I don’t know how many people have said to me, “I could never do this.” My response is always,
“What, you mean foster care?” To which they reply, “Yes, I could never hand them back.”
Often that comment is followed by a loving glance or hug to their child.
When a child is placed in our home through foster care, they are very much our
children. We love them unconditionally and learn their love language, where their
hearts and souls need healing and how we can help encourage that healing. We put in
hours and hours of training to learn how to parent them the best we can, and those
hours are little compared to the on-the-job training during which we plead with God to
guide us.
But one thing a biological parent must not forget, all of our children, yours, mine,
foster or adopted, they are His first. Losing your child from your home is H. A. R.
D! It feels like a death. You grieve, you hurt, and it leaves wounds that eventually
heal, but leave a scar. Those scars can be deep and ugly; they can be hiding
bitterness and other ugly emotions. But they don’t have to be! Only with the love of
Jesus Christ and the constant conversations with Him can that scar heal to a
beautiful mark despite its ugliness. It is beauty from ashes. But ask anyone who has
lost a child, through a failed adoption, a reunification in foster care or a
death, ask them and they will tell you they are changed forever. There will be a scar, but Jesus Christ brings healing.
That’s what makes doing foster care, this thing you think you couldn’t do, doable.
We have been foster parents to 5 children, all of whom we have adopted. Our cases
have varied from on the door step of reunification to straight into the adoption
unit. But still , and I speak from experience, a heart that has deep scars that on the
outside appeared healed but were actually oozing with bitterness. We lost our son through a
failed adoption. A year of anticipating him, 10 days spent holding him and loving
him and another full year pursuing him though international adoption. The bitterness
ran deep towards the people whose ill informed decisions changed everything. Not
until I invited the Healer in, did the true healing begin. In a way I felt like
hanging on to that ugliness kept my son close, but it didn’t and it distanced me
from friends and my God. My scars are still there. I’m forever changed. I’m forever
missing my little man, but I’m no longer oozing with bitterness. And I have a new trust, a new understanding, that my God is a healer who, no matter the pain, will not leave me or forsake me.
If you feel God calling you, put yourself out there! You can do this. You’ve got God.
Do you trust Him as your Healer?
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Wanda has been married to her high school sweetheart, Matt, for 16 years. They have six children, ages 2-11. Adoption has been on her heart since a very young child. She is passionate about foster care and supporting and encouraging foster and adoptive families in their journey. She is a stay at home mom who loves to make jewelry for her little business, cook for her family and cheer on her soccer players.