“After the third kid people stop congratulating you. Then they just look at you like you are Amish.”
-Jim Gaffigan
We can relate. When people find out we have four kids their response is usually something along the lines of, “Really? Four?” or “Wow, that’s a lot.”
But more often than not I hear the following question: “So are you guys done?” Sometimes I can’t tell if they are asking a question or pleading for us to stop.
We have to be done, right? With our income and in today’s world it was borderline irresponsible to have four, much less five children. We couldn’t possibly afford more kids could we? Besides, where would we put them? We are still trying to figure out where to put Jude’s bed for goodness sake. Don’t even get me started on how we are going to pay for college in the years to come.
We should really do the responsible thing and focus on the kids we already have. But then again, whose definition of responsible am I using? The world tells me that it’s responsible to have a beautifully decorated home, nice cars, college savings for everyone, expensive hobbies, well invested retirement accounts and kids who excel in academics and sports. If I can’t give each kid their own room, own television, own smart phone, own computer, their own this & own that then it’s pretty clear what am I: irresponsible.
It’s not that any of those things are bad. In fact, many are good. But does checking everything off of that list make me responsible? Or wise? I am starting to think the answer to that question is a resounding “no”.
No doubt, we all have a responsibly to provide for our families. But an even greater responsibility exists to spread the Good News to the ends of the world and to reach those in need: the poor, the abandoned, the foreigner, the widow, the orphan.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that my family isn’t done. I don’t know if that means we will adopt more sons and daughters into our home. It may. But even if we don’t we will never be done fighting for the millions of Rylies & Judes who are waiting, literally waiting to come home & waiting to hear the Gospel.
The more the world looks at my family and cries, “How irresponsible!” the more I’m convinced we are finally being responsible to the call that a Jewish carpenter made some 2,000 years ago.
Jennifer and Rush Middleton have been married for 11 years and have 4 kids, Jonah (8), Reagan (5), Rylie (3) and Jude (2). Rylie came home from China in 2010 and Jude just arrived earlier this year. The Middletons have been through the easy and the hard of bringing a child into their family, yet the awesome gift of adoption has rocked their worlds in more ways than they can count. You can check out their blog about family, life, adoption, cleft lip/palate and other randomness at Apple Pie and Egg Rolls.
I have to give credit where credit is due….my husband, Rush, actually wrote this one!
Great post! Very relevant thoughts for today. Thank you for being honest and bold in your faith.
We have 4 and are praying about adopting 2 more. Our youngest is 11 and oldest is 21……..just when the expectation is that you would enjoy life without little ones to care for every day….maybe grandkids, but not your own.
YOu have a beautiful family!
Hi Rhonda! Thanks for your kind words! We’re starting to learn that “normal” isn’t always better! Just think though, those older kiddos will be such a help for 2 more! 🙂 Prayers for your next steps!
Jennifer
Love this. We can totally relate as we recently doubled the amount of kids in our family from 3 to 6 over a couple months. We went from average to WOW!!!!
Hi Melissa! Yep, that’s a big jump! I think #3 brings chaos anyway….might as well embrace it and go all out! 🙂
Jennifer
Responsibility is not just about the number of children one has. For example, let’s talk about the extreme cases (because 3 versus 6 versus 9 kids is more likely to step on toes). How about the Duggar family—how many do they have now? I know people love them and think they are awesomely great parents/people, which they probably are, but 20+ kids??
So, the case for them being responsible even though they have tons of kids would be that they are financially stable and have provided a comfortable life for their children. They are educating them and teaching them morals, etc. Good stuff, for sure. Lots of people would say that even though they have a bunch of kids, they are still responsible because they are able to provide and are upstanding citizens.
But, here’s where it rubs me wrong and it’s not about the number of kids one has. The Duggars have spent their resources (financial and otherwise) on 20+ BIOLOGICAL children. This is where I feel they have been irresponsible—instead of procreating even 10 of their 20 bio-kids, they could have adopted 10 children with the resources those 10 bio-kids have used up. That would be 10 less orphans in need of a forever family. 10 orphans with a financially stable home, moral and upright parents, access to education and healthcare, etc.
I think that the Duggars (and lots of others–I’m really not a Duggar family hater) have been absolutely responsible in living within their means and providing well for their children. But, I think they have NOT been responsible in the distribution of their resources. When I see larger families, made up solely a bio-kids (unlike the author of the above post), I often wish that instead of creating more little people they would have taken care of some of the little people who are already here. I know that this is a controversial statement, and I even argue with myself about it at times, but I just can’t get past how many children are already created/alive on this earth who needs parents/homes, yet people just keep making/having babies. To me irresponsibility lies there.
I won’t say that as a whole having bio-kids is irresponsible, and I’m definitely not saying it’s wrong. As an aside, I may have bio-kids myself some day (to note, I’m currently the mom of two adopted siblings), but to do so is a decision that I have and will continue to wrestle with and need clear affirmation from God before proceeding. I love to see families who have started with bio-kids and continued to grow their families with adoption, or couples who were once infertile celebrate the miracle of pregnancy. Pregnancy is good and from God. It is how we were meant to grow our families before sin entered the picture. But, now we live in a fallen world, where sin (death, abandonment, abuse) leaves innocent children without a family and I fear that too often families neglect the call to adopt because they see it as a second-best, if we can’t conceive, maybe later if we still have money -type option.
Knowing there are millions of orphans in this world and doing nothing about it, that’s irresponsible.
———————–end of soapbox———————
To Jennifer & Rush: Thank you for your post. Your family is beautiful and I’m so glad it isn’t done growing.
Haha….thanks Laura!
I appreciate your point of view, and completely agree with your last statement: “Knowing there are millions of orphans in this world and doing nothing about it, that’s irresponsible.”
You’re right. Apathy isn’t acceptable! Thanks for your input!
Jennifer
Loved reading this! Awesome!
Glad you enjoyed it, Bethany! Thanks!
I can relate to so much of what you shared. We have 5 kiddos and aren’t sure if we’re done yet or if we’ll be adopting again. “The more the world looks at my family and cries, “How irresponsible!” the more I’m convinced we are finally being responsible to the call that a Jewish carpenter made some 2,000 years ago.”-love this!
I loved this post! I could elaborate more – but instead I’ll say I agree with you 100%. Thank you for sharing this!