Author: Kelly Raudenbush

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Fill in the Blank

“Go around and introduce your child and then say I love him or her because ____________.”

That was the ice breaker, and I had about 30 seconds until I was up.

This is David, and I love him because he’s really smart.

This is Emily, and I love her because she’s so kind and caring.

I’m up. And, I played along.

This is Drew, and I love him because he’s so silly and funny. And, this is Ashlyn, and I love her because she’s so helpful all the time. And, this is Lydia, and I love her because she is mine.

Isn’t that how I should have answered it for all of them?

I recognize my children need to be affirmed—probably because I recognize my own need to be affirmed. Words of affirmation are my love language.

But, what we were asked to do by filling in the blank had a fundamental flaw.

I don’t love Drew because he’s silly and funny. I don’t love Ashlyn because she’s helpful. I don’t love Evan because he’s sensitive and gentle. I don’t love Lydia because of how she lights up a room. I don’t.

red letter ink ephesiansI love them because they’re mine, and I’m called to love them. God has given them to me; and, in so doing, He has given me the very significant calling to love them. Sometimes my calling as a mother is easy, and love overflows. Other times aren’t as easy and I feel the internal resistance to continually pour myself out. Regardless, I’m still called to love—not because he’s gentle, not because she’s smart, not because he’s funny, not because she’s creative. It is really more about me than about them. I love; they are simply the receivers of that love.

If God humored us with joining our ice breaker, how would He fill in the blank?

This is Kelly, and I love her because she is mine.

If a million words of affirmation were spoken over me, 999,997 would be unneeded. She is mine. They’re the only 3 words I really need.

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. Titus 3:4-5a

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Kelly Raudenbush

Forever changed by our experience of being adopted and adopting, Kelly is a stay-at-home mom/manager to 4 children and a professional juggler, juggling her calling as wife and mother with her secondary callings (editing and serving adoptive families through The Sparrow Fund). You can learn more about their adoption story, how they’ve been changed, and what life for them looks like on their personal blog, My Overthinking (where she’s going to have some super sweet giveaways this month, by the way).

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Building the Nest

I’m such a numbers girl. Give me percentages, and I start tracking. When I read these numbers a few weeks ago, they stuck with me. The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services reported that 30% of all Americans reported having seriously considered adopting at some point in their lives. Yet, only 2% actually adopt. That means that of those who say they’ve seriously considered adopting, 14 out of 15 don’t ever do it.

Why not? It’s daunting—the financial cost, the impact this child will have on your family, the overwhelming number of unknowns. It’s no easy thing. We get that.

As we walked that road ourselves and alongside other families, we saw a need. That 2% of families who were taking that leap of faith to bring a child into their family through adoption—they needed more support. So, we took the leap of faith ourselves to do whatever we could to do just that.

Build the Nest for The Sparrow FundTwo years ago, we started The Sparrow Fund to give grants to families specifically for the purpose of family support through programs around the country that provide preadoption support and counsel, on-call support for families while they travel across the world to meet their children and bring them home, and support once they are home to help both the parents, new son or daughter, and family as a whole become a family.

Recognizing more need, we added programs to encourage and support families from those waiting to meet their children to those who have been home for years. We’ve helped families learn about the unique needs of children who have been adopted in the classroom and how to use correction as a vehicle of connection with their children in a way that is sensitive to them and their histories. And, this past February, we put on a weekend retreat for couples to be reminded of their calling as parents and refreshed to continue serving their children. When registration opened nearly 5 months before the event, it sold out in 16 hours. The need is undeniable.

We’re not interested in growing the number of families adopting; that’s not our focus. Rather, our focus is on pouring into that 2% who are adopting; we want to love and serve them and do whatever we can to make the daunting a little less daunting. And, maybe, just maybe, as the daunting becomes less daunting and the support available becomes more readily available, we’ll see more of those families who have seriously considered adopting say, “maybe we can do this afterall.”

Today starts an important month around here. A whole bunch of folks are coming alongside of us, saying, “Yes, we support adoptive families and the work of The Sparrow Fund to pour into them. And, we want to help.” This May, in our third annual fundraiser, about 50 businesses have made a commitment to help us build the nest so that we can help others as they build their nests. In addition to event sponsors who have donated set amounts to get that nest going, these business partners have made the commitment to give 10% of their total sales throughout the month of May to The Sparrow Fund so that we can do what we do.

That’s where you come in. CLICK HERE to see them all on one page or check them out below. Start clicking, and start shopping. Shopping purposefully is pretty fun. Let’s work together to make that 10% something crazy big.

