Rethinking Adoption: God Doesn’t Need My Favors

When I first became passionate about Christians caring for the fatherless, I just didn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to adopt. I was FURIOUS with Pat Robertson when he said people needed to “count the cost” before adopting. I thought, “Great, he just gave people an out and scared them off from adopting!”

Today I am going to do something I will probably not ever do again and I’m going to agree with Pat Robertson. Oh, my fingers burn just typing that! Let me do some splainin’.

Let’s go back to that first sentence. It was a little arrogant, I’ll admit. I would have conversations where people would say their reasons for not adopting –

“We just don’t have the money”
“I can barely handle the kids I have”
“I just couldn’t love an adopted child as my own”

And so on. Inside I would be thinking, oh, come on, you could do this!

Now as an adoptive parent of exactly three months, let me tell you this:

God doesn’t need you to do Him any favors. If you don’t want to adopt for any reason, DON’T.

If you aren’t ready for the reality of adoption (which is that it’s messy and borne of tragedy), don’t do it. I wanted to adopt. I want to adopt again. I have been blessed beyond measure by my second born son. But with all my passion for adoption and love for my child, this is still hard. It isn’t like, oh, I wanted to bring a child home and I did and he loves me every second of every day and nevermind the traumatic past he has, he’s just so happy to have a home!

Guiding a little heart toward healing is hard. Parenting through grief and trauma is sometimes exhausting. It takes patience that I have to constantly ask God to give me. I cannot fathom having gone into this not 100% devoted to helping our child heal, no matter what the cost.

Because guess what?

I’m selfish. And so are you, unless you’re Jesus. Being a part of helping a child heal takes selflessness that I just don’t naturally have.

So I guess I would say this:

God doesn’t need your favors or mine.

He’s God.

Now, let me backpedal. God calls the church to care for orphans and widows, so I’m not saying not to care. I’m talking specifically about adoption. As my good friend Pat Robertson said, people should consider the cost, out of fairness to their adopted child and entire family, and be sure that is something they are prepared for.

If you want to do something about the orphan crisis, really examine how you can be a part of the solution. Consider giving money to a reputable organization that helps orphaned children or sponsoring a child or becoming a mentor or CASA worker. Adopt if you’re kept up at night with that fire in your heart to bring a child into your home and see them through the hardest of days. Otherwise, don’t. Really, it’s ok. I hereby give you permission to just not want to do it.(I know, you’re breathing a real sigh of relief there.)

If you are one of those people up at night with that burning inside and you just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what God wants you to do, then DO IT. And don’t worry about money or how many rooms are in your house. That all falls in place. Instead, get on your knees right now and pray for God to give you the grace to be the parent that child needs. Know that He is going to stretch you farther than you ever imagined.

________________________________________

Lara

Lara is a Jesus-loving, book-reading, coffee-drinking, kid-chasing farmer’s wife of 5 years. She and her beloved farmer, Jon, have three kids: Cade, Ambrose, and Ellie. They brought her most recent additional home from Uganda in October 2011.

6 Replies to “Rethinking Adoption: God Doesn’t Need My Favors”

  1. WOW, wow, wow. LOVE IT! Speechless. http://www.roepnack.blogspot.com Missy
    This is right on.
    And as a sidenote, we are knee deep in a 47K adoption of 2 babies, without anything “in hand” needed to pull it off. My husband and I have never been LESS STRESSED than we have been walking on His path. The costs….BRING IT!
    Love your truth here, sister!
    I leave for Ethiopia in 4 days to meet my babies..pray for us!!!

  2. This is such a true post! I was the same way at one time. Thinking everyone should adopt and anyone who didn’t want to was selfish. Then a few months after bringing our son home from Korea, I found myself at the zoo practically talking someone who romantically wanted to adopt out of it!!! Let’s just say when she doubted that it could be harder than bringing a newborn home from the hospital, I had to refrain myself from maniacal laughter/tears.
    This adoption is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done. But I was one of those people up at nights with my heart consumed by a fire.
    There are sooooo many things that anyone can do to support orphans and 99% of them do not involve adopting. Adoption is not for everyone, and that is okay!!

  3. This is perfect! I do wish people would stop using those excuses though! I don’t want to hear your excuses, I’d rather you just say you don’t want to.

  4. i actually ended up writing about this.
    if you are called, you are CALLED. Not every person on this earth dreams of mothering a child not born of their belly. if you do, you may be “pregnant” with the call. God placed this desire in my heart when i was 10 years old.
    Is it hard?
    Yes.
    Harder than pregnancy? Delivery? Bringing home a baby from the hospital? I’ve done both. Sometimes I think it is. But then I remember delivery, and specialists when they thought the baby in my belly was sick, and I would like to recant any time I said it was harder to adopt. They are equally hard. And equally rewarding.
    It has nothing to do with hard. Or costs.
    When He calls you, it means He is asking you face to face to care for one of His children. You don’t have to worry about the rest of it. We don’t even get to complain about that part.
    What a privilege, and honor it is to adopt…http://roepnack.blogspot.com/2011/11/journey.html
    He does not call the equipped, He equips the called.
    And He funds what He Favors. You can witness that here: http://roepnack.blogspot.com/2012/01/suprise-of-lifetime.html
    I think all of us adoptiv emommies need to remember that with every child that comes home, there are still over 140 million waiting. I remember when I was 9 months pregnant with my first, and every mom wanted to tell me their horror birth story. What a breath of fresh air it was when someone would look at me with longing eyes and say…”holding my baby after delivery was the best moment of my life”. Be the person who tells about the good part of adoption, like how it’s okay to be scared of the finances. And it’s okay to be scared about the rest of it too….. Everything good in life is hard. 🙂
    If you’re called, you’re called. If you’re scared, it’s not about your fear. It’s how much of that fear you are willing to hand over to God.

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