I never fully realized the full ramifactions of being an orphan until we adopted two orphaned boys from Ethiopia. Other than the obvious and devastating loss of their parents, an orphaned child quickly spirals down an abyss of loss; loss of opportunity, loss of family inheritance, loss of status within their community, loss of protection, loss of … everything.

In Ethiopia, an education requires monthly fees, school books, and a school uniform. Without money to pay for school fees, that child cannot attend school, and the opportunity to get an education and “make something of themselves” is lost. Any family property, livestock, or land is lost. Anything passed down from parent to child, from mother to daughter, from father to son … is lost.

It’s a parent’s most valuable legacy … the things we teach our children. The wisdom gained through hardship and experience, that we attempt to pass down to our children to (hopefully) lessen their mistakes. The advice and counsel we try to give as they navigate through childhood into their turbulent teens. But, for an orphaned child, … there is no such legacy.

This last weekend, my parents came to help us with some house painting and to build a new railing for a deck. My dad’s construction background comes in very handy on these types of projects, and Jay and I are very willing to take instruction and learn from his expertise. This time, we had a new little helper that was extremely curious about all the tools that were suddenly appearing and the fresh load of wood that arrived with Grandpa.

Jayden (9 years old) ended up working alongside his grandpa all day and well into the next day. Little boys are sometimes known for their short attention span, easy distraction, and quickness to boredom – but there were tools involved, and measuring tapes to learn how to use, and levels to hold in place until the bubble reached just the right spot! A dream come true for a curious (and mechanically inclined) little boy!

Jayden tucked himself along his Grandpa’s side, and Grandpa was happy to have such an attentive helper and hard worker. And, amid the hustle and bustle of all the projects, I had one of those moments where it suddenly dawns on me that something momentous is happening.

Planets are alligning,

broken cogs are suddenly meshing perfectly

and a little boy who was once an orphan was in the process of gaining a birthright … a new heritage … a legacy, right before my eyes.

I stopped to watch (and take a few pictures) as Grandpa patiently explained to Jayden how to hold the deck spindle in place so he could screw it securely in place. How to check it to make sure it was plumb and straight. After a few, Jayden caught on, and I watched my Dad smile approvingly and Jayden’s face break into a brilliant smile.

Pretty soon, they had their own rhythm going, and they were working together in perfect harmony with few words needing to be exchanged. When grandpa needed a different drill bit, Jayden anticipated it and presented the right one. When a new railing section was ready to be placed, Jayden was ready with the platforms and jigs to help with the placement. When the drill started to lose power, Jayden walked over to the charger to bring a fresh battery.

Later on, I watched as Jayden demonstrated to his little brother, some of the finer points of the tools. Pointing out the different drill bits and the various screw heads.

Pretty soon, Wesley was trying his hand at the hammer and drill, and sitting patiently while handing deck screws to his Daddy right when he needed them.

Later, I thought about what Jayden’s birthmother had told me about his birthfather. “That’s no child of mine,” he had said, disclaiming him as his son, and setting Jayden on a path of despair, starvation and bitter poverty.

And now … this little boy not only has a Daddy who claims him; he has a Mommy, a brother, 2 sisters, 2 grandpas, 2 grandmas, and more cousins, aunts, and uncles than he can count. And little by little, knowledge and wisdom and experience are being handed down to him within the birthright of his new family.

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“We have a child in nearly every lifestage (preschool, elementary, tween, and teen), and we’re loving every minute,” commented Karen and Jay Wistrom about their four children. Two bio daughters and two adopted sons from Ethiopia keep this family of 6 on the go. Karen is the Vice President of Marketing for a cabinetry manufacturer and also volunteers as a sponsor coordinator for 2 care-points in Ethiopia with 152 orphaned and vulnerable children through Children’s Hopechest. She captures the blessings, the tears, and the momentous occasions of family life, adoption, parenting, and orphan care on her blog.

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One question frequently comes up from curious strangers and prospective adoptive parents: Did you name your children? I love that I was asked to speak to this topic because it is something dear to my heart. I love names. I do not think it is coincidental that the meanings of names often reflect a person’s personality or that certain names are pressed upon our hearts for the child we will steward. I also believe there is purpose in those names. Often, they reflect the work the Lord has done or will do in that family or in the child. Isaac, for instance, means “he laughs” and certainly reflects Abraham’s heart in learning of his baby to be.

How we come to an adopted child’s name is a very personal decision. There are three general options. First,
there are people who choose to keep their child’s given name. They feel this is a part of who they are. It is something that was given to them (usually) by their birth parents. In many cases, they feel it is the only thing they’ll be bringing with them aside from the clothes on their backs. There is a tender sensitivity in these parents towards children and their first families and experiences.

Other people choose to change the child’s name completely. They want the child to feel welcomed into their home and family. They know how precious it is to share with their child the name they prayed to give them. Much like when the Lord called some of his people into new stages or ministries, He changed their names. Abram became Abraham, and Saul became Paul. These parents are reflecting the hopes of a fresh start and future for their children.

Still others choose to use a combination of their given name and a new name. Either keeping the given name and giving them a new middle name or giving them a new first name and keeping their given name as their middle name. We chose this last way in naming our 3 daughters who came home from Haiti. We wanted to give them the names we had chosen for their new start in their new family. However, each of them was coming home as an older child. To do away with the names they had been known by for years entirely didn’t seem right. The names we chose for them reflect their individual personalities as well as their connection in coming home together. Together, their names mean “Happy Life Belonging to God.” That is our hope for them, that their new start would be filled with joy and laughter and that they would choose, Lord willing, to follow Him.

There is no right or wrong way, but I do think there is some intentionality that needs to go into naming a child that comes home through adoption. A careful consideration of your unique child and their unique past and unique future. In many ways, their names will always be the first part of their story. What a beautiful testimony to God’s faithfulness.

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Cate Johnson has been married to her best friend, Sean, for 10 years. They currently reside in the Sonoran Desert with their three Haitian princesses who came home forever in 2008. Ada is 8, Nica is 6, and Evelyn is 5. They are passionate about Jesus, adoption, and attachment. They also love coming alongside prospective adoptive parents as well as those struggling through transition and attachment. Cate blogs about all of these topics and more at Gathered From Afar and Attaching Hearts.