On January 16, 2010, twin boys were born in Moscow. One of the boys, fully healthy, went home with his parents. The other twin, who was covered with wounds and bruises at birth, was left at a Moscow hospital. Given the confusion of the hospital staff over his condition, minimal attention (the hospital typically has one nurse for 20 infants), and minimal pain medication, it is a miracle he survived those early months.
But, he did. God sustained him.
Through the blessing of some relief organizations who learned about this little man and his diagnosis of Butterfly skin disease (Epidermolysis Bullosa, EB), he was able to spend a few months in a different hospital with a personal nurse where he was able to receive good medical care as well as toys and a connection with someone who cared for him. But, he is soon to be transferred to an orphanage where he will not receive the kind of care he has been getting simply due to lack of resources or skills in dealing with his medical needs.
And, so, we are advocating for him here. He needs a family.
Could you be his family? Could God use you to care for this child, His child in a miraculous way?
There is a webpage created to advocate for him. And, Anton is currently listed on Reece’s Rainbow, a website that spotlights available children for adoption with special needs and works to build adoption grants for the family God has chosen for these children.
Please visit his page on Reece’s Rainbow, consider donating (it’s tax deductible) towards the grant for his adoption.
A few weeks ago, during MLK week, Blair’s class assignment was to write her dream. They completed this assignment at school, and she made no mention of “her dream” until last week when she brought home her school work. I was going through her papers and when I came to this page, I asked her to come in and tell me about it.
You see, my Blair is my thinker. My ponderer (is that really a word?). My save-the-world child.
So when my sweet, tender-hearted child read her dream to me, tears in her eyes, explaining how badly she wants all kids in China to have a home, I lost it right along with her.
She went on to tell me she wanted them to have a mama and daddy. To have sisters that love them and play with them. To have homes with families that love God so that they can know about Him and his love for them.
I’m not surprised at all that this is Blair’s dream. Since we got home with Kate, Blair has asked a lot of questions. Big questions. Really hard to answer questions. And she thinks about the answers, what they mean to her and for the orphans.
She also asked if we could pick kids out to pray for. So we have. Each month, or until the child finds a family, we go through “the list” and pick 3 kids. We print their pictures with their names and ages, and we pray for them each night. And not one night goes by that we don’t pray for them. Just the other night, I was out running an errand, and Mike put the girls to bed. When I came through the door he said, “Blair said to wake her when you got home because y’all have to pray for the girls.” So I did.
I believe that Blair’s tender, soft heart is spot on. I think that we should ache for these kids to have homes. We should be helping them any way we can. I am not saying we should all adopt, but I am saying we should care. We should find a way to help, and we can help in so many other ways than adoption.
This is where my conversation with Blair went after we both stopped crying. She started talking about ways to help. Of course her first question was, “Can we adopt them all?” Love that girl! After I explained that that is just not possible, she came up with other ways. Here is her list:
We can pray for the kids each day/night. Pray that they are healthy, loved, cared for, and that their families find them soon. If you want to do this and need a few kids let me know. We have a list going.
We can collect things an orphanage needs and then mail the care package, or we can order things in China to have them delivered to the orphanage. If you want more info on this please let me know.
And this is how our talk finished:
“Mom, will you and Dad help me with my dream?”
“Of course, babe.”
“But, it’s a big dream, Mom.”
“Yes, Love, it is.”
“But, we can do it?”
“Yes, baby, we can.”
And off she skipped spouting off what she was going to do next to make her dream come true.
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Ashley Milford
Ashley is a social worker turned stay-at-home mom who rarely stays at home. She has been married for 11 years to the man who makes her laugh until her side hurts and can fix anything with a hug. They have have 3 miracles girls, the youngest (by only 6 months) joined their family from China this past summer. You can check out their adoption journey and musings on life as they know it on her blog.
“Um, Lauren’s mom?” she said with a little wrinkle on her nose and her head tilted to the right. “Yes?” I answered. “Did you know that she only has one finger on her hand?” I paused so that I wouldn’t giggle just a bit… “Why, yes, I noticed that!” I said back. She nodded and went on dancing.
“Hey, Lauren’s Mom?” She was back. With her golden little curls framing her face. This time she brought a friend with her. “Yes” I smiled. “AND did you see that on her other hand, she has two fingers but they are stuck together???” I looked into her eyes and smiled “Yep- I did know that! Pretty cool, huh?” She smiled at me “Can she COLOR?” I smiled back, “You bet she can.” She skipped off to dance in circles with Lauren.
I wondered before we brought Lauren home what looks or comments we might get. This reaction made my heart just leap. The innocent little one, with nothing other then interest asking me if I had actually noticed her hands. And then making sure her new friend could color made my heart smile. I love that innocence. I love that reaction to a child who may be slightly different then the rest of her friends. I love that she came and talked to me about it.
