I am, obviously, an adoptive parent. I like to read blogs (some being adoption blogs). I read adoptive parent forums. I have even read a couple books written for adoptive parents. I don’t consider myself an expert, not even close. But, I do want to say something to adoptive parents, and I respectfully hope they’ll listen.

Over the past few years, I have read MANY posts and articles written by adoptive parents about what everyone else should and shouldn’t say to adopted children, what people should and shouldn’t ask an adopted, more specifically. an adopted, non-white child. I’ve read posts that lecture the general public about what they should ask, where it would be appropriate to ask it, what not to ask, etc. And, I’ll be frank, it wears me out. I find all of the pointed advice overwhelming to the point of giving up, and I often hear a small voice saying, “Forget it! I just won’t ask you, or any other adoptive parent, anything about adoption since it’s such a sensitive topic.” After such articles, my thought is always this, “If I feel this way, how must the non-adoptive general public feel?!”

Here’s the reality–when a family decides to adopt, more specifically, adopt a child who is of another race, then they have kicked the door wide open for curious questions because racially blended families aren’t the norm. This isn’t just a United States thing; they aren’t the norm anywhere in the world. It is pretty much common knowledge that whenever you make a decision to go against social norms, you’re inviting questions, opinions, and curious looks. This is reality, and it is a reality everywhere in the world because people who break tradition or don’t follow “normal” paths ALWAYS get this reaction, no matter what country you live in.

For example, when a teenager dyes his hair red and spikes it into a four-inch Mohawk, people look. Why? because it’s not the norm. When a family chooses to have no TVs in the home, people ask questions; its not the norm. When a family moves half-way around the world to be missionaries, people question and inquire about it because it’s not normal. If I’m going to be honest with you, I too am curious as to why people do these types of things. Why did that boy put his hair in a red mohawk? Why did you make the decision to not have TVs? What led you to uproot your family to be a missionary? I truly want to know (