We all want a magic word. In those moments of chaos when we’ve told them to put their shoes on for the 8th time. In those moments of quiet when everyone is in bed and we finally have a moment to reconnect but we are simply too tired to finish a sentence. We’ve been there. We know you’ve been there too.

Some years ago, social scientists claimed to have found that magic word, one single word that could motivate people to press on longer and do it successfully without burning out—together. Scientists actually studied it.

Here’s how: researchers put participants in small groups and then separated them to work on difficult puzzles on their own. Some participants were told that they would be working on the puzzles together even though they were separated into different rooms and that they would share strategies with their teammates. Other participants never heard the word together at all. They were were still promised help though, but their strategy sharing would be with the researchers only. All the participants were doing the same puzzles and getting the same measure of support really; the only difference was the feeling produced by being told they were working together. In the end, the participants who believed they were working together with a team endured the challenges 48% longer, solved more puzzles correctly, and had better recall of the challenges when it was over. Also, compared to the other participants, their own reports showed that they felt less physically tired and less depleted by the challenge and that they weren’t as frustrated with the challenge itself.

It’s remarkable really.

There’s something powerful about being reminded that we are part of a team, that we are not facing whatever challenge is before us alone. That awareness of togetherness literally changes us, giving us precisely what we need to be producers of change around us. It almost is a magic elixir.

The Together Called retreat is not magic. Some couples who have attended in years past have said that their marriages were transformed by it; but that’s not because of any supernatural program. What Together Called does well is remind you that you are not alone, that no matter how hard things have been or may be, you have someone beside you who is facing it with you. And, you have Someone leading you both as you walk forward together. And, that, friends, is life changing.

You have been and are now Together Called as husbands and wives and as fathers and mothers or fathers- and mothers-to-be. Won’t you set aside a few days this Spring to step out of the chaos of daily life to be reminded of that truth?

Click HERE to read more about Together Called 2017. Registration opens at 8pm sharp EST on Sunday evening. For four years, registration fills fast (think minutes). So, talk about it now. Figure out how to budget for it. Ask someone if they can support you by caring for your kiddos that weekend. And, set your alarm for 7:55pm EST Sunday night. We want you to join us and 100+ other couples, together.

Because of sponsors who have a vision to serve adoptive parents, we are able to offer this retreat to you below actual cost. We are actively seeking more sponsors to help us make this happen. Please email our team if you know someone who may be interested in sponsoring this event.

We know you have been too busy in the back-to-school aisles to be thinking towards spring plans for just the two of you grownups. That’s okay, because we’ve been doing it for you. Together Called 2017 isn’t until the weekend of March 31st-April 2nd, but plans are already underway to make the 5th annual marriage retreat being held this year at Bear Creek Mountain Resort in Pennsylvania’s beautiful Lehigh Valley an unforgettable one.

We can’t wait to tell you who is going to be serving you at this year…

{speakers}

Nate and Sara Hagerty are parents to five (almost six!), whose arms stretched wide across the ocean to Uganda and Ethiopia to bring home four. Former Young Life staff, they were the inaugural speakers for Together Called in 2013 and have walked through older child adoption, interrupting the “birth order” and a decade-plus of infertility. Sara is the author of Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet (Zondervan, 2014) and has her second book coming out in August of 2017 via Zondervan. Nate runs a marketing agency for financial professionals. Most of all, they are followers of the man, Jesus, and have loved Him through pain, perplexity and joy — and want to find him in every unseen moment and help you do the same.

{worship}

Philip & Jessica are worship leaders and teachers for a nonprofit ministry called Seeds Family Worship. They partner with churches around the country to lead multigenerational worship events that equip families to live out the Deuteronomy 6 message. They joined Seeds in 2009 because of their great passion for God’s Word and His design for the family. They help families learn God’s Word through Seeds signature word-for-word scripture songs and love to encourage families to live out their faith at home as they lead and teach from their own experiences. (Look on most of our team’s most played playlists and you’ll find their tunes.) They’ll be joining us from Franklin, Tennessee where they make music and do life together with their five children, two of whom the Lord brought to their family through adoption (Madelynn-18, Sam-16, Hannah Joy-16, Gabe-15, and Isaiah-12).

::WE WANT YOU THERE::

Registration for Together Called 2017 will be Sunday, October 9th at 8pm EST. Check our Upcoming Events page closer to that date for more details about the weekend schedule, breakout session speakers, whose sponsoring the whole deal so you are cared for well, and how to register.