The thing that surprises me sometimes are just the stares. Maybe I am reading a whole bunch into the staring. The people who stare may just be amazed at how crazy my kids are. Or just how loud we tend to get in public. Or the oddity of having two white boys and two asian girls. Or maybe I have spinach in my teeth.
But, I can tell. Sometimes she is getting stared at. Her hands. The big momma part of me wants to scoop her up and give those people the what for. (Not sure what exactly that means, but I know it can’t be good) What good would that do? Will their minds be changed about people who have differences? Probably not.
I guess I just never understood that mind set. Never. I can see how as a child some differences may “look” a little scary- because they might never have seen anything like that before. But the adults? That stare? And walk the other direction? Really? I don’t get it.
I am thankful for this sweet little girl who happened to be born with hand and feet differences. I am blessed to watch her do anything and everything she sets her mind to. I am grateful for the sweet little ones who accept her without judgement, just honest questions. And worry about if she can color. I am in awe of a God who has given us the opportunity to love on this wonder.
I want to encourage you that adopting a special needs child is a special journey. Just as any other birth or adoption. You may have some extra challenges, some different issues….but it’s amazing. To encourage those who may be considering opening their home to a child with special needs: Not only will your heart be totally changed and softened, but your world will never be the same. It will be richer, more boldly colored, and mostly more full of love then you could ever imagine.
That is not to say you will not have challenging days. Or that there won’t be days you don’t hide in your shower to weep. What I am saying is that if you let this slip past you, you may miss out on one of the biggest blessings that the Lord can give you.
So, yes, I know she only has one finger. Yes, I know she only has two on the other hand. But, she is PERFECT. And we wouldn’t have her any other way.
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Jenny Markmiller
Jenny has been married to her husband Michael for 15 years. They have 4 children, two homegrown boys, Jack (12) and Sam (9), and two daughters from China, Katie Mei (6) and Lauren (5). Michael and Jenny live with their family in Oklahoma. Jenny is a stay-at-home mom to her kids. They adopted Katie Mei in March 2005 at 8 months old. They just returned from China in December, adding their little girl Lauren to their family. You can catch up with their family on their blog.
I enjoy studying people, and I’ve been at it for some time now. If you go to the mall, I’m the guy on the bench with no bags and no intention of shopping. You’re the reason I’m there. I’m watching you and hundreds more in hopes of discovering something new. One of my discoveries is how funny people look when they are mad (have you ever noticed that a lot of mall shoppers are mad?). If they had any idea how silly they looked fussing at their spouse they’d save their little fit for later.
Another, more serious discovery I’ve made is the role fear plays in motivating people. And, one of the greatest fears in our country is the fear of failing. Everyone on the planet wants to win, but Americans hate to fail! So, each morning, millions of us wake up driven by this passion to climb the ladder of success. Amazingly, most Americans successfully navigate the pitfalls, overcoming sometimes ridiculously huge obstacles. And, at the conclusion of their lives, many of them stand triumphantly at the top of the success ladder. Ah, sweet victory! The only problem is, more often than not, they discover in the end that their success ladder was leaning against the wrong building! I have to believe that the greatest fear in our lives should NOT be the fear of failure but rather the fear of succeeding at the wrong things. Hmmm . . . so many wrong things . . . what’s the right thing?
Before God created you, He created something that needed to be done. Then, He created you to do that “something,” and no one on the planet can do that “something” like you can. It’s why you were custom designed with your personality, abilities, and gifts. Friends, that incredible “something” is the “right thing” to lean your life ladder on. It
One question frequently comes up from curious strangers and prospective adoptive parents: Did you name your children? I love that I was asked to speak to this topic because it is something dear to my heart. I love names. I do not think it is coincidental that the meanings of names often reflect a person’s personality or that certain names are pressed upon our hearts for the child we will steward. I also believe there is purpose in those names. Often, they reflect the work the Lord has done or will do in that family or in the child. Isaac, for instance, means “he laughs” and certainly reflects Abraham’s heart in learning of his baby to be.
How we come to an adopted child’s name is a very personal decision. There are three general options. First,
there are people who choose to keep their child’s given name. They feel this is a part of who they are. It is something that was given to them (usually) by their birth parents. In many cases, they feel it is the only thing they’ll be bringing with them aside from the clothes on their backs. There is a tender sensitivity in these parents towards children and their first families and experiences.
Other people choose to change the child’s name completely. They want the child to feel welcomed into their home and family. They know how precious it is to share with their child the name they prayed to give them. Much like when the Lord called some of his people into new stages or ministries, He changed their names. Abram became Abraham, and Saul became Paul. These parents are reflecting the hopes of a fresh start and future for their children.
Still others choose to use a combination of their given name and a new name. Either keeping the given name and giving them a new middle name or giving them a new first name and keeping their given name as their middle name. We chose this last way in naming our 3 daughters who came home from Haiti. We wanted to give them the names we had chosen for their new start in their new family. However, each of them was coming home as an older child. To do away with the names they had been known by for years entirely didn’t seem right. The names we chose for them reflect their individual personalities as well as their connection in coming home together. Together, their names mean “Happy Life Belonging to God.” That is our hope for them, that their new start would be filled with joy and laughter and that they would choose, Lord willing, to follow Him.