Clothing & Accessories

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Jewelry Design

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Art and Design

Home

Special Gifts & Treats

Books, Toys, & Musical Things

Photographers

 

Sponsors for Building the Nest

To get the nest started…

Sparrow Sponsors

Trades of Hope

Trades of Hope empowers women to create sustainable businesses worldwide. Their desire is for women worldwide to realize their potential as world changers, business owners, dream creators, and heroes of their own stories. A perfect supporter to build the nest for The Sparrow Fund.

Norman L. Graham, Inc.

Norman L. Graham, Inc. is a premier builder of custom homes and additions in South Central Pennsylvania. From design to construction, every Norman L. Graham project is built with care and careful attention to detail. What better partner to build the nest than a company who is all about nest building.

Other Sponsors

If you would like your store or business to be a part of this May fundraising event, please contact Kelly at The Sparrow Fund to be added to this post and future posts as part of this effort.

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Kelly Raudenbush

Forever changed by our experience of being adopted and adopting, Kelly is a stay-at-home mom/manager to 4 children and a professional juggler, juggling her calling as wife and mother with her secondary callings (editing and serving adoptive families through The Sparrow Fund). You can learn more about their adoption story, how they’ve been changed, and what life for them looks like on their personal blog, My Overthinking (where she’s going to have some super sweet giveaways this month, by the way).

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…but we’re afraid

The words in my inbox were words I had read before.

we’ve been prayerfully considering adoption…but we are both still wrestling with a lot of fear and uncertainty….I know God will provide, but I really don’t know how to move beyond this place of fear.

The same words have been parts of other messages from other women. The same words had been written on my own heart years ago.

I remember when our family story began. Mark and I met at Young Life camp right before my senior year of college. Only 3 months later, after only phone calls and emails (which was nearly brand new), we started talking serious, and I knew where we were headed. After one of those late night phone calls with Mark, I called my mom, and I cried. I was scared out of my mind. I knew he was amazing and that God was leading and I was following — all good things. But, I was so uncomfortable and scared of the unknown and the commitment I was likely to be saying yes to soon. Fear and uncertainty filled me. My mom said something seemingly not all that brilliant; yet, 15 years later, here I am with her words still playing over in my head. They were words that quieted me and helped me move past my own self in spite of myself.

Kelly, I’d be worried if you weren’t scared.

 

Here’s the thing. Adoption is a big deal. And, wrestling with fear and uncertainty is right where you should be. It’s all part of the adoption journey. If we take that lightly and not wrestle with it, well, that’s when I’d be concerned.

It’s really not about having the best parenting skills or being able to stay at home or knowing all about attachment or all that we can wrongly claim as making as fully able and therefore ready. It’s about discerning if God has called you to it and if He has, if that timing is now. Even after we discerned that ourselves, I still battled fear, fear that literally took me prostrate to the ground at times. Some days while we waited, I wondered if we were making a mistake. I wondered if I forced something and if we were headed down the wrong path, if I’d be able to cut it, if I could really love a child who wasn’t “my own,” if I was motivated by the wrong reasons. But, God wouldn’t let us not do it. So, we pressed on. It wasn’t the easiest road–the wait, looking over files of very real children, traveling across the world, coming home with a toddler who was now our own, the grafting process. But, I know that right here is where God wants me to be, even when I’m overwhelmed by my inadequacy and wondering what He’s doing.

No one is “perfect” for this journey. But, He is and the journey itself is when He has called you to it.

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Kelly Raudenbush

Forever changed by our experience of being adopted and adopting, Kelly is a stay-at-home mom/manager to 4 children and a professional juggler, juggling her calling as wife and mother with her secondary callings (editing and serving adoptive families through The Sparrow Fund). You can learn more about their adoption story, how they’ve been changed, and what life for them looks like on their personal blog.

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My Seedlings

Some of my favorite mom moments happen without me even being a part of the moment. You know, listening to the kids playing together nicely in another room (which always seems to happen when I need to be ushering them to bed), overhearing one of their conversations, watching as my husband makes them all laugh.

Yesterday was one of those moments for me.

Soaking in the last days of freedom this week, we spent the afternoon at a local park. Evan found some sort of seed that he got all excited about planting in the dirt where we were sitting under a big ole tree. All three of the big kids got right on into it with him, using sticks and little rocks to carve out a very shallow little hole in the dry dirt where they were convinced this little seed would thrive. They buried it under dusty dirt and used shovels to bring water up to get it off to a good start.

They hunted and found one or two more of the same seeds. More digging, more burying, more watering.

“They can be a family.” – Ashlyn

“Yeah, the big tree is the mama and all the little trees are the babies.” – Evan

I”m sitting there, just smiling to myself, looking all deep in thought in my reading.

Then, their hunt turned up some different kinds of seeds. Who know what they were from really. They may have been rocks. Whatever they were, they looked different.

