Your family is doing such a neat thing–you are literally saving four kids.
I cringe upon every mention of “saving”or “rescuing” orphans and vulnerable children. It depicts this picture in my mind, a picture of a prince and princess galiantly riding in on a big white horse, and swooping up helpless kids from a dark, gloomy orphanage. What that image does is it places the adoptive family up on a high pedestal, and it gives the notion that the kids are forever indebted to the adoptive family for doing some great, high and mighty task.
What a horribly dangerous place to be.
If not careful, that thought process can very quickly turn into “just be glad that you live here and not on the streets.” or “why are you complaining about that food, at least you HAVE food?”
It is said all the time, “adoption brings a family together, but in the process it tears another family apart.” While it is true that “adoption” is not what tears a family apart, the reality is, these kids have experienced pain and hurt beyond what we realize. Whether adoption happened at birth or at the age of 17, there was a loss experienced. I firmly believe that as Christians we have a high calling to “look after orphans and widows in their distress.” I believe that when we approach adoption in a “rescuing” sense, then we are undermining these kids feelings of loss, which deserve to be validated. Not to mention, we are exalting ourselves in a very false way and taking the glory away from the Lord.
Adoption is a gorgeous picture of what our Lord has done for us, when “He predestined us to be adopted as his sons
I get what you are saying. I even hate referring to them as orphans. It sounds so cold. Like they are something other than precious, treasured, children. I prefer to call the fatherless God’s Royals 🙂
So, so true!
I totally hear your heart in this post and I agree with you. I cringe when people say things like that to us to. Quite uncomfortable. It is the LORD who rescues and redeems children who have been discarded and rejected. Of course every situation is SO different…especially between foster care/ adoption to international adoption to special needs adoption. I think we need to be VERY careful not to have the attitude or mindset of ourselves being the saviors of our children (cringe) we must also not close our minds to the reality that for some children adoption IS indeed rescue. Of course that’s not every situation or child or adoption but I think we can’t turn (in an attempt to be more culturally correct) away from the fact that the Lord rescues and sets the lonely in families and he does it through his people. That shouldn’t give anyone a savior complex but we also must acknowledge the crises and the reality facing children in institutions around the world. ….they do need to be saved. I’m kind of torn because I don’t see the word “rescue” as a bad thing. If a child was pulled from a burning building , they would be considered rescued. To me it has more to do with attitude and motive than it does with the semantics of just a word. I had just read this post before I came over to read yours and they both offer a different viewpoint on the words used but essentially are coming from the same heart…..we love orphans because were ourselves were loved, rescued out of our own destitution and made into sons. http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/09/for-sake-of-saving-one.html
Beautifully written, Carla. 🙂 (Kylee, too!)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Carla. I definitely understand what you’re saying about it being more about the attitude and motives, and not necessarily the word. Good thoughts, and well-written! : )
I am new to adoption loops and conversations and have never adopted, but am in the process of taking steps towards that end. But, I have to honestly say that I don’t understand this grievance and why I see this written in other places as well.
My premise is this: If my little boy were starving, in danger of malaria, diseases, parasites, etc. like so many vulnerable children are — I WOULD “rescue” him….I would save him if I could at all with no thought to my life or safety. But, I would never treat him like he owed me, EVER, or that I did something heroic… that’s not what love does. I wonder if the bigger grievance here is a person that “saves for selfish motives?”
Jesus rescued me! I want to rescue others in any way possible. It won’t make me above anyone else if I could. It would make me just “happy” if I could and humbled that God could use me. In the end if you rescue a child from growing up an orphan/fatherless, whatever the best term is, and bring them into your home as a son or daughter, they become just that and from then on, it is all love, not a patting on the back, or request for appreciation. Right?
I write this with respect for this post and for the obvious experience that the young lady who wrote it has, but also to say that from a newby looking in, RESCUE is not a bad word or a wrong concept…….it is a LOVE word.
P.S. I think the author has a valiant and good heart and why she is sensitive about being made a heroin. But, I think people who say those things just want to recognize the wonder that is adoption. Good post. ♥
Thanks for your thoughts, Rhonda! I definitely understand where you’re coming from with your thoughts. I guess my main point is that I want ALL credit to be turned to Christ – it is only through His grace that my family stands where we are today. Like Carla mentioned above, the word “save” has less to do with it than the motive behind the word. It truly is nothing we have done, in and of ourselves, that allows us to be a forever family to 4 children. Yes, they were absolutely saved from horrible, horrible circumstances, but it was the Lord who saved them and continues to redeem them day-by-day, not my family. That being said, I *do* understand what you’re saying and appreciate you sharing! Best wishes to you as you takes steps toward adopting!