There is no right or wrong way, but I do think there is some intentionality that needs to go into naming a child that comes home through adoption. A careful consideration of your unique child and their unique past and unique future. In many ways, their names will always be the first part of their story. What a beautiful testimony to God’s faithfulness.
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Cate Johnson
Cate Johnson has been married to her best friend, Sean, for 10 years. They currently reside in the Sonoran Desert with their three Haitian princesses who came home forever in 2008. Ada is 8, Nica is 6, and Evelyn is 5. They are passionate about Jesus, adoption, and attachment. They also love coming alongside prospective adoptive parents as well as those struggling through transition and attachment. Cate blogs about all of these topics and more at Gathered From Afar and Attaching Hearts.
Marlie has been having trouble lately with the fact that she just doesn’t look like her Mama. She is always trying to find ways to match me, but it’s difficult to accomplish beyond clothing. For a year, she’s been asking for a purple streak in her hair like mine. For a year, I’ve been saying no.
But, with the increasing frustration she’s had lately over our differences in appearance, I’ve been re-thinking it. Still on the fence, it was Marshall who changed my mind. He was all for Marlie getting a purple streak, telling me, “It’s just hair!” And, he’s right. And, I started to think, if this simple gesture will help her bridge the gap between our physical differences, it will be worth it. But, before I told her yes, I consulted with her African American hair stylist and with my hair stylist (who does my purple streak) to make sure it would be safe to do on a child so young. They both assured me it would be just fine to do. It would change the texture slightly and require more conditioner than the rest of her hair but otherwise be fine.
Soooooo… I came home and told Marlie we could give her a purple streak in her hair. To say she was excited is an understatement. She was elated. It was just before Christmas when we told her she could get it done, and she would ask almost daily when she was getting her purple hair. Finally, I made an appointment for her to get her hair done today.
This week, she was counting down the day until her appointment. She kept informing her big brothers she had an “appointment” to get her purple hair. Last night, she was excited to go to bed and go to sleep early so today would come sooner. This morning she couldn’t wait to get to the hair salon. And while I gave her the option of picking the location of the purple streak, I was unsurprised that she chose to have it in the same place, same side as I have mine.
Here is her “before” picture.
In order for the purple to show up on her hair, they had to first bleach her hair. They have to do the same thing to my hair as well.
Then Marlie had to spend some time under the heat lamp while her hair lightened. I wisely brought along an iPad to help her pass the time.
Surprise! Marlie has “yellow” hair!!! She thought it was so silly.
Now, time to apply the purple!
Then she got her hair blown dry and flat ironed. While the purple was still soaking in her hair, I had my hair washed and blown straight as well, so she and I would both have “flat” hair together. As soon as her hair was finished and I took her out of the salon chair, she hugged me tightly and thanked me for letting her have purple hair. Once we got home, Daddy wanted to take some pictures outside with his fancy camera.
Some people might judge me for letting her do this. Heck, a few years ago, I would’ve judged someone for coloring their young child’s hair. But, having seen Marlie increasingly struggle with our differences in appearances and knowing how much this small gesture means to her… I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again. Of course there are some lines I won’t cross, like chemically straightening her hair or coloring the entire thing, but when it comes to a purple streak… it’s just hair.
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Julie
Julie is a Christian, stay-at-home, biological and adoptive mother of three (one bio child, one domestic adoption, and one international adoption from Ethiopia). She lives in Los Angeles, CA with her husband of 14 years. She’s a former recreational therapist, avid reader, and blogger. And, she loves purple more than you.
When you see “You have been approved to adopt one child from the following convention country: China”
When you hear the phone ring.
When you see her face.
When you read “Your LOA has arrived” in the subject line of an email from your adoption agency.
When you say, “I have four children.”
When you paint a dresser.
When you glance in the back of your minivan, see three kids, and actually panic because you thought you forgot someone, only to realize that the fourth isn’t here yet.
When you sign a document written in Chinese that says her name and asks you “do you accept?”
Yes.
Yes.
We.
Do.
When you see her face.
When you start making packing lists.
When you buy bedding with pink ladybugs and purple butterflies.
When you purchase her FIRST pair of shoes.
When your children draw six stick people (2 big, 4 little) in their pictures of their family.
When you start purchasing things for the trip.
When you try on that long forgotten, never thought you would use again, baby carrier.
When you see her face.
now, waiting for travel approval to bring home their little girl.
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Deb Migneault
Deb has been married to her husband, Steve, for 10 years. They have been blessed with four children, ages 8, 6, 4 and 1. The littlest is still waiting for them in Henan Province, China. Deb and Steve hope to be traveling to China in February 2011 to bring their youngest blessing home to her family. You can follow their journey to China, as well as their ups, downs, giggles, tears, and chaos of their family here.