Go ahead right now and put a reminder in your calendar to register that evening (or grab one of those post-it pads that you just put in your child’s new backpack and put reminders all over your desk). In past years, the retreat fills fast (as in, that night). We don’t want you to miss it!

12 incredible raffles

2 sweet-sounding friends to disarm us and lead us to the throne

2 ridiculous men in costumes to make us laugh and remind us to lock our doors

2 faithful servants willing to share their story to help us understand our own

10 kindred spirits committed to loving each other and serving together as He has called

Over 200 husbands and wives committed to loving each other and their families well

ONE GREAT GOD BEHIND, IN FRONT, AND IN IT ALL

Wanna sneak peek at what’s in store for couples this weekend? Here are summaries of our breakout sessions and the friends who are guiding couples through them.

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(Not Quite) Expert Marriage Panel

We’re together called to this parenting thing. At times, that “together” part is what seems the hardest. This session won’t be teaching as much as honest sharing as a few experienced couples field questions and share the real stuff behind their personal journeys of living out being together called in every season of marriage and parenting. (Note: couples attending this session will have the opportunity to anonymously submit specific questions ahead of time to make this time as fruitful as possible.)
About the panel:
11 years: Jeff and Julia Pearson have served together on Young Life staff for 11 years, have parented together for over 8 years, and answered the call to grow their family through adoption 2 years ago. They live in Glenside, PA with their three children (Ruby 8, Grady 5, and Davey 2) and are waiting to adopt Number 4. Jeff and Julia are passionate about Jesus, family, and adoption and are thankful that they get to live out their love for all three daily. Note: you may recognize Jeff as one of our gifted love doctors.

17 years: Mark and Kelly Raudenbush founded The Sparrow Fund in 2011, having been changed by the adoption of their youngest child and desiring to meet what they saw as a need among adoptive families. Kelly holds a Masters degree in counseling and serves as a therapist through the Attachment & Bonding Center of PA. After a 19-year career in the finance industry, Mark quit his job in 2013 to go on full-time staff with a large nonprofit serving students in Asia. Together, they consider it a joy to serve as a team and pour into both mothers and fathers who are eager to do the right thing for their families, encouraging parents to understand their own hearts more clearly as they seek to care for the hearts of their children. Mark and Kelly have 4 children, their youngest joining the family through adoption from China.

29 years: Pastor Bill and Kelly Rumbaugh have 10 (!) children ranging in age from 8 to 27 and two grandchildren as well. Bill is the senior pastor at New Hope Fellowship Church in Westminster, MD, and Kelly is involved with advocating for waiting children in China and runs a care package service for families adopting from China. With 8 children from China with various special needs, they have become more and more convinced of how God hand chose each child to complement their family in His perfect timing. They are passionate about navigating both the blessings and the hard stuff (which are also blessings) as a team.

30 years: Jeff and Cheryl Nitz bring both professional and personal experience to share as they offer insights, challenges, and encouragement to families whom God has brought together through adoption. Jeff is the Sr. Vice President of Adoption & Family Services for Bethany Christian Services. Cheryl is a therapist and the Director of the Attachment & Bonding Center of PA, specializing in working with families impacted by adoption, trauma, and attachment challenges. But, Jeff and Cheryl often say their best education has come from being parents to their four kids (two of whom came to the family through adoption) and grandparents to four. Most importantly, Jeff and Cheryl are presenting as fellow sojourners—sharing with other adoptive parents the joys and challenges and lessons learned and deeply committed to fostering a fun, growing, supportive marriage in the midst of chaos!

Life-Giving Speech

Parents have been assigned by God a place of authority in their children’s lives. What we say, therefore, has more power than most to frame their worlds. Our tongues carry the power of life and death, and this session will remind us how to harness their power for the good of our children, especially in the face of the messages that relinquishment, trauma, neglect and abuse speak to our children. Come discover how to leave a legacy of life-giving speech.
About the speaker:
Beth Templeton is the mother of 7 children, four of whom were adopted from Russia. With all 7 children now in their 20s, Beth has many stories to tell of the faithfulness of our God in her home, in her children and in her heart. Cofounder of Hope at Home based in Atlanta, GA (http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com), she is passionate to come alongside adoptive parents as they colabor with God in the transformation of orphans into sons and daughters.