Then, I heard:

“I know, let”s plant all different kinds of seeds. Then, they can be adopted!” – Evan

“Yeah!” – Ashlyn

Digging, burying, watering. Repeat. Until a handful were seemingly safe and sound in the dirt, and it was over.

Nothing extraordinary. Just my children playing. But, my smile to myself got a little bigger and my heart swelled a bit as I was reminded how comfortable they are with how our family has grown.

Our adopting our fourth child hasn”t been an issue for our biological children one bit. In their eyes, it”s just how their sister came home.

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Kelly Raudenbush

Forever changed by our experience of being adopted and adopting, Kelly is a stay-at-home mom/manager to 4 children and a professional juggler, juggling her calling as wife and mother with her secondary callings (professional editing, WAGI, and serving adoptive families through The Sparrow Fund). You can learn more about their adoption story, how they”ve been changed, and what life for them looks like on their personal blog. If you are expecting (waiting to bring your little one home via adoption, that is), click HERE and enter to win a little giveaway just for fun.

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Overthinking fundraising

Fundraising.

Just the word can give me the chills. I picture overpriced wrapping paper and pizza kits, going door to door and begging family friends to help me go on my choir trip or get new softball uniforms.

Years later, I don

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“We’re Adopting!”

This week alone, I connected with two families actively fundraising for their first adoptions and two families who just announced they are adopting for the first time and adopting again. I have the joy of hearing a lot of

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Healing Beneath the Surface

chinese adoption CHD
18 months home. Check-up day.

This morning, I raced to get the kids off to their schools and then get on over to CHOP’s cardiologist for Lydia’s appointment. I wasn’t worried about the appointment. A check up every 6 months. Just gotta do it.

A VSD put her in the special needs program. We were prepared for heart surgery. We were relieved to learn the week we got home that surgery would likely never be needed. Our cardiologist explained that it would only be necessary if the valve started to pull into the little hole between the walls of the bottom two chambers of her heart.

“Show him your heart, Lydia.” She pointed to her chest and said, all drawn out as she does, “Right here.” He listened. He listened some more. She got the EKG with stickers that tickled. Then, we went into the little room fitted with a big ole bed for her echo.

The tech pulled up her echo from 18 months ago. I could watch it on the computer screen and hear it–her heart sounded like a little bird to me, racing.

“Was she really upset when we did this before?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just that her heart was a bit crazy there. Looks like she was really worked up.”

She wasn’t.

18 months ago, we were in that same room with the same technician even. It was just me and Lydia, newly home, still getting to know each other. I sat there with her and rubbed her legs during that echo all while she lay perfectly still, just looking at me, not making a peep. I remember at one point, I even got her to fall asleep.

chinese special needs adoption

But, she wasn’t at peace. For a year, she never left one building. One day, one of the nannies there dressed her up nicely in new clothes, put her in a car for perhaps the 2nd time in her life, drove 2 1/2 hours, brought her into an office building and handed her to a white lady with a big nose who was crying and laughing at the same time who then passed her back and forth to a big white guy with red hair. We took her to our hotel room, then an airplane, then another hotel room, all while going to restaurants and walking around crowded streets. Then, after a very long plane ride, we arrived somewhere entirely new–new sounds, new smells, new people, new children wanting to touch her and hug her.

As calm as she seemed during that echo 18 months ago, the poor baby was upset. And, we’ve got a video record of her heart to prove it.

But, today, was different. She happily laid on the bed and talked to me about Dora who they had playing on a screen for her to pass the time. I watched the screen and the images of her heart, amazed at the clarity of the picture and how we were able to painlessly look right into our little one’s chest. Amazing.

And, then, she said it. The tech smiled at me and said it.

“Have you been praying?”

Her heart is healed. The hole is gone. Her heart is whole. Totally whole.

The cardiologist, an adoptive dad of two himself, smiled and told us he doesn’t want to see us ever again.

Amazing.

All 23 lbs of her.

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One Year Later – We Are Grafted In

On August 11, 2010, I “clicked” and published the very first post on We Are Grafted In. I hoped that the site and forum would become a place where preadoptive and adoptive families would gather. I wanted, I needed that sort of place, a place where families could be honest and encourage in truth, a safe place for families to come and support one another in the adventure of adoption.

1 year, 140 contributors, and 230 posts later, I think it’s become that type of place–not because of any skill of mine or anything special I have done–and continues to grow and be used as God desires. I’m so thankful for that and that these posts–from people who are way better communicators than I am–have blessed so many.

As a reminder of those early days and what led to the name We Are Grafted In in the first place, I’m reposting that very first post with the only edits made to some formatting and my bio since it is a year later. No edits are needed on the text of the post–these truths remain.

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