It is I who dwell in the womb this time

rather than he

Formed, already, in the depths
he has passed into light

So instead, I go there
to be formed, molded, and shaped
into the thing I am becoming:
Mother.

I hear the pulsing
heartbeat
of time
I know I am moving forward
closer to the day of my birth

I feel pressure
The world constricts around me
tighter
tighter
my own heart slows
I fear that I can hardly breathe

Then
the pressure ceases
I dwell in hope
and comfort for a while

The rhythm cotinues,
contraction
relief
contraction
relief

I am angry
I am hopeful
I am worried
I am relieved

I pray for delivery
from this vague and murky waiting place
I pray for delivery into clarity, into light
into his arms
into his heart
to see his face

This is a backwards, beautiful journey:

My son,
he
is birthing
me.

________________________________________

 

Jillian Burden is an expectant mama; she and her husband are expecting their first child by way of a Russian adoption. While her belly might not be expanding, her heart and her faith sure are growing! You can read about this soul stretching journey to parenthood on her blog