A Touchy Subject: Working Through Sensory Challenges as a Family

Some children thrive on touch, movement, sound, and lights; other children are on the opposite end of the spectrum, withdrawing from such activities. In this breakout, an experienced physical therapist will present an overview of Sensory Processing Disorders or Sensory Integration Dysfunction, including why adopted children are more susceptible to these challenges, in terms that are practical and easy to understand. A large portion of the session will be the presentation of activities, toys, and experiences for families to assist them in coping with and working through sensory issues.
About the speaker:
Physical therapist Sue Becke learned early about her future career in medicine, having contracted Polio at 3 months of age. She underwent numerous corrective surgeries and physical therapy for many years and grew up to realize the benefit of physical therapy for children with special needs and determined that if children were going to receive such services, there must be a “better way” to provide it. As a professional, she established an out-patient clinic which provided physical, occupational, speech, and aquatic therapies as well as counseling services for children and their families. Currently, she is self-employed, providing physical therapy services to children ages birth to 3 in Franklin and Fulton Counties in Pennsylvania and in Carroll County, Maryland. She enjoys using play to work through challenges that children may have; pool noodles, empty soda bottles, painters tape, and ivory soap are some of her favorite therapy tools! As an adult with a disability, she has a unique perspective on growing up with a disability and is passionate about providing practical strategies to families.

When It’s Not Happily Ever After

What do you do when you discover that your adoption experience is not the storybook life you had envisioned, when weariness has replaced your warrior spirit. It is easy to talk about the beauty of adoption but sometimes difficult to find a safe place to be real about the hard parts. Painfully, what can be seen up close and personal is not always pretty. This discussion will focus on stripping our coverings of protection to reveal our struggles and find community with others who are willing to be broken open.
About the speaker:
Tiffany Barber is the mother of 8 children (aged 12 to 30), two of whom were adopted from China. Her life is full as she seeks to balance her roles as wife, mom, homeschooler, and nurse. Ridiculous and impossible are the best terms to describe their adoption story. They both felt called separately without a conversation between them. Although they were on the brink of a financial crisis, God showed up in miraculous ways to make a way for two former orphans to become a son and daughter. Yet, as amazing and miraculous as their journey began, coming home has been much more challenging. Tiffany writes about her struggles with adoption, faith, and family as a means to process her journey and encourage others in hard places. She believes that when trouble tests our limits and our faith, it can be our greatest opportunity to know God intimately and experience His presence as never before.

Play With A Purpose

“Play is the work of childhood.” – Fred Rogers. In this session, you’ll learn how to better harness the power of play in your family, specific focusing on strengthening the parent-child relationship using three distinct approaches (the arousal/relaxation cycle, repetitive claiming, and positive interaction). Over it all will include practical ways parents can use play to grow connection and attachment to their child or teen. (Note: a basic understanding of attachment is recommended for couples attending this session.)
About the speakers:
Daron and Heidi Holland began their life with adoption in 1977 when Heidi was placed in her forever family at 2 weeks of age. A few years and three adopted children later, they have become passionate about children from hard places. They both have been trained to teach the Empowered to Connect material which is based on Trust-Based Relationship Interventions®, Karyn Purvis’ research and methods for children who have experienced trauma. Heidi is also a trainer through Institute of Human Services. They have helped to begin a global orphan care ministry based out of Dayton, OH. They are passionate about helping parents work towards the goal of walking with their children to heal from their pasts and begin to feel safe, secure, and valued.

Being the Husband and Father You Long to Be

Few men fully understood what they were getting into when they chose with their wives to grow their family through adoption. Countless joys have likely been a part of your family story being written. But, along with that have come many unexpected challenges that often men are unable to easily fix. Instead of feeling like Peyton Manning quarterbacking a well-run team to a Superbowl win, family life can seem more like you’re coaching the Sixers on another 16 game losing streak. And to top it off, keeping your marriage strong and vibrant can now feel like a distant third fiddle to the demands of parenting and just keeping the bills paid. This session is an encouragement and challenge for men who are committed to cherishing their wives and children as God would want even when they may get very little in return.
About the speaker:
Jeff Nitz has spent the past 30 years working in the field of child welfare social work with experience in foster care, residential treatment, foster care adoption, international and domestic infant adoption as well as Safe Families For Children. For the past 21 years, he has served in various capacities for Bethany Christian Services, currently as the Sr. Vice-President of Adoption and Family Services where he helps to lead the U.S.-based service and marketing teams. Jeff has been married for over 30 years to his college sweetheart, Cheryl, and counts her as his very best friend. Together, they are the parents of four adult children ages 23 to 37, two of whom were adopted. Jeff and Cheryl attend New Life Presbyterian Church in Dresher, PA where Jeff serves as an elder and together he and Cheryl are involved in marriage ministry. As a licensed clinical social worker, he also enjoys serving with his wife in providing counsel to couples who are struggling in their marriage.

