth and one adoption? We thought ourselves so wise and so adventurous. We loved our slightly risky plan. We couldn’t see then how you’d teach us to release our grip, open our hands and accept the grand adventure you had planned. How you’d wring out our control issues like a wet cloth, soaking it full again with your grace, mercy and a better vision for our lives.

Did you chuckle when we filled out that first adoption application and checked “non-special needs”? You knew. You knew that in fact all of our children would have “special needs” that would press into our parenting limits. And that each adopted child would have greater needs requiring a special love much bigger than their cleft palates, cleft lip and urological needs. That emotions and behaviors and loss and living in a broken world would require parenting beyond our capabilities.

Did you grin when, at the end of ourselves in the five year wait to bring home our long dreamed of daughter, we finally realized that the whole pursuit was more about journeying to you than journeying to our baby? That though you dearly loved our daughter, that more than anything you wanted hearts tethered to you? That though the timing seemed so off to our weary selves, that it was just the right time? Your timing ensured that OUR girl, our Claire Liu Wusha, was placed in our (more faith filled) arms in a stark conference room in Chengdu, China, two decades after the seed of adoption was placed in her momma’s teenage heart.

Did you smile when we filled out our special needs checklist for our second adoption and marked yes to all the most minor and easily correctable special needs? You pictured us holding Evelyn, didn’t you? And I bet you beamed knowing that we faced chronic challenges, regular infections, multiple surgeries and a lifetime of care. I think you beamed not because you were right, but because you knew how she’d bless our socks off. That despite having to stand waiting outside operating rooms, that she’d bring us life. How we wouldn’t trade medical supplies, specialist appointments and hospital stays for the easier days before her soul was woven into ours.

Did you giggle when we filed a petition for the adoption of Evelyn, knowing that a trip to adopt one more child, would end up being a trip to adopt TWO more children? If any of our bends in the road made you smile, I bet it was that surprise late night phone call with a match “in case we also wanted a boy”. How you must have giggled later when the unexpected gift of a son came around the corner of the orphanage office door. You knew how Elijah LanChang would smile and giggle. How he’d bring lightness, laughter and joy to the hardest year of our lives.

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I like to hope that our lives, all these years of growing and stretching, of both tiptoeing and leaping outside our comfort zone have brought you joy. I know that givers love to give, and that you’ve given us much. You bestowed adoption on us like a miraculous offering that was ours for the taking. And because we said yes, it’s blessed and bent us in ways we never could have dreamed of. I think you must smile when we step out of our plans and into yours.

I know our story has your glory written all into it. Not because of our strength, but yours. Not because of our abilities, but yours. Not because of our plans, but yours. I can look back on it now and smile along with you. Now, I can count it all joy. All the waiting, all the doubts, all the surprises, all the hurt, all the life deconstruction, all the heart widening, and the faith deepening.

You dropped a seed into my heart and then stood back and watched tender roots shoot forth, bloom and multiply. And I bet there is more to come. That’s gotta make you smile.

With much gratitude and a smile,

Rebecca

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Rebecca Radicchi is a homeschooling, tea sipping, mother of four. Already moved well outside her comfort zone by motherhood, missions, orphan care and adoption, the Lord keeps taking new ground in her heart. Only able to offer a “yes” when the Lord calls, God’s been blessing, refining and stretching her. With the hope that others might be encouraged, her humble response is to share the stories. You can find her recording the wonder, struggles and graces of everyday family life at La Dolce Vita and as a contributor at No Hands But Ours and Ungrind Webzine.

April 24, 2015April 28, 2015

From One Grandmother’s Heart to Another {Letters}

My son and daughter-in-law have fostered over 30 children in 6 1/2 years. They are believers of families being reunited and rejoice when it occurs.

They fostered and loved Isaac since birth. He was a week away from turning 4 when he left. His sister, Mariah, joined them at 5 1/2 and was with them for shy of 2 years.

The process of adoption had begun. Yet, it was not to be.

A judge ruled they were to be adopted by family the children did not know, 3 states away. He gave the foster parents less than 18 hours to prepare, pack and say goodbye to their children.

Foster care has many successes and it is a joy to stand in the gap on behalf of the children. However, this event was gut wrenching. Hearts were broken and man’s system and process failed the children. Because they left? No. Because they were not considered.

But Father God considered them and He was in the midst of their fears and tears. He promised them a peace that cannot be understood, a love that will never fail, and plans that are good. We trust Him and believe Him.

This letter came from His heart beating in my heart 12 hours before it broke.

Oct 17, 2014

From one grandmother’s heart to another…

I want to first say I am not angry. But, I am very, very sad. The thought of saying goodbye to Mariah (not her real name), who I have come to love as my own is very difficult. And then, Isaac (not his real name), who we have loved since birth is equally as difficult.

But, this is the decision that has been made, and so I pray blessings upon you, your daughter who will care for them as her own, and for your son, as their father. I am sure there is joy for his children to be with their aunt and grandmother.

I don’t know how many grandchildren you have, but I have 7. I know their skin color and mine are obviously different. The very sweet part of it all is that their heart and my heart both beat red….with love for each other.

I will always love Mariah and Isaac.

I pray they will bless you and your family with the joy, laughter and fun that our family was blessed with.

I promise I will pray God’s provision, protection and presence as the days of transition occur. I pray, while they will not be easy, they will be filled with peace. For your sake and theirs.