Fearless Parenting

There isn’t a mother on the planet who doesn’t wrestle with some fears or anxieties for her child. It can be so easy to live in the “what ifs” of life, especially as we face the after shocks of trauma from our child’s past. We probably all know we aren’t at our best when we parent in fear, and we long to be the kind of mother who is able to truly trust our Father God with our children. In this session, Beth Templeton will share the ways God has been teaching her to be a fearless parent and to enjoy the peace that comes when we let go of the “what ifs.” (Note: this session is specifically for women. If you select this option, wives will attend this session, while husbands attend Jeff Nitz’s session.)
About the speaker:
Beth Templeton is the mother of 7 children, four of whom were adopted from Russia. With all 7 children now in their 20s, Beth has many stories to tell of the faithfulness of our God in her home, in her children and in her heart. Cofounder of Hope at Home based in Atlanta, GA (http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com), she is passionate to come alongside adoptive parents as they colabor with God in the transformation of orphans into sons and daughters.

Troubleshooting: Building Relationship When It Seems Like They Just Keep Getting in Trouble

We want our children to know they are dearly loved and that we’re for them. But, how do we do that when she’s driving me crazy with backtalk and bedtime hassles, or he’s hitting his sister and hiding lima beans under his pillow? We want good things for our kids, so it’s frustrating when they choose poorly. How do we discern the best response? When should we simply advise? When do we give them a choice? Do consequences have a place? When do they need to “make it right”? And, how do we convey hope in the midst of these challenges? At this workshop, we will start with affirming that, although we all have room to grow, you are what your child needs. At his or her very core, your child needs and desires a relationship with you. On that foundation, the path to effective discipline becomes clearer. Come join us as we talk about irksome and troublesome behaviors, the messages we want to send our kids, and practical tools to help our kids grow in maturity and become all God created them to be.
About the speaker:
Cheryl Nitz, ACSW, LCSW has worked in the field of adoption and foster care for over 30 years. In 1997, she began specializing in working with families impacted by adoption, trauma, and attachment challenges and is now a therapist and the Director of the Attachment & Bonding Center of PA where she and her staff are committed to joining with parents to help their children find hope and healing through the love and security their families provide. In addition to her professional experience, Cheryl often says her best education has come from being a parent with her husband to their four kids (two of whom came to the family through adoption) and grandparent to four. She presents as a fellow sojourner – sharing with other adoptive parents joys and challenges and lessons learned both in the trenches at the Nitz home and from the families with whom she has had the privilege of working.

Return to Joy

We all are bombarded by the world’s false messages on a daily basis. Disapproving voices of some friends and family who don’t support or understand our call to adopt may be drowning out a call that once seemed so clear. Negative emotions, nagging fears, and realities of daily life may leave us feeling stuck and overwhelmed. The lies of the enemy pollute our thoughts, choking out the life-giving truth of God’s Word, often becoming the only voice we listen to. Intentionally focusing on God’s True Words helps our families discern the lies of this world, strengthen our identity in Him, and return to joy. Whether your family is particularly struggling in this area or not, this breakout will give you practical tools to guide you and to use with your children to guide them in time with God and help them return to joy.
About the speaker:
Stephanie Smit and her husband have three daughters, two of whom joined their family by way of adoption. After 18 years teaching in the classroom, she stayed home after the both of their daughter, and that’s when her education in following God’s call really began. Through their three girls, God has revealed Himself most clearly. He not only worked a miracle in the birth of their biological daughter, He continued to show Himself in mighty ways throughout their adoption journeys in China and Bhutan that were anything but normal. Stephanie enjoys encouraging and connecting with other adoptive families through speaking and serving on the Board of Directors for The Sparrow Fund and managing “We Are Grafted In,” the blog connected to TSF.