Speaking heart to heart, if you would ever feel comfortable letting them write us a note, or even call, I would be forever grateful.

I know the past several months may appear our families are at odds…but we aren’t. We both love the same children with all our hearts, that’s all

Please whisper to them now and again that “Tiki (that’s what they call me) loves them.” And will you give them a kiss for me?

Peace be with you – Tiki

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Teresa married her best friend, David, and blended their families together almost 29 years ago. Technically, they have 3 grandchildren but claim an additional 16, as one of their sons and his wife are foster parents. Teresa lives in Kennesaw, Georgia and just celebrated her 62nd birthday. She is a retired bookkeeper, avid tennis player, and now a missionary with Operation Mobilization USA.

April 22, 2015April 22, 2015

From Mommy to Daughter {Letters}

Olivia, one year ago we walked into a crowded Civil Affairs building. We were full of nerves and anticipation.

How would you react? What would you look like in person? What would your personality be like? Were you small or big for your age? Could you walk? Were you loud like your brother and sister or a calm addition to our family? Would you bond? Would we bond? What was your favorite food, favorite toy? How did you like to be soothed? Did you like to sleep? In what position? Would you know how much you were loved?

We never could have imagined the love we felt the instant we saw you. It reminded me so much of the day your brother and sister were born. I locked eyes with you, touched your hands and consoled you by gently rocking while stroking your head. The terror you felt is nothing we could have prepared ourselves for. I am so so sorry you had to go through the pain you went through. No person should ever have to experience what you experienced. You are brave my daughter.

It has now been a year. I can now answer all of the questions we had that January afternoon. I love watching you each day and seeing more and more of your personality unfold. I am certain that God created you for our family. I am just sorry that you had to go through what you did so God could get us to you. Your first mommy, your tummy mommy made a very brave decision so that I could be your forever mommy. I am so grateful for her. In my eyes she is a hero.

Your forever family day will always be a favorite day of the year for me. I don’t ever want to forget what you went though a year ago but, I don’t want to dwell on it. Because, that baby is not you. It has been a miracle this year watching YOU unfold. You are mighty, you are spicy, you are loud, you are loving, you are silly, you are stubborn and you are a miracle.

So to celebrate you we decided to indulge in your favorite “cocholate” (Chocolate) with a trip to the local French Bakery. We let you pick out any item you want and eat until your heart was content. I loved our day together just as I do all of our days together. You lighten our world baby girl. You are so very loved.

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Caitlin has been married to her high school love for 10 years. God placed adoption on her heart at a young age. Caitlin and Brad have two biological children and they brought their youngest home from the Guangdong Province of Chine in 2013. Caitlin works part time as a pediatric occupational therapist. She views this career path as God’s design toward orphan care in her life. She is excited to serve with The Sparrow Fund on their mission trip later this year. Caitlin blogs, but not nearly as often as she would like at Fortunate Blessings

April 20, 2015April 20, 2015

What I Learned from My Daughter’s Tantrums

I’d never seen a more independent four-year-old. When K came home, she could literally do everything for herself. She dressed and bathed herself, brushed her teeth, got herself a snack. For a while, we were relieved and grateful. These are the things we’ve taught our boys to do for themselves because we want them to be independent and confident. She fit right in. But then it hit us.

She was independent because that’s how she’d survived.

Based on attachment parenting research, we started to re-parent her. We started saying things like, “I know you can brush your teeth, but I would love to take care of you. May I brush your teeth for you tonight?” A little at a time, she started to let her guard down and let go of some control. Later it became, “Can I help with your PJ’s tonight?” to which she would respond, “Because you want to take care of me?” She was getting it.

Now, we are in the trenches of dependence. At this point, we’ve created some dependence on us so she can develop out of it into healthy independence. If we say, “Go brush your teeth,” she often says, “I can’t!” It’s not a particularly fun stage, as we value independence. But we know it’s going to be worth it in the long run.

There’s something we’ve noticed about her since she’s started depending on us: she’s at rest. When we are patient and meet her needs, she is happy and peaceful. Her guard is down. She accepts help consistently now, which means losing the thing she held onto more than anything- control. And she’s happier than ever. It seems counter-intuitive for someone who holds onto it so tightly, but there’s comfort when she lets go of control.

Like many things in life, children show us the way. K has taught me so much already, and this is no different. She had no control over her environment before she was with us, so now she holds onto any sliver of control with white knuckles. I often feel powerless in my circumstances, so I scramble to control something, anything. How much of my life have I complicated by fighting God for control? More than I’d like to admit. Our baby girl literally goes from kicking and screaming to peaceful and calm when she surrenders and lets us meet her needs. And much like a four-year-old, I fight and fight until I finally surrender. Then I rest in the comfort of having God meet my needs. I always wish I’d done it sooner.

She is getting more and more comfortable with releasing control, and she’s starting to realize it feels good to be taken care of. I’m thirty years older than she is, and I just wish I had learned as quickly as she has.

Where do you fight to release control? What would happen if you surrendered?

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Matt and Becca write about marriage, parenting, and life through the lens of a married couple, parenting team, and pastor and professional counselor. They share hope and restoration by giving a glimpse into their lives- the failures, the successes, and the brokenness and beauty of everyday. You can read more of their writing at WhitsonLife.